I think I'm getting a bit too Obsessed.. D:

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  • mamalade1
    mamalade1 Posts: 42
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    I think it's something that we all, especially women, struggle with. I wish I had some fantastic recommendation for you to undo all the conditioning you have undergone to get to this place. For me, it's been time and experience, the birth of two daughters & a liberal dose of feminist reading over the years. When I think back to all the time I wasted disliking myself, waiting to get to that Perfect Weight at which my whole life would fall together magically, oh, I could just kick myself. And for what? Why? Who did that thinking benefit? Not me, that's for sure.
  • SoontobeMrsE
    SoontobeMrsE Posts: 1 Member
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    Honestly, would you want to be with someone that was so shallow that they only started to like you when you were perfect?? Let's just say he does like you then and things do work out. The rest of your life is going to be spent trying to be perfect so he still loves you. That's no way to live. My fiance just told me this past weekend that he doesn't care if I ever lose another pound and that he doesn't even know why I started in the first place. The day we got engaged, I was the heaviest I've been (143lbs, 5'3"). This weekend he said he thought I was perfect that day and he would never change anything. Which is good news because I am positive that when we're 3 kids in, I'm not going to look "perfect" anymore. Do I sometimes wish I was a size 0? Of course! But I'd never let that become such a priority that it interfered with my life!

    I respect you for realizing that this may be an issue for you and trying to find someway to check it before it becomes a problem for you! I hope you find whatever answers you need!
  • jowings
    jowings Posts: 157 Member
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    I'm a costume designer for theater, and I've seen all kinds of body types (I've been doin it for 15 years). Every type can be beautiful --what I've found to be the key is people who are comfortable with themselves, whatever shape they are. I've seen size 20+ women who are beautiful because they dwell well in their skin (even if they want to lose some weight). And I've seen size 0 people with bodies that would be considered the "fashion ideal" who constantly gripe and complain about the way they look in clothes, because they feel uncomfortable in their skin.

    This comes to mind because I'm working with an amazing performer right now. She's in her 40s and has a good figure (~6-8) -- some flabby bits here and there, but overall a nice shape. But the thing that makes her look fabulous, and downright sexy is her body confidence. This role requires her to look like she's trying to hard to be young and hot (mutton dressed as lamb). Everything's supposed to be too tight, too bright, and showing her underwear most of the time. And she's coming to me to find ways we can make her look MORE "sausaged" in her clothes, how we can get her belly to roll (even though it naturally doesn't), putting on too tight bras so we can get some back rolls, smashing herself into tops that wouldn't fit a 4 year old. And the whole time she's radiating comfort with herself -- even while being in a profession that is so much about appearances. If you're saying to yourself, of course she is -- it's just the part. That's not necessarily the case -- I've worked with a ton of (professional) actors and actresses that continually push to look at good as they can, even when the role calls for them to be unattractive. (aka -- they just want to be the beautiful girl in ugly glasses, not actually look ugly).

    A long way of saying-- maybe now is a good time to take a break from working on your weight, to getting comfortable where you are. What makes you feel beautiful internally? What gives you inner strength or inner peace? How can you cultivate the positive, loving voice in your head (and put the negative internal and external voices on a diet)?

    Loved reading this story and I think the advice is perfect : )
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
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    I know that... but I do have this twisted idea that if I better shape and tone my body, he'll like me more. It's a terrible view... but it's because of this that I've pushed myself this far. Sadly, I always believed that no one would ever like me because I was pudgy.

    totally not true... I was a shy overweight teenager. I went through school trying not to talk to anyone. I didn't date, and didn't have too many friends.

    Once I graduated and had to go get a job, I was sort of forced to talk to people and I let go of a lot of the shyness and started being myself.. and the miraculous happened.. I was still fat, but suddenly I had tons of guys interested in me.

    If you're open and friendly and not so worried about what people think, people will approach you.

    And if that guy doesn't like you, screw him. You'll find a good one who does.
  • ebaywidow
    ebaywidow Posts: 30
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    Oh sweetie....you've got to love yourself first. You can't make someone love you no matter what you try. "He" has to love you for you...whether you're 90 pounds or 200. The road that you are on is going to lead you to great heartache...trust me, I know. I thought my life was over when I "lost the love of my life." Then, I met my husband & have been married happily for 22 years. He has loved me through "thick & thin." Keep your chin up....the man of your dreams is out there...you just haven't met him yet :)
  • Maxireed77
    Maxireed77 Posts: 4
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    Honestly, would you want to be with someone that was so shallow that they only started to like you when you were perfect?? Let's just say he does like you then and things do work out. The rest of your life is going to be spent trying to be perfect so he still loves you. That's no way to live. My fiance just told me this past weekend that he doesn't care if I ever lose another pound and that he doesn't even know why I started in the first place. The day we got engaged, I was the heaviest I've been (143lbs, 5'3"). This weekend he said he thought I was perfect that day and he would never change anything. Which is good news because I am positive that when we're 3 kids in, I'm not going to look "perfect" anymore. Do I sometimes wish I was a size 0? Of course! But I'd never let that become such a priority that it interfered with my life!

    I respect you for realizing that this may be an issue for you and trying to find someway to check it before it becomes a problem for you! I hope you find whatever answers you need!

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