Wanting your spouse to join.

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AmyM713
AmyM713 Posts: 594 Member
in Motivation and Support
I really would love for my husband to join me on this journey to a more healthier lifestyle, I think it would be good for him and add a little more support to what I'm doing also. He keeps using his work schedule as an excuse but when he does have time or a day off he still doesn't attempt to eat healthy/workout. He says hes going to when he "has time". Anyone else have this problem or advice that I can use to talk to him. I know its gonna have to be his choice but I just want to voice to him how much I would love to do this with him and not alone so we can support each other.

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  • WingMan380
    WingMan380 Posts: 2,139 Member
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    My wife started losing weight and started looking good and it made me jealous (in a good way) so I joined on my own. I figured if she can do it so can I.
  • AmyM713
    AmyM713 Posts: 594 Member
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    Thats great good for you for wanting to better yourself too. Maybe it will just take him some time.
  • mmsilvia
    mmsilvia Posts: 459 Member
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    I have been trying to get my hubby on board with a healthier lifestyle. But, he always says he will start next week. He uses his schedule as an excuse too.

    He LOVES fast food & will sneak a trip to the drive through even though I have packed him a perfectly good lunch with healthy snacks & a few treats.
  • AmyM713
    AmyM713 Posts: 594 Member
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    My husbands issues is not eating like he should and then binging when he gets home, and he loves his rum and cokes. I have given up soda but its hard some days with his bottle of cokes sitting in the fridge. All I can do is keep asking him and feeding him the healthy meals I make and hoping he will want to choose healthy for himself.
  • Exna
    Exna Posts: 96 Member
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    I think what we can do is to be an example ... when they see that this is not another "Diet" and that we are for real trying to get healthy, they will jump on board :) ..
    I want my husband to be healthier ! and I think now he kind of has to since I pack his lunch and he doesn't have any other option other than eat what I pack LOL ..

    Hang in there ... be in a good mood while during this journey, be an example and he'll join you !
  • lexidell46
    lexidell46 Posts: 143
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    My husband is starting to lean towards my healthier lifestyle. He is seeing how much happier I am.That and the fact that I am having great results with this.
  • AmyM713
    AmyM713 Posts: 594 Member
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    I would say my biggest issue with him not wanting this is that he keeps making comments to others that I'm going overboard and your fine the way you are, I love him for loving me for who I am but I can't take the negativity towards what I'm trying to do. I have enough days where I feel like giving up and just going back to eating and doing what I want with no real limit. I guess he needs to join me or sit back and just be there for me while I do this.
  • peaches2snaps
    peaches2snaps Posts: 5
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    i have this same problem. i've really started to take this serious and have devoted a great deal of time and effort to losing weight and becoming healthier. my boyfriend is constantly complaining about how he is unhappy with his weight, but i dont see him making any effort to do anything about it. he recently said he wanted to start dieting, and when i tried telling him all the great tips i've learned/tried/etc, he seems uninterested and irritated. like what the heck?! im definitely going to keep an eye on this thread to see if i can get any advice also
  • RileeMarie
    RileeMarie Posts: 113
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    i wish my b/f would join me as well. i am the one that cooks the meals, so most days he has no choice but to eat the healthy meals that i cook. and surprisingly he says they are good and he is full. now if i could just get him to join me on the exercising. he always says he will start, usually "monday, i'll start monday". well many moon of mondays have come and gone and he has yet to go in our home gym and workout. cant force him, when he is ready he'll join me.
  • AmyEm3
    AmyEm3 Posts: 784 Member
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    It took my husband about 9mos after I started. But he's doing it now! I tried not to push him about though. I wanted him to want to do it.
  • bushidowoman
    bushidowoman Posts: 1,599 Member
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    My hubby is on the thin side (except his belly pooch), so he just doesn't think about it. As long as I put healthy meals in front of him or pack his lunch, he'll eat them. But if he's feeding himself, he eats quick, high-sodium, high sugar processed stuff.

    I've been talking to him for years about taking better care of himself. Diabetes and heart disease run in his family. His blood pressure is borderline. I really want for us to be able to enjoy ourselves when the kids get older/move away. We will be older than most folks, because we have so many kids! Baby is 11 mos, I am almost 39, and he is almost 46! But I hope that if we can take care of ourselves we won't have to spend our whole check on medications. I'd rather spend that money going places! I want us to feel like hiking and dancing. I want to be able to have sex in the middle kitchen if the mood strikes us. ;-P

    But it has been seeing what I have done and how much more energy I have now that has prompted him to begin running. It was getting side-by-side with me on the floor and me doing more pushups than him that made him start doing pushups. It was seeing the amount of weight that I put on my dumbbells that made him start looking into weight lifting. Seeing me get lean and looking good has made him start looking at his belly pooch. :wink:
    I'm not at all concerned about the belly pooch...but that new twinkle in his eye and pep in his step is very, very attractive.
  • juliekbwell
    juliekbwell Posts: 155 Member
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    My hubby and I both started the new year with a goal in mind. We were both going to start a 'Lifestyle Change', but I started and he stayed behind! LOL He still has not gotten on yet, but I can tell it will be soon. I think him seeing my progress so far is motivating him to want to be better as well. I know he will eventually start, he just needs a push. He is actually thin...5'7", 180. He has a "beer belly" as he calls it. He wants to tone up, really and he'd be good. Of course I think he is already fine, but I just want him to do it with me as support. It sucks going home and cooking two meals...one for him and the kids and then something different for myself. Oh well...in time. :)
  • juliekbwell
    juliekbwell Posts: 155 Member
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    Bushidomama: You guys sound like us! :)
  • johncaraher
    johncaraher Posts: 44 Member
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    Just be sure to invite rather than nag. Yes, the excuses not to are frequently lame - I'm sure he knows that.

    My wife and I both have lost weight in the past by tracking calories and when I stopped doing so 8 years ago my weight crept up slowly but surely... in January I joined MFP and just forwarded the link to her telling her what I was doing. She signed up and has commented that it's fun doing this together (we'll sit in the evening having nutrition info nerdfests over what we had for dinner). Between the two of us we've lost 27 pounds in a month and a half.

    When he decides it's time, it will be time. You can hasten that by setting a good example, being positive, reminding him that doing something together (even something mundane and boring) always scores spousal appreciation points, and reminding him (in a positive way!) that his health is important to you.
  • jojoegli
    jojoegli Posts: 3 Member
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    Hi, yes I have that same problem. My husband does work hard but he says he's tired ALL the time... Even on the weekends when he has time to rest. He thinks it's silly of me to use this website because he thinks you should eat what you want but be active. I feel alot better since I have started doing this. I tell him that but he thinks I'm crazy lol.
  • juliekbwell
    juliekbwell Posts: 155 Member
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    New development since yesterday. He has decided he is going to start P90X. I am buying the set from a friend tomorrow! :) YAY for getting healthy and hott together! ;)
  • Cmh1211
    Cmh1211 Posts: 104
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    my wife wears cute shorts... i like those shorts a lot. just saying

    guys dont like to be told what to do... ill be the first to admit since i know a lot of guys wouldnt say this out loud. guys like to be the leader of the pack. its some dominance crap that is embedded into our DNA lol. it suks when ur wife is telling u that u need to workout and eat healthier. i would suggest backing off a bit and eventually he will come to terms. maybe let him start his own workout. once he has been doing it for a week or so ask to join him. maybe he can show u some moves. sounds silly but it works.

    at one point for me it was the opposite. i used to train for marathons and my wife used to sit there and order pizza for her self. i think the greatest motivation is being able to stay fit together. otherwise whats the point. a family that plays together stays together
  • dennisone
    dennisone Posts: 3 Member
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    Lead by example, working out for me was very boring so my wife and I would do a program for a very short time and quit, then start and quit etc etc. Six years ago I started to run and was talked into by others. Slowly I started to enjoy it eventhough it was hard work but at the time my wife told me that I was crazy and too old to run. I kept it up, met a lot of people at the races and 8 mos later with no more criticism she joined in for her first 5K. Now she has done 3 half marathons and we run together 3 times a week. To be better runners we also cross train 3 times a week and look forward to most days. When I don't feel like doing anything she pushes me and I push her. Now we work out for a purpose rather just working out and now it's a way of life.

    I also think that healty eating vs unhealty, diet vs non diet comparisons spell doom. Forget the words diet and healthy and just buy that way and cook it, it will also become a way of life. There might be a problem at first but be persistant and keep leading by example.

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