Eating Disorders?

I was rarely thin throughout my life, and was often HUGE, so people are surprised to learn that I've struggled with eating disorders other than binge-eating. While I did have binge-eating disorder fairly bad and went to a frightenly high weight for me at one point, I've also had other eating disorders as well. Most of my life has been lived through eating disorders. At age 19, even though I was not thin, I was diagnosed with bulimia. I would purge several times a day, every day. I had lost some weight, but still had a way to go. I was bulimic throughout high school (off and on), but was far into it when I was diagnosed. While I never could qualify as an anorexic due to my weight, I lived the life of an anorexic for months both in high school and just a year and a half ago. In high school there was a full two week period where I ate not one morsel of food. I had been starving myself before that as well. By the time I was forced to eat again, I was very weak. The year ago stint...I began really big. What NO ONE knows yet is that I was actually pro-ana for months and months, trying to force myself into anorexia. I was very active on one website in particular, and spent hours a day there trying to get "thinspiration". I spent months again starving myself, only this time with the support of many who were also doing it and who didn't care I had a lot more weight to lose than them. I do have a very addictive/obsessive personality, so sometimes when I start things, I can't stop. I started eating 1200 calories a day. When I realized that was actually healthy, I crazily went down to 1000. I lost most of my weight at a 1000 calories a day, but I was too obsessed and couldn't help dropping down even further. I went to a max of 800 a day, to a max of 500 a day. At my lowest I was eating only 200 a day, and was worried about that. I lost 60 pounds in a two month span. I also lost half of my hair. When I could no longer handle the starvation, I went back to a bit of bulimia intermixed with the anorexic tendancies. I even resorted to laxatives every day that I went over the allotted calories. Eventually it morphed back into binge-eating and I ended up weighing more than I ever weighed before. In August my gyno told me I was having hormonal health issues and pre-diabetes and I HAD to start losing weight. I had lost 6 pounds before seeing him, and then I kind of levelled out. I didn't really begin to lose anymore until the end of September or the beginning of October. Altogether (including that 6 pounds), I've lost 53 pounds so far--47 since October. The difference is, this time I am FINALLY doing it the healthy way. It is coming off quickly only because I have a lot to lose. I don't always exercise, and sometimes I go over the calories MFP tells me to eat. I've only eaten below 1200 two days since November and only because I was tired and went to bed early. I usually eat between 1300-1700, and I am losing much more sustainably now. I never purge anymore. In the beginning I was taking a few laxatives (once or twice a week), BEFORE joining MFP when I had gone over 2000, but I have not taking any since joining this website and don't intend to anymore. I'll probably always struggle to some extent with eating disordered thinking, but right now I AM healthy, feeling great, and intend to keep it that way. Even when I am losing in the middle of an anorexic or bulimic stint, I am always miserable. I never want to go back there again.

Whoever tells you that an eating disorder does not go away is lying (or misinformed!)! It IS possible to recover but you have to believe you can do it. Do not ever settle for less because somebody said or you read somewhere that full recovery isn't possible!!

When I was 17 I gained a lot of weight. I ate more and moved less. By the time I was 18 I weighed 85kg (187lbs). I am 168cm (5'6) so that comes down to a BMI of 30. Funnily enough, I had not been aware of the fact that I was gaining weight. At some point I realised "Hey, I am big!" but during the process of gaining the weight I (apparently) was not bothered at all. I remember the very day I decided I have to lose weight. It was on a class trip to Prague. Two of my friends and I went to the Vietnamese market. Both of them were size XS-S and I was too ashamed to try on anything in front of them. I felt so stupid and there were so many things I would have liked to try on, but I was too scared they would not have it in my size, so I did not ask.

Back home, I started shedding pounds. But I was stupid and impatient. I wanted to lose weight as quickly as possible so I ate too little. As a result I began to binge once in a while. After a few months it was either one (starving myself) or the other (binging). If I had 50 calories too much, I would start binging because to me the day was ruined anyway. I lost a lot of weight but it did not seem enough and I got harder and harder on myself. I thought of ways how to punish myself for binging and it seemed that fasting for 2 days was appropiate (I know how sick that sounds). Additionally I started throwing up and taking laxatives after the binges.
I ended up weighing about 50kg (110lbs) and at some point I collapsed because I had not eaten the third day in a row and was literally too weak to walk. I realised that I have to gain some weight, but I gained too much and ended up having to lose weight again. That was in 2009 and it has not changed ever since.

I have been losing and gaining weight for the past years and I am truly sick of it! Thankfully, I managed to change my behaviour so that I am not starving myself anymore - however, I am still struggeling with binging. As soon as things do not go as planned I have this feeling "Now it does not matter anyways".
Last week I went out for dinner (after a good week) because that is pretty much the only thing I can do here to get food and picked "Sweet & Sour Cod with Rice". I hardly ever had Chinese at home so I had no idea I just ordered the dish with the highest number of calories. Back at home, when I found out it ended in a 5-day-binge.

I really want to leave all of this behind me - I still do not like my body as it is but I focus a lot more on working out now and a healthy diet.

Struggled with ED for over a decade, I was a very overweight child. Never actually "lost weight" due to binging/purging, probably destroyed my metabolism. Now I'm eating a healthy, controlled low-call diet and exercising regularly, in hopes that by actually finally losing the weight that's held me back all these years will finally end the ED.