Bitter friend.

I hear ya! My best friend (at least I think she is still my best friend,,, who knows) is like that. She was supposed to start the weight loss journey with me, but for some reason she never did. SO, now that I am losing and she is acutally gaining, I find that I rarely hear from her unless it is to complain how unhappy she is, how stressed she is, how lonely she is, or how fat she feels.
I have tried to invite her to go out and do things. I have tried to get her to be more active. I even bought her a copy of 30DS because she tried mine and thought it would help her, but I saw it still in the packaging. She complains that she needs to get out of her "funk" and surround herself with positive people, but she is the Queen of Negative Energy. It is becoming harder and harder for me to try and include her in my life since every time I talk to her or hang out with her lately, I leave feeling horrid. My other friends think it is a jealousy thing... (I am expanding my friend circle, losing weight, feeling great, etc. and she is not) but I think she is just so unhappy and unwilling to do anything to fix it.

This "friend" isn't really your friend. Her insecurities are her own issues to deal with. I'm sorry you're going through this, because it sucks to lose friends, but you really don't need someone like her in your life right now.

Congrats on your success so far! Keep it up!

Sounds like jealousy to me, be thankful you don't have to see her 24/7. My husband does that to me! :sad:

Oh, I'm so sorry. That must make things so hard. I told my friends in no uncertain terms: I need support. So your either going to be supportive, cheer me on or I'll have to take a break from people who couldn't do that. My friends have rallied around me, many have even offered to exercise/walk WITH me. My best friends all take turns walking with me 4 days a week. I felt lazy last night but my friend encouraged me to push past that and walk anyway.

My success lies with myself but its certainly been more enjoyable knowing I'm not alone in my journey.

I.hope you're friend has a change of heart, but if not, please don't let her get you down. If she really loved you she would be happy to see you getting healthier and would do what she can to be supportive.

Keep going! With or without her! You CAN do it!

I don't necessarily agree that she's not really your friend...If she wants to lose weight and can't, it's only natural to feel resentment for others being able to do what she cannot. Especially when it comes to weight. I'll admit it, I've been jealous of my bestie before. I was never rude to her, or let on that I was upset. But I've had to distance myself, maybe that's all she needs right now.

Sorry that you have to deal with this...it's no fun on either end.

I went through this same thing, you have to accept you most likely will lose people on this journey. My friend and I started together but when we joined a contest in the beginning, everything was fine, then when I won and lost 30 lbs. in that 2 months and she lost 5. She stopped speaking to me. It hurt very badly, she's the mother of my nephew and nieces, we live 2 doors apart for cripes sake!! We talked and ultimately she told me she felt like I left her behind or something etc: I thought things would get better but they were never the same. I came to the conclusion, I was ok as long as I was "the biggest one" in the group.

I had to come to terms with the fact that these are THEIR issues, not ours. those that love us will continue to love and support even if they feel a little jealous inside because their love for you is bigger than the jealousy. i know this because I have been there.

Have a friend who lost tons of weight, hurts all the time when I see her getting surgeries for loose skin i know i'll never be able to afford, boob and butt lifts, listen to her talk constantly about her weight, when she's at goal and shopping etc. but you know what, I love her more than those pains and she will never have a clue of this, because it's my issue, not hers, she doesn't do it to hurt me. She feels good and I know she deserves it!!

Love and embrace those who embrace you, allow her space, don't push, when she asks to go out for ice cream, either decline, or go and just have a diet soda or something light. pretend you don't see and stay on your course, it's just her pain showing, however, if she becomes negative or hurtful with it. steer clear until she wises up and accepts that your change is real!! Good luck!!

I think it's the "misery loves company" syndrome. Often times when people see you doing what they should be and having success, it makes them angry/jealous. Just give her space and concentrate on you and those around you who are supporting you. One day she will probably come out and say that she was just envious, but if she sees you aren't worried about her and have moved on with your own self she might change. Congrats on your success so far!!:flowerforyou:

Take it from someone who has been the person in the "funk"... and sometimes for a long time... It's simply much easier to STAY there!!! Why??? Because recreating your happiness actually takes WORK! It's 1,000,000 times easier to sit around and say "Woe is me... blah blah blah... my life sucks... I'm fat... I never do anything right... etc.", especially when there will ALWAYS be people around to offer their sympathy.

All you can do is encourage her... she is probably jealous... you're progressing and taking control of YOUR happiness, something she feels like she is currently unable to do.

Great job, by the way!

I'm going to play devil's advocate - think about it from her side. She is used to going out for pizza or ice cream with you and now she can't. The things that you use to do together you no longer want to do. It might feel like you are participating by showing up but it might not feel the same to her. She is most likley feeling neglected. So try a compromise - she wants ice cream so why not suggest a park with an ice cream parlor near by? You get in your exercise in and then order a small treat afterwards. Or if there are nights that you know you are going to go out save up some calories or do an extra work out so you can eat/drink a little more. I'm sure that she won't notice that you aren't eating as much but she will definetly notice if your not ordering anything! And if you are feeling couragous - ask her about it. A simple way to start - "Hey, Since I've been losing weight I've noticed a change in our friendship. I really cherish our friendship and noticed that you seem angry at me. What can I do to make sure that we have fun together but still stick to my goals?"

I don't know the details about your friendship, but sometimes when people change the "roles" they've played in a relationship, the other person doesn't know how to adjust. I used to be the supportive friend to a woman who was glad to have me in her life as long as she was the cute one and I didn't get the male attention. When I started to be more confident and assert myself socially she decided to get rid of me. Maybe your friend doesn't like your new, positive lifestyle because it takes the attention away from her? It stinks to drift apart from a friend but in the end, you deserve to get back what you put into your relationships. Keep doing what you're doing and she might come around.

I have a similar problem with a friend of mine. I play cards on Saturday night at her house. She and her brother are overweight. She had bypass surgery, but has more or less given up after losing a bunch of weight. Her brother has diabetes. The amount of carbs and other high calorie foods that they serve as snacks makes my head spin. She often makes food using Splenda, but the food is still high calorie because it has fats and flour and such in it. She doesn't understand that I am not on a 'sugar-free diet', but an entire lifestyle change which includes calorie reduction. Maybe she does understand, but she is just not dealing with it well. I don't know. I just accept the fact that she is not all that supportive and bring my own snacks.

I have given this advice to many people: You can handle these things in one of two ways. If you choose to expect them to be supportive and they are not, then you are going to be disappointed by them all the time. On the other hand, if you choose to expect them to be unsupportive and they continue on that path, then you will never be disappointed. Then, if they ever do give you support, you will be pleasantly overjoyed.

The choice is yours. Do you want to be disappointed all the time or not? If you can't reduce your expectation to the level of not expecting support, then the best thing to do is lose the unsupportive friend. Both of you will only become frustrated if you continue the relationship.

Unfortunaley my wife! Last night she made a pan full of brownies. She said I made it for our son, but she knows i have no self control. I just cannot get her to understand that I need the support of my family and that she could have let him have an apple or something instead of making brownies!.

It's a defense mechanism because they know how much hard work it takes and they're plain ole' lazy. Taking their faults out on you.

your good choices are probably making her feel bad and insecure about her own bad choices with food and fitness (or lack thereof) - don't sweat it. there's nothing you can do. she just doesn't want to feel bad about herself, but she's obviously comparing her lack of effort to your hard work. all you can do is not bring it up and focus on other common ground, ie. food-free activities.