Am I being paranoid?

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Replies

  • fit4mom
    fit4mom Posts: 1,352 Member
    You are right on! But while in yes we are incapable of changing people. We do have influence and we can affect positive change through our character and gifts. You are conciderate and thoughtful. I love this about you.
  • GouchisGirl
    GouchisGirl Posts: 321 Member
    If a guy is truly interested he would make time to see you. He does not sound interested. I say move on.

    ^^^^ Sooooo true! If you have texted him that much, and he isn't as excited I'd say move on, and find that guy that wants to get together more often, and atleast text you back. :)
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
    I met my boyfriend online. We lived 100+ miles apart at the time. We talked online, on the phone and texted ALL the time. Once we met in person? The texting slowed down a lot and the phone calls? Well, they nearly stopped. We did spend a lot of time together - even though we were so far apart. I found that once we had met, my boyfriend didn't feel like texting was as important - maybe because we had a connection that went beyond words at that point? I really don't know. It bothered me a lot and I mentioned it to him. He never really said WHY it changed, but I could tell that it did.

    Granted, we spent A LOT of time together and saw each other on a pretty regular basis. But, I missed the funny texts or phone calls we had.

    You've shown you're interested in him. It could be exactly what he said - that he doesn't need to be in constant communication with someone or doesn't need to see someone all the time. OR it could be that he didn't feel the same once you met in person and now he isn't sure how to tell you.

    My best advice? ASK. That is the best way to get an answer vs speculating. Tell him that you can handle the truth (and be prepared to hear the worst) and you NEED to know it.
  • Vodkha
    Vodkha Posts: 352 Member
    Thanks for the reply. We started talking initially as friends and we met as friends, so I guess I can't expect him to act like anything other than my friend until we see each other more and decide to/to not make it into something else.
  • Shawnjay75
    Shawnjay75 Posts: 81 Member
    Don't be so available...give things a break and let him call you. When he calls....don't answer!
  • wellbert
    wellbert Posts: 3,924 Member
    Yeah, maybe a little clingy. Like the above said, back it down a notch and let him respond.
  • MFPAddict
    MFPAddict Posts: 2,069 Member
    There are thousands of women out there that have issues with their boyfriend/husband spending too much time playing video games. And you are chasing this type of guy? :huh:
  • Vodkha
    Vodkha Posts: 352 Member
    I guess I just think he could spend time chasing other girls or going out drinking or doing drugs or whatever, so I don't think playing video games is a big deal.
  • paulamarsden
    paulamarsden Posts: 483 Member
    There are thousands of women out there that have issues with their boyfriend/husband spending too much time playing video games. And you are chasing this type of guy? :huh:

    i dont understand this AT ALL.

    i play them with him, often when he isnt here also.

    i dont expect my husband to be into spending an entire Saturday at the beauty salon... why should i expect him to not enjoy his stuff?

    total balls.

    and to the OP. Seriously, never chase a guy, if he likes you, he will come.
  • foodfight247
    foodfight247 Posts: 767 Member
    You know what....I'd just take a step back for a while and leave the ball in his court.
    If hes really into you then he will make contact. Just be careful tho as some people have clearly said, he may be messing or hiding something.

    On the other hand, some friendships and close relationships take time to grow...in the meantime, relax. If its really bothering you and he truly values your friendship at least, then he shouldn't be alarmed at you asking him directly what the score is and where the two of you stand and what's to be expected. Sometimes your expectations are different to the other persons.

    In summary, I'd just loosen contact a little.
  • Vodkha
    Vodkha Posts: 352 Member
    Update on this thread and your thoughts needed...

    So we have been keeping in contact and we hung out again for the second time. It went well, joked and flirted. He mentioned that night that he doesn't trust any woman, that they are all the same (he has been cheated on in the past). A day later we were texting and I asked what he thought of me. He said it was a tricky question. I said just answer. He said he is neutral. Obviously I freaked out because neutral is bad! He said that this is why he didn't want to tell me, because he knew I would take neutral as being something bad, and to him, neutral is good?

    Now, yesterday the topic of us being friends came up and I said something like I guess you don't have any interest in me (said in a joking way, but yes, fishing a bit) and he said 'interest in friends, yes. We will see how it goes for the rest'.

    Do you take that to mean he may have interest in me for more than friends eventually but wants to spend more time with me first? There was opportunity there to say he was only interested as friends if that he is how he wanted it, so ?
  • neenaj33
    neenaj33 Posts: 347 Member
    WOW! I do understand where everyone is comming from but I do think the advice is a bit drastic at this point. What is so wrong with going slow?

    1) You don't really know him, you know the electronic version but computers give us the ability to be anyone we want and deception can often play a role. How the story played out in your mind is not necessarily how it played out in his.

    2) He may have gotten cold feet. Guys can be self conscience too. Past is a good indicator of the future and you don't have that. You have his words but friends and family bring a clearer picture of who someone is.

    3) You want to mary your best friend if in fact that is where this relationship ends up. What are his beliefs and are you willing to compromise your for his. You started out as friends, so be his friend and get to know him. You really are complete strangers. Just because I interact with a book doesn't mean I know the author. Enjoy where you are at and communicate your intention for this relationship with him. If it's meant to be it will flourish but you have to stand firm. We are such a cut and run socoiety. It's important to remember that he has feelings too and may have been hurt in the past. Even though it's not necessarily going the way you want it to doesn't mean there's nothing there. Take your time. What if he missread you and dumped you out of his life and you really liked him? Have compassion and grace.

    Treat your self like the treasured gift you are and be willing to treat this relationship like the valued priviledge it is. Someones life has been placed in your life for a purpose. You should find out what that is.

    Lastly, feelings are deceptive. There is no greater love than that of he who will lay his life down for his brother. Love is an action not a feeling. Sometimes we have to do something we don't want to do for the good of others and it doesn't always feel good. I don't like to punish my kids but I love them enough to protect them from the dangers they are willing to put themselves in.
    Be blessed I know everything will work out the way it should.:flowerforyou:
    I needed to read this myself
  • Kymmu
    Kymmu Posts: 1,648 Member
    In my opinion, when a guy is interested in you, you will not be able to shake him if you try!
    Men are generally persistent , they love the thrill of the chase, I am just not getting that vibe when I read what you wrote.
    There are PLENTY of fish in the sea, don't waste any more time on him.
    Stay healthy and happy so when you do meet someone more suitable there'll be no stopping you.
  • chellabella26
    chellabella26 Posts: 45
    I read your posts and everyone else's posts and I don't think that you are being paranoid. Whatever his reasons are he IS backing off. Maybe he is into you, more than he thought he would be and it scares him (considering his past). Maybe he didn't feel the way he had hoped and that has made him back off. Either way if I were you I would back off and let him make the next move. I am not talking about playing games...just give him time to figure things out or whatever. You don't want to confront him, that would be pretty awkward at this point. Also, I play video games and so does my husband, but we always find plenty of time for eachother, even when we were dating. I just don't think that gaming would get in the way until after you were in a serious relationship ;) Good luck to you.
  • Vodkha
    Vodkha Posts: 352 Member
    So there really is no chance that he just wants to take things slowly amd not rush? I guess ill just continue talking to him as a friend and see how it goes.
  • trixirn
    trixirn Posts: 130 Member
    Sounds like he's married or in a relationship. I'd say move on.
    ^^this
  • w2bab
    w2bab Posts: 353 Member
    Go rent a copy of "He's Just Not That Into You", watch it, remind yourself that it's his loss, and move on.
  • douglasmobbs
    douglasmobbs Posts: 563 Member
    Sounds like games to me. I know it was a year on line before hand but once it got into real life he was going hot to get you interested then go cold to get you to chase him.

    Another summary with little knowledge of the exact situation but it does seem like he is trying to set you up to be dependent on him so he can be in control all the time.
  • RockstarJB
    RockstarJB Posts: 18 Member
    I say your thinking a lot like I do and overanalyzing the situation, but I can tell you that I have been in a similar boat and well he ended up being married, told me all these things and lets just say none of those things have happened. I honestly feel you need to go with your gut instinct on this one and keep your options open, don't wait around for him. If he wants to spend time with you he will make an effort and well if he doesn't make an effort soon I say cut him loose...
  • dovesgate
    dovesgate Posts: 894 Member
    He's said he's in no rush to start dating and he's said he's interested in you as a friend.

    He's told you exactly what he wants.

    He's left it kinda open for the future (which is hazy and indistinct and could just be to keep from hurting his friend's feelings) but he's told you exactly what he wants for right now.

    Be his friend only without pressure to step things up to relationship or cut him loose. Otherwise, in addition to the user and the cheater, you'll be "that crazy chick".
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