Overweight and Dating?

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rainbobrite929
rainbobrite929 Posts: 116
in Motivation and Support
Hi guys and gals,

I need some advice. I'm 31 and single. Overweight and light on confidence. I've never had a long term boyfriend (dates here and there but nothing serious enough to invite to a wedding or introduce to the friends (let alone mom and dad)).

Are there men out there that like women who are overweight/heading towards a healthy weight?

I've been told I'm "too picky" and that I need to "be more realistic" and lower my standards when it comes to men. I don't want Captain Hottie, I just want a man that I'm attracted to. Do I need to "settle" or "lower my standards"?

How can I become more attractive without changing my physical appearance? (I'm losing weight and becoming more healthy but I'm wondering if there is more I need to do).

Suggestions? Comments?

I'm desperate :(

Replies

  • kleighsamboer
    kleighsamboer Posts: 250
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    Honestly, I would say stop worrying about finding a man and just take care of yourself! Finding a man can come later.
  • lewandt
    lewandt Posts: 566
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    Honestly, I would say stop worrying about finding a man and just take care of yourself! Finding a man can come later.

    I totally agree. Also, as your confidence in yourself builds so does your beauty. Nothing more beautiful than someone confident in themselves whatever the size.
  • anneouel
    anneouel Posts: 70 Member
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    Just be urself and you will find that person to click with. My bf loves me despite me being sad and overweight when we met, and im glad I have him. Just have to wad through the ones that help you find that one person ur ment to be with
  • neo200120018
    neo200120018 Posts: 106 Member
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    I would agree ive been in several relationships, long term living together etc, Im now at the point where Im single and enjoying looking after myself instead of my others, even took a leap and brought my own house instead of waiting for the one!

    Goodluck! feel free to add me!
  • caroldot
    caroldot Posts: 388 Member
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    I agree with both above! Your confidence will grow as you get closer to your goal and that confidence will shine through with everything you do. Then before you know it, you will catch someone's eye and that person will sweep you off your feet and no one else will ever matter! And remember - there is someone out there that will love you for you...no matter your size!
  • wittlelacey
    wittlelacey Posts: 412 Member
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    Let a man come to you (: It's cliche when said love will come when you least expect it, but I wholeheartedly believe it. Worry about yourself, work towards your goals and your confidence, and sooner or later it'll happen (: Best wishes xoxo
  • myers0machine
    myers0machine Posts: 685
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    i am told the same am searchin for that perfect girl but unfortunately perfection aint real just have fun if ya find someone gd times but wouldnt worry bout it just carry on in light of a healther u healthy mind healthy body then the lads b bangin for ya am sure

    How can I become more attractive without changing my physical appearance? (I'm losing weight and becoming more healthy but I'm wondering if there is more I need to do) if i new that ill b even more richer aha everyone is attractive bbe just b u dont try to b somethink your not
  • ili_s
    ili_s Posts: 66
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    To any decent bloke size will not matter and they will see you for who you are. I agree with the others here that you should just be happy with yourself, work on your body and your mind. My philosophy is that if you love yourself and are happy with yourself others will flock to you. And never look for a man. The moment you stop looking they swarm you.
  • sheila569
    sheila569 Posts: 269 Member
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    I would agree ive been in several relationships, long term living together etc, Im now at the point where Im single and enjoying looking after myself instead of my others, even took a leap and brought my own house instead of waiting for the one!

    Goodluck! feel free to add me!

    I totally co-sign. Bought my condo 8 months ago =) Like the single life for now... I like concentrating on myself and my daughter.
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
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    Actually, talking about your weight loss goals will be highly unattractive to any man. Don't talk about anything that uses these words "diet, fat, calorie, Weight Watchers, points, Dress size, jean size, bra size, measurement, scale, weight, flab, roll, double chin, etc.. etc.. etc.." It's just not sexy or attractive.

    Go to your gym, do you exercise, and if you absolutely can't help yourself, and have to say something make it vague and confident like "I'm getting healthier everyday, which makes me feel great and will allow me to be the woman I want to be!"

    If you make some really healthy food for dinner, say "I love eating food that I know is rich in the vitamins and minerals our bodies need" in lieu of "This only has 500 calories, doesn't it taste like 1,000?"

    Chances are when the right one comes along, your weight will not bother him as much as showing a lack of confidence will.

    I'm sorry for not glossing it over or giving you confidence boosts, but as someone who has spent a lot of time overweight and single I unfortunately feel strongly about this.

    Like an oddly placed pimple or wart, most people will gloss obesity over unless the obese one brings it up. Than they want to say some jack-*kitten* BS like "If you would just exercise and eat right you wouldn't have that problem" Like they have any effing clue. So just don't bring it up. Or you might wind up feeling like you're in a position to kindly explain that they car wouldn't be repossessed if they would just balance their dang check book, or that they could hold a relationship if they weren't such a righteous *****. Either way. Don't bring it up. Bring it up ONLY with other "exercise buddies" and you know what I'm talking about.

    Good luck!
  • dannid7373
    dannid7373 Posts: 1
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    Believing in who you are and what you stand for will allow you to open up to some amazing opportunities. I wouldn't recommend lowering your standards however, you need to put yourself out there and take risks knowing you are worth it. Go out on dates and see if you make a connection with someone. The more you do, you will better know what you really want. Don't fall into a situation thinking you won't get anyone better or this is the best I can do.
  • askme12
    askme12 Posts: 155 Member
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    Personally I wouldn't settle. I'd rather not be in a relationship.
  • rainbobrite929
    rainbobrite929 Posts: 116
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    Thanks guys. Just to let you know, I don't talk about losing weight at all. Or dieting (because I'm NOT dieting - I've changed my life style). And sometimes I mention the gym but only because I enjoy going.

    I just hope that I'm not putting off guys.

    And yes, I, too, would rather be single than settle for just "anyone" and not "the one."
  • Milly406
    Milly406 Posts: 39
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    Personally I wouldn't settle. I'd rather not be in a relationship.

    Agreed 100%
  • SilentRenegade
    SilentRenegade Posts: 245 Member
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    My dad once told me that you'll find love when you least expect it and when you aren't looking for it. That's exactly what happened for me, so focus on you and the love will come on it's own. :)
  • cppeace
    cppeace Posts: 764 Member
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    never never never settle.
    Always always always love yourself.
    Date who you want.
    Date when you want.
    Being overweight isnt a relationship killer, lack of confidence is.
    Ive always been overweight and never lacked male attention. I have awesome confidence and know my self worth.
    Smile, be happy and ignore the unworthy.
  • estjames
    estjames Posts: 76
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    I agree with what everyone has said. My sister got married to her first husband because she assumed that it was the expected next step in life (they started dating in HS and were together 8 years). When she looks back at that time, she now knows that she was settling for this man and it was not the person she was meant to be with. When she was going through her divorce, she decided to write out everything that she would like in her future spouse, what could be compromised on, and what would be a deal breaker. I think this is a truly wonderful idea that she had because it allowed her to connect with herself and determined what she wanted in life. In May she will be celebrating her 1 year anniversary with a great man that is perfect for her.

    Do not settle for something less than what you want, because you deserve everything you could want. You will find the perfect person when is it meant to be, in the mean time, connect with yourself so you can be confident in your life's desires.

    Lastly, on a side note, congratulations on your weight loss so far. You are doing great.
  • fluffygoodness
    fluffygoodness Posts: 57 Member
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    Self love is # 1 and confidence. Ill be honest I dated waaaaaaaaaaaaaay more when I was heavier. I lost weight and I think I actually gained real confidence and not just telling myself I was overly confident.

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