Getting your spouse on board?

annie7hudds · February 2012

unfortunately, you can't change people. if he isn't ready, he isn't ready. my guess is that he will notice your success and "see the light" so to speak.

I agree with this.

Just keep working on your own weight loss - and hopefully he will seeit working and want to change.

x

avafrisbee · February 2012

Wanting to help motivate your husband to live a healthy life makes you a GOOD wife not a bad one. I do agree that you can't force him to be healthy if he doesn't want to be though. Help him find his motivation.

Also what you post about your life and your relationship is your business. How do any of us know that this isn't a well known issue between you and your husband and all your friends and acquaintances? For all I know this is regular living room chatter for you. Our job here is to provide support, encouragement and advice (always remember to check medical related advice with a doctor) not to tell you you are a bad person for wanting to find ways to encourage your husband to be healthy. I think there are some people that got hung up in the wording of your post and not the meaning. Not everyone can be articulate enough to express exasperation with a situation without sounding a little off kilter.

I hope you can help your husband to find his motivation. In the mean time, keep up the good work yourself :-)

raszu · February 2012

Guys/Girls,

I think we can do better if we leave right or wrong as what she said originally and simply connect to the topic she liked to discuss. All she meant to ask if there is way she can motivate her husband to join her on this journey.

Answer from all the posts seems 'No'.
However What I would recommend (seems like some one did touch on this), if you can find some activity which is little less Gym like and more interactive sports, many people prefer that type of activity then going Gym.

Justkeepswimmin · February 2012

A couple of ideas....I agree with finding something 'fun' to do together...going to the gym BITES (unless you're doing a class you enjoy). We are fortunate to have moved somewhere warm and do hiking together....you can look into a class of some sort together like a martial arts class, or some similar class you can bond together and get him off his tooshie.

Ultimately it has to come from him.

For my husband...it was a cardiologist telling him he was going 6 feet under if he didn't pull his crap together. So depending on how overweight he IS a trip to the doc could help.

I almost had a heart attack when just after a month of 'true' dieting (after a failed attempt when I had started which involved a whole lot of justification on his part) my husband came to me and said "you know call it cave man or God's plan but eating natural organic foods just makes sense".

This from the man who could LIVE on fried chicken, mcdonalds and chicken fried steak with a side of bacon, buttered grits and eggs for breakfast. I almost had him sold that there's a conspiracy by some invisible parties to kill us all through food....population controll! (okay not really)

So we've been physically active together (hiking) almost a year, but his dieting really only started a month ago after the talk with the doctor, so the weight loss had been pretty slow to this point. It is picking up now I am happy to report. Also, since speaking with his doctor instead of huffing through one hike a week he's working at building indurance the whole week by treadmill/heavier hilly walks 5 times a week as well. Even in the past month I've noticed a difference in his endurance on our hikes. This is in addition to a hike and martial arts. However, he's a type 1 diabetic with asmtha and a heart condition..the weight does not come off fast!

applejacks1552 · February 2012

Thanks to all those that gave positive advice! I will take it to heart. I really do appreciate those of you who gave good suggestions. I sure wasn't trying to stir up some big controversy. I think it's a common problem for people trying to lose weight to have close family and friends that are sometimes indifferent or not supportive when they have the same issue themselves.

Isn't that part of the point of being here? Looking for support and advice from people who might understand you? I was just feeling frustrated with him and needing to vent to people who I thought might understand and had experienced the same situation. I do talk to closer friends, but most of them don't have the same issue with weight. Sorry if I came off as harsh on my husband!

I am not harsh in the way I treat him at all. I know he is very sensitive about his weight and I understand that. I know I can't change him or even expect him to change. And I would hate to seem like I'm trying to be manipulative.

Since I started I have been saying almost nothing to him about my diet/exercise unless it was necessary information (as in, if you're looking for me I'll be downstairs for a bit) or if he asks something specifically about it (i.e. what are your plans for the evening/what would you like on your burger).

He knows what I'm up to. I'm not going to hide it. And I haven't demanded that he join me. But I didn't feel it was wrong to invite him to join me once or twice for some exercise. I mean, I was asking him to come spend time with me doing something good for both of us? And again, it's not constant nagging. I asked (very nicely might I add) a couple times and haven't asked again.

As for the cooking, I'm trying not to impose my rules onto his plate and I do eat what he makes when he cooks (which isn't all the time). But I do have to do some measuring and impose some limits on myself, which he has never said anything about, but I can tell that once or twice he was slightly annoyed. I love his cooking and that he cooks. But he doesn't make things that are healthy in the slightest and if I always indulged in his meal, like I used to, there is no way I'd be losing weight.

I want to have a long and healthy life with him. And I want us to be a good example for our children. Going by the BMI, I am obese and he is considered morbidly obese. We both need to change if our daughter is going to have a chance at a healthy weight.

And we have had numerous talks about it throughout our relationship, even before we were married, and both agreed that we wanted to lose weight. Again, my frustration was that while I've tried taking some action he has not. I want to help him, but how? You can't help someone who doesn't want your help!

But I know I should be more patient and let him come to in in his own time. It's up to me to worry about myself for now and work toward my own success.

I only hope I can do well enough this time to change my life and to inspire action on his part this time.

Last time I lost weight, I managed to gain it all back during a very stressful and difficult pregnancy that was followed by having a preemie in the NICU for a month. We are hoping to have another child in the next year or two and that is helping motivate me to get healthy again so that maybe, just maybe, we can have a baby at term this time. I don't think it's a big secret that weight can influence things in that realm.

I really hope he will come around at some point and care more about his health. We are both hitting our 30's and can't keep relying on youth to get us by. I've seen a few hints now and then that perhaps the wheels are turning in that direction for him. So who knows?

It will really help once summer gets here. Being cooped up in the house for the winter is not helpful. I agree with those of you saying that a more fun physical activity might interest him more. He used to be a football player, so it's not like exercise is totally alien to him. But I think he likes something more interactive and more like a game. We don't belong to a gym and it wouldn't be ideal from a time or cost perspective as we both work full time and have a 2 year old. We both love to swim, but options are a bit limited there. Again, summer will be our saving grace, as we have a large park and a long bike trail very nearby which are great for the whole family and also free.

Sorry again if I came off harsh to some of you, I just needed to vent. Thanks again to those of you who were understanding and helpful!

As for this post thread, I'm just done with it. I think we've all dwelt on this topic enough for now. I'm dropping it and moving on.

Getting your spouse on board?

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