Parents calling their kids fat

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  • JulieH3art
    JulieH3art Posts: 293 Member
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    I totally disagree. If a child is fat there's no need sugar coating it to them. I totally support motivating them to exercise and eat right, but if your childs clinically obese it is an issue you need to resolve with them.

    That isn't the point. Of COURSE you should help your child. But not by psychologically breaking them down. That's how you create eating disorders.
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
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    I totally disagree. If a child is fat there's no need sugar coating it to them. I totally support motivating them to exercise and eat right, but if your childs clinically obese it is an issue you need to resolve with them.

    That isn't the point. Of COURSE you should help your child. But not by psychologically breaking them down. That's how you create eating disorders.

    Can't the kids in school taunting them create eating disorders as well?
  • dad106
    dad106 Posts: 4,868 Member
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    My dad always called me Fat... Hence the 29 pound weight loss. Now that I've done that, he goes oh but your getting a little too thin.. Don't want to lose too much.

    I also made him buy me all new clothes since he was the reason of my weight loss.. and since I like expensive clothes, he hasn't said one word about me being too fat or too thin since :)
  • kvreeken
    kvreeken Posts: 137 Member
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    Forward this feed to her and ask her to read........I'm sure in her head she feels she is helping in some way.
  • catcrazy
    catcrazy Posts: 1,740 Member
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    "I'm fat, you're classless, I'm dieting, what are you doing?" Delivered with a smile to an acquaintance who thought it his place to comment on my weight.

    Not sure if it would work for your mum but think along those lines.
  • esperluette
    esperluette Posts: 20
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    In response to (I forgot to hit the quote button): Could it be a cultural thing (to the OP)? Did your mom grow up outside the US? I've been around a lot of people from African and Asian cultures and it's not offensive to call someone fat. In fact, in many African cultures (I have no idea if the same is true in Asian cultures) it's a point of pride to be on the heavier side because it's a sign of wealth (the complete opposite from American society). If you're skinny it means you don't have enough to eat, if you have some meat on your bones it means your family can afford it. I know how crushing it can be for us to be called fat by a parent, just trying to put it a different spin on it.


    You bring up an interesting point, and yes, she was raised elsewhere, but her comments have gotten so out of hand that even my aunts and uncles have to cut her off and say that I'm not fat. So while it may be partially cultural, I feel that it has gotten beyond that point and is more about intentionally damaging my feelings.
  • Dimplybutt
    Dimplybutt Posts: 123 Member
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    I totally disagree. If a child is fat there's no need sugar coating it to them. I totally support motivating them to exercise and eat right, but if your childs clinically obese it is an issue you need to resolve with them.
    There's a difference between encouraging your child to be active and eat healthy and calling them fat. Kids are mentally fairly fragile, and hearing something like that come from their parents (when they're most likely already dealing with bullies at school) is beyond bad.

    ^ ^ ^ Totally agree!
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,667 Member
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    My mom lives in another state and when she visits her first comment is always about how "fat" I am, in front of my family, multiple times. It makes me feel so horrible and angry because I've been working really hard to keep up with my fitness and can now fit into my old 25 inch waist jeans. I realize I was heavy set when I was younger, but my parents were the ones buying me McDonalds all the time and being raised by them is subsequently how I established my eating habits. I can't tell you how many times she's known that this pattern makes me extremely upset, yet it continues.

    How have you gotten a loved one to understand the hurtfulness of their words?
    Parents, when you talk to your kids about their weight do you realize how malicious you sound? How do you avoid it or tactfully bring it up?

    I realize it's different when there is a major concern, but I'm addressing the times when it's mainly more about aesthetics? This situation really makes it tough to feel like any progress I make will warrant positive reinforcement from my mom.
    If you're Asian, then expect it not only from parents but from relatives and even other "older" Asians who see you alot. Asians don't think of it as a personal attack, it's just a cultural thing that I've noticed we do.
    All I can tell you is not to think of it a personal. My aunt, who hadn't seen me in 10 years, commented I'm looking fatter to her. In reality, I haven't changed weight (I stay within 10-12lbs) consistently, so though she may have seen me slightly bigger, her comment wasn't taken personally.
    Keep your chin up. I know that it can hurt sometimes, but trying to change years of cultural habits will drive you up the wall and distract you from you reaching the goals your trying to achieve in life.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,667 Member
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    Could it be a cultural thing (to the OP)? Did your mom grow up outside the US? I've been around a lot of people from African and Asian cultures and it's not offensive to call someone fat. In fact, in many African cultures (I have no idea if the same is true in Asian cultures) it's a point of pride to be on the heavier side because it's a sign of wealth (the complete opposite from American society). If you're skinny it means you don't have enough to eat, if you have some meat on your bones it means your family can afford it. I know how crushing it can be for us to be called fat by a parent, just trying to put it a different spin on it.
    This.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • esperluette
    esperluette Posts: 20
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    Thanks for all of your responses, everyone. I'm trying really hard to focus on maintaining my health and fitness for myself and stay focused what I want to achieve, not what she thinks I should. At this point, it seems my mom is set in her ways even after seeing how many times her words make me break down and even when being told by other people her comments are wrong. I definitely use my experience to motivate me to create an environment for my kids in the future to maintain a nutritious and active lifestyle. I just know that things said during a parent/child relationship can end up sticking with the child for the rest of their life, whether it's one hurtful comment or many being repeated. It's just really disappointing that in regards to weight, parents sometimes try to change a child's body for aesthetic purposes rather than health.
  • VeganPanda
    VeganPanda Posts: 582 Member
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    You wear 25 inch jeans and your mom calls you fat? I would probably pull her aside and tell her how much her words hurt you. If my mom ever does that, I tell her to stop. She has now stopped. I also don't wear such a small size so she used to have a place to say that, but not anymore. I would just be up front, and you are super tiny so it's not even relevant.
  • rob_v
    rob_v Posts: 270 Member
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    The smart *kitten* response would be - yea, I may be a bit fat - but your ugly and I can diet.
  • justle
    justle Posts: 275 Member
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    My mum told me lots that i was fat tbh i think in hindsight it was for the best because if she haddn't i probably would've gone on thinking i wasnt fat and that i was ok.

    now i'm very grateful for her - even though i didnt feel it was helpful at the time i now believe for me, it was, it's obviously had the desired effect and now she's always telling me how proud she is of what i've achieved and how amazing i look and how glad she is that i claimed my body and life back.
  • esperluette
    esperluette Posts: 20
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    I realize the dynamics of Asian cultures, but like I've posted, when she's the only one saying it and my aunts and uncles are stepping in and telling her I'm not fat, I think that it may be more of it being her own negative intention. That's how I see it. And from other posters, there are other "non-cultural" parents out there who are putting their kids down too.
  • Savyna
    Savyna Posts: 789 Member
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    when I was younger my mom used to do the same thing and people I dont even know would say oh you look like you've gained weight, oh you look fatter (and then compared me with my younger sister who's skinnier than me). I don't think people realize how upsetting this can be to people (girls and boys alike). I remember one time when I was 12 my younger sister called me a fat *kitten*. I was generally bigger than all the people in my class. My puberty started when I was really young so it was hard adjusting to this new body of womanly things and my mind was still a child's, I would eat to cover up my feelings. But anyways here I am at 21 and I feel more comfortable with my own body, the only thing I can tell you is that if you told your mom already that the stuff she's saying upsets you and she still continues to say it then maybe you need to tell her that she isn't welcomed around your home or whatever/you wont show up to any functions where she'll be. I think especially since she's doing this around your family its as if she wants to show that you aren't the dominant person or whatever that she is and that she has to power to say whatever she wants even if it is in front of your family, that puts her own daughter in an embarrassing situation. That would be my suggestion that and knowing within yourself that if you're fitting into some of your smaller jeans and you've taken your health into your hands and are doing better than know that you are doing great and you don't need your mother to validate that.
    I was just thinking, is your mom big? Maybe she's subconsciously jealous of you, you're doing your thing and getting healthier and she's still looking the same or something. Who really knows.
  • ChristineW82
    ChristineW82 Posts: 116 Member
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    I was called fat a few times by my parents. It totally crushed me too. Neither one of them ever had room to talk. I believe there is a fine line between helping your children stay healthy and degrading them.

    I get so upset when my husband even tells our youngest (4 years old) that she is getting too chubby. I do everything I can to help our 4 children eat healthy and stay active. I believe they will grow up with good concepts and keep a healthy life style.
  • kristarablue
    kristarablue Posts: 707
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    Well first, you may have to have a heart to heart with mom and explain that you are working very hard and it hurts your feelings when she calles you fat and you would like her stop such things. Try to make it about your feelings and not that she is beening hurtful, mean, cruel and a bully. However if you need to pull out all the stops for her to stop such behavior go for it. But try to keep it as constructive as possible.

    My parents have never called me fat, however I have been on diet after diet since about the age of 5, see I was always a fat kid. The problem is, is that I knew I was on a diet and it was talked about therefore I was not good enough. They did not get me into sports or encourage daily exercise, but put me on a diet instead. I swore I would never do that to my children, if they needed to lower their BMI, then I would just change what was in the house, educate them on nutrition and incorporate exercise in their daily lives. I have read studies that show children that are continually put on diets typically become obese adults and please don't ask me to site the info, I have read it just don't remember where..

    Hey sorry she did that to you...talk to her, if all else fails know that you are doing amazing and we are so very proud of you
  • nitka653
    nitka653 Posts: 97 Member
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    I totally disagree. If a child is fat there's no need sugar coating it to them. I totally support motivating them to exercise and eat right, but if your childs clinically obese it is an issue you need to resolve with them.
    There's a difference between encouraging your child to be active and eat healthy and calling them fat. Kids are mentally fairly fragile, and hearing something like that come from their parents (when they're most likely already dealing with bullies at school) is beyond bad.

    Right On Island Jumper!!!

    I've read numerous of theses posts by now and of course there are many sides to this issue as there are to all issues. However, I don't care what the reasoning behind it is, a parent should NEVER NEVER EVER use negative reinforcement to try and teach their child. Its Abuse, there is no other way to describe it (I'm sorry if I'm pushing anyone's buttons, but believe me, I've been there done that and lived through it -- barely). Verbal abuse is as bad and can be worse than physical abuse!

    Look at what happens to a dog when negative reinforcement is used in training, it becomes vicious! 'Nuf said!

    And to the original poster... I'll leave you with this one thought... My ultimate goal is to get to around a 25 inch waist. One of America's sex icons of all time, Marilyn Monroe had a waist between 23 & 24 (as recorded by her dressmaker from what I can glean on google). I don't think you should hate your mom for this, but you should let her know how much it hurts, unless she's just a plain *****, she does care how you feel and may work towards changing how she says things.
  • tashaa1992
    tashaa1992 Posts: 658 Member
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    I've never been called it by anyone, but my step dad used to call my little sister it. She's ten now, but at the time she was almost nine. It hurt me so much, I love her she is beautiful however she looks, I will protect her from everything, it's my job as her big sister. She was diagnosed with anorexia shortly after and I still don't know whether she was triggered by his comments or my anorexia. I know children imitate those around them, and I know having an eating disorder is an illness but I feel responsible for it. I'm in recovery and so is she, she is doing really well somedays and others it's just straight back to square one, but she knows she can talk to me about it. We regularly have little chats about how we're really feeling, I think it's important she knows I'm here for her. She's so young and I don't want her childhood ruined because of anorexia too. On fridays I take her to school so I make sure I eat breakfast with everyone else too. I also eat breakfast with my family on a saturday and sunday too. I want her to be happy, I want my little sister back:(
  • kbmnurse
    kbmnurse Posts: 2,484 Member
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    Your mom has self esteem issues and by putting you down it makes her feel better. IGNORE. You are beautiful.

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