I need help

phrn255
phrn255 Posts: 39
edited September 18 in Health and Weight Loss
i had a few so i'll apologize now for the typos, but i haven't eaten in four days and im really depressed. . I've had some trouble in my life recently and over the past month i've been really quiete with my fiance...i haven't talked much to him because i was afraid to drive him away, but i had a few drinks on sunday and something set me off and i wigged out and threw the ring back at me. He actually sent me an email to say it was over and we should go our sepereate ways and i only emailed once and texted once and thats it to apoloquze and tell him i love him. i pulled it together tonight and went to work at the hospital and i got a call from verizon that he was at their store and wanted to seperate the phones. i finally got him on the phone and he...to make a long story short told me hat he wasnt going to keep going over the same things and i was wasting the women at verizons time. i let him change to his own accont and ended up leaving work early. i keep thinking it was my fault because i didn't know how to communicate well and i went to a counselor, but ive lost over five lbs since sunday and i feel miserable. i know it' s over and i know that it isn't all my fault but i cant stop crying. you guys have been here for me before and i hope you can be here for me too now. i need it. feel like my world is falling apart and i cant find the peieces. please help.

thanks
nic:sad:

Replies

  • phrn255
    phrn255 Posts: 39
    i had a few so i'll apologize now for the typos, but i haven't eaten in four days and im really depressed. . I've had some trouble in my life recently and over the past month i've been really quiete with my fiance...i haven't talked much to him because i was afraid to drive him away, but i had a few drinks on sunday and something set me off and i wigged out and threw the ring back at me. He actually sent me an email to say it was over and we should go our sepereate ways and i only emailed once and texted once and thats it to apoloquze and tell him i love him. i pulled it together tonight and went to work at the hospital and i got a call from verizon that he was at their store and wanted to seperate the phones. i finally got him on the phone and he...to make a long story short told me hat he wasnt going to keep going over the same things and i was wasting the women at verizons time. i let him change to his own accont and ended up leaving work early. i keep thinking it was my fault because i didn't know how to communicate well and i went to a counselor, but ive lost over five lbs since sunday and i feel miserable. i know it' s over and i know that it isn't all my fault but i cant stop crying. you guys have been here for me before and i hope you can be here for me too now. i need it. feel like my world is falling apart and i cant find the peieces. please help.

    thanks
    nic:sad:
  • icandoit
    icandoit Posts: 4,163 Member
    Ok my dear. You need to take a deep breath. You need to think of 2 things right now....you and your son. You need to take a good look in the mirror and see who is important. It is you. You can get through this. You need to eat. You have to take control of all of this. This happen for a reason....I know that is not what you want to hear. Things may turn around for the two of you. Maybe you both need some space.
    Go hug your son and realise there is nothing better than that. Break up is hard, and it is no fun. You can make it through this.
    I think you should continue to talk to a counselor.
    Good luck and please eat some soup or something.
  • phrn255
    phrn255 Posts: 39
    thanks you...i just feel like it is all my fault, like i was afriad to push him away so i didn't ***** and be me sometimes...i was just quiet, but i did push him away. my girlfriend says that if he really loved me he would have grabbed me and told me that i was a jerk and to settle and get help, but he didn't, he jumped ship like he said he wouldn't do. I know it is over for him and i'm sure his mom and friends are a great infuence to end it but it's so hard. I 'm trying to go to work and deal with my kiddo, but i work in the ed at a childrens hospital and its hard enough as it is....i lost my love and my support. :sad:
  • icandoit
    icandoit Posts: 4,163 Member
    No, your love and support is that 8 year old. There is no stronger love than that. You will be fine. Listen to your girlfriend. Focus on you and your son. Think positive. :flowerforyou:
  • natashav
    natashav Posts: 108 Member
    i think that he might have been planning to leave you anyways and was just looking for and excuse. That is just how alot of men are, anyways screw him because you dont need him. that other girl is right and everything does happen for a reason. so he might have left you now but in a couple of days or so some fine *kitten* guy is going to come your way, so keep you head up and just remember that you are beautiful and noone can touch you. PEACE :wink:
  • phrn255
    phrn255 Posts: 39
    i think that he might have been planning to leave you anyways and was just looking for and excuse. That is just how alot of men are, anyways screw him because you dont need him. that other girl is right and everything does happen for a reason. so he might have left you now but in a couple of days or so some fine *kitten* guy is going to come your way, so keep you head up and just remember that you are beautiful and noone can touch you. PEACE :wink:

    fhat is the first time i smiled. maybe some cool docor will find me irrisistalbe. haha I am trying to get it together and its so hard. you are probably right, he may have been loooiking for a reason out and me acting like an *kitten* was a perfect one. he said he was engaged years ago and she cheated...said he tried to work it out. maybe he lied and he drove her to it. I'm gonna try hard to get over him and heal and i'm glad i have you guys. its sooooo hard i wish i could go to sleep and wake up six moths from now healed and stronger. i just feel weak ya know.
  • KristieT
    KristieT Posts: 49
    Don't let the devil still your happyiness....You have a son who needs you more than any man will ever. You need to focus on you and picking the pieces up and moving on. If he didn't know how to deal with you he didn't deserve you. You just need to stay busy. Find things you and your son can go out and do together that will keep you busy and your mind off of him. He is not worth it.

    Plus, when we go through things like this, depressed, sad, angry etc. remember you son sees what you are going through and this can affect him also if you don't pull together.

    Stay strong girl. Men come a dime a dozen. Keep your head up, know that you are beautiful and loved no matter what!

    I know all this is easier said then done. But you can do it.
  • brownieeyes03
    brownieeyes03 Posts: 9
    If that man had any morals or respect he wouldnt have done that. My mom raised my brothers and myself to treat everyone as you would treat your mother. What a selfish, jerk. Im sorry that makes me angry. I've been there thats why, and i have a daughter. You have to keep your head up honey for the sake of your child. And like the other girls said its not easy but you'll get through this. We are all here to give love and support. I know its too soon to go into dating again but i found my husband when i wasnt looking! a handsome man is going to come along oneday and sweep you and your son off your feet. And he will love the both of you unconditionally. Like i said i know it's hard just keep that head up, do stuff to keep your mind off him and please eat something. If you need to talk im here. Best of luck to you and your son.
  • Katy009
    Katy009 Posts: 579 Member
    No man is worth your tears....and the one who is won't make you cry. Go do something fun with your son.....like dining out and a film!!
  • Helawat
    Helawat Posts: 605 Member
    No man is worth your tears....and the one who is won't make you cry. Go do something fun with your son.....like dining out and a film!!

    Very well said! :flowerforyou:
  • phrn255
    phrn255 Posts: 39
    If that man had any morals or respect he wouldnt have done that. My mom raised my brothers and myself to treat everyone as you would treat your mother. What a selfish, jerk. Im sorry that makes me angry. I've been there thats why, and i have a daughter. You have to keep your head up honey for the sake of your child. And like the other girls said its not easy but you'll get through this. We are all here to give love and support. I know its too soon to go into dating again but i found my husband when i wasnt looking! a handsome man is going to come along oneday and sweep you and your son off your feet. And he will love the both of you unconditionally. Like i said i know it's hard just keep that head up, do stuff to keep your mind off him and please eat something. If you need to talk im here. Best of luck to you and your son.
    I beleive you that he is selfish and I am more sober and he probably liked the idea of marriage and not the reality but how do you make the hurt stop. Ive broke with people before and it didn't hurt this bad. It's 6am were i am and i woke up crying and wondering were he was and if he was safe with his freind. He sounded so cold and not loving on the phone and in the end i don't want it to be that way, but i think he is going to want everyone to feel bad for him....i know i wigged out when i shouldn't have and probably said things i shouldn't have, but he jumped ship and didn't stand by me like he said he always would? why do i feel like the bad one?
  • Ileanak
    Ileanak Posts: 343 Member
    phrn,

    Please repeat the following. " I am a beautiful woman, I have worked very hard to get where I am, I have a handsome son who adores me and for whom I live!"

    Some times heartaches are a blessing in disguise. You are fully intitled to mourn the loss of what you thought would be a long and happy relationship, but when it comes down to it, this event will have saved you from certain heartache and financial issues later.

    Take time to hurt, take time to hug your son, and take yourself out for a treat. A massage is always a good way to start.

    My heart goes out to you! You will overcome!

    ileana
  • kerrilucko
    kerrilucko Posts: 3,852 Member
    If someone will abandon you for being quiet when you've had a rough time then a marriage was clearly not going to last for any length of time. You do not deserve that. Your child does not deserve that!! :flowerforyou: Please do try and eat something, your body cannot live on no fuel. Maybe take your little one out to your favourite restaurant and try to have a good time getting back to the basics, you 2 are what's important here.
  • ConnieLynn
    ConnieLynn Posts: 242 Member
    Dear phrn,

    It hurts so much because he was your foundation, your core relationship. It is going to be hard everyday, that is the reality.

    All you can do is focus on the present moment, think about what you need to do to make it through the day. One moment at a time, one day at a time. When you start to think about him, distract yourself and put your mind on something else. Redirction of thoughts is an effective tool. Pretty soon days and weeks will have gone by and you will be healing.

    When you need to cry, do so, that releases emotion and helps the healing process.

    All relationships have these rough patches. They are a part of growth. You either find your way back to each other or you or he decides that their are certain things you are not willing to put up with in your life.

    This blow up was coming because it sounds like you were pushing things under the rug. Stuffing problems down, does not make them go away, it creates exactly what happened, a blow up. It is natural and necessary, don't feel bad about it.

    Make a list of things you love about him and things you don't like. Be honest. If the things you don't like are not things you can work through, then let him go.

    Give yourself and him some time to breathe and heal and if there is genuine deep love, you will find your way back.

    Either way, this is all a part of your growth.

    Blessings to you and we have all been through this. You are not alone.

    Connie Lynn
  • filergirl
    filergirl Posts: 240
    Hold on a second here -- you blew up at him, he dumped you, and now he's not talking to you? Whoa. Aren't adults supposed to communicate with eachother? Would you really want to be in a relationship wtih someone who doesn't communicate?

    I looked at your pics. His loss. Seriously.
  • washcapfan
    washcapfan Posts: 21 Member
    Sorry to butt in I am new to this site but your topic caught my eye and I know it is probably not my business but...here is my two cents worth anyway....Take it for what it is worth. I went through a really bad break up about a year ago and I know exactly where you are right now and it sucks. You feel like no one understands, you believe that no one has ever hurt this way before, the pain will never go away, you struggle to go through the motions and just can't wait to crawl in bed even if you don't sleep. You just want to be alone but you really wish someone would just call to see if you are ok and talk. IT SUCKS! So here is the bad news, the only thing that will help is time! HERE IS THE GOOD NEWS TIME PASSES VERY QUICKLY as we all know. Some more good news if you were holding back to keep from upseting him and not being yourself every minute of every day, this was not a good relationship to start with and to quote the same thing everyone else is saying to you but you can't believe "you are better off". We all want someone in our lives, none of us want to be alone but being with the wrong person and not being our true selves is not healthly and tiring. One of my friends told me after the initial couple of days of course - to set a time of day that I would spend thinking about him and crying and I did. I set one hour a day aside to "mourn" the relationship and something amazing happened, that hour very quickly became 30 minutes and 15 minutes and quicker than I would ever guessed it became nothing, he wasn't worth wasting the few free hours I had a day on. When you start to get upset (during you allowed to be upset time) sit back and think what is he doing right now - I can almost guarantee you he is not sitting and crying like you are, that thought will probably piss you off pretty quickly and get up back on your feet. I wish I had found that thought sooner in my recovery. Remember you are a very special person and you deserve to be treated as such. So suck it up put yourself together, keep repeating I CAN DO THIS, I DON'T NEED HIM, I AM A STRONG, BEAUTIFUL VIBRANT WOMAN, I DESERVE BETTER AND SO DOES MY SON! Take back control of your life.

    Good luck and remember the two loves of your life are right in front you - look in the mirror for the first one and look at your son for the second one.
  • ConnieLynn
    ConnieLynn Posts: 242 Member
    One of my friends told me after the initial couple of days of course - to set a time of day that I would spend thinking about him and crying and I did. I set one hour a day aside to "mourn" the relationship and something amazing happened, that hour very quickly became 30 minutes and 15 minutes and quicker than I would ever guessed it became nothing, he wasn't worth wasting the few free hours I had a day on.

    What an excellent idea! Great advice. Use this time to look at the realationship honestly.

    Connie Lynn
  • sculley
    sculley Posts: 2,012 Member
    I am going through a divorce, I know how you feel. However darling we both have children to think about they are the only men in our lives worth so much effort, love, and attention. Once you get in sync to a daily routine again "without him" it will get better. You just have to realize this "don't stress the things you cannot control." Some men are stubborn and will do there own thing sometimes. You be the strong woman everyone knows you to be and hold your head up high. It's not your fault and honestly better now then when your married and heaven forbid something worst happens.


    we love you keep trucking
  • phrn255
    phrn255 Posts: 39
    :brokenheart: Thank you all so much...please keep track of my the next couple days cause i really need it. I ate a kashi bar and drank some milk and i didn't throw up so that's good. I like the idea that I can have an hour to cry a day and think of him. I just want to be mad, but it's not all me and I know it, but it's so hard. I was so strong this morning that i changed my myspace page, took off some pictures and changed my paragraphs, but then i felf horrible becaues he hasn't changed his. i know it sounds childish but that is how my freinds and family communicate so we all have them. I don't want him to think i gave up on him, because i haven't, I'm just trying to find my peices. I want him to know that I still love him with all my heart and would help him with anything no matter what, but even after I wigged out, i told him i would try anything to work it out and he was cold and ignored me. He says it's becuase he couldn't talk to me rasionally, but I couldn't talk about anthying for about three weeks, just had too much to handle. now that I'm calmer and I can talk he has given up. He made it apparent that I was "incapable of having a conversation" and it was better and healthier for us to go our seperate ways. I just keep praying that even if it doesn't work out, he knows that he'll have a place in my heart and that it's ok if he found he didn't love me like he thought. i just want to know. thank you all. i'm gonna try to sleep or something. If anyone wants to see my page or pictures it www.myspace.com/medic255 and you need my last name to add me....its new

    crazy last name huh? lol

    thanks guys
  • Phatmomma
    Phatmomma Posts: 204 Member
    Nic focus on you. I'm all about the truth here, cause I have been there too. Most people have. If he left that EASY, he was already gone. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but one day when you are with the one you were TRULY meant to love and share your life with, you will see that you were lucky.
    You need to eat. BABY steps. You need to cry and cry and cry, and you need to break some *hit. I'm not kidding. Go to the dollar store or thrift store and buy a lot of crap that needs breaking0 and smash the hell out of it-with a bat. I kid you not, this works. And you smash stuff until you feel better. And you cry until you are all cried out, and you laugh when you feel like it, and make yourself look super sexy and you go to work like that every day until you believe it, then others will too. And you talk-to anyone you need to talk too. You can even talk to me. You can talk to yourself (but dont answer:wink: ) You will so get past this, not tomorrow, probably not in the next month or even in the next year. Heck a little part of you might never get over it, because YOU really LOVED him without condition. And love doesn't just go away over night, or ever. But this is what you DESERVE too, someone who can't breathe, can't sleep, can't eat without you. Mr. Crybaby Poo-Poo head wasn't the ONE. But you WILL survive and be happy again, and your mister right is out there and he needs you to go through this crap so that when he finds you, and loves you, you will know the treasure you have found.
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