man advice, you know we need it sometimes

nixrun
nixrun Posts: 44
edited November 12 in Chit-Chat
I've been on and off seeing this guy for two years next month. We aren't dating, more like FWB I suppose. Of course I have feelings for him after such a long period of time. In the last six months I made an effort not to see him, but we still would text and chat from time to time. I hung out with him before the Friday before the Superbowl and it was our first time seeing each other in awhile. He couldn't stop saying how good I looked (thanks to MFP and running). A couple days later he said he didn't want to hang out or talk anymore out of the blue, just saying "It's how I feel and you did nothing wrong."

So a month later, he asks if I want to go to the casinos for my birthday and that he will get us a room, etc. etc. I go, we have a really great time and he even gave 200 dollars to gamble with. Not really sure what to think with him, like there's an on and off switch. I really care about him, he knows that. I'm not really looking to get into a relationship at the moment because of other goals I have setup for myself, but he would definitely be the one if I did.

What do you guys think?
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Replies

  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    I think he couldn't get another date for the casinos and he's horny. Your Birthday is a perfect way to get a little and he can look like a good guy by doing something for your birthday. That way you're still out there dangling on a string if he needs a future rematch.

    You are not making the rules in this relationship. Your only option is to play or not to play.

    Opt out. You can do better.
  • j4nash
    j4nash Posts: 1,719 Member
    So which one of you isn't willing to make this thing work? 2 years seems like a long time to be FWB.
  • ZombieChaser
    ZombieChaser Posts: 1,555 Member
    I think he couldn't get another date for the casinos and he's horny. Your Birthday is a perfect way to get a little and he can look like a good guy by doing something for your birthday. That way you're still out there dangling on a string if he needs a future rematch.

    You are not making the rules in this relationship. Your only option is to play or not to play.

    Opt out. You can do better.

    Sadly I think RoadDog is correct here... Save your feelings and your energy on someone who cares for you as much as you care for them.

    You CAN do better.
  • 2hungariangirls
    2hungariangirls Posts: 220
    It is hard....so very hard...you have to cut all ties. Don't respond to text, calls, emails. You have to realize that your self worth is much more than what he thinks you're worth, which doesn't sound like he thinks is very much at all.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member
    He had/has another lady so he walked away from you,when that didn`t work out he wanted to get his FWB back.
    If you are cool with this then have at it but sounds like you want more.
    Tell him outright and if he says no then walk away and don`t look back.
    You will only be miserable and you deserve better.
  • sdrawkcabynot
    sdrawkcabynot Posts: 462 Member
    Sounds like an open relationship - I don't really believe in FWB - if you hit it more then 3 times - it seems like it is some sort of a relationship.
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
    I don't think everyone is right on this. I think he's just iffy about you. He likes you, and there are benefits, but he doesn't want a commitment. It doesn't mean there is anyone else, or that you are the last option. He may really like you, but just doesn't want a relationship.

    I say that because that's where I am right now. I just don't want it, it doesn't matter how awesome she is. But, I still want a little on the side and someone to do things with once in a while, but not a full girlfriend/boyfriend thing. It's complicated.
  • polarsjewel
    polarsjewel Posts: 1,725 Member
    :flowerforyou: I agree with RD and the others. He's keeping you "on the side" in case of an emergency.

    Cut all ties and move on.

    Good luck
  • Il_DaniD_lI
    Il_DaniD_lI Posts: 1,593 Member
    It all depends on whether you are sleeping with him or not (hey it's true). It sounds like to me that he could be using you for a booty call .. that or what The RoadDog said (couldn't get another date). Next time he calls tell him you're not available.

    EDIT.. just saw the FWB part...so i guess that answers my question.
  • Il_DaniD_lI
    Il_DaniD_lI Posts: 1,593 Member
    be sure to keep him on a string though (just incase you need him) :wink:
  • sdrawkcabynot
    sdrawkcabynot Posts: 462 Member
    be sure to keep him on a string though (just incase you need him) :wink:

    Agree with her first post - maybe you give in to easy... start blowing him off and making excuses and see if he tries a little harder. I have turned into a commitment phob myself as I age - but I also know - I can't hit it more than once unless I am madly attracted to it. lol.
  • Il_DaniD_lI
    Il_DaniD_lI Posts: 1,593 Member
    be sure to keep him on a string though (just incase you need him) :wink:

    Agree with her first post - maybe you give in to easy... start blowing him off and making excuses and see if he tries a little harder. I have turned into a commitment phob myself as I age - but I also know - I can't hit it more than once unless I am madly attracted to it. lol.

    lol at "hit it more than once". You should like a horny high school boy.
  • metzica
    metzica Posts: 24
    You can do better. Once you meet someone who really appreciates you, you'll wonder what you were doing with him for 2 years!
  • DavetheHYNIC
    DavetheHYNIC Posts: 318 Member
    You were the last resort girl, all men have them. You'll always be an easy lay in his mind and that's is cause you positioned yourself as such from the get go. Please find your self worth and realize your body and emotional well being are worth more than drinks dinner and 200$. Find someone who take u seriously.
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
    Guys with on/off switches are not into relationships. They come and go as they please. If that's good for you at the moment, then carry on as usual, but I certainly wouldnt get my hopes up that it will turn into something more. I was in a similar situation myself. He could be soooo charming when we were together, but soooooo distant when apart. In the end he just said he was a confirmed bachelor.

    Good luck :flowerforyou:
  • Anthonydaman
    Anthonydaman Posts: 854 Member
    He's not serious about you. Move on girl, your life will be better for it. The right person is out there for you, you just have to be in the right place in life for it all to work.
  • nixrun
    nixrun Posts: 44
    Thanks guys, I really appreciate the feedback. It is a shame we are such a perfect fit, mentally and physically.
  • geezer99
    geezer99 Posts: 92
    To me the most important part of FWB is F, but that part isn't what came through in your story. He cut off the F part and it seems that he came back only looking for the B.

    I think you already know the answer -- I'm sorry that it didn't work out
  • good2bthaking
    good2bthaking Posts: 325 Member
    Sounds to me like he only wants the benefits part. Move on and get someone who will treat you better. You deserve it!!
  • stacymay13
    stacymay13 Posts: 95 Member
    I went through an EXTREMELY similar situation for 4 years. 4 YEARS! It wasn't worth it. I know its super hard, but you can do so much better than this. It took me far too long to realize it. Please don't make the same mistake.
  • avalonms
    avalonms Posts: 2,468 Member
    Thanks guys, I really appreciate the feedback. It is a shame we are such a perfect fit, mentally and physically.
    Think about it ... if you were a perfect fit mentally, you would not have been to compelled toward your original post.
  • kat65
    kat65 Posts: 124 Member
    This is going to sound harsh, but he is not that into you. Dump him and move on. I wasted 11 years with a guy like this. I loved him. It hurt to walk away. So, I stayed. Finally, after 11 years I was so ANGRY that I was finally able to dump him and stick with is decision even though he kept calling. Back to your situation.... He knows he playing you to his benefit.This man will say he will walk away if you want him too, but he will come back to you and you will succimb to him. Don't do it!!! You deserve better. Oh yeah, the guy I finally dumped.... He was engaged and married less than 3 months after I finally split with him. I was just his side kick. I hate myself for the years I wasted. Don't be me.... Two years is one and a half years to long.
  • Zarebeth
    Zarebeth Posts: 136 Member
    He sounds toxic... and the type that will string you along for years, then eventually meet someone else and marry them within a year. I have seen it many times before... If he hasn't been serious about you in all this time, you will never be that person.

    You can play games to try to get his attention, but he sounds like a master manipulator to me and he most likely won't fall for it. Move on... you definitely deserve better than a this guy. Do you really want to be his "good enough for now" girl?
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    In a healthy relationship (and whether you're buckfuddies or exclusive, it's still a relationship) you should never feel insecure or not know how the other person is feeling. This isn't a healthy relationship for you.

    The key word in friends with benefits should be the "friend" part, not the benefit part. If he's only making time for you when he wants to get some, he's not being a good friend.
  • Kirsty_UK
    Kirsty_UK Posts: 964 Member
    I think the important bit here isn't which dog is right, lol, but that you clearly want more. Whatever his reasons, whatever is going on with him, it seems he's made it clear he doesn't want a relationship out of this.

    If you do, and you continue seeing him knowing he doesnt, then that is going to hurt.
  • poncho33
    poncho33 Posts: 1,511
    I think he couldn't get another date for the casinos and he's horny. Your Birthday is a perfect way to get a little and he can look like a good guy by doing something for your birthday. That way you're still out there dangling on a string if he needs a future rematch.

    You are not making the rules in this relationship. Your only option is to play or not to play.

    Opt out. You can do better.

    This guy said it best ^^
  • PunkRockDad
    PunkRockDad Posts: 76
    The guy is using you....maybe you are using him, whatever. But he keeps you stringed along just enough to know that he can call you anytime he wants and have his cake and eat it too.

    Coming from a man's perspective who has ALWAYS treated women with respect and not played games, I cannot understand why women put up with this kind of crap, not unless they want it. I mean no disrespect to you by saying that, but he is going to continue keeping you on the side as long as you give in to him everytime he calls. It goes back to the old saying, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.
  • PunkRockDad
    PunkRockDad Posts: 76
    And from looking at your profile - your smart, beautiful, and seem to have your s*** together working on your masters. Why in the hell would you waste your time on this guy? His loss if you ask me.
  • adamb83
    adamb83 Posts: 719 Member
    I think he couldn't get another date for the casinos and he's horny. Your Birthday is a perfect way to get a little and he can look like a good guy by doing something for your birthday. That way you're still out there dangling on a string if he needs a future rematch.

    You are not making the rules in this relationship. Your only option is to play or not to play.

    Opt out. You can do better.

    ^^^ This. The guy obviously just wants you to give him what he wants, when he wants it, and then get lost. If you're looking for a relationship and/or to be respected, look elsewhere.
  • AZKristi
    AZKristi Posts: 1,801 Member
    RUN RUN RUN from this guy as fast as you can.
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