Staying on the wagon during loss/grief/bereavement

BecksFit88 · February 2012

So I found out last week that my father is no longer responding to chemo, and his battle with cancer will be drawing to an end sometime in the next 3 months to a year.

I gained all of this weight when my husband and I lost both of my remaining grandparents, his mother, and his best friend in a 4 month span. I don't want to cope the same way this time.

I'm already struggling with anticipatory grief. I've made all of my workouts since I found out, but I can feel they're not the same intensity as before the bad news, and my endurance is gone. I go from sleeping ALL THE TIME to nights like last night where I couldn't sleep no matter what I did. Sleep-deprived Zumba could be interesting today.

So for those who have been there/done that- how did you keep yourself well during your period of loss?

misma10 · February 2012

I don't have any good ideas, but just wanted to say how very sorry I am to hear that. My father is on his third bought in 5 years, and this is one of my fears as well - that the chemo won't work anymore. I'm also interested in some of the replies - I stopped working out and was de-motivated in the past due to grief.

Hang in there, and keep pushing on.

LeslieAnn72 · February 2012

bump.

ace175 · February 2012

I'm so sorry about your dad. I lost my grandpa right before Thanksgiving, and until his funeral right after Christmas was a very hard month for me. I didn't eat well or work out, at all (plus the holidays didn't help). I could feel that I would never get back at it how I used to, but then one day I just remembered how proud my grandpa would be for me losing weight and reaching my goals, and that made me realize that I needed to get back on it, and not only make myself proud, but also him, in a way. It will be hard, but maybe something like this will happen to you. Just think what your dad would say when you reach your goal. And if you really can't face the gym/counting calories, take a little break, you'll eventually get back into the swing of things.

justplainoleanne · February 2012

I gained 50 pounds after my father died of cancer. I also lost a grandmother, uncle and best friend in less than a year after that. I wish I could offer advice, but all I can do is say "I'm sorry and I feel your pain." I will keep you in my prayers.

57rainbows · February 2012

Hey, I'm so sorry to hear this. What a tough thing to hear. :-/

The reason I clicked on this thread is because I'm currently trying to find my way through grieving the loss of my parents marriage, and in many ways the loss of my father as connecting with him becomes impossible due to mental illness. All last year I seemed to cope by not paying attention to what I was eating at all, almost looking the other way. I felt like I had so much to deal with (many other things happened that year) that I couldn't handle dealing with my own diet too.

What I found is that when I do deal with my own health, it's not a chore that takes energy away from the rest of my responsibilities, but rather gave me the sense of strength and purpose that enabled me to do better in other areas. When I eat well, not only does the nutrition make me feel better, but also just knowing in my own head that I made good choices makes me feel like I'm capable of handling the rest of the day. When I workout, I feel like I'm a powerful woman and I can handle the other parts of life that are hard. When I start thinking that life, or a diet, or working out, is "too hard", I just tell myself over and over, "That's okay. I can do hard things. I can do hard things."

I don't know if that helps at all but I just wanted to share what I found in my grief journey recently. :-/ Don't let yourself think that you're too tired to eat well and exercise; rather, when things are hardest, that's when you're too tired NOT to eat well and NOT to exercise. Making healthy choices will help you feel a little bit better, and unhealthy choices will make you feel worse. Do yourself a favour and fuel your body and give yourself the chance to work off the negative emotions. You will never regret a day when you choose healthy choices.

Let us know how you do...

kmozymoz · February 2012

I am currently dealing with the loss of my sister a month ago, and if you want a friend on your list who is going through a similar situation, feel free to add me.

It's a little bit easier for me to keep at it because she was big into fitness and wanted it for me, so I can tell myself that each day and it motivates me. But I also tell myself that exercise is one of the best natural anti-depressants, and it keeps the worst of the misery at bay most days. I know how happy it would make her to know that I'm running a lot, and I feel like it would be a disservice to her if I didn't keep with my goals and live to my fullest. That's how I stay on, anyway. Hope that helps.

Rayjewls · February 2012

My advice is to pray and stay positive for your dad. God is the only one who knows how long your dad has. I have been there so I know how you feel. Just stay as active as you can...i know it's hard. My best advice is prayer. God Bless.

wildhorses99 · March 2012

I understand your grief and the pain your going through and will go through again later.
My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in April 2011. It was so far advanced that chemo wasn't an option and radiation only made the pain worse. Sadly (for me) she passed in July 2011.
I didn't think I was an emotional person until this news hit. I cried almost every day for 2 months before my husband made me see my doctor. Now I'm on a bunch of antidepressants and sleep meds that its difficult to do much of anything.
A few months ago I started coming out of it and now I am ready to become a person again. So like I said, I understand your pain.

What I wish I had done and I tell everyone to do is...
Video tape as much as you can. I wish I could hear my mom's voice or see her smile just one more time. Heck I could even go for her yelling at me.
Even using your cellphone camera to video tape will help through some of the pain.

MisdemeanorM · March 2012

I lost my son at 6 months in December, after 5 months in the hospital. My only advice is that though you know it's coming, it doesn't make it any easier or any better. You will grieve now, and you will grieve completely and differently again later. I'm trying to get back on track after 10 months of being out of the healthy loop. I know exercise and watching what I eat is not the most important thing right now, but I'm working on my motivation again and I know it's a slow process.

geecee77 · July 2012

Bump

i lost my mum just over nine weeks ago....and after weeks of helping my dad through the paperwork, things are more sorted in that sense and I have time on my hands, and today it has hit my like a ton weight.

No one can tell you what to expect...it hurts so much

I have tried to use MFP as something to focus on and have maintained. Need to drop about 25lb though.

Have decided to maintain for a while, I know the time will come when I will be ready to get rid of my excess weight.

((Hugs)) to all those who are going through a loss, or have lost someone xx

sandown12 · July 2012

Its best to do maintance cut exercise down and let yourself grieve without the stress of weightloss............

((hugs)) xx

IronSmasher · July 2012

Over-eating has never made me happier

Renae_Nae · July 2012

Give yourself time to grief and understand you won't be in the same place physcially but don't turn to food. Keep a journal of food and feelings to focus on your feelings instead of covering them up with food. Find a good support group too. I've been through a divorce and that really made me depressed and I felt like I was dying and that was something I wanted...I can't imagine losing my dad. Talk with your dad about your feelings. I'm sure he's proud of you losing weight and his encouragment and "ok" to move on without him can really help.

I hope you find the peace you need through this time.

Slimskinnysally · July 2012

hi, i know that no two situations are the same but i lost my dad in february - unexpectedly to an insect bite while he was abroad.

i put on about 3 stone in 3 months of comfort eating but actually realised that it made me even more unhappy than i already was to be fat aswell - an extra unhappiness i didnt need. i decided to turn my grief around and allow myself to feel the pain and anger but not to let it control me. I cry when i need to and take a day out when i need to but over all i feel more secure in myself exercising and watching what i eat. it also gives me something to focus on other that how my dad died.

the fact i can now fit in my clothes and at least look good on the ouside - well its one less thing to hurt over.

ive now lost 9lbs on MFP and 15lbs overall with another 30 to go.. im sure my dad would have prefered a more confident fit daughter than one thats eating herself into depression.

im sorry to hear of you bad news and i hope my story helps. x

threeohtwo · July 2012

I'm so so sorry to hear this. When I went through my divorce I gained almost 40 pounds. I would run to the nearest drive through every time a heavy emotion hit. The best advice I can give you is to have healthy no fuss meals ready at home and to throw some healthy snacks in your ba when you go out. For me, emotional eating is goin to happen but if I can make healthier choices the. There is no damage done. I know it's not ideal but even if you can hear up frozen meals at home you are potentially saving 500 calories a meal. Good luck. Feel free to friend me for support

JaredBergeron · August 2012

Lost my son 3 weeks ago and havent picked up a weight since. (or the week leading up to it). This thread was helpful, thanks! Please friend me if you like.

Staying on the wagon during loss/grief/bereavement

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