spouse is a saboteur

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d2rala
d2rala Posts: 54
in Motivation and Support
Help!
I need suggestions on how to deal with a saboteur in my home!
He means well, and gets childish peevy when I refuse to eat what he brings home.
Chips, chocolates, pastry......
Suggestions, ideas?
Thank you
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Replies

  • UponThisRock
    UponThisRock Posts: 4,522 Member
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    Talk to him about it
  • darla100
    darla100 Posts: 134 Member
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    Is he overweight? Does he have low self-esteem? He may be doing this, thinking if you get healthy, then you will leave him (possibly)? Is it a control issue? If he loves you, he should want you to be healthy and making better choices for yourself.
  • marbit
    marbit Posts: 108
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    Is he overweight? Does he have low self-esteem? He may be doing this, thinking if you get healthy, then you will leave him (possibly)? Is it a control issue? If he loves you, he should want you to be healthy and making better choices for yourself.

    This
  • _VoV
    _VoV Posts: 1,494 Member
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    Well, the peevy behavior is something he needs to man up about. I would just tell him that you are both individuals doing what you think is right, and refuse the goodies if they don't fit into your day. No need for big drama.

    I have many trigger foods which I need to keep in the house for my husband who 'needs' something sweet every day, and my teens who crave things I prefer not eating. Over time, I am developing my own versions of 'Eat this, not that'. It gets easier living in the real world of junk food the longer I do this because I am now craving healthier alternatives. That's the direction you want to go.
  • inside_lap
    inside_lap Posts: 738 Member
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    I have the same problem. My fiance expresses his love with food. My answer is to moderate the amount I eat of what he brings me and to increase my exercise to counter the calories.
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    I have the same problem. My fiance expresses his love with food. My answer is to moderate the amount I eat of what he brings me and to increase my exercise to counter the calories.

    Maybe he could express his love with healthier food? I'd rather have a mango or fresh berries than a cookie (or whatever) most of the time.
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    Well, the peevy behavior is something he needs to man up about. I would just tell him that you are both individuals doing what you think is right, and refuse the goodies if they don't fit into your day. No need for big drama.

    I have many trigger foods which I need to keep in the house for my husband who 'needs' something sweet every day, and my teens who crave things I prefer not eating. Over time, I am developing my own versions of 'Eat this, not that'. It gets easier living in the real world of junk food the longer I do this because I am now craving healthier alternatives. That's the direction you want to go.

    ^^ This. Although thankfully my husband is more accommodating in terms of what we keep in the house.
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
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    i find that cooking curbs the appetite...if he brings home chips and chocolate, find a recipe for kale chips or sweet potatoe chips, make those and munch out with him. I also like roasted chick peas. Put out a platter of veggies and dip along with the chips and chocolate. Ask him to get dark chocolate. When my fiance gets peeved that I'm not piggy out, I look him in the eye with my best fuzzy eyeball and say "because I'm fat, and this is why I'm fat" that usually shuts him up.
  • inside_lap
    inside_lap Posts: 738 Member
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    I have the same problem. My fiance expresses his love with food. My answer is to moderate the amount I eat of what he brings me and to increase my exercise to counter the calories.

    Maybe he could express his love with healthier food? I'd rather have a mango or fresh berries than a cookie (or whatever) most of the time.

    Lol. I love mangos and fresh berries. I always make sure the house is stocked with fruit. I think the problem is he finds baking to be stress releaving AND thinks is a wonderful way to express affection. And he knows I have a weekness for baked goods...
  • Donnacoach
    Donnacoach Posts: 540 Member
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    I go through the same exact thing with my husband. He just doesn't get it. I know that
    I can't make him stop eating junk, but he also feels he needs to bring it home to me. I've
    told him enough already. I finally had to sit him down and talk to him about how I was
    feeling. He now brings me home a lottery ticket from the store in stead of a chocolate
    bar that he knows I love. Talk to him and let him know how you feel. He should respect
    your feelings.
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
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    he does it because that's what he did before. I remember telling my fiance (then boyfriend) to bring me home chips, chocolate and a meat stick every time he went to the store. It's how I trained him...and now I'm trying to untrain him. it's hard, but don't get mad at him, he's just doing what he knows...just sit him down gently and explain to him why you don't want that stuff anymore, and that you're thankful for the thought, but maybe buy the $5 flowers that are also in the supermarket instead of the junk.
  • smsinger75
    smsinger75 Posts: 253 Member
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    Thank you for the suggestions. I was wondering how to handle that situation in my own house. My hubby drinks soda. I gave it up about a month ago. But two days ago he brought my favorite kind home. The bottle is in the fridge and it is driving me crazy. I keep wishing one of the kids would drink it. I know that sounds horrible! So I think I will talk to hubby tonight about it and hopefully he will not bring anymore home.
  • d2rala
    d2rala Posts: 54
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    I've tried talking to him, it lasts for a short time then he goes back.
    He knows I want to loss weight, and he wants to lose some as well, but he feels its okay to have the nightly treat. He will have his dish of ice cream, and I have my herbal tea.
    I know it is a control issue with him. He is competitive. I had to stop telling him when I hit my mini goals because that is when he really worked at undermining me, especially if he didn't hit his goals.
    Last weekend I went shopping with him for a new pair of pants. I was delighted that I had dropped a size. To "celebrate" he brought home Mom's cinnamon rolls.
    Whats a girl to do????
  • Nactasha
    Nactasha Posts: 19 Member
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    My husband is mostly on point but sometimes after a party or holiday there is something left that I absolutely love. If no one else in the house eats it but me I trash it immediately. Or sometimes I just throw part of it away. It doesn't happen often so throwing it out works best. He does forget that I have a much lower calorie allowance than him so sometimes he brings me a treat. It's super thoughtful and normally inexpensive junk food so I just act like I'm saving it for later then trash it when he's not around. It's not his job to keep me healthy and he is slowly learning my new healthy preferences but after 5 years married with my bad eating habits if he brings me my favorite dark chocolate m&m's I just don't have the heart to fuss about it. Until recently that's what I wanted him to do.
  • Sqeekyjojo
    Sqeekyjojo Posts: 704 Member
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    I had one of those.

    Actively meant to sabotage the weight loss because he thought if I stayed fat, nobody would want me. It was about control, not love, and the false hurt look on his face when I refused the 8th snack in a day that he would push in my face was all about getting me to hurt myself to please him.



    Only way to stop it was to get rid of him. Started shifting weight almost immediately afterwards.
  • sdrawkcabynot
    sdrawkcabynot Posts: 466 Member
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    forgot to quote the post above me... so ^^^^^^^^^

    Not to mention the 200 lbs of *kitten* you shed :)

    I agree with her... Have a talk about his control issues - and if that doesn't workout... maybe you should shed 200+(?) lbs of *kitten* also? lol

    I am kidding - but seriously the control thing probably needs to be addressed. Throw your portion in the toilet... maybe he'd stop bringing so much in when neither of you get to eat your portion? :D
  • BruteSquad
    BruteSquad Posts: 373 Member
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    I had one of those.

    Actively meant to sabotage the weight loss because he thought if I stayed fat, nobody would want me. It was about control, not love, and the false hurt look on his face when I refused the 8th snack in a day that he would push in my face was all about getting me to hurt myself to please him.



    Only way to stop it was to get rid of him. Started shifting weight almost immediately afterwards.


    I have seen it with friends of mine. The bf gets panicky when he realizes she is serious and does everything to keep her from getting to her goals. It is motivated by selfishness and insecurity.

    I have bought a gf losing weight chocolate before, purely from wanting to do something nice. When she pointed out that she was trying to lose weight, I started buying flowers.
  • Sqeekyjojo
    Sqeekyjojo Posts: 704 Member
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    Not to mention the 200 lbs of *kitten* you shed :)

    I agree with her... Have a talk about his control issues - and if that doesn't workout... maybe you should shed 200+(?) lbs of *kitten* also? lol

    I am kidding - but seriously the control thing probably needs to be addressed. Throw your portion in the toilet... maybe he'd stop bringing so much in when neither of you get to eat your portion? :D


    I agree totally!
  • sdrawkcabynot
    sdrawkcabynot Posts: 466 Member
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    Thank you for the suggestions. I was wondering how to handle that situation in my own house. My hubby drinks soda. I gave it up about a month ago. But two days ago he brought my favorite kind home. The bottle is in the fridge and it is driving me crazy. I keep wishing one of the kids would drink it. I know that sounds horrible! So I think I will talk to hubby tonight about it and hopefully he will not bring anymore home.


    I know it's wasteful - but start dumping it down the sink. Just do it slowly... maybe 2 glasses a day... it will be gone before you know it. :)
  • pat275
    pat275 Posts: 2
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    Help!
    I need suggestions on how to deal with a saboteur in my home!
    He means well, and gets childish peevy when I refuse to eat what he brings home.
    Chips, chocolates, pastry......
    Suggestions, ideas?
    Thank you

    Wow. Tell him straight into the face that with this behavior he actively sabotages your effort to lead a healthier life, and you do NOT find it funny or loving, but disrespectful. Because that's what it is!

    Be clear about it!

    Good luck

    Pat

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