PRIVATE MESSAGE FROM A 'FRIEND' ON HERE

You know, I thought this was supposed to be a really positive and supportive site too, but I have seen my share (both on the forums and things 'friends' have said to me) of disparaging remarks on here. I think with a different tone, that message could have made the same point, but been less nasty (i.e. I know you're having a hard time fitting in work outs, but here are some things to try to get some extra activity in [insert list of add ins here]).

In any case, it doesn't matter what kind of problems you are or aren't going through right now. We all have slumps where we just can't seem to get motivated (or life starts slamming itself in your way), and to approach it like that is terrible. I mean, it's even worse because you have stuff going on that this person didn't know about, but even if you were just having a low motivation issue or whatever, there was no need to be so snarky (in my opinion). Feel free to friend me if you like, I promise to never send you messages like that one!

The tone of that message to me would only be ok coming from mom or other close family member or truly a friend. No one else in my opinion has the right to use that tone. Call it tough love but only people who actually love you can call it that!

I don't consider everyone on here real true true friends. Support buddies yes for encouragement, but only those few people that truly love you can go there!!

well you have 2 choices, be pissed off at the audacity of this person or appreciate the "support" and move on.

Ditto

I think that is a supportive message, personally.

^^^^^^^I agree. I think she/he took the "tough love" approach and laid out the "harsh realities" in the first part. He/she then followed up with caring, sound advice. Have you unfriended this person? If I were you, I wouldn't do that. Have you replied to that message? I think he/she did a good thing by sending it privately. I don't think this person is out to hurt you. I think some back 'n forth follow-up messaging will be beneficial to you. Good luck.

Maybe that's not the type of support you need, in which case you should just delete her. Period, end of story. Find the people who support and motivate you in the way you need, and don't worry about the rest. We all need something different from our friends.

In all honestly, I'm more appalled that you would post her private message in a public forum than I am with the message itself. She was trying to help, and she did so discretely. I would rather have someone who is honest with me, even if harsh, as a friend over someone I can't trust to keep private messages private.

I prefer friends like this to the ones that blow unicorn rainbow farts at you all day. Looks like they called it as they saw it and you can either take a look in the mirror and reassess and change, or not.

I can see how that could be frustrating to get. I hit some pretty bad lows a few weeks ago, and I felt this was the place to vent my frustrations because that's what we're here to do - support each other. But I admit, it's hard to deal with friends who seem to be in a low spot a lot. I think she was trying to be helpful and supportive, but maybe it could have been presented in a better/easier to understand way.

Try to learn what you can from this experience and move along. Live your life. But don't lose hope in everyone here!

I have mixed feelings about this message. On some days, I would receive it well & take it as a much needed kick in the pants. Other days, I would be very hurt or angry, like "how dare you, you have no idea what I'm going through." Thing is, unless you really know someone, you can't be sure how a message like this will be received. The fact that it was sent as a private message leads me to believe that his/her intentions were good; they were not trying to embarrass you or make you feel bad. That's my gut reaction anyway. If you believe their intent was to make you feel bad, then delete them.

LOOK AT ME!!!!!!!! I NEED ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!

If she's not the type of friend you are looking for, I say delete and move on. Wish we could do that in real life...

I think that is a supportive message, personally.

Me too.

I'm sure the OP couldn't be more pleased with the way this is turning out.

OP, to many people, support doesn't equal agreeing with you all the time. To many of us, it means being told when we're not getting things right.

I feel that you posting this in the forums is actually worse than what your friend said.

What are you doing posting this? A private message is private. That's a pretty serious violation of trust, in my opinion. And a bit childish (harsh.. I know...) Adults handle private disputes in private. They don't drag a whole forum community into it.

And your friend is right. Attitude IS a huge part of weight loss.

Maybe your friend's approach was the wrong one for you... maybe you need more gentle handling, but that doesn't make the words less valuable. If I'd received a message like that, I hope that I personally would have taken a deep breath, evaluated my life, and made changes if I needed to make them.

She sounds like a good friend, but maybe she shouldn't have put it where everyone can see it

I actually think that is a good one, and something I needed to hear today. I think I'd like to have this friend.