Finding it hard to stay social while staying on track..

llaurenmarie
llaurenmarie Posts: 1,260 Member
edited November 12 in Motivation and Support
It happens each time I'm on a journey.
I don't go out to eat with friends, or to the bar, etc. in fear of just saying 'eff it, i'm allowed to have fun with friends and do what they do'.
Or they make comments about your eating choices.

And none of them ever feel like getting out to do an actual activity with you so..
Kinda feel isolated.
Don't have a problem with it, just wonder if I'm the only one?
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Replies

  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
    You're not the only one. I don't have a real solution except to look for new friends that share your new interests.
  • llaurenmarie
    llaurenmarie Posts: 1,260 Member
    I did see your post about how you like to be alone!
    I also enjoy my own company but I can't say there aren't times when I get a bit lonely.
  • I have the same problem. I'm trying to even get my family to get more serious about their health, and to get out there to do things. I am fine going to the gym alone, and going through my eating changes alone, afterall, I'm the one who has to be accountable....but the having fun part, its harder to motivate people!
  • premiumchilenita
    premiumchilenita Posts: 600 Member
    yes everyone will have an opinion. It's funny coz when I started losing weight and being noticed for it, people were giving me diet tips on how to lose weight, I was thinking "why, doesn't it look like whatever I'm doing is working?"
    I guess you really need to be really strong with yourself but more so with others, as hard as it can be to finally get the will power to do this, it seems like others are just as stubborn for your journey.

    I'm not so anti social but I do have to shut my ears off every so often and just sit and nod.
  • 1953Judith
    1953Judith Posts: 325 Member
    I had trouble with afterwork events for awhile. Now I am more practiced at sticking to my goals and my colleagues are more used to my habits and its no biggee. I did need to extend outside my comfort zone a little to gain companionship with more physical activities. I have someone I walk the dog with occasionally, though usually a solitary activity. I have organized bike rides and hikes with others. Now some of the people who preferred more food oriented activities are tagging along. The social readjustments take time too.
  • wendyapple
    wendyapple Posts: 323 Member
    same. i've embraced it and grown from someone who was afraid of spending time alone, to requiring it for my mental sanity. exercise is your time, for clearing your head, staying focused, and it's all about you. you don't need to share it with social time. same thing with food choices, you're making good ones for yourself, and you should be proud. anyone who tries to topple that needs a firm explanation of why doing what's best for you is not just ok, but right. i have an *impossible* time controlling myself around food in social settings. buffets, bottomless bowls of things, giant portions, are my downfall. so i'm very selective about the social choices i make so avoid being in situations where i know i won't resist temptation. hope this helps :)
  • ShowKitten
    ShowKitten Posts: 434 Member
    I was worried about going out with my friends last night as I knew they would all be drinking - I didn't want to drink a whole lot of cals so I drove. I had just as much fun as I would have tipsy, which I was really shocked at.

    I have noticed that I hardly see anyone at the moment as I was to concentrate on losing weight - going out for dinner/coffee just seems like a step away from my goal. It is rather lonely!
  • pdworkman
    pdworkman Posts: 1,342 Member
    Like Judith said - organize some activities that focus around the things that support your goals - walks, hikes, zumba, Just Dance 3 with the kids, etc. Often when we get together with the family, we take the kids to the playground, you could play frisbee or football or something. Learn to separate the socializing from the food.
  • dede1988
    dede1988 Posts: 11
    I've got the same problem. I lived with two men. My husband and roommate do not like my choice of things sometimes. Especially since I'm the one cooking all the food. It is hard. :/
  • pdworkman
    pdworkman Posts: 1,342 Member
    If you're cooking all the food, it's easy. You make what you can eat and like to eat/make, and they can either eat it or make something for themselves. Don't let yourself be pushed around. I assume they are both perfectly capable of making themselves a sandwich or a bowl of cereal.
  • MountainMia
    MountainMia Posts: 242 Member
    Yup. It's tough because enjoying food (particularly empty calorie food) is a part of our culture. I plan for nights out and eat accordingly durring the day to accommodate. We have a big group of families that we do stuff with at least once a month and it ALWAYS involves a lot of great food, and alcohol. I know these events can be managed in a healthy way; I just have to train myself to do it.

    I've learned trick is being conscious about the food and still interact as if nothing has changed. It makes no difference to anyone but me if I only have 1 glass of wine vs the usual 3. It makes no difference to anyone but me if I bring a gorgeous salad and pile my plate up with mostly that and smaller portions of other nummy things and then STOP eating vs the usual 3-4 hr grazeing. Nobody is going to notice if I'm drinking water vs beer.

    Plus, I'm finding that my friends are interested in doing more active things, and just looking for an excuse. I've dragged my firends out sledding, ice fishing and am planning a snow-shoing trip. Ya never know until you become the catalyst. If you are looking for more fun friends who do active things, look for local outdoor groups. They are always planning adventures and getting out in a healthy way. :)

    Don't avoid your life, enrich it by incorporating healthier habits into it.
  • pknanne
    pknanne Posts: 9
    You are not alone.:frown: I have the same issue. It's frustrating.
  • sc1572
    sc1572 Posts: 2,309 Member
    bump :(
  • ruby_red_rose
    ruby_red_rose Posts: 321 Member
    I have the same problem. I have cut down my social interactions significantly, but I plan to reintegrate it back into my life when I have reached my goal weight. At that time, I will be eating maintenance calories, which will make it easier to eat some of the food everyone else is having.
  • I am the same way... I never hang out with my friends. I know I am not strong enough to say no to my usual eats. With time it will be easier and I hope they will understand. On the other hand getting a reward once in a while is needed.
  • MelissaE27
    MelissaE27 Posts: 682 Member
    i understand what you mean.. seems like I have no friends anymore.. they dont want to go to the gym or out for a hike etc... so yes I feel very isolated and sometimes alone ..except for my wonderful mfp friends.. sometimes its hard to stay motivated and can even be very emotional....
  • elizabeth51608
    elizabeth51608 Posts: 31 Member
    Do you work out??? You will eventually make new friends at the gym. Maybe join a smaller class or group. Take a yoga class or spin class or whatever. If all your friends go out, you might have to cut the strings while you lose weight. Too much temptation is discouraging...ya know?

    How bout this...every time your friends go out and you don't, set aside however much money you would have spent for a special treat for yourself...massage, mani/pedi, new item of clothing or shoes, etc. :)
  • wittlelacey
    wittlelacey Posts: 391 Member
    You're definitely not the only one. I've stopped going on my weekly friday night trip to the mall with my best friend because we always visit starbucks, fuzziwigg's candy store, wetzel's pretzels, or panda express. Going to the mall means at least 500 calories! No thanks. I'm also making exuses to stay home instead of visit my boyfriend's. Why would I want to indulge in ice cream, pizza, cookies and brownies (we always order out for dinner and bake for dessert) when I could just have oatmeal and fruit instead? I love my best friend and my boyfriend, but this is something I have to do that neither of them will understand.
  • SmashleeWpg
    SmashleeWpg Posts: 567 Member
    I find it helps if you try to incorporate your friends into what YOU'RE doing, as opposed to going out with them or doing what they're doing. I've made it very clear to my friends that for the next several months I'm focusing on my fitness and health, so if they want to see me it will be to go for tea or coffee, to a movie (no snacks!), for a walk/run/class at the gym, or to get together and cook a healthy meal at home. They've all been very accomodating and I haven't found that I've had to be any less social than usual; I've just changed my choices. Because this is a lifestyle change for me, and not a diet, I don't want to alter my social life to the point where I'm stuck at home all the time or afraid to go out with people. Everything in moderation, and I just find I've been trying very, VERY hard to exercise as much willpower as possible.

    It also helps that I put the spin of "not only am I trying to get back into shape, I'm trying to shape up my wallet and save money, so I don't have $$$ to blow on crappy restaurant food and empty calories" :)
  • kimi131
    kimi131 Posts: 1,058 Member
    I decided early into this thing that it wouldn't get in the way of living life. So, I still go out, socialize, and have fun. I go to dinner with my friends and family when the opportunity presents itself. I drink alcohol occasionally. And if it puts a damper in the weight loss, I try not to let it get to me. I tried Weight Watchers once and it didn't work for me because I couldn't figure out how to live life and do the program. With MFP, however, I'm able to do both.

    That said, I had three dates last week, all involving dinner, and I found that very challenging. I didn't lose any weight. That's not the norm though.
  • natacha305
    natacha305 Posts: 117 Member
    Don't have a problem with it, just wonder if I'm the only one?

    Listen up girly, your are NOT ALONE. I dont have any friends that dont drink. Maybe a few but nobody wants to do physical activities for sure. if not they have like 821728273 kids and no baby sitter.

    i usually never have a babysitter, but what i did was just give up trying to "hang" with friends at the bar, too much fried food temptation.

    I just made new fitness friends. but even now we dont hang as much either.

    sometimes i work out like a maniac hoping i have enough extra calories to party (go out to dinner or have drinks at a bar)

    but i gave up, my work outs are no match for the calories from alcohol. theres like a million

    I cant help with any actual good advice but I just want you to know you are not alone.
  • AnarchoGen
    AnarchoGen Posts: 400 Member
    I think once they see how dedicated you are, it will get them thinking about their choices! You might find a few in the group that will do it with you :)
    I was hanging out with a new group of friends since I've moved... when I told them that I entered a competition and trying to win money so I could give to charity, they have been nothing but supportive in my journey. Actually a few of them are taking the time to plan ahead and make better choices. We still go out once a week and spend time together throughout the week. I am a pretty social person. It feels great to interact with people in person rather than through a computer screen. As long as it's a positive experience of course.
    I'd rather do my gym time alone though, having someone else around is distracting and slows me down. I'd love for my husband to go with me though, to make sure I'm using proper form and to spot me when I need it.
  • llaurenmarie
    llaurenmarie Posts: 1,260 Member
    Wow, thank you guys for the support.
    I was dumped last week for not being physically attractive, and some 'friends' don't want to associate anymore because I've 'just become single'.
    It's frustrating and if I'm not at the gym or at work, I'm in bed.. overthinking everything.

    I know it'll get better, at least I'm not eating my emotions(even though I want some ice cream right now).
    Just feel so lonely lately, and less food in me makes for an emptier feeling /:
  • marycmeadows
    marycmeadows Posts: 1,691 Member
    if your friends don't support you - then you need new friends. I'm not sure how old you are, but as I've grown up I've realized this. You don't need people in your life that bring you down or distract you from your goals. I have kind of stepped away from some of my old friends and made new friends that support me, my lifestyle, and also have similar interests.
  • Oh yeah! I'm a senior in high school so NONE of my friends understand. Everyone in class gets big honkin chocolate cake, I pass and eat a carrot stick. Want to go out? Sure! I'll be late because I need to workout and then I'll order a salad.
  • gp79
    gp79 Posts: 1,799 Member
    You can still diet and be social. The way to do this is to change your eating patterns. If you're planning to go out with friends to a restaurant or to the bar, you should have built in a calorie deficit which allows for such eating/drinking either the day of or across a weeks time.

    I'd say that most people who are in great great shape and are serious about their fitness goals are not going out and partying all the time and if they do, they are doing something along the lines of what I mentioned above.
  • BelleHeart
    BelleHeart Posts: 281 Member
    I think that you shouldn't isolate yourself because you are losing weight. This is a lifestyle change! This is how you will be living for the rest of your life! Are you going to isolated for the rest of your life?? Nooooooo!!! lol Just incorporate your healthy lifestyle into your old life.
  • AZKristi
    AZKristi Posts: 1,801 Member
    Socializing can be a challenge to eating healthy. Start my making a list of restaurants that have appealing options that are within your calorie budget. Then, when your friends want to go out, make that suggestion.

    Or, have people over to your place so that YOU are in control of what is served. When I have guests I do homemade soup, gourmet salad, fresh veggies with hummus (or jalapeno yogurt dip). When my mother in law comes to gatherings she brings Texas Caviar which is healthy and fantastic!

    If you are going out for drinks, get the most bang for your caloric buck: an ounce of hard alcohol (rum, vodka, etc) typically has fewer calories than the lightest beer.
  • ArtGeek22
    ArtGeek22 Posts: 1,429 Member
    Yeah, I completely understand. Some of my friends have made really rude & mean comments about the new choices I make when ever we are out.

    When I decided to tell my best friend about my success so far she just said, "Oh, I didn't notice. Your face is still chubby!"

    She was just trying to joke but it still stung pretty bad :-( But I have learned just to brush it off.

    And as some other people have said if your friends aren't supporting you then you need new ones. Also, if your boyfriend dumped you for not being 'physically attractive' then he wasn't the right guy for you! But I don't know why he dumped you! Your gorgeous! Just stick to it and remember you have a lot of people on here that believe in you :)

    Keep Calm and Carry On,
    Anna :)
  • craigers13
    craigers13 Posts: 241 Member
    I think everyone is probably in the same boat. As for my friends and coworkers, they have all been really supportive. I still like to go out to social functions and whatnot, but for me it's just about making the right choices. I drink the low carb beers (Canadian 67 is the best IMO) and just try to make better food choices.
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