Eating Disorder Help
Keltinator
Posts: 265
Hi. This is really hard for me to do, because I've never admitted this, not to my family and not to my friends... but I need help. I've had an eating disorder--bulimia--for a really long time, and I just can't do this anymore. Some days I wake up, and there's not even a second of happiness before I remember what I'm going to have to deal with for the day and cry.
They say that I'm supposed to tell someone when you have a problem like this, but I'm too ashamed to tell my family or anyone else that's close to me. I'm afraid of what they'll think of me. So I'm going to just put it all here, and even if no one reads this, at least I kind of got it off my chest.
No one knows about this because I seem normal. I don't look too overweight or underweight, and around other people I eat normally. But that's not me at all.
I eat so much food, and then the next day I won't eat anything. I've made myself vomit before. I've spent hours on a treadmill until I've felt sick. It's constantly in the back of my mind--the longing for food, and then the disgust I feel for myself. It really affects every aspect of my life. I'm never truly happy, I can't play sports as well as I used to, and I can't focus on school, either. I though about killing myself once, but I'm too smart for that. I knew that the pain I would cause everyone around me by that doesn't justify it, ever.
I promise, I'm not suicidal. I'd rather live screwed up like this than not at all, but it's so hard. I just need some support, that's all. If there's anyone that's reading this and has anything they could say to me, whether you've been through this or not, I'd really appreciate it if you could post or message me.
Anyways, that's it. I'm glad I did this.
They say that I'm supposed to tell someone when you have a problem like this, but I'm too ashamed to tell my family or anyone else that's close to me. I'm afraid of what they'll think of me. So I'm going to just put it all here, and even if no one reads this, at least I kind of got it off my chest.
No one knows about this because I seem normal. I don't look too overweight or underweight, and around other people I eat normally. But that's not me at all.
I eat so much food, and then the next day I won't eat anything. I've made myself vomit before. I've spent hours on a treadmill until I've felt sick. It's constantly in the back of my mind--the longing for food, and then the disgust I feel for myself. It really affects every aspect of my life. I'm never truly happy, I can't play sports as well as I used to, and I can't focus on school, either. I though about killing myself once, but I'm too smart for that. I knew that the pain I would cause everyone around me by that doesn't justify it, ever.
I promise, I'm not suicidal. I'd rather live screwed up like this than not at all, but it's so hard. I just need some support, that's all. If there's anyone that's reading this and has anything they could say to me, whether you've been through this or not, I'd really appreciate it if you could post or message me.
Anyways, that's it. I'm glad I did this.
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Replies
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You're very brave. You have a lot of strength to post here. You can do this. You can.0
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You've taken a very brave step forward. I can't imagine what you are going through, but I'm sure you have many people in your life that love you and support you. Even if you don't feel comfortable telling anyone, maybe you can look to family/friends for support in a healthy lifestyle. Tell them that you want to eat healthier and tell them your goals and see if they can support you in your journey, that might help you overcome some of the problems you mentioned.
You can do this, you are a strong person. There is a lot of support on mfp and we are all here for you!0 -
YOU SHOULD TELL SOMEONE IN YOUR FAMILY TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!0
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Now you've told us try to tell a friend - I know telling family anything like this can be almost impossible, but other people love you and may have suspected somethig but been too scared to mention it. Just remember that other people are here for you, you don't have to do this alone any more.0
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Please find help, there is so much out there, you don't have to feel like this! Check with your school about counseling, check with health insurance if you have one. some workplaces have employee assistance programs that cover counseling for a variety of reasons. you deserve to be hopeful and happy. Please don't wait!!0
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I suggest that you speak to someone in your family. As hard as it is, you took the first step today.
Think of the one person who doesn't judge and loves you. Also, try to find a therapist in your area who deals with this.
Seriously, it's not your fault. There are underlying things in our lives that drive us to these anxiety disorders...
All the best mama, your brave and strong. You will get through this. I'm proud of you admitting it!!! You've taken the first step.
XOXO0 -
I really think the best thing you could do for yourself is seek professional help. It's your choice as to whether you tell any of your friends or family, but I'm sure if you did tell someone they would want to help you overcome this. It took a lot of courage to come on here and post this. Keep using how you felt this morning to move forward and find the help you need.0
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I think you should make an appointment for a psychologist. They can help you get through the reasons you do this to yourself and help you figure out ways to deal with it and tell your family if that is the right thing to do. I think you are extremely brave for admitting this and I think its the first step to getting better. Friend me if you would like, Im there for all my mfp friends!0
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I hope you get some help before you spiral out of control. It isn't going to magically get better. Please reach out to a counselor, a clergy member, or your family. Trust me, they would rather have you alive and healthy than anything else in the world. Shame and guilt will make this worse.
Here is a place to start:
National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders. You may reach the ANAD hotline by phone in the US: 847-831-3438 (Monday-Friday, 9am-5pm, Central Time) or on the web at http://www.anad.org/site/anadweb/0 -
I had one in high school. Dropped down to 105 pounds, couldn't even fit into adult clothing anymore. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go see someone. I'm sure your family, if they are close to you, have some kind of idea about what you're going through.
I commend your bravery for admitting you have a problem. Please go see a counselor, for they will help you sort out the problems. Eating disorders are rooted in things that are far deeper than food and they will help you figure that out in order to recover
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Looking at your profile pic, it seems to me like you're still in school? (High school? College?)
Your school *will* have support available for people who want to get help with this kind of difficulty. Talk to a student advisor, or to someone in student counselling.0 -
One of my younger brothers has anorexia - so even though I haven't gone through what you're going through, I can say that from a big sister (and family member's) point of view I was so, so relieved when we could all as a family work on it together. It was so frustrating to see my brother suffer the way he did but not have any way in, no dialogue, no help. Once it was something we talked about as a family we could together make sure that he got the professional help he needed and then also back that up, and support that at home.
I know it's scary and that you feel ashamed but as a family member to someone recovering from an eating disorder I was never once ashamed of my brother, I was never angry with him - I was angry at the disease, and frustrated at times, but it did not change the way I looked at him, or how much I love and respect him. Do try to tell your family and if you can't imagine telling all of them maybe tell just one person and think about what a massive step that will be. It sounds like you're really tired of letting this limit you and hold you back. Get your life back from this disorder. You deserve to get your life back, to be happy again!0 -
Honey - you poor poor thing :-( I'm not a read and run kind of girl so heres my advise to you - you are SO much stronger than you know and you WILL get over this. You came here because you need support and trust me there are some amazing people on this site who will support you, but you really need to tell someone close to you how you are feeling at the moment and what is happening in your life so they can offer you the close support that you need RIGHT NOW. Please don't leave this festering any longer, your young and you should be spending your days happy not waking up and crying - your life is passing you by with every second being uphappy - I know you don't want this for the rest of your life? You need to do something about it NOW before it gets to the point where you can't return.
If you need anything then just send me a message :-) and good luck x0 -
Hey Hun,
Thanks for being so brave and trusting us. You can beat this eating disorder but in order to do that you need to get some help. Trust your doctor or school counsellor to find you a place where you can go to get help - by law they have to protect your privacy. I live in your area and I know there are some great resources out there. Even if you phoned the Kids Help Line (I know you aren't a "kid") they will have all sorts of resources for you. If you are in university they have professionals on staff that are there to help for little or no cost.
You've taken the first step in your healing process. Now let someone help you make the next step. Hugs.0 -
Hi. As a young adult I struggled with an eating disorder too. I'm glad you shared with us. That is the first step. Do you have insurance? It would be incredibly helpful to talk to a counselor and possibly a dietitian. Please also talk to someone in your family. I'm sure they have had their suspicions and would probably love to help you. Good luck and try to understand that all the love and support of your family and friends will help you get healthy quicker. I don't know your family or your friends but maybe pick who you talk to carefully at first.0
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sometimes when you write something down, the person who reads it can take away other emotions that would normally come out when you tell them face to face. plus, you don't have to be there when they read it.
But you have to get help. It's not going to be that bad once you get it over with.0 -
I think you took the first step by telling people here, but you probably need local support as well. The first step to change is acknowledging the problem which you're doing. MFP will be a good way for you to track a more healthy lifestyle, however, there tend to be psychological reasons behind eating disorders as well, and if they go unaddressed, your road to recovery will be more difficult than it already is. I think the first thing you need to remember is that you aren't alone. Your family and friends may not understand it, but there are a lot of people out there who will. I know this advice is completely unsolicited, but find a clinic or a group to go to ASAP. You have nothing to be ashamed of and you may need outside support of people who have been there when you finally do feel comfortable telling your family and friends. Good luck with your journey. If you want help finding treatment, feel free to message me. I'm happy to do some research for you.0
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Girl, you are stronger than this! I know it may not seem like it right now but you can overcome this. This dark time in your life doesn't have to last any longer, you can take back the light!!! If you don't want to tell your friends or family I can understand (I went through an eating disorder without telling anyone), it is scary but please find someone to talk to. If nothing else, friend me and write me a message anytime you are feeling down.0
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My heart reaches out to you. My daughter, age 29 has an eating disorder too. She has bulimia but is in recovery. She hasn't thrown up in about 4 - 5 years. She didn't have insurance but was able to get a grip after years of self hating. She used to cut herself with razor blades because of the pain bulimia caused her. She was totally out of control. The reason she stopped is because it was hurting me really bad. She knew she was tearing me apart. Now she has the biggest regret with all the scars on her arms from cutting. Just recently she had them covered with tattoos. I can only tell from my experience with my daughter that this is a very serious illness. I'm glad you have told us. That is a step in the right direction. You know you should tell someone close to you so you'll have the love and support you need. But I know it's a very hard thing to do. I am so sorry you are living this hell. If there is anything I can say or do please let me know. MFP is a great tool where you can learn to eat. Log all your food honestly and try real hard to get control. Without help from family it will be hard but if you are here, I think you will have a chance. Please, just DON'T THROW UP anymore. See this moment as the beginning of a new you. Please stay strong!!!!! If you don't want to share this with anybody close to you, please please stay strong and take it one day at a time. ((((Hugs)))) Add me as a friend if you wish. I will be glad to support you.0
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If you don't feel comfortable or are ashamed to tell friends and family seek out an outside professional. You can call a helpline if that is where you would like to begin. We are all ashamed of things in our life but you would be surprised how others will react when you admit your limitations. We all have things in our lives that we are not proud of, admitting them is a huge strength. It opens up lines of dialogue and your story may inspire and bring someone else out of their shell to discuss what is happening to them.
In your blog you mentioned that you enjoy athletics, bulimia will cause major strain on your body and it will limit your potential in this area. You likely are also suffering from depression by the tone of your blog. One in five people are suffering from depression in this country. It is real and can be very dangerous if not taken seriously. You should not wake up everyday and cry! You have a greater purpose in life than this! Please seek advice from someone close by! You are worth it.You have taken a big step by admitting this to us on MFP, and you have not recieved anything other than concern and compassion for your struggle. Your friends and family will likely respond in the same way. Find someone you trust and tell them you need help. Believe in your friends and families capacity to understand. While it may be a shock to them initially, I am sure that they will want to help! Just think...If it was one of your friends or family in the same situation and they came to you to discuss this issue would you judge them harshly...likely not.
You have passed the first step - acknowledging the problem, step two is to work to remedy it. The first step is the hardest... you can do this. I wish you the best of luck!0 -
Reading your post brought tears to my eyes, because I have been there--right where you are at. I remember being to the point where I was afraid to tell anyone because of what they would think. I dropped hints sometimes, hoping someone would figure it out and force me to stop. I held it in until one night I just tearfully blurted out that I had been purging my food for almost the past year.
To my utter shock, people threw their arms around me, took me to doctors, and gave me the emotional support I needed. I guess picking and choosing the people you will go to is big in your first step to recovery--I imagine being judged or criticized in that situation would be devastating. If you are coming to us then you are ready (if not almost ready) to stop. You might find a great support system here, or wherever you need to find it. I am not going to tell you how to try and fix this, because I think everyone's struggle with this is deep down, unique and personal. What I will say is that you will know what you need to get better, just try not to be afraid to reach out and grab it. It was brave of you to put it out there the way you did on a forum.
You have a long road ahead of you, but it's doable. I know my post isn't full of you can do it! But I don't sugarcoat when it comes to a situation that is all too real. I will tell you that once you are past the worst of it, life gets a hell of a lot better. I wish you the best of luck and lots of strength. :flowerforyou:0 -
Eating Disorder support groups on MFP:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/search?phrase=bulimia&order=00 -
Please find someone you trust in your personal life to confide in. Even if you have to find a therapist that you trust, it's important because you will not be able to live forever this way. If you want to live, make the commitment to begin living again today.
Good luck and our thoughts are with you.0 -
Are you in school? Can you talk to a counselor or advisor?0
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Eating Disorder support groups on MFP:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/search?phrase=bulimia&order=0
I am so glad there is a support group on here. I wish you the best of luck. Remember you are so worth it!! Love and big hugs!!!
Sue 0 -
I don't know much about eating disorders but I do know this: You are very courageous to share your problem with all of us. Don't stop with a forum post, find someone in person to talk to. If you can't find a family member you feel comfortable with, find a trusted friend. If you can find a professional, all the better.
You've already taken the first (huge) step... take a few more and you will find a way to live healthy. Thanks so much for sharing.0
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