Ex-Boyfriend Contacting Me Again. Best to Ignore Him?
Metamorphasis555
Posts: 224
He broke up with me just under 2 years ago. Since then, he has basically jerked me around countless times. Like asking me to get back together with him, I agree, he immediately back pedals and the next time I know he's got a new GF. He's had 4 girlfriends that I know of for sure in the past 2 years and have strong reason to thing he's with GF #5 now. For the past few months he would contact me on a daily basis (sometimes even several times a day) and then around Feb. 7th I stopped hearing from him completely. Mid Feb. he texted me to wish me a happy birthday which I ignored. Then a few days after that i sent him a text to let him know I'd be sending him money soon. (I still owe him some money from a loan he gave me a few months back). That text turned into him texting me back asking how I was, etc & before I knew it we were having a full blown text conversation which turned into me telling him off, etc, acting all hurt that he keeps choosing to be with other girls instead of me, etc. Basically, making a total fool of myself.
Of course, I totally regret saying all that stuff now. He clearly isn't serious about wanting to be with me & I really have no desire to be just friends with him. So, I think I need to stay strong and have zero contact with him (even if he initiates contact) unless it's specifically about the money I owe him. The last time I contacted him was Feb. 24th, and I hadn't heard a word from him either until late last night when he sent me a text just saying "hello". I ignored last night's text and now so far today he's sent me four texts. Two saying "hello?", one saying "is everything ok?" & one saying "how have you been?". I've also ignored all of his texts that he's sent today. I checked the dating site he always uses and he hasn't been on there in the last 30 days. So, I have every reason to think he's still with his latest GF and he's maybe just checking to make sure I'm still right there on the back burner waiting for him just in case he decides someday that he does want to be with me. Or, maybe things are suddenly rocky with him and his latest GF so that's why he's suddenly reaching out to me. (Normally he wants to talk to me all the time and then drops me completely pretty much immediately once he gets a new GF).
I used to love this guy so much I wanted to marry him. However, 2 years of being jerked around has definitely caused me a lot of resentment towards him and now I'm honestly at the point where I don't know if I even want him back anymore. I am doing the right thing by totally ignoring him (unless it's about the money), right?
I need to show him that I'm not just going to be right there waiting for him. I've told him countless times that I'm so sick of his s***, and I'm done with him for good but I guess the only way he's ever going to actually believe me is if I do stop talking to him completely. He's never real had any real reason to worry that he might lose me forever since the longest I've ever gone without talking to him the past 2 years is 2 and a half months...On the other hand, clearly I guess he doesn't really care whether or not he loses me forever or else he wouldn't have let me go in the first place.
Of course, I totally regret saying all that stuff now. He clearly isn't serious about wanting to be with me & I really have no desire to be just friends with him. So, I think I need to stay strong and have zero contact with him (even if he initiates contact) unless it's specifically about the money I owe him. The last time I contacted him was Feb. 24th, and I hadn't heard a word from him either until late last night when he sent me a text just saying "hello". I ignored last night's text and now so far today he's sent me four texts. Two saying "hello?", one saying "is everything ok?" & one saying "how have you been?". I've also ignored all of his texts that he's sent today. I checked the dating site he always uses and he hasn't been on there in the last 30 days. So, I have every reason to think he's still with his latest GF and he's maybe just checking to make sure I'm still right there on the back burner waiting for him just in case he decides someday that he does want to be with me. Or, maybe things are suddenly rocky with him and his latest GF so that's why he's suddenly reaching out to me. (Normally he wants to talk to me all the time and then drops me completely pretty much immediately once he gets a new GF).
I used to love this guy so much I wanted to marry him. However, 2 years of being jerked around has definitely caused me a lot of resentment towards him and now I'm honestly at the point where I don't know if I even want him back anymore. I am doing the right thing by totally ignoring him (unless it's about the money), right?
I need to show him that I'm not just going to be right there waiting for him. I've told him countless times that I'm so sick of his s***, and I'm done with him for good but I guess the only way he's ever going to actually believe me is if I do stop talking to him completely. He's never real had any real reason to worry that he might lose me forever since the longest I've ever gone without talking to him the past 2 years is 2 and a half months...On the other hand, clearly I guess he doesn't really care whether or not he loses me forever or else he wouldn't have let me go in the first place.
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Replies
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sounds like a real a-hole. i would continue ignoring him. not worth the stress. you deserve better than that, and obviously he's not capable of being a normal / decent human being and giving you the respect you deserve. you need to believe it, you do deserve better, and there are good men out there. they aren't necessarily easy to find, but they are there. i hate the concept of back up booty, it's weak that he just can't go without, i mean honestly what, are you going to die if you have a dry spell? duh!0
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IGNORE.0
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I KNOW how hard it will be, but ignore! If at all possible, block him on social networking sites & your mobile (if your service provider lets you). You are better off without him!0
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I don`t see where there is much I can add to that except would advise that as soon as possible you close out what you owe him.
That issue alone keeps you in contact and also gives him some control over your emotions.
Don`t take this the wrong way but this is the third thread I have seen about this and after over 2 years you are the one that has to take your life and situation into your hands.
He isn`t coming back to you and if he did you would be miserable all over with another several years of heart ache in store.
End it once and for all and take his ability to manipulate your feelings away.
You will be happier for it. :flowerforyou:0 -
What kind of question is this?
You know what you have to do because all he wants is some poon.0 -
Ignore his *kitten*.0
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IGNORE. Block his number on your phone and delete him from contacts so you have no temptation. He sounds like a complete douche and you deserve better. Pay him back ASAP. Borrow money from elsewhere if you have to. I'm in a similar situation, but mine just knocked up some other chick so that makes it easy for me to stay away, but I can't wait to be rid of him completely.0
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You are receiving texts from his penis, not his heart.0
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Yes. Yes it is.0
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Wow, your situation sounds a hell of a lot like mine. Its also been 2 years since me and my ex and minus the money thing with you and your ex, i've had the same problem. It really isnt nice. I've actualy lost count of the amount of times i've been messed about by my ex and i've believed it everytime. My ex is now with a girl who who got pregnant within the 1st month of the relationship and still ended up txting me and telling me he loves me and wishes he was with me ect. We was even gunna meet up untill he grew a conscience and said that he can't cause he felt bad on the GF. I don't think he loves her tbh, he even told me that she treats him like crap. But i do understand how hard it must be for u cause i find it hard myself. Cause this guy was my 1st love i think untill i fall for someone else he's always going to be able to have a hold on me
But we have to be strong, ignore them and show that they have no hold over us and hopefully they'll soon get bored of messing with our feelings. 0 -
We had had sex several times since we broke up 2 years ago (during times I thought he was actual serious about wanting to reconcile with me) but it's actually been a really long time since he's tried to have sex with me. (I think mainly because I don't think he finds me very attractive anymore because I'm overweight). Nowadays when he does contact me, I think it's more because he's trying to use me for emotional support. Like he wants to know that he has at least one girl that thinks he's a wonderful guy, who will always be there for him(especially right after he's gotten dumped yet again by another girl), etc. Either way, he obviously doesn't seem to have anything good to offer me so that is reason alone for me to just keep on ignoring him. Thanks for your input everyone. Sorry to those of you whose exes have gotten another gf pregnant. That's got to be really hard (if you still have feelings for him).0
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If you are wondering why he keeps contacting you, it is not because he loves you or even wants you. What he wants is for girls (even you) to want him. He will be prepared to put in just enough effort to keep you and the other girls on the hook. You make the situation worse by responding to him. Borrowing the money from him now means he owns you because you are obliged to keep in contact with him, even if you don't want to be in contact with him. (Sorry, tough love.) Even though you know the steps, I will tell you: 1. Go to the bank or go to your parents and borrow enough money to pay him back in entirety. 2. MAIL him a bank draft, money order or cashier's cheque (do not send a personal cheque). Include a terse note thanking him for the loan, that you have moved on in your life, you would appreciate that he not contact you in future as you will not respond. DO NOT provide any personal information in the note, no details at all about you, the money, where it came from or in what manner you have moved on in your life. It is none of his business and everything he knows about you will only encourage him to find ways to keep in contact with you. 3. Call your best girlfriends, tell them you are taking a night off from MyFitnessPal as you just lost 175 pounds of dead weight, drink some wine (or whatever) and explain to your girls that you are done with that jerk.0
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He's in contact with you because he wants his money back. Period. End of story. Pay him back and see if he contacts you again. I highly doubt he will but if he does, then you tell him where he can stick it.
This is at least your third post about this dude within the last couple weeks and everyone keeps telling you to ignore him. How much more can we try to pound it into your head? He doesn't love you. He doesn't want you. It has nothing to do with your weight gain or loss because if he loved you he'd have stayed with you. If he did want you, it'd be as a convenient wet hole, nothing more.
It doesn't matter who he is with or when he is with them. You're obsessing over someone who doesn't love you - knock it off!
Are you trying to find one person to tell you to keep in contact with him so that you feel justified and/or enabled to stay on the roller coaster with him? I'm starting to think you just like the drama and possibly, probably, the attention that you get over whining about him. Woman up, pay him back, and move on with your life. You'd be much happier.0 -
He broke up with me just under 2 years ago. Since then, he has basically jerked me around countless times. Like asking me to get back together with him, I agree, he immediately back pedals and the next time I know he's got a new GF. He's had 4 girlfriends that I know of for sure in the past 2 years and have strong reason to thing he's with GF #5 now. For the past few months he would contact me on a daily basis (sometimes even several times a day) and then around Feb. 7th I stopped hearing from him completely. Mid Feb. he texted me to wish me a happy birthday which I ignored. Then a few days after that i sent him a text to let him know I'd be sending him money soon. (I still owe him some money from a loan he gave me a few months back). That text turned into him texting me back asking how I was, etc & before I knew it we were having a full blown text conversation which turned into me telling him off, etc, acting all hurt that he keeps choosing to be with other girls instead of me, etc. Basically, making a total fool of myself.
Of course, I totally regret saying all that stuff now. He clearly isn't serious about wanting to be with me & I really have no desire to be just friends with him. So, I think I need to stay strong and have zero contact with him (even if he initiates contact) unless it's specifically about the money I owe him. The last time I contacted him was Feb. 24th, and I hadn't heard a word from him either until late last night when he sent me a text just saying "hello". I ignored last night's text and now so far today he's sent me four texts. Two saying "hello?", one saying "is everything ok?" & one saying "how have you been?". I've also ignored all of his texts that he's sent today. I checked the dating site he always uses and he hasn't been on there in the last 30 days. So, I have every reason to think he's still with his latest GF and he's maybe just checking to make sure I'm still right there on the back burner waiting for him just in case he decides someday that he does want to be with me. Or, maybe things are suddenly rocky with him and his latest GF so that's why he's suddenly reaching out to me. (Normally he wants to talk to me all the time and then drops me completely pretty much immediately once he gets a new GF).
I used to love this guy so much I wanted to marry him. However, 2 years of being jerked around has definitely caused me a lot of resentment towards him and now I'm honestly at the point where I don't know if I even want him back anymore. I am doing the right thing by totally ignoring him (unless it's about the money), right?
I need to show him that I'm not just going to be right there waiting for him. I've told him countless times that I'm so sick of his s***, and I'm done with him for good but I guess the only way he's ever going to actually believe me is if I do stop talking to him completely. He's never real had any real reason to worry that he might lose me forever since the longest I've ever gone without talking to him the past 2 years is 2 and a half months...On the other hand, clearly I guess he doesn't really care whether or not he loses me forever or else he wouldn't have let me go in the first place.
How much money is involved? Pay him and move on. And why did you borrow money from him "a couple of months ago," when you've been through all this with him for two years anyway? You seem to thrive on drama. PLEASE, pay him his money, then get some counseling so you can understand why you keep doing this to yourself!0 -
Two ways I think about things like this.
1 - When faced with a situation of who to pick out of 2 people, always choose the 2nd. If the first was good you'd have been happy with them. This means he wasn't happy with you in the first place.
2 - Do what you'd advise a friend to do at this point if she told you the same. What would you do? In all likelihood you'd tell her to run for her life, right?0 -
Short and sweet....pay back the loan as soon as you possibly can, then be completely done with him.0
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What are the statistics of him getting an STD from one of his new girl friends and passing it on to you ! Eventually if he's not careful and contracts something and then ( with out knowing ) Gives it to you ? Would you be content with letting him back in between the ruff periods with his other girlfriends ? Pay back the loan as soon as you possibly can, then be completely done with him. Find someone better and when he text's you just say your fine and that's all. The best revenge in life is Living Well...:drinker:0
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I don't get it..don't you value yourself more???? Why keep up with this bull? Just leave him be set up some sort of payment plan with online banking and pay him when you have the money..you won't even really have to talk to him. Why oh why to women do this to themselves..because he's not really doing anything to you that you aren't LETTING him do....he will do what he can while you let him feed his ego..and destroy yours. Its not only that he's not worth this bull....its that NEITHER are YOU!
BELIEVE you are worth much more and you won't have an issue any more.0 -
figure out how much left you have to pay him, save up the money, and pay him all in one payment. Then be very firm and clear when you tell him you're tired of being screwed around with and to lose your number. Chang your phone number if necessary.0
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He broke up with me just under 2 years ago. Since then, he has basically jerked me around countless times. Like asking me to get back together with him, I agree, he immediately back pedals and the next time I know he's got a new GF. He's had 4 girlfriends that I know of for sure in the past 2 years and have strong reason to thing he's with GF #5 now. For the past few months he would contact me on a daily basis (sometimes even several times a day) and then around Feb. 7th I stopped hearing from him completely. Mid Feb. he texted me to wish me a happy birthday which I ignored. Then a few days after that i sent him a text to let him know I'd be sending him money soon. (I still owe him some money from a loan he gave me a few months back). That text turned into him texting me back asking how I was, etc & before I knew it we were having a full blown text conversation which turned into me telling him off, etc, acting all hurt that he keeps choosing to be with other girls instead of me, etc. Basically, making a total fool of myself.
Of course, I totally regret saying all that stuff now. He clearly isn't serious about wanting to be with me & I really have no desire to be just friends with him. So, I think I need to stay strong and have zero contact with him (even if he initiates contact) unless it's specifically about the money I owe him. The last time I contacted him was Feb. 24th, and I hadn't heard a word from him either until late last night when he sent me a text just saying "hello". I ignored last night's text and now so far today he's sent me four texts. Two saying "hello?", one saying "is everything ok?" & one saying "how have you been?". I've also ignored all of his texts that he's sent today. I checked the dating site he always uses and he hasn't been on there in the last 30 days. So, I have every reason to think he's still with his latest GF and he's maybe just checking to make sure I'm still right there on the back burner waiting for him just in case he decides someday that he does want to be with me. Or, maybe things are suddenly rocky with him and his latest GF so that's why he's suddenly reaching out to me. (Normally he wants to talk to me all the time and then drops me completely pretty much immediately once he gets a new GF).
I used to love this guy so much I wanted to marry him. However, 2 years of being jerked around has definitely caused me a lot of resentment towards him and now I'm honestly at the point where I don't know if I even want him back anymore. I am doing the right thing by totally ignoring him (unless it's about the money), right?
I need to show him that I'm not just going to be right there waiting for him. I've told him countless times that I'm so sick of his s***, and I'm done with him for good but I guess the only way he's ever going to actually believe me is if I do stop talking to him completely. He's never real had any real reason to worry that he might lose me forever since the longest I've ever gone without talking to him the past 2 years is 2 and a half months...On the other hand, clearly I guess he doesn't really care whether or not he loses me forever or else he wouldn't have let me go in the first place.
How much money is involved? Pay him and move on. And why did you borrow money from him "a couple of months ago," when you've been through all this with him for two years anyway? You seem to thrive on drama. PLEASE, pay him his money, then get some counseling so you can understand why you keep doing this to yourself!
How can you tell that she is into drama and needs counseling from one post? I genuinely want to know, and am not trying to pick a fight.0 -
Pay back the loan as soon as you can. Tbh I honestly don't know why you borrowed money from him a few months ago after all this, but it's done now, just pay it back as soon as possible. Then ignore him completely. If he keeps hassling you, change your number.
It just sounds like he wants you when it suits him, when things aren't quite going right with the new GF. He knows you'll come running back. Put your foot down, you deserve someone better than that in your life.0 -
Ignore him!
My ex broke up with my in October. Tried being friends then he just told me to never contact him again. Then at Christmas he text me wishing me a merry christmas (Ignored it) and again at new year! What happened to the never speak to me again?
Anyways I ignored him. And cos i didn't reply back. He used to excuse of wanting his hat back...a really old rubbish hat you can buy for £1!!
I basically just told him, to leave me alone. He came to my flat! Buzzed and luckily my friend was with me, and she answered because I was washing my hair. She told him to leave me alone.
I then got countless text saying he wanted his hat back.
I text him saying i was going to leave it at the gaming cafe he goes to. And he replied with "What you can't look me in the face and give me it back?" Which I ignored. And then gave the hat to the gaming cafe....not heard from him since!0 -
Focus on getting your own new boyfriend. Exes are exes for a reason.0
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Are you seriously asking us for advice? Just read your post in loud tone and you will find the answer... if you still dont find it... then you need help...
Yes, this is a very mean comment but... wow... I discarded other meanests comments just not to offend
Have a great Sunday!0 -
Life is too short for jerks. Tell him you are fine but prefer not to remain in contact and then ignore him. Don't get tempted into a discussion or justification of your action. You own him nothing except the money, consider making arrangements to pay that automatically in small installments or through a trusted third party. The confusion about why he remains in contact is stopping you from moving on. It doesn't matter why he does. Whether he still has any feelings for you or not, he is a user either way. You can't get over him until you stop contact. Don't check the dating site, visit his FB profile oranything else that maintains this toxic addiction. Good luck :flowerforyou:0
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This is the thing that makes me mad. It seems guy never move on, guys, move on and let the girl go. It sucks for the next guy she dates because the jerk wont leave her alone and the women wont ignore him because they think they can be friends or he needs someone and before you know it, the new guy either gets hurt or cheated on. Guys, if you dont want to be with a woman, get a life and move on,.0
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From what you wrote about his behaviors...multiple ex-gf's in a short period of time...this guy is obviously damaged goods. He's broken and no amount of duct tape or crazy glue is going to fix him. Someone needs to put a post-it note on him warning the next girl about his many flaws. Pay him back the money and fast. I like what a previous comment said about MAILING him a cashier's check. No explaination, just a simple Thank You. You don't owe him any explainations for anything. Then delete his info from your phone and block him socially.
Then work on fixing you before you try to add anyone else into the mix. Any man coming into your life at this point will have to deal with your obsession of the ex or try to be a super hero...and that can only last so long before he gets tired and moves on.0 -
this^^Short and sweet....pay back the loan as soon as you possibly can, then be completely done with him.0 -
IGGY!!0
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Ignore him!0
This discussion has been closed.
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