Mental Humor

LMAO! Very funny! :laugh:

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "NO! I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?!"

One of my friends told me I was delusional. I was so shocked I almost fell off my unicorn!

Guy goes to see his psychiatrist. He says, "Doc I keep having these dreams. In one, I'm a wigwam. In the other, I'm a tee pee. Wigwam, tee pee, wigwam, tee pee, over and over again.
The doc says, "That's easy. You're too tense."

Ok, you have to say that out loud, but it makes me smile....

How many psychotherapists does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but the light bulb has to want to change.

WORLD'S WORST DATE EVER . . .


If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down
when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first
date or not!!! We have all had bad dates... but this takes the cake.


On the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Jay went into the audience to find the
most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described
her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to
why her tale took the prize!


She said it was midwinter... snowing and quite cold... and the guy met
her skiing in the mountains outside
Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip ( no overnight). They were
strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun
but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that
afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to
realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about
hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle ! of
no where. Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a
while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there
came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go
beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.


They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants
down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she
let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her
companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed
was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking! All she could think
about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of
the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another
sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued
against the car's fender.

Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as
she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly
apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme
cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she
answered her date's concerns about what is taking so long with a reply
that indeed, she was freezing her butt off and in need of some
assistance!

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater.
Then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.
She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose
themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the
situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it
would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the
icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in
the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get
her free.


So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip
his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize
hands down... or perhaps that should be pants down. ...And you thought your first date was embarrassing.

Jay Leno's comment... This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.

Hey, I can read 17!

Hey, I can read 17!

I could too, but its just strange for a grown man to be reading a magazine made for teenage girls.