What would you do in this situation? Very stressed over this

24

Replies

  • garnold6
    garnold6 Posts: 1
    Don't be stressed out about it. I don't believe a true friend would ever put you in such a predicament. That's conditional friendship, IMO.

    If you were to follow through, get the loan, and hand the cash over to your "friend", you might as well consider it a gift - especially if there's no documentation between you and your "friend". Without any documentation, I'd say the chances of such a loan being repaid are slim.
  • Wuggums
    Wuggums Posts: 339 Member
    I might lose a good friend today. :cry:

    A good friend wouldnt ask something of you that you cant do.
    A good friend will stick with you, even if you couldnt help them.

    Agreed 100%. $5k is a lot of money to aka someone for and it sounds like said friend hasn't always been great about paying you back in the past - "give or take $200" doesn't sound good to me. If someone still owed me about $200, I'd be hesitant to loan them any more money!

    Besides, you say that said friend will pay you back when their tax money comes in. And what makes that person think that you can apply for a loan, have that loan processed, closed and disbursed quicker than they can get some "tax money" they are due? Unsecured bank loans can take some time to be processed and closed. Loans secured by property can take even longer. And if we're talking about waiting on a tax refund of any sort - that usually happens within about 10 days anymore. I agree with the consensus - don't lend the money. Find a good way to explain to your friend why you cannot (ie - it impacts your credit rating regardless of whether it is paid according to terms or not, and you're not in a great financial position to begin with). If you lose the friend, they weren't as good a friend as you thought...
  • jenj1313
    jenj1313 Posts: 898 Member
    You have to make the decision yourself, but if you can't pay back the loan if the friend defaults, I'd say no.

    If you decide to do it, I'd make sure to see a copy of their tax return AND write out an agreement for repayment that specifies they use the return to repay you.

    Won't those payday loans do an advance on your tax return?
  • jkestens63
    jkestens63 Posts: 1,164 Member
    Don't do it; The People's Court was built on scenarios like this.

    Exactly - and I happen to be watching The People's Court right now, lol.
  • shedoos
    shedoos Posts: 446 Member
    I might lose a good friend today. :cry:

    A good friend wouldnt ask something of you that you cant do.
    A good friend will stick with you, even if you couldnt help them.

    This is ABSOLUTELY correct.

    Besides- as a mortgage originator, your friend should have access to easy loans at good rates based on the equity in their other properties. If they can't get their own loan, there is a reason.
  • NoExcuseTina
    NoExcuseTina Posts: 506 Member
    I have lent money in the past to boyfriends ans ALWAYS got burned (in my 20's and early 30's)...so my rule now is...if the bank won't lend you the money and your family won't lend you the money, then neither will I.

    Having said that...if you do decide to help...make sure it will not hurt you financially if they never pay you back...and remember, friendships are ruined over money...if it gets paid late or if you see them buy something when you think they should have given that money to you, etc...good luck!
  • ShellyMacchi
    ShellyMacchi Posts: 975 Member
    a shame they did not think of taking their tax return to one of those accountants that will 'buy' your return.. basically giving you the majority of your return as a cheque right then and there, no waiting...

    It would have solved their problem.

    i personally would recommend they take the copy of their tax return, and expected refund, to their bank/mortgage holder, and ask for an extension based on the anticipated return cheque.

    Most lenders do NOT want to foreclose and might be willing to work with them with that proof of money coming.

    But i agree with everyone else... never lend money you cannot afford to lose.
  • kabloozi
    kabloozi Posts: 119 Member
    You're adults. Don't do it. It is already stressing you out and if it is more than $5000, it is too much for a friend. There must be someone else they can count on or try t get the credit themselves. Something may go wrong later. Sorry to say no from me. Good luck!
  • Libby81
    Libby81 Posts: 734 Member
    However, they've held on to most of the properties.

    What would you do?

    I would politely refuse. This is a HUGE burden to put on a friend. Especially if they have other means of sourcing the money by giving up some of their other properties. These are very tough times we are in right now and who is to say that their tax money comes through in time for you to avoid penalties in repaying the loan. Damage to your credit score could seriously affect YOUR future and that is what yo need to protect. Your friend should understand this
  • Mommawarrior
    Mommawarrior Posts: 897 Member
    The best advice I have ever received....neither a lender nor a borrower be.
  • BlessedShauna777
    BlessedShauna777 Posts: 118 Member
    Don't do it; The People's Court was built on scenarios like this.


    lol!!!
  • mslack01
    mslack01 Posts: 823 Member
    That's a tough one. I was given advice of "do not lend money to a friend unless you can live with the possibility of not being repaid". If you are not in a position where you could make it a gift instead of a loan, simply explain your circumstance and hope the friendship is enough to overcome any hard feelings.

    I hope it works out for you.

    I agree with this poster. I know this is a difficult situation for you to be in, and I hope that it works out also.
  • nilleah
    nilleah Posts: 177
    It's one thing to lend a friend or family member a small amount of money, it's quite another to lend them a LARGE sum. I would not do it.

    If I were you I would tell your friend that you cherish your relationship with them too much to possibly jeopardize it by doing this. Anything could happen and your relationship could end for it. If they are a true friend, they will understand.
  • Evelyn_Gorfram
    Evelyn_Gorfram Posts: 706 Member
    I might lose a good friend today. :cry:

    A good friend wouldnt ask something of you that you cant do.
    A good friend will stick with you, even if you couldnt help them.
    I agree.

    I've had to ask friends for loans before. I have always been extremely grateful when they, having had to turn me down, then forgave me for putting them on the spot like that.

    (I have one friend who has sometimes been able to make the loan (of $200 - $500 - nothing like the OP's amount). She has always been repaid, (albeit not always on time :embarassed: ) and if there is a heaven, she will go there.)

    If the friendship is contingent on the money - um, isn't that sort of like him asking you to buy his continued friendship for $5000-plus?

    Just two cents from someone who may have had to borrow them :)
  • willrunforfood
    willrunforfood Posts: 4
    Don't do it. I agree with the people who say that a true friend would not ask you to do this.
  • worej
    worej Posts: 108
    If you had the money, that you could lend your friend, I'd maybe consider it... maybe. But if you have to take out a loan yourself, I say no. No way.
  • nilleah
    nilleah Posts: 177
    If you say "no," you may lose a friend. If you say "yes," you will probably lose the friend and the money. She has put you in a terrible situation, but I'd say no. Never loan a friend money that you can't afford to lose. She may not believe it, but I'd try telling her, "I value our friendship too much to risk it by lending you this money."


    Oops just saw this.. yeah we agree on this hehe <3
  • QueenJayJay
    QueenJayJay Posts: 1,079 Member
    I don't think a real friend would ask you to do that.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    I might lose a good friend today. :cry:

    A good friend wouldnt ask something of you that you cant do.
    A good friend will stick with you, even if you couldnt help them.


    I have to agree with this. A true good friend would NEVER put you in this type of predicament. It's not fair and you are stressed out. And they would certainly not end their friendship with you over you choosing not to go through with this. I mean, $5000 is a LOT of money to ask someone else to take a loan out for.... Sorry your friend put you in this position and hopefully you will be able to salvage your friendship after you give your decision.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    Suppose you had a friendship of 10+ years. This person has been with you through most of the ups and downs of your adult life.

    Has supported you through rough times (moral support not financial).
    Was there when you 'closed' on your home first home.
    As a mortgage broker, advised that you refinance that same home and lower interest rate. (good advice)
    Has offered there home when you thought you needed to find another place to stay.
    Has had your child stay with them for about 1 month when you needed them.
    Has listened when you have troubles and needed advice.
    Has treated you almost like a family member (included you in family reunions, photos, graduations, weddings, funerals, etc.)
    Kids have been friends since the age of 6 (both are now over 18).
    Has asked that their family Mentor your teenager, when you had no one else.

    Now this friend is in a situation, which they need help saving an investment property left to them by a parent (worked hard all her life) who died and it's in jeopardy of being taken from them (taxes). When the housing market crashed they suffered greatly and so has the credit score. However, they've held on to most of the properties.

    You have never borrowed any money from this friend, but they have from you in the past and have paid it back (give or take $200). Now, they are asking if you will take out a personal loan and lend them the money to save this 'Income generating' property. You yourself are in a tight financial situation, but have managed to keep Good Credit. They promise to pay it with the tax money that is on it's way, but won't be here within the required time to save the property.


    What would you do?

    You're going to hate my answer. I would talk to them about everything that you wrote here instead of a board full of strangers. If they're that good of a friend and they understand where you are concerned then they can maybe better either 1) make a decision less based on emotion and more based on finances if this really is an emotional decision they're making or 2) show you the figures to give you reasonable solace about the decision.

    You could always ask them to show the proof of the income generated from the property. However, I don't believe that I would take out the loan without collateral. You'd be better off co-signing than taking out an uncollateralized loan (or a loan collateralized with your property). If I was talking several thousand dollars I'd protect myself, I have a family to consider too.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    A good friend wouldnt ask something of you that you cant do.
    A good friend will stick with you, even if you couldnt help them.

    exactly.

    A "good" friend loves you and accepts what you can and can't do. Someone you lose because you can't help them without putting yourself in harms way is usually manipulative and does not care for you.
  • slim422
    slim422 Posts: 104 Member
    A good friend of mine once said lend others money anytime - anytime it would be OK to not get it back, otherwise don't do it.

    That was the same friend that also loaned me a significant amount of money while she was in University several years ago. When criticized for doing so she responded with the above statement.

    I think it's a good one.

    (And I did pay her back)
  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,286 Member
    I would do it. My friendships are important to me and if it wasn't a person that was constantly taking advantage of me and borrowing money they never paid back it would be different, but that's not the case. Their emotional connection to the property and their needs are more important than money. As long as my family is not living on the street what mine is always available to my loved ones that need it.
  • 1WorkoutAtATime
    1WorkoutAtATime Posts: 719
    sorry I wouldn't do , because if all falls now your credit and finiances are messed up...
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    If you lose the friend, they weren't as good a friend as you thought...

    Sorry... but I've found this to be most often true.
  • sassylilmama
    sassylilmama Posts: 1,493 Member
    I might lose a good friend today. :cry:

    A good friend wouldnt ask something of you that you cant do.
    A good friend will stick with you, even if you couldnt help them.


    I have to agree with this. A true good friend would NEVER put you in this type of predicament. It's not fair and you are stressed out. And they would certainly not end their friendship with you over you choosing not to go through with this. I mean, $5000 is a LOT of money to ask someone else to take a loan out for.... Sorry your friend put you in this position and hopefully you will be able to salvage your friendship after you give your decision.

    Exactly what I was thinking. Good luck to you.
  • jess_davidson
    jess_davidson Posts: 2
    That is tough and it is a lot of money. Is there a way you could buy it from your friend? This way if they cannot pay you back you at least have the land/property. Once they have the money you could sell it back to them. Of course you probably would want to sell without the help of a Realtor...just an alternative idea for you! Good luck :)
  • jjblogs
    jjblogs Posts: 327 Member
    Just don't. Do NOT do it. I would never ask this of a good friend. It's not fair to you. If you lose the friendship, it may be that it wasn't as solid as you might have thought.
  • howeclectic
    howeclectic Posts: 121 Member
    Why can't they get the $5000 loan themselves? (Im guessing their credit is bad). So, this is a person who potentially already has a track record of not paying back their debts.

    Ultimately... I think no matter what you do... it will end poorly. Unfortunately, you MAY help them delay the loss of their property, but ultimately, chances are it will be like putting your finger in the dam. If you want a chance at preserving the friendship you might have to just go with the white lie (i applied for a loan and was denied). Otherwise you will be bitter at losing your money or they will be bitter at you for not helping and blame you for their problem. No win situation really....
  • bstoetzer
    bstoetzer Posts: 96
    I wouldn't lend them the money if it will potentially hurt your credit. If they know they are getting the money back from taxes, why haven't they taken their tax return to the bank and explained the situation?
This discussion has been closed.

Categories