How do you deal with unsupportive friends?

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Megclark37
Megclark37 Posts: 111
in Motivation and Support
My friends have been really unsupportive of my lifestyle change. I used to drink an extreme amount (3 or 4 days/week) and get literally hammered each time. My group of friends are all the same way (we're from WI what can I say..) But recently I haven't been going out with them because I don't want to surround myself with it and when I DO drink I end up eating tons of junk food.

In the past couple of months I have gained almost 30 lbs from going out with my friends. Now that I haven't been going out they all tell me how lame I am and don't really understand that I'm trying to make a lifestyle change.

I don't know how to react or respond to the negativity from my friends.. I feel like I'm becoming such a happier and healthier person but it is costing me my friends. Any suggestions? I don't want to feel guilty about doing something GREAT for myself.
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Replies

  • mdebbie1026
    mdebbie1026 Posts: 164 Member
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    You really have to do what is best for YOU! If they are truly great friends they will come around. Maybe you could host a movie night at your house? Healthy snacks with a small amount of junk food so that it does not look like a total dud, but not so much that you will be tempted to indulge in "their" food. I know drinking is more the issue but, maybe if they had a diversion they would spend an evening now and then doing something other than drinking.

    It is hard enough to be on this journey, but when you don't have the support of your friends that makes it doubley harder. If you hold to your resolve and they see it is working for you they will possibly want to get off that fast track too but they were not brave enough to be the first...Congratulations on your quest for healthier living. Stick with it, it will pay off.

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  • susannamarie
    susannamarie Posts: 2,148 Member
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    There are a couple things that I do.

    1) I show up and volunteer to be designated driver, and then nibble carefully. I decide in advance how much (pizza) I can have and then eat it very slowly.

    2) I plan a spike day and go out anyway :P
  • leakewh
    leakewh Posts: 91 Member
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    Kick em to the curb...If they dont support you they're not worth having as friends...
  • realme56
    realme56 Posts: 1,093 Member
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    I agree, find other things to do and make some new friends. Alcoholism is ugly when you are in your 40's with your liver shot, yellowed skin, easy bruising and early dementia d/t alcoholic psychosis.
  • MenaMena
    MenaMena Posts: 232 Member
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    If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much. ~Jim Rohn

    Real friends will support you. Perhaps it is time to find some.

    Good luck with your decision.
  • strbryt
    strbryt Posts: 488 Member
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    well if they are your real friends you are not gonna lose them because you decide to do something good and healthy for yourself. The other things is keep doing it and maybe when they see how well it is working for you then they will jump on your bandwagon. Either way don't stop making better lifestyle choices because others don't like it.
  • Skinny_Beans
    Skinny_Beans Posts: 405 Member
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    I avoid talking to anyone who is negative about my dieting and weight loss. Sad to say, many people are so used to a "eat anything and everything" lifestyle, that they frown upon people who want to take control of their diet! I have had people tell me i'm "going crazy" just because I log all my meals into myfitnesspal! I also get a lot of "but you look fine already, you don't want to become anorexic" which is hilarious considering they clearly have no idea what anorexic means. To be honest, if you can't find friends who support you, just stop telling them about your goals. Talk to people who do though, it helps bunches :]

    Though honestly maybe it is just your friends, bc I have plenty of overweight or junk foodie ones who still support or at least respect my weight loss goals :/
  • kellyjamespro
    kellyjamespro Posts: 88 Member
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    I have found if you lose friends when you are doing something positive they werent really friends they were associates....... I know its tough but trust you will me new friends. Surround yourself with positive people only!
  • CSummers316
    CSummers316 Posts: 74
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    Explain to them that you are trying to make healthier choices for your life. You can volunteer to do the designated driver thing, but if you find them still not being supportive, explore new interest and make some new friends. Negativity on this kind of journey is definitely not something anyone needs. They need to understand that you are making positive changes in your life.
  • captainlindarg
    captainlindarg Posts: 229 Member
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    I definitely deal with similar issues. I basically never go out and drink, because all the empty calories in alcohol and I also tend to eat like crazy when I drink. It's just not worth it to me. Luckily, my friends aren't as big on partying anymore, most of them are all settled down and moved in with their significant others so they're the boring, lame ones. Ha!

    But I also face people who are unsupportive in other respects. I have one friend who is much heavier than me, and I have relatively little to lose compared to her. She always tells me I don't need to lose weight and that I'm already "skinny".

    I get similar things from other friends, but I feel like it's always an excuse for them to feel better about their own lack of action on trying to lose weight. Today, I told my coworker/good friend that I was proud of myself for spending an hour yesterday running and doing other exercises, after working a full shift at our physically demanding job. The first words out of her mouth were "Way to show me up." She said it in a half-joking way but I can tell it was her passive-aggressive way of being serious. I got pretty pissed off. It's like, you're my friend -- you should be happy for me!
  • messyinthekitchen
    messyinthekitchen Posts: 662 Member
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    get rid of them.
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
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    1. Well done on decreasing your risk of becoming an alcoholic
    2. I bury those who don't give me the support I need
  • pauljsolie
    pauljsolie Posts: 1,024 Member
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    Get rid of them. I grew up in La Crosse (didn't live there just drank there, ALOT) and I know what kind of town it is and it's hard. Get some friends who will respect you for the choices you make, not ridicule you.
  • Brian001
    Brian001 Posts: 89
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    Get some supportive friends! I know all of us on MFP can't physically be there but we will always keep you on track and praise you on the good days and keep your spirit up on the not so good days :D
  • imjessly
    imjessly Posts: 140 Member
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    find people who want a healthier lifestyle, you'll want to spend more time with them and be happier overall :)
  • rugbyphreak
    rugbyphreak Posts: 509 Member
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    I am also from WI... so I feel your pain. Instead of ignoring them, go out, but not as often. I go out about once a month and plan for it in my diet plan. I've also started asking my usually negative friends to come out with me to work out or go to eat somewhere healthy. They're actually starting to really enjoy it and we're all getting fit. It's so much easier and more fun when you have people that support you and want to help you with your goal.
  • gymshoe42
    gymshoe42 Posts: 97 Member
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    I think they're against your lifestyle change because it just exposes what they know is not healthy and they're having a hard time facing that truth. They don't want to change so they pressure you to not change cause it reinforces what they're doing is okay. With you breaking away and changing, ..they're afraid others will see the light and the group will be done for.

    What to do about it? ...just don't give a *kitten* about what they say. They're not gonna make sure you're healthy...only you can. You are not there to please them. ...soo.. stay the course. Perhaps they'll see the light and then come back to you down the road.
  • gnrshelton
    gnrshelton Posts: 358 Member
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    You did call them FRIENDS right? Sounds like you are just more mature than they are. Don't feel guilty for doing what is right for you! If your friends don't get over it maybe it is time for new friends!
  • Megclark37
    Megclark37 Posts: 111
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    If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much. ~Jim Rohn

    Real friends will support you. Perhaps it is time to find some.

    Good luck with your decision.

    love this quote! thank you so much!
  • emc1976
    emc1976 Posts: 15
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    With unsupportive friends who needs enemies...true friends will not only support you they will join you. :bigsmile:

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