Grandparents?

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Replies

  • mewaybright
    mewaybright Posts: 240 Member
    "Step" is not a word in our family to describe children or adults. Family is Family.

    Best Answer Yet!!!
  • Pocket_Pixi
    Pocket_Pixi Posts: 1,167 Member

    I have never met a family like this. My family loves his son, treast him like one of the other kids, but there are so many rules when it comes to "family" with his family

    I guess coming from a broken home I don't get why there has to be rules to a family. I just find it very sad and kind of pathetic that adults are treating childrent his way - especially young children, it is not their fault.

    I would say limit the time they are at their house, if they ask why tell them straight up... there really is no easy way to handle this situation, just keep your kids best interest at heart and if that means the kids not seeing this set of grandparents so be it. I do know a friend of mine calls her "step-grandparents" papa and nonny ... and that started when she was younger as she had a baba and guido and a grandma and grandpa aready.... but that started when she was young... maybe they would be open to being called somthing like that rather than the first name?
  • msrena
    msrena Posts: 21
    My MIL did this to one of my daughters - obviously not my husbands by blood. He asked me to marry him when I was 8 months pregnant with her, she's his little girl (getting the 'daddy's little girl' tattoo to prove it this weekend :)) She and one of her sons ALWAYS treated my daughter differently than our other 3 children - brought gifts to my house for all but her, allowed her daughter to hit, kick, grope, etc. She's 21 now with 2 kids of her own, and still can not understand how people can do that to a child, chosing to have no relationship with them - my husband and I also choose no relationship with them (many many years ago, due to the things I mentioned and them some). Sad that they can't see how this affects a child, and are willing to have nothing with any of us just to be able to continue nastiness to one.
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,339 Member

    I have never met a family like this. My family loves his son, treast him like one of the other kids, but there are so many rules when it comes to "family" with his family

    I guess coming from a broken home I don't get why there has to be rules to a family. I just find it very sad and kind of pathetic that adults are treating childrent his way - especially young children, it is not their fault.

    I would say limit the time they are at their house, if they ask why tell them straight up... there really is no easy way to handle this situation, just keep your kids best interest at heart and if that means the kids not seeing this set of grandparents so be it. I do know a friend of mine calls her "step-grandparents" papa and nonny ... and that started when she was younger as she had a baba and guido and a grandma and grandpa aready.... but that started when she was young... maybe they would be open to being called somthing like that rather than the first name?

    That's kind of what we tried to do, but it was "No it's Tony" His mom doesn't care, she's granny to all 3 kids.
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,339 Member
    My MIL did this to one of my daughters - obviously not my husbands by blood. He asked me to marry him when I was 8 months pregnant with her, she's his little girl (getting the t'daddy's little girl' attoo to prove it this weekend :)) She and one of her sons ALWAYS treated my daughter differently than our other 3 children - brought gifts to my house for all but her, allowed her daughter to hit, kick, grope, etc. She's 21 now with 2 kids of her own, and still can not understand how people can do that to a child, chosing to have no relationship with them - my husband and I also choose no relationship with them (many many years ago, due to the things I mentioned and them some). Sad that they can't see how this affects a child, and are willing to have nothing with any of us just to be able to continue nastiness to one.

    It's so sad that so many people don't learn just to love. Not to pick and choose.
  • Rubyinthesand2012
    Rubyinthesand2012 Posts: 92
    "Step" is not a word in our family to describe children or adults. Family is Family.

    I LIKE this a lot! It's kind of how our family works too. We have halfs, steps, etc. but they are all JUST PLAIN FAMILY :flowerforyou:

    This is how i feel and how i treat my stepson and how my parents treat him too everyone gets the same for birthdays xmas etc

    however my partners parents (now just his dad as his mother passed away) treat my children completely differently... at birthdays my children get a card with £10 in where as their "real" grandson gets £50+ and at christmas my children get £25 and the "real" grandson gets £150, he also gets £10 a week pocket money from his grandad.
    My partner and i arent married but live together and have been together since my twins were 6mths old we are planning on marrying in 2013.
    My partner is just as bad too actually we agree to spend a certain amount on each of the children at xmas but then he will buy something "extra" for his son or put an extra £££ in his card. But he earns his money so i guess its up to him what he does with it.
    When my mil passed away my fil gave the real grandson £15,000 my children didnt get anything.
  • dubw
    dubw Posts: 429
    Step Granddaughter and step great grandson -

    Yes, and yes - cause they rarely call or visit unless they want something.
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,339 Member

    This is how i feel and how i treat my stepson and how my parents treat him too everyone gets the same for birthdays xmas etc

    however my partners parents (now just his dad as his mother passed away) treat my children completely differently... at birthdays my children get a card with £10 in where as their "real" grandson gets £50+ and at christmas my children get £25 and the "real" grandson gets £150, he also gets £10 a week pocket money from his grandad.
    My partner and i arent married but live together and have been together since my twins were 6mths old we are planning on marrying in 2013.
    My partner is just as bad too actually we agree to spend a certain amount on each of the children at xmas but then he will buy something "extra" for his son or put an extra £££ in his card. But he earns his money so i guess its up to him what he does with it.
    When my mil passed away my fil gave the real grandson £15,000 my children didnt get anything.

    WOW!
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,339 Member
    Step Granddaughter and step great grandson -

    Yes, and yes - cause they rarely call or visit unless they want something.

    :(
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    I have a step-grandson. His dad and my daughter are no longer married and my daughter is now married to someone else but Sean is still my grandson and always will be.
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    I'm not a grandparent... thankfully... but I do have "step"-grandparents and they would admonish you if you ever used the word "step" in front of them... as far as they are concerned you are just as good as biological.
  • Moe4572
    Moe4572 Posts: 1,428 Member
    I'm not a grandparent... thankfully... but I do have "step"-grandparents and they would admonish you if you ever used the word "step" in front of them... as far as they are concerned you are just as good as biological.

    This is the way it is in my family....my parents were divorced at age 2 and remarried by the time i was 4, so have been with "step-grandparents" since age 4. I have always referred to them as real grandparents, and none of them ever treated me any differently.

    *funny story-My stepdad's grandmother took a look at me, and said "she sure looks like us........are you sure she isn't ours??" She was in her mid eighties at the time...very cute-especially because I don't resemble his family at all :)
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    I'm not a grandparent... thankfully... but I do have "step"-grandparents and they would admonish you if you ever used the word "step" in front of them... as far as they are concerned you are just as good as biological.

    This is the way it is in my family....my parents were divorced at age 2 and remarried by the time i was 4, so have been with "step-grandparents" since age 4. I have always referred to them as real grandparents, and none of them ever treated me any differently.

    *funny story-My stepdad's grandmother took a look at me, and said "she sure looks like us........are you sure she isn't ours??" She was in her mid eighties at the time...very cute-especially because I don't resemble his family at all :)

    Haha... people who didn't know that my dad was my step-dad, would always comment on how I looked like him...
  • thrld
    thrld Posts: 610 Member
    A view from the other direction:

    We've been careful to make sure that our children do not treat their 'step-grandparents' differently from their other grandparents.* When they were born there was some mumbling about who the 'real grandparents' were. Funny enough, the 'steps' are called 'grandma' and 'grandpa' -- the other grandparents are called by various names that mean grandma/grandpa.

    The kids don't differentiate between the sets (there are 3 sets) -- and the way we figure it is, what kid doesn't need/deserve as much love as s/he can get?


    Too bad some of the step-grandparents in some of these posts don't think they could use some extra love, or that you can only love those you are biologically related to.

    *For what it's worth, the step grandparents married in after my husband was in his very late teens - so they never really got a chance to 'parent'.
  • metzica
    metzica Posts: 24

    My step-grandparents were the same way when I was that age, minus the not calling him grandpa. It's sad, and it's hurtful, but it's not your kids' fault, and they should know that. Maybe bring it up to your fiancé and see what he says about it.

    He says "talk to them about it" I've tried that, they get all butthurt. I once said something about them constantly buying his son stuff, right in front of my kids, and his mom said " He's my grandson, they are not my grandchildren" It is hurtful. It hurts them, it hurts me. It's not fair to anyone.

    Wow... At this point, I would just avoid bringing my kids there and stick to bringing them to your parents' place. It's not fair for you kids to be in an environment where they're not welcomed. I think my mom started doing this with us as well, I remember not going to their place very often because it was just b.s... Now that we're older, we visit a couple times a year. I'm so sorry for your kids, it's not like they did anything to deserve it.

    Thank you. I just wish they would open their eyes, ya know?

    For sure. It's totally immature, children are children. And it's bullsh*t they get insulted and their feelings hurt for something that is out of everyone's control.

    I don't know how some people have it in them to be so cruel to children. Especially since they've known them since they were little, how do you not feel any kind of bond? And how do they not see that they're rubbing it in their faces when they give their grandson special/extra attention? I'm so sorry that you and your children especially have to deal with this.

    I totally agree about avoiding putting your kids in that situation, to set them up to feel hurt or left out. If your fiance doesn't like you/them not going over there then tell him he needs to step up and get involved. If it were my parents treating a step grandchild like that I would tell them how disappointed I was with them and tell them to fake it at least for the kid's sake, and no gifts unless there are equal gifts for all.

    I'm in the process of going through a divorce now, and I have a 13 month old son. I can't even imagine how much it would break my heart if someone rejected him that way! Do what you can to take that pain away from them, I wouldn't worry about the grandparents feelings because they're obviously not worried about hurting your kids feelings!

    Good Luck, Take Care!
    Jessica
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
    My husband and I have kids from previous relationships. My parents treated my step daughter liek she was one of their grandchildren even thouggh they only knew her for 2 years before they passed away. She was eremembered in their wills financially the exact same way all of their blood family grandchildren were and I am glad that they did.

    Now...my husband's parents are another story. My Step daughter gets better presents, more attention and bigger priase. It bugs the heck out of my kids, but they have recognized that these grandparents are screwed up!
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
    I'm not a grandparent... thankfully... but I do have "step"-grandparents and they would admonish you if you ever used the word "step" in front of them... as far as they are concerned you are just as good as biological.

    This is the way it is in my family....my parents were divorced at age 2 and remarried by the time i was 4, so have been with "step-grandparents" since age 4. I have always referred to them as real grandparents, and none of them ever treated me any differently.

    *funny story-My stepdad's grandmother took a look at me, and said "she sure looks like us........are you sure she isn't ours??" She was in her mid eighties at the time...very cute-especially because I don't resemble his family at all :)

    Haha... people who didn't know that my dad was my step-dad, would always comment on how I looked like him...

    Everybody tells my son he looks like and sounds like my husband ( his step-dad). My son is proud of that.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,810 Member
    My boyfriend's mom (he is not my son's father) treats my son as if he were her biological grandchild. She spoils him rotten! His entire family has embraced my son as their own, they give him Christmas and birthday gifts, Easter baskets, everything. My son is one lucky kid to have so many people who love him :)
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,810 Member
    I'm not a grandparent... thankfully... but I do have "step"-grandparents and they would admonish you if you ever used the word "step" in front of them... as far as they are concerned you are just as good as biological.

    This is the way it is in my family....my parents were divorced at age 2 and remarried by the time i was 4, so have been with "step-grandparents" since age 4. I have always referred to them as real grandparents, and none of them ever treated me any differently.

    *funny story-My stepdad's grandmother took a look at me, and said "she sure looks like us........are you sure she isn't ours??" She was in her mid eighties at the time...very cute-especially because I don't resemble his family at all :)

    Haha... people who didn't know that my dad was my step-dad, would always comment on how I looked like him...

    Everybody tells my son he looks like and sounds like my husband ( his step-dad). My son is proud of that.

    EVERYBODY thinks my bf is my son's dad, and they do kinda look alike haha
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    I finally read the whole thread... and I feel bad for your kiddos... I can't imagine why they would do that... but then, I came from a different background... which reminds me I need to call my grandparents so I can send them tons of pictures of their great-grandbaby...
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