OT Divorce Vent

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  • tausha_k
    tausha_k Posts: 53
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    Your divorce should be on file at your county courthouse (usually its family court since there a children involved). If you call or go to their website, they may have free legal advice. BUT, It is on a first come first serve basis (hours and days may vary), and there is no attorney/ client privelages. If they have this type of service, you will have to know your case number.

    I loved in California during my divorce. I used these free services before moving out of state with my children. I know California has these free services but as far as other states, I'm not sure.
  • sjtreely
    sjtreely Posts: 1,014 Member
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    Yep. If you want to kind of get to know a person, marry him/her. If you REALLY want to know someone, divorce him/her.
  • LavaDoll
    LavaDoll Posts: 595 Member
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    it will get better.
  • twocsmom
    twocsmom Posts: 120 Member
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    What state are you in?

    In Texas, it's law that the spouse responsible for child support has their wages garnished...check and see if that is the case in your state by contacting the attorney general.

    I understand your frustration...been there, done that, still dealing with it a year after the divorce is final. If I can help at all I'm more than willing...though I'm not an attorney I can offer support if nothing else. Just message me.
  • jb852013
    jb852013 Posts: 116
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    So sorry you are going through this. :( We have prepaid legal where we pay $30 something a month to have a lawyer. Not sure if prepaid would work for your situation, but worth it to look into it I would think.
  • joehempel
    joehempel Posts: 1,761 Member
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    Can I rant here a little? This has nothing to do with weightloss or the usual topics posted here. I am just so frustrated. I am through my divorce and yet I still feel like I need an attorney on retainer. Every week I have a legal question and I am so tired of it. I just want everything to be done with so we can move on. Well, done in the sence of financial and "battles". We have kids so unfortunately I have to deal with this jerk the rest of my life. But I am so tired of not know the right/legal thing to do. Even in my divorce I was guessing most of the time because if I emailed my lawyer she would charge me for the time. And I don't have $250/hour to pay every situation that comes up. And now that everything is "final" and I still have questions I can't go to her at all. Well, I could but like I said, I would have to pay. With him not paying his child support I just don't have the money. I can barely support us on what I make and even then I find myself borrowing money. I never thought he would be this person. I have learned so much about the type of person he is. It's like someone I never knew. And this was the person I MARRIED!! And it scares me to think it could be like this for the next 16 years!! :(

    OK, rant over. Thanks for "listening". You deserve a cookie. Go have one. I said so.

    How the hell did he get out of paying child support???

    I want his lawyer....I have to pay $150 a month, and I'M THE FULL TIME PARENT...and SHE MAKES MORE!!! I was advised that I should pay it because the law is skewed towards woman and I should suck it up because it's less than 10% of my pay...but still . WTF?
  • jnance82
    jnance82 Posts: 149
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    Every Sunday when my EX comes to pick up the kids, I wonder to myself.....how in the world did I ever love you? I just want to know when the feelings of wanting to punch him in the face will pass lol



    This!!!! Except mine rarely EVER gets my kids. :grumble:


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  • jrusso28
    jrusso28 Posts: 249 Member
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    It really sucks when I read posts that paint men as the *kitten* when discussing divorce issues.
    I'm a man that has been royally screwed in a divorce.

    I lost my kids, I lost my house, I lost everything I had to a woman that was cheating on me.
    She wasn't happy cause I worked too much, and was "boring" (her words) so she told me to leave.

    The courts automatically side with the woman especially if kids are involved.
    Despite my best efforts I lost everything.

    Its been years, my anger & bitterness has turned to acceptance of the sad reality.
    I try to have a relationship with my kids but its been tough to even keep in touch.
    I love my kids and miss them tremendously and that is the saddest part of it all.

    I send money twice a month as I was ordered to, she spends it with no accountability.
    I know for a fact she blows through all that money and little if any goes to my kids.

    She took the majority of the proceeds from the sale of our home, she plunked it down on a big new house.
    She had a boyfriend at the time that she thought was going to help pay the mortgage.
    She came to find out that the man was a felon, and they parted ways.
    A few years later she couldn't afford that house and filed for bankruptcy.
    So she managed to loose all that money too.

    I don't mind sending money if I knew what it was being spent on, but the law doesn't make any provisions for her to be accountable.
    The courts and the laws surrounding divorce are completely screwed up.
    Men get screwed over in divorce just as often as women do.
    The kids get screwed over 100% of the time.

    Sorry to hear your going through a nasty divorce, hope it all settles down soon for you.
  • allysonb80
    allysonb80 Posts: 109 Member
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    Thank you everyone for the care and concern. And thank you to those of you who have emailed me as well. Maybe if I specify the question I have one of you may know an answer? Again, nothing to do with child support. I have that covered as much as I can with the state Support Services. (And someone asked how he got out of paying... he quit his job. He still "owes" but doesn't pay due to being "unemployed".)

    Try to stay with me here:
    So my trouble is in the divorce he was awarded a vehicle that was mostly paid off. But becuase he was also awarded a credit card account that was in my name only I was granted a security intrest in the car. He didn't pay the credit card during the divoce. And didn't make any payments after the divorce was settled last september. The papers said I could reposses the car to pay the difference after 1 payment was late. That was agreed to in July. And yet I waited until Novemeber to repo the car. By the end of November it was apparent I could not pay for the accounts I had kept, let alone the ones he was not paying. So I filed for Bankruptcy. In talking with BOTH lawyers (Divorce and BK) they agreed that I still had rights to repo the car even though the card he was supposed to pay was being writen off. In essence his non payment led me to have to file so I am still able to recoup those costs. I have been through several repo guys but since he doesn't work and his g/fs car is better/nicer he has this car parked in the garage and doesn't drive it making it nearly impossible to repo. So now I have been paying for a car I don't have (when I moed the title in my name only which I had to do to repo I had to carry insurance on the car. Not to mantion he let the insurance lapse in August) So I have been paying insurance for several months. Now the car is late for registration and has to have emissions to get it registered. I dont have the car to get the emissions plus I don't want to pay for the registration as well as the insurance I have been paying. (again, without me getting support!) I also hear the car is in need of some major work. So I am thinking about just signing the car over to him. BUT I want to be able to take him to court to try to recoup some of these costs. But if I sign the car over is it going to appear I am releasing him of liability? I wrote up a paper to have him sign (and have it notarized) that I wouldn't be agreeing to any release of liability. Would taht work if I choose to sue him over the car? fI just don't know what to do!!! Like I said, complicated!!! I need a lawyer just to ask qustions. I will handle all the legal hoops. I would only take him to small claoms anyway. But I need someone to tell me if the paper I wrote up is lagal. I need to kow how this all works? I need to know what the legal ramifications of all of this is. *sigh*
  • sjtreely
    sjtreely Posts: 1,014 Member
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    It really sucks when I read posts that paint men as the *kitten* when discussing divorce issues.
    I'm a man that has been royally screwed in a divorce.

    I lost my kids, I lost my house, I lost everything I had to a woman that was cheating on me.
    She wasn't happy cause I worked too much, and was "boring" (her words) so she told me to leave.

    The courts automatically side with the woman especially if kids are involved.
    Despite my best efforts I lost everything.

    Its been years, my anger & bitterness has turned to acceptance of the sad reality.
    I try to have a relationship with my kids but its been tough to even keep in touch.
    I love my kids and miss them tremendously and that is the saddest part of it all.

    I send money twice a month as I was ordered to, she spends it with no accountability.
    I know for a fact she blows through all that money and little if any goes to my kids.

    She took the majority of the proceeds from the sale of our home, she plunked it down on a big new house.
    She had a boyfriend at the time that she thought was going to help pay the mortgage.
    She came to find out that the man was a felon, and they parted ways.
    A few years later she couldn't afford that house and filed for bankruptcy.
    So she managed to loose all that money too.

    I don't mind sending money if I knew what it was being spent on, but the law doesn't make any provisions for her to be accountable.
    The courts and the laws surrounding divorce are completely screwed up.
    Men get screwed over in divorce just as often as women do.
    The kids get screwed over 100% of the time.

    Sorry to hear your going through a nasty divorce, hope it all settles down soon for you.

    I'm sorry for your sadness. You have justifiable frustrations. I do think there are far more exes who live up to the expectations to be called Dad (or Mom) than there are who don't. It's an honor to be a parent.

    To his credit, my ex has kept up his end of the bargain as far as finances are concerned. I didn't ask for child support, but he does pay half the mortgage.

    To his discredit, it took years for our children to sort out many things. Honestly, I would rather he stiffed me on the finances than toy with their emotions as much as he did. Karma is a wonderful thing ... it all worked out for me, but it took years to get to this point.

    I hope your journey has as good as ending as mine. It didn't just happen. It took lots and lots of effort. And it took me keeping my mouth shut about their father.
  • allysonb80
    allysonb80 Posts: 109 Member
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    It really sucks when I read posts that paint men as the *kitten* when discussing divorce issues.
    I'm a man that has been royally screwed in a divorce.

    Im sorry about your divorce. I am sorry you got screwed. I hope you can build a better relationship with your kids in the future.

    Some men paint themselves in a bad light. I am the one always calling my ex to work out visitation. Because I feel the kids need a dad and I can see how much they miss him. He is the one who is always "too busy". This man that quit his job. I don't know what he can be too busy doing. And he was the one who quit to avoid paying anything. I don't need to paint any sort of picture. He does a good enough job on his own.
  • jrusso28
    jrusso28 Posts: 249 Member
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    I hope your journey has as good as ending as mine. It didn't just happen. It took lots and lots of effort. And it took me keeping my mouth shut about their father.

    I'm happy to hear that it is better for you now. I hope I get to that point soon too.

    My ex has filled my kids minds with her hatred and all kinds of stories about me and my family.
    I just hope that when they get older I can tell my side and we can have a good relationship. Right now I think they believe "I up and left" their mom. I was told by a shrink that I should not tell them the truth about what happened because it would hurt them if they heard that their mom was cheating on me. They were really young at the time, now early teens. I still haven't told them what happened even though they have asked. I figured the ugly details should wait until they are older and maybe mature enough to handle the truth.
  • dirtbikegirl5
    dirtbikegirl5 Posts: 391 Member
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    I assume that it is spelled out in your divorce papers that he has to pay for this credit card that is in your name? I am just wondering how you prove that the charges are actually made by him since the card is in your name. Even though you have the right to repossess this car, it seriously sounds like you were given little to no legal protection here. Can you legally prove that the charges that were made on this credit card that is in your name?
    Since your EX keeps the car in the garage, it will be tough, but not impossible for the repo to occur, if you can prove that he did in fact make those credit card purchases and he did not pay for them. The repossessor has to supply an order, go to the house and knock on the door and advise him to voluntarily repossess the car. It would help to have the police there, however, since this is a domestic situation and not a company repossession, chances are the police will not want to be involved.
    The car title is in your name, which means that you have to pay for the insurance. The fact that he was awarded the car, unless it was specifically mentioned in your divorce papers, which I hope it was, he has no legal responsibility to pay for the insurance.
    If you sign the car over to him, you are totally screwed. He could say that you coerced him into signing this paper. Notarizing doesn't mean that they are notarizing the document, just notarizing that he signed and the car is now his. You are giving up your right to suing him, as the title will no longer be in your name. The paper you wrote up will eventually lead to you getting the short end of the stick, which you seem to already have gotten.
    I have been totally screwed over in my divorce like this and it made me seek out my rights. The circumstances are different but you are re-living my divorce.
  • allysonb80
    allysonb80 Posts: 109 Member
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    I assume that it is spelled out in your divorce papers that he has to pay for this credit card that is in your name? I am just wondering how you prove that the charges are actually made by him since the card is in your name. Even though you have the right to repossess this car, it seriously sounds like you were given little to no legal protection here. Can you legally prove that the charges that were made on this credit card that is in your name?
    Since your EX keeps the car in the garage, it will be tough, but not impossible for the repo to occur, if you can prove that he did in fact make those credit card purchases and he did not pay for them. The repossessor has to supply an order, go to the house and knock on the door and advise him to voluntarily repossess the car. It would help to have the police there, however, since this is a domestic situation and not a company repossession, chances are the police will not want to be involved.
    The car title is in your name, which means that you have to pay for the insurance. The fact that he was awarded the car, unless it was specifically mentioned in your divorce papers, which I hope it was, he has no legal responsibility to pay for the insurance.
    If you sign the car over to him, you are totally screwed. He could say that you coerced him into signing this paper. Notarizing doesn't mean that they are notarizing the document, just notarizing that he signed and the car is now his. You are giving up your right to suing him, as the title will no longer be in your name. The paper you wrote up will eventually lead to you getting the short end of the stick, which you seem to already have gotten.
    I have been totally screwed over in my divorce like this and it made me seek out my rights. The circumstances are different but you are re-living my divorce.

    Yes, this is spelled out in the divorce paperwork. There are no new charges on this card as it was closed a year prior to our divorce. The only reason why it was given to him in the settlement was to "even" things out. (So we each left the divorce with the same amount of debt.) I wanted the car in the divoce which would have evened things out without leaving him responsible for a debt in my name but that would give me 2 cars and him none. The courts didn't agree with leaving him carless, after all he needed a way to make it to work. *SNORT* :grumble:
  • dovesgate
    dovesgate Posts: 894 Member
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    Thank you everyone for the care and concern. And thank you to those of you who have emailed me as well. Maybe if I specify the question I have one of you may know an answer? Again, nothing to do with child support. I have that covered as much as I can with the state Support Services. (And someone asked how he got out of paying... he quit his job. He still "owes" but doesn't pay due to being "unemployed".)

    Try to stay with me here:
    . So now I have been paying for a car I don't have (when I moed the title in my name only which I had to do to repo I had to carry insurance on the car. Not to mantion he let the insurance lapse in August) So I have been paying insurance for several months. Now the car is late for registration and has to have emissions to get it registered. I dont have the car to get the emissions plus I don't want to pay for the registration as well as the insurance I have been paying.

    It's time to call the Sheriff's department if I understand correctly that the vehicle is in your name only, you have title and insurance on it and he is keeping it from you so that you can't register it. That is theft.

    If his name is on it, then yikes, what a situation. THis is something interesting I found while Googling your state's repo laws:
    Failure to Return Your Motor Vehicle May Be a Felony
    Arizona law makes it a Class 6 Felony to fail to return your vehicle in certain situations. In order for you to be prosecuted for a Class 6 Felony, the following conditions must be met:

    1.Your original contract must warn you that it is unlawful to return a motor vehicle subject to a security interest upon notice of default.
    2.You must have failed to make a payment for more than ninety days.
    3.Your creditor must have sent you a notice indicating you are in default, requesting that you return the vehicle, and explaining how to return your vehicle.
    4.You fail to cure the default within thirty days of receipt of the above-letter.

    Certified letter with proof of delivery should start the clock ticking on his 30 days. :)
    http://www.azlawhelp.org/articles_info.cfm?mc=4&sc=26&articleid=11

    This site looks promising for answers:
    http://www.avvo.com/free-legal-advice/Debt Collection?ref=breadcrumb

    Good luck with this whole situation.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    I'm sorry.

    I'm SO glad I didn't have kids with my ex... made things so much easier. ((HUGS!))
  • killagb
    killagb Posts: 3,280 Member
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  • ctalimenti
    ctalimenti Posts: 865 Member
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    There's a great forum: divorcesupport.com.
  • Beatlegirl66
    Beatlegirl66 Posts: 68 Member
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    I'm sorry.

    I'm SO glad I didn't have kids with my ex... made things so much easier. ((HUGS!))

    I have to agree...although at times I regret not having kids with him because we were planning on having them and I sort of was sad that it didn't happen. But then I read things such as what's posted here and I count my blessings that I do not have children.

    My heart goes out to you. I had no idea how expensive a lawyer was until I got divorced. I made one phone call that lasted about 10 minutes and was charged $75. Insane. And my ex stayed in my lawyers office for as long as he could one afternoon when he was supposed to sign divorce papers just to make my lawyer bill higher. $200 just because he was farting around and not signing the papers. Hang in there....things will work out in time. Just take things one step at a time.

    Sara S.
  • irisheyes1977
    irisheyes1977 Posts: 86
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    my divorce was finalized the day after christmas of this past year. my ex has only made 2 efforts to see the kids in the past 5 years.. he is out on the east coast..never calls...never sends them anything...i have always been honest with my kids..i explain things when they ask i may just not go into full depth or detail but at the same time i dont speak ill of him even though i have my own thoughts about him im not going to fill their heads with what i feel...i think they should have their own thoughts and perceptions..as far as what to do about ur vehicle...does your court offer an attorney of the day? one of my friends used to call law schools and alot of times students take on some cases while under supervision for a much smaller fee. have u looked into any of those options?


    dont grade me on my grammer im a lazy typer but speak proper..lol

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