My parents have both died because of poor health.

Amy_B
Amy_B Posts: 2,317 Member
edited November 12 in Health and Weight Loss
I am 31 years old and have lost both of my parents to health related issues. My mom died in 2005 of a heart attack. She was 47 years old. It was a big shock but not incredibly unbelievable given her habits. She smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day, ate out a lot, and didn't work. She was incredible sedentary. She died 3 days before her second grandchild was to be born.

On March 2, 2012, my dad, who has been battling type II diabetes for years along with heart issues (quadruple bipass in 2007) and was only 55, went into cardiac arrest. He wasn't found for at least 10 minutes at the rehab center where he was staying after he had first a couple of toes amputated then half his foot then half his leg. It took 20 minutes to find his heart beat after that (to revive him). He never recovered from not having oxygen for that long, and on March 4, we decided to take him off of life support because he would have no quality of life. He died 2 hours later.

I am having a very difficult time with this. I was able to lose over 100 pounds after my mom died (my motivation to lose), but I gained a little back. I know I need to continue my journey, and I am, but emotionally, it's very difficult. I know he just passed, but I would like a day where I don't feel like completely breaking down.

I guess the reason I am posting this is because of my pain and wanting to share why we really need to get healthy. Think about your family and the pain they would go through if you passed away because of poor health.
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Replies

  • Helenatrandom
    Helenatrandom Posts: 1,166 Member
    I am so sorry for your loss.

    Both of my parents are gone now, too. My daddy died of lung cancer when I was 23, and my mother died 17 years later of a heart attack (2 years ago). While I don't know what it is like to lose them so close together, or both by the age of 31, I know grief. The pain DOES ease, though you will always miss them. The day will come though when you can remember the happy times and be glad you had them rather than just hurt because they are gone.

    :flowerforyou:
  • minimetobe10
    minimetobe10 Posts: 15
    I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine.

    Thank you for sharing. Leaving my little one without a mom is one of my motivations for doing this. I cannot imagine not seeing him grow up.
  • becoming_a_new_me
    becoming_a_new_me Posts: 1,860 Member
    I am so sorry for your loss, and I pray you find strength. While certainly traumatic for you, imagine much longer you will be here for your children so that they do not have to go through what you went through. You are certainly a strong and amazing woman...keep up the hard work!
  • mbrownks77
    mbrownks77 Posts: 137
    I'M so sorry for your loss...... My mom died last June af COPD. She was only 60. Now, my 54 year old aunt has it too. Yet I continue to smoke. I promised my mom before she died that I would get this weight off and need to try harder. Losing your parents makes you put alot of things into perspective. I just try to remind myself every day that I WILL BE here to see my kids and grandkids grow up. You have done an AMAZING job on your journey hon. I have no doubt that you will continue. You are an inspiration to me and MANY others too. You are in my prayers. Keep ur head up!
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
    *hugs* I have had to bury 3 people I love from smoking-related cancers and a very good friend who died last year at the age of 47 from complications associated with morbid obesity. I know it's not the same thing, but it's so frustrating when it happens and you lose someone so dear to you from poor decisions on the part of the person who passed. The anger, frustration, and hurt can seem palpable at times.

    Know always that they loved you and want only the best for you. If you have children, use this as inspiration to be the best mother you can be for them so they don't have to go through the same with you. Remember that it is all about quality of life. We can't control when we die, but we have a lot of control on how we live and what legacy we leave our children.

    47 and 55 are way too young to pass away, and my heart is with you. *hugs*
  • Rae6503
    Rae6503 Posts: 6,294 Member
    Oh man. I'm so sorry for both of your losses. That's horrible.
  • brandiuntz
    brandiuntz Posts: 2,717 Member
    My sincerest condolences to you. I lost my mother to Type 1 Diabetes this past September.

    I watched her health decline over the years. I have other relatives with diabetes (Type II), and it's the same story.

    Like you, I remind myself the importance of staying fit and healthy.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    :heart:
  • Celeigh12
    Celeigh12 Posts: 763 Member
    I'm so sorry. I feel some of your pain. While I still have my dad, I lost my mother 14 months ago to a sudden infection, but her obesity was a factor in her death. She was 69. It was a wake up call for me, but for many months I was pulled between eating for comfort because I missed her and wanting to avoid following in her footsteps. I am firmly on track now, but it makes me so sad that she never wanted to be healthier. I don't want to live her life. I want better for myself. I want more.
  • Wisemomoffour
    Wisemomoffour Posts: 125 Member
    My heart hurts for you...I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this. My dad died of a heart attack 13 years ago and my mom died of diabetes complications 3 years ago. Both of them probably could have extended their lives through healthy eating and exercise, but I don't think we knew enough a decade ago. Information is so much more readily available now. But my folks left a legacy--because of them I will take care of myself. I don't my kids to grieve for me at too young an age. Hang in there. Make them proud and do good things for you!!!
  • andrearaquel48
    andrearaquel48 Posts: 102 Member
    I'm so sorry for your loss. You're right, your father just passed, and you need time to grieve. Try not to be hard on yourself and give yourself time to mourn his loss. But also remember how healing exercise is - even just going for a walk will boost those endorphins and give your heart a little lift. You will get through this!
  • kriskaryl
    kriskaryl Posts: 120 Member
    Bless your heart, honey. That is an awful lot for you to have to go through. We are all very happy that you recognized your parents issues and have decided to take control of YOUR life. You are young and have many things to do in your life. Keep working on you!
  • janna674
    janna674 Posts: 410 Member
    i have been you friend for over a year her on MFP...i feel so bad that you lost your mom and dad in such a short time...no words can fix what happened with your dad...but i assure you gaining a few in a rough patch is going to get you done ...i know it does me, but we will manage it together and you are strong and i know you can do it!
  • korsicash
    korsicash Posts: 770 Member
    So sorry for your loss, so proud that you see it and can make a change and stop the cycle. BE the example for your children and live long so they do not have to feel your pain. My dad passed a few years ago but due to an accident. Had that not happened he was on his way to major weight related issues. His triglycerides were scary high! Heart disease runs deep on both sides of my family as does obesity. I want to be the change in my family and live a healthy life for my son! Good luck on your journey!
  • Lozze
    Lozze Posts: 1,917 Member
    I am so sorry for your loss and pain. I wish I could do more but *big hugs*

    You are doing a wonderful thing and have achieved so much. You can do this.
  • BrookSt_Jane
    BrookSt_Jane Posts: 390
    So sorry for your loss, it is a heartbreaking story. My prayers to you and your family during this sad time.....You are doing a great thing for yourself, stay strong and you will get through this.
  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
    I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. I hope you are getting some real-life support as well as on MFP. Take care of yourself as much as you're able.
  • Elizabeth_M
    Elizabeth_M Posts: 562 Member
    I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs and prayers to you.

    Give yourself time to grieve, but try to keep in mind why you want to be healthy. Don't lose sight of that.

    You can do this, you are strong, as you have already proven!
  • vanillasugar
    vanillasugar Posts: 246 Member
    Very sorry for your losses ((hugs)) I have nothing to add that can ease your pain but glad that you yourself are on a healthy path and setting a good example to your loved ones.
  • Jorra
    Jorra Posts: 3,338 Member
    Hug-Emoticon.gif
  • binky78
    binky78 Posts: 55 Member
    I'm so sorry for your loss. I have not lost either of my parents so can't imagine what you are going through exactly but try to keep your head up and will say a prayer for you to give you strength to get through this unimaginable hard time. I have had Type 1 Diabetes for 20+ years and it has been my greatest fear to not be around to watch my children grow up. You have come so far in your weight loss journey just try to keep on keepin on. You can do it!
  • hadl0032
    hadl0032 Posts: 117
    Extremely sorry for your loss! Stay strong and positive! This is a life long journey, but you need to take it day by day...sometimes hour by hour! You know first hand the outcome of a poor diet, lack of exercise, and all around bad health choices. Use your parents passing as a way to help motivate yourself and learn from their mistakes.

    DO THIS FOR YOURSELF. THERE IS NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT!!!!

    I wish you all the best in your journey! Smile! :)
  • spectralmoon
    spectralmoon Posts: 1,179 Member
    Oh honey, you have my deepest condolences. I am so sorry.
  • TBill13
    TBill13 Posts: 15 Member
    I am very sorry to hear about your loss. My father lost both his parents when he was young, his mother to cancer when he was 14 (the oldest of 4 children) and his father to a heart attack just after I was born. Both his parents smoked heavily and at the time he lost his father he was chain smoking 3 packs a day. I think the loss of his father promted him at the age of 30 to quit. He quit cold turkey and has never smoked again. This is likely the greatest thing he ever did for his family. He just celebrated his 80th birthday with us last September and is still driving, playing golf, and enjoying seeing his grandkids grow into adults. It seems you have made the same kind of life changing decision for yourself and are setting yourself up for the same kind of long and full life that my father has been able to enjoy. It can be tough to change life habits, keep it up, and keep your eye on the prize!
  • TheYankeeBelle
    TheYankeeBelle Posts: 37
    Wow, girl. My heart certainly goes out to you. Your wounds and grief are so fresh...you must be in agony. I lost my step-mother and father to poor health as well (in 1996 and 1997, respectively).

    My father, was much like your mother....smoker, sedentary lifestyle, and my father had a very stressful job in addition to being naturally high-strung and a family history of all heart disease, hypertension and eartly death.

    Your weightloss already is amazing and you should be VERY proud of yourself....as I'm sure your parents are as well.

    Stay strong (breakdowns are more than okay, your father died DAYS ago) and try to keep your eyes on the long term and what good and wonderful things you are doing for your future and your family.

    Feel free to add me as a friend and/or message me if you want to chat/vent/cry/scream to someone who has been there too.
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,871 Member
    I'm so sorry you've suffered the loss of your parents so young. My parents also died relatively young, my mom from a blood clot when she was 44, and my dad from complications following open heart surgery when he was 55. It has definitely made me realize that life is precious and short, and that we should take care of ourselves as best we can.

    Your loss is still very recent. I can't say time will take away all the pain but it does get better. Many ((hugs)) from someone who knows :smile:
  • splackk
    splackk Posts: 163
    I'm so sorry for your loss, my condolences. Both my parents are (thankfully) still alive, though I'm getting increasingly worried the same thing will happen to my dad very soon. He was diagnosed with MS, is obese and smokes nonstop. The doctors have told him he can’t expect another five years unless he changes his lifestyle, but he refuses. He’s said he’d rather be happy smoking and eating what he wants for five years than miserable eating leaves for twenty. How can his family make him understand how much we want him to be there for the next 20, 30, maybe more years. He’s only 50 years old!
  • Captain_Tightpants
    Captain_Tightpants Posts: 2,215 Member
    My deepest condolences on your loss. That was a brave and honest post.
  • Andufrene
    Andufrene Posts: 44
    I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm 40 and have lost my mom, dad and brother. I lost my mom in 1983 at the age of 49 to diabetes and my dad in 1999 at the age of 69 he had a blockage in his neck had surgery and the next day died from a blood clot. (Which is when i really started putting on my weight) When i thought it couldn't get any worse in April of 2005 i loss my brother at the age of 49, he had an infection that got into his blood stream. Then to top everything we went through Katrina and lost our home and everything we owned. I honestly think the only thing that kept me together was that I was 7 1/2 months pregnant. It's still hard at times because i miss them so much but it dose get easier just give yourself time to grieve and keep focus on your goals. It took me along time but I'm now determined to get this weight off because i know i need to be here for my son and husband.

    Good luck and feel free to add me!
  • busyblkgirl
    busyblkgirl Posts: 264 Member
    Wow! I really hurt for you. (((HUGS)))
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