Never the girlfriend :'(

And I am beginning to think that love actually does not exist. Just lust.

Not true. Keep the faith

Just to add to the above poster- I think the person with the lower interest level always have the upper hand in a courtship. Usually its the woman. However, if you are putting more in than the guy, then he has the upper hand. When the times come usually the guy will find YOU and not the other way around.

I really do think I am the problem, and it's not entirely the guys. It appears I am the "girl before the one"... or actually, more accurately, the "girl WHEN you find the one"...

As other people have said, I think you've just had some bad luck with the guys. I don't think it is your persona/looks, but simply you need to work on your approach. Easy fix, so don't feel so bad. You are a pretty, successful girl. For example, I would suggest stop asking for numbers. Why do you think guys don't ask you for your number?

I think having a type is a good thing as well btw. It doesn't have to be completely specific, but have some ideas of things you need. Ex: age range, height range, weight range, race, career/money, nationality, hobbies...The more you know what you want, I think the easier it will be.

If it makes you feel any better, the guy I recently started dating told me he was married (now divorced), had kids (live with his ex wife), and he cheated on her. I appreciate his honesty, but...*_*

PS: I think although the above is really...um...I am usually really successful with guys wanting me to be their girlfriends.

Don't focus on 'getting' a boyfriend. focus on being who you want to be in life! Having a boyfriend doesn't define who you are as a person. I used to think something was wrong or I was sending out the wrong signals because all these younger men kept approaching me! I am 47 and yes, many mistake me for 10 years younger... the men that would approach me were not only younger by 10 years, but they were so immature!

don't sell yourself short! I know I'm old fashioned, but sex is only blessed by God in the covenant of marriage. My children's daddy was my first date, my first boyfriend and my first husband, because yes, I would like to be married again. Being widowed for 10 years makes you strong, but its not easy!

Learn to love yourself first, before you try to love someone else.

You are gorgeous, there is no doubting that. I'm guilty of the same behaviour at some pint or another as we all prob are. I have been on your end of the stick as well for some time. I have been trying to find that special someone for a while. I'm 28 and thought I had found that person on 2 occasions in 2011. It's been really hard at times, but you just pick yourself up and get on with it. That's all you can do when it goes to ah&t.

In the end all the anguish and pain will seem a million miles away when you find that person and it all falls into place. You'll wonder why you ever worried

Ps if you happened to be on the sunshine coast I would show you how a boyfriend really is

I'm sorry you're hurting. I went through this often when I was still out on the market. My worst story: I finally trusted a guy enough to move in with him and he started cheating with one of our mutual friends almost immediately. One day I came home to find all of my stuff in garbage bags and he told me to get out so she could move in. That one hurt!

But take heart - there are many GREAT guys out there. Don't fear! Most of us had to go through a few jerks to finally get someone who was ready to love selflessly. You will find one because it sounds like you have a healthy attitude toward relationships and sex. Keep taking it as slowly as you want. You will find a guy who wants you enough to respect that.

It could be the type of guy. I always went for super flirty, aggressive men and all of them ended up effing me over. I have found that often the faithful, loving men are not the ones who come on strong or aggressively. (That's not always true but it often is.) They're the ones who are patient and respectful, and I think often get cast too quickly into the friend zone by women.

Take care!

Maybe you are trying too hard, and worrying about it too much? Perhaps if you just relax, stop thinking about long term relationships, and just do what is fun for you...maybe...just maybe......it will find you when you least expect it. I hope that you find what you are looking for.... :-)

^THIS!!!

I feel similar, except I feel like I can't even get to the stage where anyone is even interested in me, or attracted to me. So, I definitely don't think I'll be called "girlfriend" any time soon.

I'm in the same boat with you :frown: And because of that haven't even wasted my time by having crush on anyone. No point.

First things first: Stop assuming that every guy you go on a date with is boyfriend material (for you). In reality, VERY few of them are going to be the kind of man with whom you could have a healthy, happy relationship. If you try to fit every guy who asks you out into that mold, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

Secondly, if you want to be in a relationship and not forever be some guy's "Plan B" (i.e. the girl he calls only when his other plans fall through), you have to make a clear distinction between "dating" and "hanging out." If he makes plans with you in advance, picks you up, takes you out, pays for dinner, etc., he's dating you. If he calls you at the last minute, asks you to meet him somewhere, expects you to pay, etc., he is just hanging out with you, and he will never call you his girlfriend. You're just someone he'll spend time with once a month when he has nothing better to do.

But you have to do your part, too. You are not a teenager; you're a grown woman, so this "I can't kiss a guy till at least the third date" stuff has to stop. Let me be clear that you do not owe a man a kiss just because he took you to dinner. I completely understand not wanting to kiss someone you just met, even if you are attracted to him. If it doesn't come naturally, don't force it. But if it doesn't come naturally by the end of the second date, that should be your clue to move on. No self-respecting man is going to happily skip along through the dating process with a woman who won't even kiss him, and if you aren't DYING to kiss him pretty soon after meeting him, then he isn't the one for you. So it's not always that he is putting you in the friend zone; it's usually that you're not really into him, but you're trying to force a relationship to happen because you don't want to be alone.

Also, the "men are intimidated by me because I'm successful and independent" thing is crap. Grown men are not intimidated by women who have ambition and a solid work ethic. They're just not particularly attracted to women who brag about their success, have made their jobs the center of their universe, and take pleasure in showing men that they aren't needed for anything but occasional sperm donation. Men look at women like that the same way women look at men who walk around with "I'm in love with my Maserati. I just want you for sex" tattooed on their foreheads.

i dont think there is a such thing as right or wrong guy... i think there is the right or wrong guy for u. ur anticipating being in a long term relationship when u should be looking at it from a different perspective. ur single now! like right now! have fun, be urself. do NOT by any means try to figure this out. there is nothing wrong with u that isnt wrong with every other girl out there. ur too preoccupied with trying to find the "right one" to realize that ur letting what u have right now blow by u. Relationships arent easy. im sure u know this. theres ups that feel great but then the downs are always the ones that make u feel like ur better off being alone. this might come off as cliche but the right person is out there for u. there is a right person for everybody. what ur going thru now is lifes way of maturing u for what is to come...

i met my wife/girlfriend while i was buying fish for my fish tank... she had a boyfriend... i had a girlfriend... we broke it off with our relationships to be with each other. im sure that the girl i was with and the guy she was with probably feel just like u do now. but in the end u will realize there is someone for everyone. stop looking and they will find u.

Try having fun with them. What you've described sounds like it involves too much thinking.

This... And, you are a knockout. Many men woukd count themselves lucky to be able to kiss those lips. Hang in, single is tough - give yourself a break!

I wouldn't worry so much. Real life isn't like "Boy Meets World" where we all find our Topanga in middle school (sorry for the old reference but just finished watching a marathon of this show...love it!) Anyways my point is that you're still young. You've gone through some bad seeds but so have we all. I tend to look at failed relationships as an opportunity to learn something about yourself and what you want from the world and from future relationships. Better that you see these people for who they are now rather than later when you've already walked the aisle with them. I'm sure with time you'll find someone who is truly amazing. In the mean time just keep being yourself and try not to think about it so much

Hopefully that'll work...In case it doesn't it says:"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by *kitten*"

How does that relate, well, have you first confirmed the guys you've gone out with are not in fact *kitten*/douche's/jerks/etc?

It probably isn't that you are attracting the wrong guys, just it is a lot easier to come across the wrong ones!

This^^