Grandparents?

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2

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  • mslack01
    mslack01 Posts: 823 Member
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    "Step" is not a word in our family to describe children or adults. Family is Family.

    This is how our family is.

    Karen

    And this is how MY family is. Apparently not his

    I really like that!
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,468 Member
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    My step-grandparents were the same way when I was that age, minus the not calling him grandpa. It's sad, and it's hurtful, but it's not your kids' fault, and they should know that. Maybe bring it up to your fiancé and see what he says about it.

    He says "talk to them about it" I've tried that, they get all butthurt. I once said something about them constantly buying his son stuff, right in front of my kids, and his mom said " He's my grandson, they are not my grandchildren" It is hurtful. It hurts them, it hurts me. It's not fair to anyone.
  • mslack01
    mslack01 Posts: 823 Member
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    Oh yeah, and I had a step-grandfather who I called grandpa growing up. I never knew him as anything else. I almost forgot he was a step until just now. He has passed on now, but he was the only grandfather I ever knew.
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,849 Member
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    My step-grandparents were the same way when I was that age, minus the not calling him grandpa. It's sad, and it's hurtful, but it's not your kids' fault, and they should know that. Maybe bring it up to your fiancé and see what he says about it.

    He says "talk to them about it" I've tried that, they get all butthurt. I once said something about them constantly buying his son stuff, right in front of my kids, and his mom said " He's my grandson, they are not my grandchildren" It is hurtful. It hurts them, it hurts me. It's not fair to anyone.

    Wow... At this point, I would just avoid bringing my kids there and stick to bringing them to your parents' place. It's not fair for you kids to be in an environment where they're not welcomed. I think my mom started doing this with us as well, I remember not going to their place very often because it was just b.s... Now that we're older, we visit a couple times a year. I'm so sorry for your kids, it's not like they did anything to deserve it.
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,468 Member
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    My step-grandparents were the same way when I was that age, minus the not calling him grandpa. It's sad, and it's hurtful, but it's not your kids' fault, and they should know that. Maybe bring it up to your fiancé and see what he says about it.

    He says "talk to them about it" I've tried that, they get all butthurt. I once said something about them constantly buying his son stuff, right in front of my kids, and his mom said " He's my grandson, they are not my grandchildren" It is hurtful. It hurts them, it hurts me. It's not fair to anyone.

    Wow... At this point, I would just avoid bringing my kids there and stick to bringing them to your parents' place. It's not fair for you kids to be in an environment where they're not welcomed. I think my mom started doing this with us as well, I remember not going to their place very often because it was just b.s... Now that we're older, we visit a couple times a year. I'm so sorry for your kids, it's not like they did anything to deserve it.

    Thank you. I just wish they would open their eyes, ya know?
  • Pocket_Pixi
    Pocket_Pixi Posts: 1,167 Member
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    Well if you don't want the kids you marry into why marry the person?? its kind of a package deal... you know what I mean?


    I have step-grandparents. They did not become my grandparents until I was in my 20's so yes they treat me differently than they treat their "real" grandchildren because we hardly know each other. However; I still call them Grandma and Grandpa, they still refer to me as their grandchild.

    I do not see why anyone would treat them differently, honestly they are part of the family. I do think that it takes time to get to know the kids, however; so if it is a new relationship - yes they will be treated differently, but it shouldn't be so much to the point that they are made to feel awkward about it... at least that is my opinion.

    I mean that the grandparents may not want the children. The reason I ask is because my fiance (I guess it's kind of complicated) treat my children WAY different than they do his son. They buy him little gifts all the time, Everything is about him, and what he wants to do, and see him and doing this for him etc. It gets really annoying because my kiddos don't know why they are being treated different. We've been together since my kids were 1.5 and 4.5. They are not 4.5 and 7.5. My kids call his mom granny, and when they tried to call his dad grandpa (like his son) he corrected them saying "My name is Tony"

    My step-grandparents were the same way when I was that age, minus the not calling him grandpa. It's sad, and it's hurtful, but it's not your kids' fault, and they should know that. Maybe bring it up to your fiancé and see what he says about it.

    This makes me incredibly sad, I dislike some people and this is why. I am sorry this is happening, I think for some people they take the "blood" relationship a little too far, had you and your fiancé adopted these children would they have reacted the same way?

    This is one of those times your fiancé is going to have to step up and talk to them, because you guys are a family... these are his children too (even if they are not his blood). You should not have to sit and watch your children be constantly hurt over and over again.

    If he wont talk maybe ask they not give the one gifts infront of the other children - if they get butt hurt TFB, its one thing to give him gifts but if they are not going to have something small for the others theycould just hold off on giving it to him at all.
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,849 Member
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    My step-grandparents were the same way when I was that age, minus the not calling him grandpa. It's sad, and it's hurtful, but it's not your kids' fault, and they should know that. Maybe bring it up to your fiancé and see what he says about it.

    He says "talk to them about it" I've tried that, they get all butthurt. I once said something about them constantly buying his son stuff, right in front of my kids, and his mom said " He's my grandson, they are not my grandchildren" It is hurtful. It hurts them, it hurts me. It's not fair to anyone.

    Wow... At this point, I would just avoid bringing my kids there and stick to bringing them to your parents' place. It's not fair for you kids to be in an environment where they're not welcomed. I think my mom started doing this with us as well, I remember not going to their place very often because it was just b.s... Now that we're older, we visit a couple times a year. I'm so sorry for your kids, it's not like they did anything to deserve it.

    Thank you. I just wish they would open their eyes, ya know?

    For sure. It's totally immature, children are children. And it's bullsh*t they get insulted and their feelings hurt for something that is out of everyone's control.
  • cloud2011
    cloud2011 Posts: 898 Member
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    My niece is my brother's stepdaughter. She was treated differently, but only because my sister-in-law and her extended family made it very clear that my niece was NOT our family. My sister-in-law's grandparents were the REAL grandparents, etc. My mother always remembered my niece on her birthday and Christmas, etc. But my niece never made much of an effort when my mother was alive (and after the REAL grandparents had passed away). But when my niece had her three kids, they considered my mother their great grandmother, because by this time, their biological great grandparents were gone. The whole thing is strange, because my kids don't consider by niece (step-niece) their cousin. She is a lot older than they are, and has never taken the time to get to know my kids. When we visit them (out of state), she disappears, and this is a grown woman. Very weird.

    So it was always an odd situation, and sort of something that wasn't a choice on my family's part.
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,468 Member
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    This makes me incredibly sad, I dislike some people and this is why. I am sorry this is happening, I think for some people they take the "blood" relationship a little too far, had you and your fiancé adopted these children would they have reacted the same way?

    This is one of those times your fiancé is going to have to step up and talk to them, because you guys are a family... these are his children too (even if they are not his blood). You should not have to sit and watch your children be constantly hurt over and over again.

    If he wont talk maybe ask they not give the one gifts infront of the other children - if they get butt hurt TFB, its one thing to give him gifts but if they are not going to have something small for the others theycould just hold off on giving it to him at all.

    I have never met a family like this. My family loves his son, treast him like one of the other kids, but there are so many rules when it comes to "family" with his family
  • jenalderman
    jenalderman Posts: 411 Member
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    Do you have step grandchildren? Do you treat them different than your real grandkids? Please be honest.

    We are raising my husband's 14 and 15 year old grandsons. I try so hard to treat them the same as my 19 year old son. I have to admit though....and shamefully.... it has to be a consious effort on my part. I'm sorry..... trust me.... so sorry.... but my heart has been with my children for the past 24 years. I love Morgan and Dan but I've only known them for 3 years so we are still feeling each other out and learning to work around each other. I really wonder if it's ever possible to love ANYONE as much as your own so I think that we have to turn our attention to loving them as much as possible and making sure that they feel loved enough. Also, even when I FEEL it, I am very careful not to SHOW a difference.
  • mewaybright
    mewaybright Posts: 240 Member
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    "Step" is not a word in our family to describe children or adults. Family is Family.

    Best Answer Yet!!!
  • Pocket_Pixi
    Pocket_Pixi Posts: 1,167 Member
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    I have never met a family like this. My family loves his son, treast him like one of the other kids, but there are so many rules when it comes to "family" with his family

    I guess coming from a broken home I don't get why there has to be rules to a family. I just find it very sad and kind of pathetic that adults are treating childrent his way - especially young children, it is not their fault.

    I would say limit the time they are at their house, if they ask why tell them straight up... there really is no easy way to handle this situation, just keep your kids best interest at heart and if that means the kids not seeing this set of grandparents so be it. I do know a friend of mine calls her "step-grandparents" papa and nonny ... and that started when she was younger as she had a baba and guido and a grandma and grandpa aready.... but that started when she was young... maybe they would be open to being called somthing like that rather than the first name?
  • msrena
    msrena Posts: 21
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    My MIL did this to one of my daughters - obviously not my husbands by blood. He asked me to marry him when I was 8 months pregnant with her, she's his little girl (getting the 'daddy's little girl' tattoo to prove it this weekend :)) She and one of her sons ALWAYS treated my daughter differently than our other 3 children - brought gifts to my house for all but her, allowed her daughter to hit, kick, grope, etc. She's 21 now with 2 kids of her own, and still can not understand how people can do that to a child, chosing to have no relationship with them - my husband and I also choose no relationship with them (many many years ago, due to the things I mentioned and them some). Sad that they can't see how this affects a child, and are willing to have nothing with any of us just to be able to continue nastiness to one.
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,468 Member
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    I have never met a family like this. My family loves his son, treast him like one of the other kids, but there are so many rules when it comes to "family" with his family

    I guess coming from a broken home I don't get why there has to be rules to a family. I just find it very sad and kind of pathetic that adults are treating childrent his way - especially young children, it is not their fault.

    I would say limit the time they are at their house, if they ask why tell them straight up... there really is no easy way to handle this situation, just keep your kids best interest at heart and if that means the kids not seeing this set of grandparents so be it. I do know a friend of mine calls her "step-grandparents" papa and nonny ... and that started when she was younger as she had a baba and guido and a grandma and grandpa aready.... but that started when she was young... maybe they would be open to being called somthing like that rather than the first name?

    That's kind of what we tried to do, but it was "No it's Tony" His mom doesn't care, she's granny to all 3 kids.
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,468 Member
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    My MIL did this to one of my daughters - obviously not my husbands by blood. He asked me to marry him when I was 8 months pregnant with her, she's his little girl (getting the t'daddy's little girl' attoo to prove it this weekend :)) She and one of her sons ALWAYS treated my daughter differently than our other 3 children - brought gifts to my house for all but her, allowed her daughter to hit, kick, grope, etc. She's 21 now with 2 kids of her own, and still can not understand how people can do that to a child, chosing to have no relationship with them - my husband and I also choose no relationship with them (many many years ago, due to the things I mentioned and them some). Sad that they can't see how this affects a child, and are willing to have nothing with any of us just to be able to continue nastiness to one.

    It's so sad that so many people don't learn just to love. Not to pick and choose.
  • Rubyinthesand2012
    Rubyinthesand2012 Posts: 92
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    "Step" is not a word in our family to describe children or adults. Family is Family.

    I LIKE this a lot! It's kind of how our family works too. We have halfs, steps, etc. but they are all JUST PLAIN FAMILY :flowerforyou:

    This is how i feel and how i treat my stepson and how my parents treat him too everyone gets the same for birthdays xmas etc

    however my partners parents (now just his dad as his mother passed away) treat my children completely differently... at birthdays my children get a card with £10 in where as their "real" grandson gets £50+ and at christmas my children get £25 and the "real" grandson gets £150, he also gets £10 a week pocket money from his grandad.
    My partner and i arent married but live together and have been together since my twins were 6mths old we are planning on marrying in 2013.
    My partner is just as bad too actually we agree to spend a certain amount on each of the children at xmas but then he will buy something "extra" for his son or put an extra £££ in his card. But he earns his money so i guess its up to him what he does with it.
    When my mil passed away my fil gave the real grandson £15,000 my children didnt get anything.
  • dubw
    dubw Posts: 429
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    Step Granddaughter and step great grandson -

    Yes, and yes - cause they rarely call or visit unless they want something.
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,468 Member
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    This is how i feel and how i treat my stepson and how my parents treat him too everyone gets the same for birthdays xmas etc

    however my partners parents (now just his dad as his mother passed away) treat my children completely differently... at birthdays my children get a card with £10 in where as their "real" grandson gets £50+ and at christmas my children get £25 and the "real" grandson gets £150, he also gets £10 a week pocket money from his grandad.
    My partner and i arent married but live together and have been together since my twins were 6mths old we are planning on marrying in 2013.
    My partner is just as bad too actually we agree to spend a certain amount on each of the children at xmas but then he will buy something "extra" for his son or put an extra £££ in his card. But he earns his money so i guess its up to him what he does with it.
    When my mil passed away my fil gave the real grandson £15,000 my children didnt get anything.

    WOW!
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,468 Member
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    Step Granddaughter and step great grandson -

    Yes, and yes - cause they rarely call or visit unless they want something.

    :(
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
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    I have a step-grandson. His dad and my daughter are no longer married and my daughter is now married to someone else but Sean is still my grandson and always will be.

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