Stupid, annoying depression

ShanRaeC
ShanRaeC Posts: 37
edited November 11 in Health and Weight Loss
I've battled the depression beast off and on my whole life. Everyone knows the story: blah, blah, blah... eat your feelings... too down to exercise... vicious cycle of too much food and not enough exercise... then the depression gets worse. And on and on, and THIS is why I topped out at 262 lbs.

Exercise is my salvation. It keeps my depression under control. It is sometimes really hard, though, to remember that even thought I don't FEEL like getting the running shoes on and doing it, I will feel better when I am done.

Right now is one of those times. So, I'm trying new things. I am usually really quiet about my depression. Because there is nothing wrong with my life! It's a great life. People say things like "What do you have to be depressed about? Things are going well!" Well, as anyone with depression knows, nothing has to be WRONG for it to flare up. Do we ask someone with diabetes "what do you have to be DIABETIC about?". I know there is nothing to be ashamed of, but I still feel that way sometimes.

So... the new thing I am trying is to be very open about it on this forum and say (well, I guess not SAY but type) out loud that I am having a bout with depression and it is making it hard to eat right and hard to exercise. Today, I did it though. I stayed within my calorie goal, and I exercised. It did help. But, now I am feeling the symptoms again, and I want to eat an entire box of Girl Scout cookies. Instead of reaching for them, I reached for the keyboard.

Let's see how this goes.

Thanks.
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Replies

  • emfilomena
    emfilomena Posts: 120
    I applaud you for succeeding today. I know how hard it is to deal with depression- I have major depressive disorder. Nothing needs to happen, as you said, for the depression to get worse try to take control of your life. I use exercise as therapy too, but with other physical ailments, it can be hard to log in the time necessary to make a difference.

    We might have an age difference, but know that I'm here to support you if you need it. You can do this :) The progress you've made thus far (62lbs, holy cow!) is tremendous. : )
  • cheyniemama
    cheyniemama Posts: 63
    Story of my LIFE! I topped at 262 too, and have battled depression since I was a teenager. I was on antidepressants (love Zoloft), but my body decided to react badly to both antidepressants AND caffeine after my last baby (took my happy pill and my happy diet cokes away!) So I have had to deal with it med free for 3 1/2 years now. And yes, exercise helps soooo much! I also pop St. Johns wort, but it isn't enough. Anyway, good job reaching for the keyboard, not the cookies! Feel free to add me if you are lookign for friends :) And good luck!
  • ahavoc
    ahavoc Posts: 464 Member
    This is great that you are doing this. It's not going to be easy, but keep working out, it will make you better. You have to master your depression, and I know that it's not easy. I hope you are seeing a therapist to help you as well. You can do this.
  • Smokey19
    Smokey19 Posts: 796 Member
    I get to feeling that way myself. I've found that if I climb on the treadmill for a little while I tend to feel a little better. I wish you the best in your journey. Depression makes it rough. Feel free to add me.
  • tz2187
    tz2187 Posts: 250 Member
    I myself have been feeling blue, but unlike you I did eat the Girl Scout cookies (only 2)! I also have to talk myself into exercising, but always feel better when I'm done. Congrats to you for going for the keyboard instead of the cookies. I do know these feelings pass, so be kind to yourself.:flowerforyou:
  • Hernandeak11
    Hernandeak11 Posts: 351 Member
    It took me a while to come to terms with the fact that I have Seasonal Affective Disorder ('Seasonal Depression'). It only lasts during the month of November, but it feels like forever.

    I'm a pretty stubborn and independent person, so admitting that something was wrong with me was hard, especially when I feel perfectly normal during the rest of the year. It felt like such a weakness, and I was too embarrassed to bring it up to anyone, so I suffered in silence for years.

    This past year my significant other noticed the change in my demeanor and was concerned, so that was the first time I opened up to anyone. It was a major relief, and once I found out how simple the treatment was for SAD (cruel, right?), I could finally move on with my life.
  • Donkeydriver
    Donkeydriver Posts: 36
    I love your comment 'what do you have to be diabetic about" Thats a great one... today I got in the car to go to a friends house and just started crying.:sad: . what the hell was that? no "reason" other than anxiety/depression... oh well, I know I should have worked out today and that is why it happened.... "You are only one workout away from a good mood" is my new favorite saying.... its corny but true... I usually can drag my *kitten* up to do a "10 min" workout and once I'm up I can squeeze out more minutes... and teh next thing I know its an hour.. .yay... but if I said to myself "Let's do an hour workout..." I'd get overwhelmed:grumble: and just not do anything....

    Hope this helps you ... :flowerforyou:
  • HeidiRene
    HeidiRene Posts: 335 Member
    OMG I love you for posting this. So many people do not understand how severe clinical depression is. But, I do! Depression led me to pack on 50 lbs in 6 months. I still have trouble getting out of bed. I have been on here a week and I get out to walk and then retire back to bed. It's terrible. This is the longest bout of severe depression I have had to deal with. Depression sucks! Maybe we can help each other. I want my body and my life back!
  • RussetBrunnette
    RussetBrunnette Posts: 107 Member
    I am in the same boat as well. Since starting to work out and eat better I have felt a lot better. It's a day by day thing but it doesn't need to rule our lives, we have control to make ourselves better all we have to do is do it :)
  • ShanRaeC
    ShanRaeC Posts: 37
    Thanks everyone!! This is great. So much better than Girl Scout cookies! :happy:
  • shanahan_09
    shanahan_09 Posts: 238 Member
    Kudos to you for getting in your workout today and staying under your calorie goal. I can't empathize fully with depression, but I do get down in the dumps once a month (pms) and exercise helps combat that incredibly. Also I will have to stop myself at the pantry door and think of the consequences of what will happen if I grab that bag of chips, box of cookies etc...Do I want to continue failing at this weightloss?--If so, grab the junk food. Everyday we can make the decision in order to better ourselves...and everyday when we make that right decision, is another day we are being true to ourself.
    Here for you if you need another MFP friend! :flowerforyou:
  • ccnjc4e
    ccnjc4e Posts: 142 Member
    I battle severe depression as well. I have found that working out, even just a 20 minute walk, helps keep it in check. I think it's because exercise releases endorphins that make you feel happier...IDK for sure but that's my story:D
  • MinxCJS
    MinxCJS Posts: 2
    I'm sorry to hear of your depression. I know how that is. I found out this year that years of depression and stress as reduced my cordisol levels and this makes it harder to get motivated or even to get out of bed and "think" about exercising. I'm working on it and feel the best I have in a long time. I go to a wellness person (nutritionalist?) www.solariswholehealth.com. I tell you this because it might help.:blushing: :blushing: :blushing: Dr Oz talks of this also. Best wishes on your success. Looks like you are really losing alot.
    Cathy
  • atjays
    atjays Posts: 797 Member
    It's really a great feeling when you show control over your depression, by exercising or avoiding that comfort food. I was having a pity party for myself today after work but managed to avoid taco bell on the way home, told myself it's not going to fix anything. Really happy I did.
  • Kissybiz
    Kissybiz Posts: 361 Member
    I'm glad you posted this. I've been feeling the exact same way. I love it when I'm feeling good, but then the blahs start to set in and all I wanna do is isolate and eat and drink. I'm glad you reached for the keyboard instead.

    As for me, I sort of binged last night and isolated today but stayed within my calorie range today. I did finally get up and go for a walk at about sunset. Then I wondered why I hadn't done it earlier, I'd have had a much better day! And then finally logged my food on here. This site really does keep you stay on the right path, for me anyway, if I just get up and use it. I see how much everyone is working out and think.. you ding-dong.. GET UP AND GET MOVING! And I always feel better after I get up a move!
  • santamommy
    santamommy Posts: 88
    I go through the same thing. I have days where I have so much energy and feel great! Then out of no where I don't want to get out of my recliner..I have zero energy and then I want to snack on something about before the day is done I am kicking myself for not exercising and over eating. I have turned my blog into a private journal where I vent..It has helped so much. Thanks for sharing, it helps others to know we are not alone.
  • repoman150
    repoman150 Posts: 42 Member
    You are definately NOT alone in your struggle. I was doing the exact same thing till i topped out at 248 pounds. We all look to tone our bodies, loose weight ect, but most everyone neglects their mental health...which is just as important as physical health. Im really thinkin that my daily trips to the gym help me out alot also...keep up the good work, and take it a day at a time. As you can see, you have plenty of support here.

    p.s. im waiting anxiously for my 4 boxes of girl scout cookies to come in lol
  • mbertagnolli
    mbertagnolli Posts: 20
    Such a great thread! So many wonderful people here! Funny how a thread on depression became a source of comfort and support for so many, including myself! :heart:
  • mamasasa
    mamasasa Posts: 90 Member
    I love your comment 'what do you have to be diabetic about" Thats a great one... today I got in the car to go to a friends house and just started crying.:sad: . what the hell was that? no "reason" other than anxiety/depression... oh well, I know I should have worked out today and that is why it happened.... "You are only one workout away from a good mood" is my new favorite saying.... its corny but true... I usually can drag my *kitten* up to do a "10 min" workout and once I'm up I can squeeze out more minutes... and teh next thing I know its an hour.. .yay... but if I said to myself "Let's do an hour workout..." I'd get overwhelmed:grumble: and just not do anything....

    Hope this helps you ... :flowerforyou:

    So true...It is how I motivate myself..."Come on, let's just go out for a short walk.", "Let's just do ten minutes of 30DS (you can't stop once you start)"... Baby steps until the "feel good" starts to happen!
  • Kincar
    Kincar Posts: 601 Member
    Good for you for not letting it get to you today. It is so hard and people who don't experience it really don't understand. Exercise works wonders for me. I don't always feel like doing it, but I remind myself how good I feel when I'm done. As much as I might feel lazy or tired I never regret working out when I'm done. I seem to have strained my quad today & I'm so hummed about having to take a rest day tom.

    When I'm in a low point I take it one day at a time. It's so hard to be healthy. I've been feeling really good lately and truly appreciate it. You can't take feeling good for granted.
  • mamasasa
    mamasasa Posts: 90 Member
    I myself have been feeling blue, but unlike you I did eat the Girl Scout cookies (only 2)! I also have to talk myself into exercising, but always feel better when I'm done. Congrats to you for going for the keyboard instead of the cookies. I do know these feelings pass, so be kind to yourself.:flowerforyou:

    I have such amazing MFP friends. I love your honesty and offer you nothing but love and support :happy: :heart:
  • oddy_coddy
    oddy_coddy Posts: 1
    I never thought depression to be real, just some thing people say when they are feeling sad, but then so much time went by that I didn't feel much of anything. I didn't even know what was happening until I couldn't even think. Rather went on auto pilot, stuffing my face and not feeling anything. My head said stop, I knew it wasn't what I wanted to be doing, but I didn't stop rather stuffed the cookies in faster only to have the physical and emotional pain later. How do you explain to anyone who doesn't know of that stuck feeling? Weight loss can be done - but can depression be cured? I can only hope the 2 go hand in hand. It is inspiring to see that there are others having the same troubles and over coming them, pushing through. Thank you for sharing.
  • mamasasa
    mamasasa Posts: 90 Member
    I find acupuncture is amazing for depression. I also take St. Johns Wort, Calms Forte, Bach Rescue Remedy....not all at once of course.
    I also find, if I can convince myself to start exercising (for 5 minutes) the "happy" kicks in and I continue. There seems to be "something" in the air presently, as myself and a lot of my friends are suffering through darkness. If we offer each other love and support, this too shall pass. Being open and honest about our feelings and emotions is key. It is healthy to have a full range of emotions. :heart:
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
    Thank you for your post!!! You are SOOOO not alone...I've dealt with depression for most of my life. I have some horrid spells...I thought they would stop once I started taking care of myself and exercising so much, but I find myself melting down more often. I figure it's because I'm no longer stuffing my feelings back into my face with 6 pounds of Hershey's.

    Congratulations for reaching for the keyboard instead of the Girl Scout cookies. THAT is a triumph! Feel free to add me if you'd like...that goes for everyone, I don't have many friends on here yet. :)
  • shoshi68
    shoshi68 Posts: 407 Member
    I have depression too. Been fighting it since my teens, and have been taking meds for it for the last 15 years. Exercise works. Great diet works, taking care of myself works. But not always. It is the black dog that is always lurking in the background. Folks don't understand, and there is such powerful stigma against this. I know what this is like.
  • AutumnsPassage
    AutumnsPassage Posts: 33 Member
    OMG I love you for posting this. So many people do not understand how severe clinical depression is. But, I do! Depression led me to pack on 50 lbs in 6 months. I still have trouble getting out of bed. I have been on here a week and I get out to walk and then retire back to bed. It's terrible. This is the longest bout of severe depression I have had to deal with. Depression sucks! Maybe we can help each other. I want my body and my life back!

    Sounds like a day in my life, honestly I haven't even gotten out of bed today.
  • Becca_007
    Becca_007 Posts: 596 Member
    Sorry you're having such a tough time, I'm feeling the dark cloud over my head as well right now. I hear what you're saying and am glad you posted, not only so you don't feel alone but so many others of us don't either.

    Thanks for that:flowerforyou: :heart:
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
    I have depression too. Been fighting it since my teens, and have been taking meds for it for the last 15 years. Exercise works. Great diet works, taking care of myself works. But not always. It is the black dog that is always lurking in the background. Folks don't understand, and there is such powerful stigma against this. I know what this is like.

    Similar to me...except I no longer take medication. I am so glad that so many people are sharing their stories and experiences with depression here...


    You guys all rock :heart:
  • emmyash
    emmyash Posts: 115 Member
    Its great to be open and talk about it...Mine started as post natal when i had my first son 8 yrs ago..then turned into depression as well as an anxiety disorder....i have to control it with meds but exercise does help...I have felt down again for months..last week i had a meltdown..my sons behaviour added to this...in the last 2 yrs my uncle and pop passed within 8mths of each other....I whacked on 20plus kilos...rejoined MFP a few weeks ago..the best thing ive done..today i put a status on my FB page...The sun is shining again...im positive i was meant to have that breakdown to release all my stress..im back exercising,smiling,eating well...its a horrible thing...please feel free to add me..anyone can...:smile:
  • HeidiRene
    HeidiRene Posts: 335 Member
    Thank you all for giving me a few minutes to not feel alone in my struggle and to not feel so ashamed about my little dark secret of desperation. I would love for any/all of you to add me!
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