spouse is a saboteur

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  • mrshayes1584
    mrshayes1584 Posts: 40
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    Great suggestion.With the internet and little effort my carnivore of a husband made me a healthy vegetable lasanga for valentines day!
  • sdrawkcabynot
    sdrawkcabynot Posts: 466 Member
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    Help!
    I need suggestions on how to deal with a saboteur in my home!
    He means well, and gets childish peevy when I refuse to eat what he brings home.
    Chips, chocolates, pastry......
    Suggestions, ideas?
    Thank you

    Wow. Tell him straight into the face that with this behavior he actively sabotages your effort to lead a healthier life, and you do NOT find it funny or loving, but disrespectful. Because that's what it is!

    Be clear about it!

    Good luck

    Pat

    Pat - i just pictured you in a drill sgt uniform... and it scarred me! lol.

    This lady means business... listen to her first... if that doesn't work - then follow my step :) Toilet first!
  • PositivelyFlawed
    PositivelyFlawed Posts: 316 Member
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    I've tried talking to him, it lasts for a short time then he goes back.
    He knows I want to loss weight, and he wants to lose some as well, but he feels its okay to have the nightly treat. He will have his dish of ice cream, and I have my herbal tea.
    I know it is a control issue with him. He is competitive. I had to stop telling him when I hit my mini goals because that is when he really worked at undermining me, especially if he didn't hit his goals.
    Last weekend I went shopping with him for a new pair of pants. I was delighted that I had dropped a size. To "celebrate" he brought home Mom's cinnamon rolls.
    Whats a girl to do????

    Find another man? Sorta kidding, but all jokes aside he's acting like a giant d-bag. Is he this petty and vindictive in other aspects of the relationship or is it just with the weight loss?

    I dont really have any advice since my husband is absolutely wonderful. We're on this journey together. He picks me up when im down - i pushed him through a huge plateau. We're both doing great. He gets to eat tons more than I do and has a short journey ahead, but i still support him even tho I know i have way more work to put in.

    If he can't respect your feelings and talking doesn't help, the next time he brings home some crap to eat - throw it out. Right away, or toss it in the garbage disposal. He\ll get tired of wasting money and stop buying and trying to force crap on you.

    Good luck!
  • hedgiie
    hedgiie Posts: 1,245 Member
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    same thing with my wife, she told me that she don't enjoy my company anymore since i choose what I eat. and she likes me to eat junk when she does it, or bought something.

    i just teased her, one of which is that i'll just smell it. or sometimes i'll act as if i'll eat it but would not. the she loughs and ease the tension, problem solved.

    now, she don't mind if i don't eat junk and she starts to appreciate my effort.

    hope my story helps
  • Acg67
    Acg67 Posts: 12,142 Member
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    Help!
    I need suggestions on how to deal with a saboteur in my home!
    He means well, and gets childish peevy when I refuse to eat what he brings home.
    Chips, chocolates, pastry......
    Suggestions, ideas?
    Thank you

    Sweep-the-Leg-gif.gif
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    Have you told him that you aren't going to eat those things? I don't mean hinted, or assumed he knows it because you're on a diet. I mean say it straight to his face.
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    Did he bring home treats for you before you started your journey? Because if so, he's probably just being nice.




    Or he's cheating and you should check his text messages. (404EGG)
  • 2Grtkids
    2Grtkids Posts: 93
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    he does it because that's what he did before. I remember telling my fiance (then boyfriend) to bring me home chips, chocolate and a meat stick every time he went to the store. It's how I trained him...and now I'm trying to untrain him. it's hard, but don't get mad at him, he's just doing what he knows...just sit him down gently and explain to him why you don't want that stuff anymore, and that you're thankful for the thought, but maybe buy the $5 flowers that are also in the supermarket instead of the junk.

    ^^^^ This ^^^^^ for sure. I'm retraining my hubby too!
  • HendersonDavid
    HendersonDavid Posts: 25
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    I have the same problem but with my fiance. We both want to get back to our "Cuba Bodies"; we went to Cuba in 2009 and for 6 months leading up to it we worked HARD, and we both get ripped (ok i wasnt ripped but super fit) but she was Beautiful, I mean that *kitten*!!!! Anyways, we are now in school full-time and she works part time as a nurse (sometimes overnight, sometimes day shifts). I buy all the food and critic when she chooses weak or not goal oriented foods. I try my best to make her track her foods like I do. she has an iPhone and the myfitnesspal app. She just comes off as lazy. I don't blame her for trying some days. she does bodyrock.tv when Zuzana was the host and when the 30 day challenge came out. She was doing sooo well to. But then theres school & work and she just cant seem to get ahead. When she head home to see family (we live on our own), she eats and eats, add on sleep deprived and 12 hour night shifts. "shakes head"

    Summer is coming and I want her to feel good about herself when the "dont wear much clothing" teens come out. I'll have a sit down with her. I have a feeling I won't be getting laid for awhile. "Shake head" LOL


    One solution you could try is convince his doctor to tell him if he doesn't change his ways, he will be dead soon.
  • d2rala
    d2rala Posts: 54
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    Thanks for all the suggestions.
    Can't get rid of him - I do love him, just hate the "testing my resolve" tendency he has.
    As my doc once told me, unless he has a gun to my head, I don't HAVE to eat it.
    It just gets old having to repeat the above phrase ALL THE TIME.
    Thanks for letting me vent!
    Diae
  • Ruchell
    Ruchell Posts: 236 Member
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    I have the same problem but with my fiance. We both want to get back to our "Cuba Bodies"; we went to Cuba in 2009 and for 6 months leading up to it we worked HARD, and we both get ripped (ok i wasnt ripped but super fit) but she was Beautiful, I mean that *kitten*!!!! Anyways, we are now in school full-time and she works part time as a nurse (sometimes overnight, sometimes day shifts). I buy all the food and critic when she chooses weak or not goal oriented foods. I try my best to make her track her foods like I do. she has an iPhone and the myfitnesspal app. She just comes off as lazy. I don't blame her for trying some days. she does bodyrock.tv when Zuzana was the host and when the 30 day challenge came out. She was doing sooo well to. But then theres school & work and she just cant seem to get ahead. When she head home to see family (we live on our own), she eats and eats, add on sleep deprived and 12 hour night shifts. "shakes head"

    Summer is coming and I want her to feel good about herself when the "dont wear much clothing" teens come out. I'll have a sit down with her. I have a feeling I won't be getting laid for awhile. "Shake head" LOL


    One solution you could try is convince his doctor to tell him if he doesn't change his ways, he will be dead soon.

    Wow...I hope you realize that you said 'she WAS beautiful'...

    If my husband thought it was his duty to critique my eating and exercise habits (not to mention calling me lazy or trying to 'make' me track my food) I wouldn't mind in the least if he chose to take off with one of the scantily-clad teens and got the f*** out of my face! Not the kind of guy I'd want to spend the rest of my life having to prove myself too.
  • tinchick
    tinchick Posts: 59 Member
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    One word: Boundaries.

    I had to do that with my mom. She was bringing home fast food for the two of us and I couldn't resist eating it. So I sat her down one day and told her that she is free to eat whatever she wants, but that I don't want her to bring home anything for me. If it's not there, then I can't eat it.

    It's been working well thus far. It's not always perfect, but it's much better.
  • fiberartist219
    fiberartist219 Posts: 1,865 Member
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    It helps if you can find something else to bond over. Tell him what you want, not just what you don't want.

    Tell him instead of food, he can go for a walk with you, or give you a massage... or go shopping together, or cook healthy food together, or play frisbee, or bring you some other type of present...

    Dudes get their feelings hurt when you reject their "offerings", but it goes over much better if you tell them what you really want, even if it changes like the wind.

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