Encouraging teens

My grandparents took the car keys away so if I wanted to go to the mall (~2 miles) I had to walk or bike it.

Watch that encouraging her to get an account isnt read by her as you saying "you're getting too big"

How about a fun console game, like wii sports/fitness...if she sees you having fun with it she might feel inclined to join in. Its not exercise, its fun when its like that. There are lots of different consoles and fitness based games to choose from, if you have a console ask on here for recommendations

{This is such a side note, but}:noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :grumble: :explode: I am almost 21 and have and will not for a long time call myself grown to my parents. Legally I am an adult, I pay some of my own little bills, but mainly my parents support me, don't relinquish control based on an arbitrary claim of adulthood.

Now that that's taken care of, you can have influence b/c my mom did on me. She told me I was getting too heavy. However; it caught me off guard b/c she NEVER, nor did anyone in my family have an ill word to say about my weight. She was nice about it, but I weighed myself at 300pounds like the following day, and it was a huge(haha, get it ) slap in the face. So I started to change.

Since she likes technology, suggesting MFP would be great, and assuming she's getting ready for college/work life or whatever, maybe she can encourage her friends to join MFP together to make it an exciting start to their new lives away from high school.

Start by making new healthy recipes, get her interested. Exercise, invite her, but if she says no, don't make a big deal about it. Strange but people are more willing to go if they feel they have an option and aren't being begged.

Good Luck. :flowerforyou:

My sister is 20 but has been heavy since high school. The BIGGEST MISTAKE you can make is encouraging her to lose weight or "get active." My mom was pretty harsh with my sister and now she is a private, compulsive binge eater. She hasn't lost any weight, she's gotten much bigger because eating is so shameful for her.

Limit use of electronics, ask her to start walking the dog when she gets home from school, and prepare healthy meals (assuming you have some control over her breakfast and dinner). If you model healthy eating and exercise and aren't overbearing, she'll fall into place. Just please, please, please -- don't try to guilt her into it.

As much as you care about her there's nothing you can do to encourage her or do anything. If she's dangerously overweight then she should hear that she needs to do something about it from her doctor. It's not something that you should be encouraging other people to do, especially because a healthy diet and a healthy life has to be her decision and choice.

I have an eighteen year old daughter who is becoming quite heavy. I have tried to get her involved with me in exercising but she wants nothing to do with it. I have been told by friends that girls this age just don't want to spend time with their moms. Well, I don't think I totally agree with that but, I am having trouble getting her to just want to exercise. She really doesn't have an unhealthy diet...eats very little meats and loves vegetables. Her problem is that she doesn't want to move !!!! She just wants to sit around watching TV or messaging her friends online.

Yes, she is technically an adult, but she does live with me and is still in high school. I have some control. Just not when it comes to getting her active. Any advice?

(One thing I am going to do is encourage her to make herself an account here at MFP)

Honestly speaking.... I have an 18 year old daughter as well... She already knows he is on the heavy side but not bad.... but she is taking steps to take care of herself on her own because SHE made the decision. I cant make it for her nor convince her otherwise....

Just like you, me or any of us on here using MFP - we had to come to our own senses about our health and weight issues. WE had to make the decision for US.....

All you will do, unforunately, is cause resentment and anger if you continue to talk with her about it... its like a vicious reminder that our mothers/parents are only focusing on the weight problem and nothing else.. its mentally detrimental.... Seriously, leave your daughter be and when she is ready, she will make the decision for herself....

I agree with those who said to be really careful about being too critical. Instead of telling her she is getting heavy, focus on her age right now, because she's at the age where most of us girls had to start being more careful about what we ate. So you could say something like, "You haven't had to worry about this in the past because your body was still in the Growth stage, but now that you basically have an adult body you will have to start taking good care of it so you can stay healthy. You'll probably find over the next few years that you won't be able to have the same sort of eating habits you had as a kid and still feel healthy. If you get plenty of exercise you will be able to worry about it much less, and your heart will be stronger so that you don't have so many health problems as an adult." Also I agree with the people who said to not buy any junk food. Load up on the fruit and vegetables at the store and buy things that require cooking or preparation in order for her to eat them. That way she can't just walk by the pantry and grab something...she'd have to stop what she was doing and actually prepare food. If a person eats out of boredom (as I tend to) then having things less accessible is the way to go!

I agree with going to a dr. If she's getting to be in an unhealthy range maybe a dr can 'scare' her into changing something. Hearing it from your parents is different then hearing it from a dr. You may hurt her feelings, and you can never undo that! But if a dr tells here then all the information she gets will be about being healthier instead of looking good. Which no matter how you try to tell her, all she will hear from you is that she's fat. That's just how teens think. So see a dr and get the dr to do the work

On a different note, this thread has made me so happy that I changed my eating/exercise habits while my kids were young (my oldest is seven). We ate like crap and never went outside, now we eat WAY better and get outside almost everyday as long as the weather is nice. My oldest son now asks for things like fruit or veggies for snacks and my youngest son (two years old) doesn't even know junk food exists.

Tell her to never ever, under no circumstance, exercise....teens tend to do what their parents don't want them to.

Lol@this....I know exactly what you mean..

A person cannot fully put their whole self into something if they don't want to be part of it.

I think the best way to go about this is to calmly sit her down, and tell her she's beautiful and that you appreciate the person she is. Tell her you don't want to sound like a nagging mother, but you would like her to lead a long and happy HEALTHY life and for that to happen, it would be beneficial for her to join you on your quest for healthiness, in order to prevent her from becoming an "overweight/obese" statistic.

Coming from an 18 year old girl, I know that in the past I have had a lot of criticism from my mother, family and friends, and the words that really stuck were always words from my mother, which ironically were the words that hurt the most. Although sometimes she was trying to help despite giving backhanded compliments, I did think she was out to ruin my life. Think we've all been there hahaha

As for your actual question, you are right, you are her mother. But with that you are also the chauffeur, chef, and servant to your daughter (you may deny it, but all mothers drive their kids place, cook them food, and do tasks that your child is perfectly capable of) so because of this, you can control - albeit without her actually knowing - her lifestyle. The next time you cook a family meal, give her exactly what you give yourself. Instead of dropping her off at the shopping centre, tell her she is quite capable of getting there herself. Instead of giving in when she asks for you to wash her bedding and make up her bed again, tell her to get off her *kitten* and do it herself!

She will soon realise you don't want to ruin her life (like I did about 2 years ago) you are actually trying to help her. Encourage her to spend time with you and walk to a cinema or mall together and buy a little non-food treat whilst there, i.e. a manicure or clothes etc. Reassure her that you have no intention of hurting her, you merely just want her to live the life you think she deserves.

Also, tell her there is a really amazing 18 year old girl on MFP who has just gotten to her half way goal and would be happy to provide ongoing support and motivation! (ps that is me haha)

Good luck!!! xxx