4 months later....

And I am now officially 2.5 lbs heavier than when I started. *sigh*

I am broke but I am contemplating going back to the money-taking Weight Watchers. Seemed like the only thing that helped m e in the past but then again I think its the whole entering in your food intake that just doesn't do it for me.

Having to log in everything for a few months is temporarily exciting and yes I lost about 10 lbs (some water weight) but a little over a month later I have put back on 12 lbs. I even split my pants, broke my zipper and popped a button last week.

I need to get my head back in the game or soon I will be this really short (4'10) already naturally curvy woman at 200 lbs.

Hey. Sorry for the delay. I was exhausted and then didnt get time to go on this thing during work.

I don't want to spend the money at Weight Watchers (and, yes, the online program was what I did). It gave me results that I kept off for about 2 years and then quickly gained it all, within one year, I gained about 50 lbs...well...more like in 6 months i gained 45 lbs.

I think the old motto stays true here. You need to love yourself first and that is why I continue to fail. I think I will always look in the mirror and not be satisfied and its not entirely physical.

I dont think I lack the knowledge, w e all claim we know what to do but we choose not to do it. I should know better than sone about nutrition\... I took nutritional biology in College and that kicked started me into eating VERY healthy

I am not one of those people who sticks to exactly 1200 calories, I eat more or less (within 100 cals). And depending on the time of exercising, I might or might not eat some of my calories burned. I ate healthy for so long that its not like I binge on fast foods. I hate pop. I dont even use sugar (honey or sweetener). I have 1-2 apples a day, 1-2 yogurts a day, each morning I eat whole grain oatmeal, I have my baby carrots as snacks. At lunch its some form of salad like spinach, romaine, with my portioned out protein. I rarely use dressing and if i do its that low calories Roasted Red Pepper with Parmeasean.

For Dinner I make my own butternut squash soups, cabbage soups, I snack on edamames, I eat fish a lot (but portioned), I haven't had potatoes in over 3 months. I make beans salads and I do treat myself with dark chocolate --- I have a scale and I do measure out my portions.

I just feel like my body can't do this anymore. The lbs were melting off before when I did the same as above with little exercise might I add. I find exercising is just a terrible fete. With Fibro, I wake up each morning feel like I got hit by a truck. I have to give myeslf a huge pep talk to just go down to the gym.

But I do it. The only machine I can use for more than 20 mins without being in pain is the Crosstrainer. I can go on that for 60-100 mins 5x a week and burn up to 700 calories a day.

My "in 5 weeks you'd weigh" shows a realistic figure that I am quite happy with but I guess the scale is just another story.

So my numbers? Can't remember my sizes but its aroiund somewhere.

Weight: 174 (2 lbs heavier than when I started).
Height: 4'10 (really short) - wide hips, naturally big butt with curvature of the spine.

Prior to buying my home, I was doing Yoga 4-5x a week and would do home DVDs. Now I do my crosstrainer 5x a week like I stated.

I contemplate getting a trainer but I used to work in a gym for 4 years. they work you hard and most off them cannot relate to "Fibromyalgia"...you know that pain where 1/2 the world thinks you are faking it and the other 1/2 are suffering from it. They have always trained me so hard that I would leave in pain and fear returning.

Same with yoga. Very last day of my prepaid year. I feel and bruised my ankle that I couldn't walk for weeks.

lol I know you don't have to pay. I also found and secretively tallied up my ww-friendly resources but even those didn't seem to help me out greatly. There aws just something about the convenience and very broad online resource that helped me out greatly.

Thanks. I am trying a lot of things right now. Going to try and Feng Shui up my place and just give my entire life an overhaul. trying to find a new job and perhaps, I am emotionally eating because of it.

Yes, even at times, I am NOT eating. lol I do exercise, I do. That I can say with certain.

Bank....weight watchers is not free but the people who have done the online programs have kind of outsourced. People creating things, spreadsheets, calculators, journals that mimick the program without it coming out of your credit card But it will never duplicate the vast quantity of information, products, NI.

I am just trying to find excuses to lose this weight. It could be so may outside factors right now.

I am sure its more psychological than anything. And don't misunderstand me. I am pretty sure I know what to do to lose this weight... eating healthy (which I did for a good 5 years with 'cheat days') and exercising. I have done it before and it wasn't that hard which therefore is the reason I am beating up on myself now. I still can't believe that i left myself gain this much weight in a very short amount of time.

The disgust I have toward my bad decisions is probably why I am failing at this new lifestyle I am trying to live.

thanks everyone.

Goign to the gym now.