"You need to stop losing weight" ... URGH!!!!!!!!!

angimac
angimac Posts: 145 Member
edited November 12 in Motivation and Support
I need some perspective here, so maybe you, my fellow MFPs can help me understand something...

W. T. F. makes people think they have the right to tell me that I "need to stop losing weight now"????

These people are not medical professionals. They don't even play one on tv. *URGH!*

Yes, I've lost over 100 pounds, but I am still in the overweight class, medically. I'm not obsessed, and I'm not sickly skinny... Where were these people telling me I needed to stop gaining weight instead of passing me more food while I ballooned up to almost 300 pounds? My own MOTHER today on the phone asked...
Mom: Are you still losing weight
Me: Yeah
Mom: What do you weigh now
Me: about 182
Mom: You need to stop losing weight now
Me: Not yet, I don't. I'm still medically overweight.
Mom: When will you not be that
Me: I will be at a healthy weight when I reach 150
Mom: So you're going to stop when you get to 150
Me: I won't stop eating healthy and making good decisions, but I will stop actively trying to lose weight then
Mom: You just won't be happy till you're smaller than your mama, will you

???

I swear, sometimes I feel like the people who should be supporting me the hardest are the ones trying to sabotage me... For the first time in 40 years, I'm doing something for ME because it's what I want to do... for ME... and nobody can stand it! It's always about THEM...

When do I get the opportunity for it to be about ME?

OK - now I just did the BMI calculator thing for the first time in a few weeks... and I had to change the statement above from "but I am still in the obese class, medically" to "overweight"... Oh. My. Freakin. Gosh! I spent over 20 years listed medically as "morbidly obese"... I am now, OFFICIALLY, no longer obese!

But that still doesn't give people the right to tell me I've lost enough weight, or that I'm only doing this now to be smaller than them... Heaven forbid I actually do something in this life for myself, because it's what I want... *sigh*

The more I deal with the human race, the more I miss my dog...
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Replies

  • llahairdna
    llahairdna Posts: 502 Member
    Jealousy will make people say ugly things. But you look fantastic and you're doing a great job!!!
  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
    Sorry you have to deal with that :(

    I've had coworkers tell me that my goal of another 40 lbs (which will put me at 170) is "too much." Uhh...thanks for the advice, but I've got this!

    Sounds to me like your mom is insecure and doesn't know how to handle you achieveing something she was never able to.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,416 Member
    Rants are only good for you. We don't really get a lot out of them.
  • treetop57
    treetop57 Posts: 1,578 Member
    Mom: You just won't be happy till you're smaller than your mama, will you
    That line right there was the clue that it is all about her and her perception of herself. In this case, you're just an extra in her own drama. "Thanks for sharing, momma. Next!"
    Gosh! I spent over 20 years listed medically as "morbidly obese"... I am now, OFFICIALLY, no longer obese!
    Congratulations!
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    I find people speak before they think, not out of jealousy (always), but because they don't know better. Sad, but true. Hopefully when they see you feeling good about looking great they'll shut their piehole.
  • invisibubble
    invisibubble Posts: 662 Member
    Sometimes people are jealous. Often times, they're just worried about you because they don't want you to get so wrapped up in losing weight that you get unhealthy with it and get too skinny or simply just end up malnourished no matter your weight.
    Either way, you're above it. Jealousy is a petty thing and so not worth stooping to. Worrying loved ones will always worry, but hey, at least we know they care. :happy:

    Edited for typos.
  • hiker282
    hiker282 Posts: 983 Member
    Smile and nod and thank them for their concern. They probably just don't want you to look better than they do. Poeple are dumb that way. Just keep doing what you're doing.
  • TWrecks1968
    TWrecks1968 Posts: 138 Member
    Loved ones have a tendency to try to sabotage your progress. They are faced with their own issues and their failures to address it. But, they are your loved ones, and just smile, say, "God bless" and stay on the program. If they truly care for your well being, they will get on board, if they don't, they don't. All you can control is how much you move and what you put into your mouth. Friend me, if you want. I have been told that I can be somewhat supportive. (:>)
  • kilojoule
    kilojoule Posts: 74
    LoL i had a co-worker tell me to stop losing weight yesterday. I laughed and said nooooo 5 more lbs till my goal. Granted i will be at about 9% body fat but ya just laugh it off. Who cares what people think

    on the same thought i had another buddy giving me crap about constantly checking in to the gym on facebook haha...tells me he is going to unsubscribe me from his wall aaha who gives a ****. I have had a dozen other friends and family tell me i inspire them to get there *kitten* into the gym! haters gonna hate
  • spammyanna
    spammyanna Posts: 871 Member
    I had my family say the same thing. In fact, a few days ago I posted on FB for my one year anniversary of heathiness, and not one of my immediate family members had anything nice to say about the fact that I've lost 46 pounds.

    Screw 'em.
  • becka_anaily
    becka_anaily Posts: 21
    dot worry their jelous of you just ignore them & take their jelousy as a complent that your doing good, you should do what you want & not what others say :) well done for losin btw :flowerforyou:
  • k9runner1963
    k9runner1963 Posts: 108 Member
    Hang in there and keep heading for YOUR goal! You are loosing weight for YOU not anybody else!
    Way to go on loosing 100 lbs so far!
  • christy_frank
    christy_frank Posts: 680 Member
    Jealousy will make people say ugly things. But you look fantastic and you're doing a great job!!!

    Agreed. I have heard it too. People commenting that I am starving myself, that I do not need to lose any more weight, that I am cold because I don't have enough 'fat' on me. I am 5'5.5" and 140 lbs. I dont have many more lbs to lose, but I would like to get down to 130.... I hear it too.
  • nel0311
    nel0311 Posts: 248
    Yeah I have friends that when i dropped 25 lbs they had the nerve to say that I was too skinny and i needed to stop. I was like well no...i may be smaller but i still dont like the way my body looks and feels. I will never stop working out....toning...and feeling good. I want to make it to a point in my life where i can eat pizza and enjoy it and not feel guilty or wonder how many calories that was.

    some people hate to see you shine!
  • amahaney123
    amahaney123 Posts: 4
    keep doing what your doing! Do not let anyone make you feel bad for improving yourself. You are the only one that has to face you in the mirror everyday!
  • CookieCrumble
    CookieCrumble Posts: 221 Member
    It might not be jealousy; it might be general concern and perhaps a reluctance to accept change in a loved one. If somebody hasn't had to go through the same journey, it doesn't mean anything particular to them and if they loved and accepted you before, they perhaps perceive that the hard work should be over and done with, now that you're out of the 'danger zone'.

    Congratuations on your tremendous achievement... think about the comments you receive, the spirit in which they're made. If it's out of love and concern, forgive them their clumsiness and set them straight, in a positive and happy manner and maybe it will catch on. If somebody's comment is based on jealousy though - give them both barrels...
  • brittanyscherich
    brittanyscherich Posts: 355 Member
    Wow, that's horrible! I'm so sorry that your own mother said that to you. It's awful that your own mother is jealous of you, and not being supportive. Just keep at it, you're doing wonderful!
  • flea2449
    flea2449 Posts: 499 Member
    My sister told me that I need to stop losing weight or I'm going to look old! HA!!! I just laughed!!!!
  • lorazaruba
    lorazaruba Posts: 61 Member
    My motto this year is "I am doing this for ME!" That is all you need to remember!!! You are doing great! Keep going!
  • perlachavez100
    perlachavez100 Posts: 2
    wow! you are doing great!!! keep it up :D ... i guess sometimes is a lil scary for our loved ones to lose alot of weight and may be that's were your mother is coming from but im preatty sure aside all the lost pounds, she's glad you're getting healthy! :)
  • SassyCalyGirl
    SassyCalyGirl Posts: 1,932 Member
    sounds like jealousy to me!
  • sabified
    sabified Posts: 1,035 Member
    This happens to me all the time! My mom actually tries to force me to stop working out!

    It drives me INSANE, but you just keep doing what you're doing!! It may be that they're trying to sabotage you, or just incredibly misinformed, but keep doing what you know needs to be done.
  • dancingdeer
    dancingdeer Posts: 373 Member
    I can totally relate to the Mother/Daughter competition!!! My mother and I have always weighed within 5 pounds of each other. Thank goodness I moved thousands of miles away from her, so I can distance myself more. I about had a nervous breakdown when she visited last year. Not a good relationship.

    Anyway - you just keep on doing what you're doing and know that Mother doesn't always know best. And congratulations on your terrific loss!

    Wishing you well ~
  • aeboone24
    aeboone24 Posts: 24
    honest opinion. People are use to you being big they only know you as a bigger person so they feel as though you havent lost 100 they feel you lost 200. its hard for a lot of people to accept someone doing something good for themseleves and actually achiving it with great sucess.
    keep up the awesome work!!!
  • piwigirl
    piwigirl Posts: 2
    I would suggest you say to the people in your life that feel they have a right to run it, that you are sorry they feel threatened by your success, perhaps it would be a good idea for them to find a focus in their own lives that will help them to achieve something and that you will support them in reaching that goal. Good luck with the rest of your journey:smile:
  • pineapple1989
    pineapple1989 Posts: 195 Member
    She seems to be making something that is your thing about herself, I have people like that in my life, its hard because shes your mum but I'm sure there are other people close to you who are more supportive, if not you have us on MFP!! :flowerforyou:
  • minnesota_deere
    minnesota_deere Posts: 232 Member
    I need some perspective here, so maybe you, my fellow MFPs can help me understand something...

    W. T. F. makes people think they have the right to tell me that I "need to stop losing weight now"????

    These people are not medical professionals. They don't even play one on tv. *URGH!*

    Yes, I've lost over 100 pounds, but I am still in the overweight class, medically. I'm not obsessed, and I'm not sickly skinny... Where were these people telling me I needed to stop gaining weight instead of passing me more food while I ballooned up to almost 300 pounds? My own MOTHER today on the phone asked...
    Mom: Are you still losing weight
    Me: Yeah
    Mom: What do you weigh now
    Me: about 182
    Mom: You need to stop losing weight now
    Me: Not yet, I don't. I'm still medically overweight.
    Mom: When will you not be that
    Me: I will be at a healthy weight when I reach 150
    Mom: So you're going to stop when you get to 150
    Me: I won't stop eating healthy and making good decisions, but I will stop actively trying to lose weight then
    Mom: You just won't be happy till you're smaller than your mama, will you

    ???

    I swear, sometimes I feel like the people who should be supporting me the hardest are the ones trying to sabotage me... For the first time in 40 years, I'm doing something for ME because it's what I want to do... for ME... and nobody can stand it! It's always about THEM...

    When do I get the opportunity for it to be about ME?

    OK - now I just did the BMI calculator thing for the first time in a few weeks... and I had to change the statement above from "but I am still in the obese class, medically" to "overweight"... Oh. My. Freakin. Gosh! I spent over 20 years listed medically as "morbidly obese"... I am now, OFFICIALLY, no longer obese!

    But that still doesn't give people the right to tell me I've lost enough weight, or that I'm only doing this now to be smaller than them... Heaven forbid I actually do something in this life for myself, because it's what I want... *sigh*

    The more I deal with the human race, the more I miss my dog...

    that generation is never happy with anyone in there life, all they do is complain about everyone else. i avoid any personal conversation with my family, very nit picky, when they start running there mouth about someone, else i leave. tell her what she wants to hear.
  • trevino130
    trevino130 Posts: 1 Member
    It's so easy to be offended when we are working out, eating right and have people criticize us for trying to do good for ourselves. I am not saying some people don't speak because of jealousy, malice or even ill intent. But keep in mind that many of the people that say these things loved us big, so pretty much you were great the way you were. So take a step back and remember, they loved you big and they will love you small. It's just an adjustment for them as much as it is for you. Good Luck on your journey :)
  • msmith2020
    msmith2020 Posts: 365 Member
    I think you have done a fabulous job so far and no one can tell you you have done to much until you are satisfied with yourself. Now obviously dont start getting bulimic or anything, but you are a woman, and your mom is pretty insecure to say that to you in my opinion, she see's you getting healthier, doing something that takes strength, and it intimidates her. Other people too.. if that's what they are saying. You should be hearing sounds of encouragement, not discouragement.

    With all that said. YOU GO GIRL!!!!
  • xoxluvvy
    xoxluvvy Posts: 15 Member
    I deal with this at home too :/ my sisters always say how annoying I am for eating healthy and exercising. I personally think its jealousy and try to not let it bother me.

    I know it's hard with such negative influences but keep going! You're doing great and you already look great! There is no reason for you to stop improving your health as much as possible. You can do it no matter what other people say! Just surround yourself with supportive people :)
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