All I see are flaws..

I can't help but look at myself and think "You are disgusting." I see flaws from head to toe... My hair is so dry and dull, look at those acne scars on my face, look at all the acne on my chest and back, look at the nasty spare tire around your waist, look at those cottage cheese thighs, my arms are so flabby...etc...

Nobody is going to look at me and be like wow she is beautiful. They are probably happy they don't have to look like me.

I feel like I am never going to be able to look at myself and be happy with what I see. I am just going to keep avoiding mirrors and keep the lights dimmed, and cover myself up in baggy clothes.

:sad: :brokenheart:
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Replies

  • Jenny1061
    Jenny1061 Posts: 29
    You are NOT disgusting. Don't give up sweetie. Just keep going and you will start to feel better i promise. eating better and getting activity are going to do wonders for your skin and hair and weight, AND for your emotional well being. DON'T GIVE UP! You CAN do it... believe it! I am here for you.
  • unmitigatedbadassery
    unmitigatedbadassery Posts: 653 Member
    All you see are flaws because that's all you want to see. Dig deep and realize that your going to work your *kitten* off to prove that theory wrong. You got this.
  • hpj17
    hpj17 Posts: 9
    She's right, you know.
    I used to think and feel exactly like you do. That mindset is just a battle that you have to overcome. Push forward, and you'll definitely feel better. Seriously, if you can win over the initial voice and feeling telling you it's not worth it, you'll come out on top. Remember to do it for you, and not to impress anyone else. The rest will fall into place. :)
  • ElPumaMex
    ElPumaMex Posts: 367 Member
    Just looking at your pics, I can tell you that you are absolutely NOT disgusting !

    You are actually a beautiful, sweet girl. Really.

    I have seen at MFP so many examples of people turning around their lives, that I know that you can do this ! :flowerforyou:
  • Helloitsdan
    Helloitsdan Posts: 5,564 Member
    This too will change.
    Be sure you eat right and sleep right and all else will fall in place.
  • dad040859
    dad040859 Posts: 66
    All I see is a beautiful person who needs to let that person come forward...one thing I've learned in my 53 years is that people will always have their opinions. Who gives a rat's rear end? You're here for a reason - you care about yourself and you want to be healthy; the rest will follow. Make lots of friends here; there is no judgment, only support and love. Honestly, we all carry baggage, and the simplest advice is to just put it down and walk free. You are beautiful! I know it's tough, but nothing worth having is easily attained. Stick to it, you can do it. Friend me if you'd like, I'd be happy to take this journey with you!
  • Be gentle with yourself. One day at a time :) Baby steps create change too. :)
  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
    You have a gorgeous smile and a lovely face! You also have a lot of courage - it's hard to share these feelings, even with the relative anonymity of the internet. Hang in there, you can make it.

    May I offer the gentle suggest that, if these feelings are regular and frequent, or if they interfere with normal activities, you might consider talking to your doctor? Sometimes these feelings can get the better of us and begin a downward spiral (I've had the "I'm a disgusting horrible person" feelings before, then I feel bad for feeling that way, which just makes me feel worse...) Sometimes it takes some help to pull out of the pit, and there is nothing wrong with that.
    If you can pull yourself out, that's great! But if you start feeling overwhelmed, then ask for help. Because you are a great person and you deserve to feel good about yourself. :flowerforyou:
  • jazzybean1
    jazzybean1 Posts: 113
    You can do something about each thing you complained about... you're not permanently disabled or disfigured. A first step would be maybe finding some things about you that you actually like!! Negativity will just keep you down for life. There are tons of ways to start healing your very sad self image. You really do need to focus on the positive. Try a theta dna treatment or reiki or healing touch or talk to someone who can help you. See a skin therapist or a good esthetician for your skin issues. I am one and I help people get better skin every day. Laser treatment can be really effective for scarring and isnt as expensive as it used to be. If your hair is dull look online and find a good homemade mask like avacado, or mayo, eggyolk and oil. There's all kinds of things you CAN be DOING to feel better. Pick one....
    I hope you succeed, life is too short to feel that way about yourself.
  • xHelloQuincyx
    xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
    i have a message taped on my mirror that says "you are strong" and one that says "you are beautiful"

    also i have started taking SAM-e suppliments. seriously look into it now. its really helping my depression, alot. it has a lot of research behind it and benefits in many different areas 14 dollars for a months worth, bought at target. be warned tho the box says to take 6 tablits a day (1200 mg) but i have been reading online review things and people report adverse side effects (sometimes) after 400. so im sticking to 1 pill a day. it has show help in many other areas too like liver function, alzheimer's, osteoarthritis, and joint pain. (to name a few) i also read it was better to take it with a b vitomen. the b complex ones i have say "tun food into energy" and "promote healthy brain function" so to say the least, im feeling pretty great :]
  • Taneil27
    Taneil27 Posts: 253
    Thank you all.. so very much for your kind and thoughtful replies :flowerforyou:

    There are 2 things that I like about my appearance and that's my eyes and my smile. So, I guess that's a good start.

    I just feel like once I improve on something, I will find something else to hate. I'm constantly battling with myself and it really hurts.

    :frown:
  • wcox
    wcox Posts: 5
    Hang in there, girl! Like someone else posted, work your *kitten* off and know that you got this! Believe in yourself! Know that you are worth anything you dream of. If you want to lose that spare tire, etc....then work at it and you will be able to accomplish it! Also-remember what really makes a person beautiful...it goes beyond skin. Hugs to you!
  • We are all our own worst critics.

    Something I noticed about a lot of people who have poor self-image is that they do not help themselves any. I'll use my roommate's girlfriend as an example. She is extremely pretty but because she is quite heavy, it's as if she's given up on thinking she can possibly look good. She covers herself in baggy clothes - and only in black, since it's more "slimming" - and refuses to even try to wear colors or anything outside of her current wardrobe. We have convinced her, once or twice, to try a different style of clothing, and she looks STUNNING.

    I think what I'm trying to say here is that confidence is radiant, and very attractive. If you walk around in balloon clothing, projecting the "I'm ugly" aura, then people may pick up on it. My suggestion? Go out to a plus-size store and pick yourself up some great new clothes that are designed to look good on people like you. Nothing makes me feel better than finding something that compliments my... um... curvy figure. Once you feel like you look good in something, the confidence will come naturally and you'll feel so much better about yourself.

    I know you'll make progress eventually, and just think about how good it will feel when suddenly the cute clothes you bought are too big, and you can buy NEW cute clothes!

    Keep it up, we're all rooting for you.
  • econut2000
    econut2000 Posts: 395 Member
    If you like your eyes and your smile that's a great start! It may sound silly, but sit in front of the mirror everyday and LOOK at yourself and say "I have beautiful eyes and a beautiful smile". Repeat, repeat and repeat again! Do this daily. As you start to focus on those postitive attributes, you will begin to see even more postitive attributes! You have many! :-D
  • manda1002
    manda1002 Posts: 178 Member
    Just know that 1 - you're not the only person who has thoughts like these and 2 - you can change all of these things. Something that helps me is not thinking "i need to lose this weight" because I'll be damned if I find it again. I'm changing my life, bettering myself. One thing you can do that will help you with a lot of what you see as problems is drinking a lot of water. I used to never drink water. Then when I started my life change, I started drinking at least what the daily minimum is for my weight and the weather here (which for me works out to 111oz a day, but I only drink about 90, because i figure at least 20 of it will be from foods), and my skin is so much better already, I'm losing weight, and I'm not feeling so sluggish or tired all the time. Anyway, just know that you can do it, that you are beautiful, and most of all, that you're worth it.
  • stablesong
    stablesong Posts: 224
    I know exactly how you feel and it is a very difficult mindset to get out of. Just remember that you can change any of the things you mentioned, and you ARE beautiful. I looked at your pictures and you're very pretty, your hair is gorgeous, and you have a great smile. You have so much going for you, don't let yourself think otherwise. Keep your head up. :)
  • shellsie_j
    shellsie_j Posts: 132 Member
    Nobody is unattractive, we are all beautiful. It doesn't matter about our size or our hair or our skin, the old cliche is true "It's what's inside that counts" I know that this probably won't help because you are so down on yourself but the fact that you are reaching out to others and are able to articulate your feelings is a BIG step. Ask yourself....will you be happy when you are thinner or will you still be down on yourself for any imagined flaw. We must all work on our diet and exercise but equally importantly we must all work on our inner thoughts and self criticism that cause us to beat ourselves up. Stay on this site, it is very motivating and has helped me focus A LOT
  • sunnshnegrl
    sunnshnegrl Posts: 58 Member
    Everyone is beautifull to someone. I know you might not be able to see it right now but you will. Work hard, stay motivated, and when you start seeing results you will find your inner beauty again. And I say inner beauty because you are already beautifull on the outside you just have to start believing in yourself again. Stay strong!

    P.S. Your eyes and smile are great features!
  • chasingpavements24
    chasingpavements24 Posts: 107 Member
    Oh, sweetie - I have totally been there. I feel like my face is covered with acne scars and I've struggled with my weight since I was like 2 years old - on a particularly bad day, I'll remember all the things people have ever said about me and I just want to give up - but that's letting them win. I just have to remind myself that, even if no one else sees it, I am a good, compassionate person and I deserve to be happy. It's something that I still struggle with, but what has helped me is surrounding myself with positive people, positive affirmations, and writing in a journal. Also, you have to remember - acne scars, limp hair, and being fat aren't permanent things - with ALOT of work, these things can be fixed. I'm a big believer in the fact that when you look good, you feel good - so I try to take the time to look good, even with my imperfections.
  • Jenilein
    Jenilein Posts: 10 Member
    Aw Taneil! I don't see flaws, I see someone who is taking courageous steps!

    This is the hard part; starting again. I'm starting too. We're going to get things in alignment with who we really are; healthy, strong, active and happy people.

    I just walked 5 miles under a balmy evening sky. I was moving. I was real. Sometimes you have to get away from the static of disappointments shown on the scale, judgemental looks, food confusion, tight clothes, mixed theories and bikini-clad chicklets prancing around touting commercial diet pills. That stuff can drive me nuts and make my goals seem unrealistic. But then I get out there and move, breathe, drink refreshing water, sleep well and fuel my body with natural, fresh foods. That's real.
  • Taneil27
    Taneil27 Posts: 253
    Wow I can't thank you all enough :heart:

    I know what I have to work on. Although, I don't want to have to feel like I need to change all those things before I accept myself. I really want to be able to accept myself the way I am now. But how do you do that? How can I look at the acne on my back, and think that's OK, and think that's acceptable? I just scoff at it.

    Even at the gym, my trainers want me looking in the mirror, but I can't stand looking at myself. I feel ashamed. And it truly breaks my heart that I see myself this way.
  • No, no, no. If you focus on your flaws, that's all you're going to see. Starting a weight loss journey is really hard but you have to learn to love yourself. If you don't, you might lose all the weight and still see flaws. Take it one day at a time and you're going to start noticing results. Just don't give up!
  • purplep41n
    purplep41n Posts: 40 Member
    I'm glad you can see that you have lovely eyes and a smile :) You are a stunner already. You are alive and young and you're able to change your life.

    Maybe you need to stop seeing this as a means to lose weight but instead start seeing this as a way to get healthy. When you're feeling like you do, like I do, like many of us do, its very difficult to lose weight for image sake but for health sake, you will find it easier most likely.

    The things you are unhappy about can be solved by eating and drinking - with care, but there is a fine line. Trying to lose weight unhealthily can make these things much worse. So leaning more on the scale towards getting healthy will put you on the right track. Don't forget that thin people can be just as if not more unhealthier than larger people.

    And don't forget that you deserve to be healthy, you deserve to feel good about yourself, you deserve to where nice clothes, makeup, have a nice hairdo. I think this is an underlying thing, which I know I suffer from. Is some weird belief that you will look ridiculous in any way that you try and look after yourself. You have just as much right as anyone else to take care of yourself. People will not stop and stare and say/think "why the hell is she bothering" - do you think that might be at the heart of it. I know it is with me. I know that in the mornings before work I feel like an idiot if I try and look nice.
  • Chairless
    Chairless Posts: 583 Member
    Your perception is off, and its probably something you should seek help for.

    Talk to your doctor if at all possible.
  • DogsK
    DogsK Posts: 94
    You could be right. If that is all you are capable of seeing and that is what you advertise well that's what others will see. What I see from your post and pic is a nice young lady, who has determination to achieve her goal (otherwise she wouldn't be here and seeking help), who is open and honest and values other people. Love yourself and others will follow. You can do this, just believe in yourself and be the best that you can possibly be. All the best with it
  • Emmea2729
    Emmea2729 Posts: 100 Member
    i feel like this.

    but i also see everything wrong with my personality. i think there is something wrong with me that everyone else can see, but i just can't. like a weird habit i do that i think is normal or something.

    i also tend to pick out everythin wrong with other people.
    its like i cant see the good side.

    i know i sound mental. probably am. but you're not strange for not liking your body. i have only met one person who can say they're happy with how they look - and its a guy.
  • peachied
    peachied Posts: 117 Member
    accepting yourself as you are now is not easy. hell, i think it's the toughest part of the weight loss journey! but you know what? it gets easier when you keep practicing at it. the more you focus on what you love about yourself (e.g. your laugh, your smile, your sense of humor, your taste in movies, etc), the more you will feel better about yourself. you will love yourself, flaws and all, and you will be feel more comfortable in your own skin. I promise. Just try, and you will see that things will improve. don't worry keep your head up. :)
  • peachied
    peachied Posts: 117 Member
    also if you have the chance you should read the book "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne. It might help some
  • slay0r
    slay0r Posts: 669 Member
    Have to add to this, if you take a look at my pictures you can see how big I was. I thought I'd never look good I mean how can a balloon head on top of a blimp look good? Fact is when you lose it, you'll never know what you'll look like until you do it. I really didn't expect to look the way I do now.

    I have to say that once you've got going properly, the compliments will start coming in and you'll feel like a different person. Trust me it's all worth it for that feeling when someone gives you those first few compliments and when you get a special one. To have thought I would get the comment I got off a girl the other night a couple of years ago I'd have laughed at myself and told myself to get a grip. Just so you know the future things people could say to you, I got told the other night:

    When this girl sees me she kisses me and always does this little giggle and I asked her why the other night. Her reply was that she giggles because she has to look away from me sometimes because she catches sight of me and realises how beautiful I am. And proceeded to say in a sort of gorgeous way" I've never ever had a compliment even half as nice as that and I was glowing for a few days afterwards, she's an incredibly attractive girl so to hear that from her.. One day you'll get the same!
  • prism6
    prism6 Posts: 484 Member
    Don't compare yourself to others.Unrealistic images are pushed on us all the time. If we all looked like Christy Brinkly, wouldn't the world be a boring place? Smiles will beautify the plainest of faces,posture will slim the less than trim bodies, and good fitting clothes will put the icing on the cake. You sound a little down, I have that problem myself,for ALOT of years I have wallowed in my misery. Now I know that I wasted too much time,now I want to be the best me I can,try to be the best you that you can be. Good luck and IT"S SPRING! a time of renewal