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  • w2bab
    w2bab Posts: 353 Member
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    I think part of the reason I have been successful on this journey is that I vowed right from the beginning that this is my thing and mine alone, and that I would not involve other people at all. So my husband's diet has not changed. I often (usually) make separate dinners for us.
    I do this too...
    I don't eat red meat and my man doesn't eat fish
    so I'll cook sausage for him and salmon for me
    but then we both have the same veggies...
    I don't like to have carbs at dinner but I will still make rice or potatoes just for him


    This. My husband doesn't care whether I lose weight or not. He does, however, enjoy his food. I fix what he likes and when I buy groceries I buy his favorite snacks. I also buy the healthy stuff for me and either eat different food or smaller portions of the same food at meal times, depending on what I'm fixing for him. It's working well so far. This is my journey, not his.
  • teelynn35
    teelynn35 Posts: 239 Member
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    :)


    I know :) we usually go to a bar just to hang out (I'm still in college and that's all there is) but my boyfriend is super sensitive about me going with a guy, or any amount of guys. it's really difficult too because I am one female in a class of *sixty* men. I'm not sure what he thinks my other options are :/ we play videogames a lot, but I'm not supposed to go to anyone's house. I have one girl friend from high school and I was over her house the other night and he drove by to actually see if I was there. is that unusual? :/
    [/quote]

    He is sounding way too insecure, yes it is unusual for your "man" to check up on you like that. Is that how you really want to live? I have been lucky, I started this journey alone and when I started losing weight he didn't want to be left out so he climbed on board with me. Also...eating out all the time IS expensive, so is bar life. There are so many other things to do so you can socialize. I wish you the best, things will work out the way it's meant to be:)
  • rcramer7
    rcramer7 Posts: 138 Member
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    [/quote]
    Haha I figured that's why you meant xD that would be interesting! "I found my wife, I mean LITERALLY, she was lost wandering around on my street!"
    [/quote]

    Wouldn't that make life easier!? WooHoo! I fou-ound you..now you're my wi-ife...wo ho hohoho
  • walkner88
    walkner88 Posts: 165
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    Now I don't mean to be mean by this but several studies have pointed to people who have lost significant amounts of weight and kept it off had the support of those in their lives. If you plan on having a long term relationship with this guy then you have to explain to him the importance of this. Show him the long term effects of being overweight and if he doesn't care then he doesn't care about your future. You say you are in a new place. You guys should be finding healthy things to do. Find hiking/running trails, look for bike paths, join a gym together. These are things that will entertain you and make you better as a person. Hanging out at a bar every night is just childish and a waste of money.
  • sparkie51
    sparkie51 Posts: 98 Member
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    I called my husband "the saboteur" when I first started this new eating plan but now he has come around to my way of thinking for the most part. He has lost about 10 lbs. by just going along with the meals. He still eats chips etc. but it doesn't bother me because I am on my own journey. Be true to yourself and you will be fine!
  • hellraisedfire
    hellraisedfire Posts: 403 Member
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    If I were you I'd just sit down and talk to him and tell him how important it is for you to lose weight! tell him it's your health!


    I did this with my dad, because he continued to buy cookies, ice cream, and chips when he knows I've been working really hard to lose weight, once I sat down and talked to him, he hid all the sweets, I eventually forgot about them and didn't feel tempted anymore..


    going out to eat, suggest a different place other than the bar? somewhere where they actually have healthier alternatives, bars don't always serve healthy food!

    ugh see, I like to go to places like outback because I can at least weasel a good meal out of it. we always go out with his work buddies and they will ONLY go to the bar by their house (they drink a lot so it's within walking distance and it's cheap) but there's only fries, cheesesteaks, hotdogs (which I don't eat) and burgers. not a whole lot for me :/
  • rocketmouse
    rocketmouse Posts: 143 Member
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    I have one girl friend from high school and I was over her house the other night and he drove by to actually see if I was there. is that unusual? :/

    Real talk: that is crazy

    Like seriously that is something overprotective parents do, it shows an egregious lack of trust and desire to control. RED FLAG
  • hellraisedfire
    hellraisedfire Posts: 403 Member
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    Haha I figured that's why you meant xD that would be interesting! "I found my wife, I mean LITERALLY, she was lost wandering around on my street!"
    [/quote]

    Wouldn't that make life easier!? WooHoo! I fou-ound you..now you're my wi-ife...wo ho hohoho
    [/quote]

    gosh I wish it was that easy for someone to just pluck me off the street xD
  • SuffolkSally
    SuffolkSally Posts: 964 Member
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    it sucks :( we went to the bar last night, and he wants to go again tonight. I can't keep doing it, but I also hate sitting at home by myself. we just moved to a new place so we don't have cable or internet yet. but he gets mad if I hang out with other guys (which are basically all my friends). I feel like I'm doomed to eat mac and cheese and fruit roll ups for the rest of the century :grumble:

    My hubby is a military man, and we are always moving. Yeah it definitely sucks lol...My hubby isn't one for going out to eat all the time he just likes his junkfood lol. I usually do get along better with men, but I have quit having them as real friends, I guess you could say I keep it more at an aquaintance level. Out of respect, I wouldn't hang out with another guy, at least in a private setting, i.e. my home or his home alone. I have a couple of gym rat buddies that i see all the time at the gym, but thats about it :)

    I know :) we usually go to a bar just to hang out (I'm still in college and that's all there is) but my boyfriend is super sensitive about me going with a guy, or any amount of guys. it's really difficult too because I am one female in a class of *sixty* men. I'm not sure what he thinks my other options are :/ we play videogames a lot, but I'm not supposed to go to anyone's house. I have one girl friend from high school and I was over her house the other night and he drove by to actually see if I was there. is that unusual? :/

    It's not exceptional by any means but it's not what I'd consider acceptable - nor is most of the other stuff you're talking about! But it sounds to me like he's insecure for whatever reason, and I gues if you're surrounded by other males all day, then you start losing weight, getting healthy, and looking and feeling better... oh and then (from his point of view) you don't want to go to the bar with him and he's getting hassle about what he eats "she's always complaining".... Maybe it's time for a heart to heart with one another and see if you can't sort some of these things out?
  • hellraisedfire
    hellraisedfire Posts: 403 Member
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    I have one girl friend from high school and I was over her house the other night and he drove by to actually see if I was there. is that unusual? :/

    Real talk: that is crazy

    see that's how my friend and I felt! but all the guys I'm friends with, they think that's normal behavior for a guy. so. I'm not sure if it's just one of those things men and women differ on.
  • rocketmouse
    rocketmouse Posts: 143 Member
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    I have one girl friend from high school and I was over her house the other night and he drove by to actually see if I was there. is that unusual? :/

    Real talk: that is crazy

    see that's how my friend and I felt! but all the guys I'm friends with, they think that's normal behavior for a guy. so. I'm not sure if it's just one of those things men and women differ on.

    IT'S NOT though, it's not normal. Or it shouldn't be. I mean jesus. Maybe my perspective is skewed because I hang out with fairly progressive well-balanced functioning adults
  • hellraisedfire
    hellraisedfire Posts: 403 Member
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    haha I like how you say that :) all the guys I talk to are 20-23 years old so I'm not even sure you can call them "functioning" or "adults". I hear a lot of things about women that are screwed up but I try to ignore it. I can't ever tell if I'm overreacting or what anymore.
  • rocketmouse
    rocketmouse Posts: 143 Member
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    haha I like how you say that :) all the guys I talk to are 20-23 years old so I'm not even sure you can call them "functioning" or "adults". I hear a lot of things about women that are screwed up but I try to ignore it. I can't ever tell if I'm overreacting or what anymore.

    Well, look. As far as the driving by to check on you thing goes, I would just tell him that he needs to realize that you're an adult and he can trust you, and he needs to respect your autonomy. As for the dietary issues, I think you've got a lot of good advice already.
  • hellraisedfire
    hellraisedfire Posts: 403 Member
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    thank you :) I'll definitely work on it! if things keep up the way they are I think it might be time for me to leave the nest if you know what I mean.
  • rcramer7
    rcramer7 Posts: 138 Member
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    I have one girl friend from high school and I was over her house the other night and he drove by to actually see if I was there. is that unusual? :/

    Real talk: that is crazy

    see that's how my friend and I felt! but all the guys I'm friends with, they think that's normal behavior for a guy. so. I'm not sure if it's just one of those things men and women differ on.

    No, it's not right to spy on your girl.
    Have I Not wanted my wife to hang-out with good looking guys? Yes. Has she not wanted me to hang out with (ANY) female? Yes! But, neither of us are insecure enough to do drive-bys.
    It may be normal behavior for insecure guys.
    I also think my wife knows how to handle herself and guys know not to F with her or me.









    so there
  • EuroReady
    EuroReady Posts: 199 Member
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    I know this is my two cents and not answering your question but I have to say:

    This guy sounds like a tool. Each little thing he does isn't so bad, but when added up I read it as something that could grow to be a dangerous relationship. Now, maybe I am just judgemental, that is for you to decide. All I ask is please step back and reread your comments as if someone else wrote them. They seems like they might be red flags.

    Or maybe I am overreacting.

    Edit: No, I don't think I am overreacting. 8/
  • Mallory0418
    Mallory0418 Posts: 723 Member
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    I think part of the reason I have been successful on this journey is that I vowed right from the beginning that this is my thing and mine alone, and that I would not involve other people at all. So my husband's diet has not changed. I often (usually) make separate dinners for us.

    Definately. It may take more of my own time to make us seperate dinners, but it's worth the lack of frustration. Since I've been at this for over a year now, he has been more tolerant of my eating habits and even eats the meals I make for myself more often now, so the seperate meal things is not an every night thing anymore.
  • vvanm
    vvanm Posts: 157
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    Try to work a compromise. You have 3 things working against you. 1. Men bring more food around and the result is fattening. Knowing this you have to identify your trigger foods and allow foods that tempt you less, while still allowing his favorites that you don't crave so much. 2. Going to bars can mean high calorie drinks. Think of a substitute and stick with it. Alcohol can make indulging seem like a good idea. 3. Eating out is loaded with hidden fat and salt so learn to enjoy home meals, even if it's just you. You can cook simple food and know what's in it. If you want your boyfriend to accomodate dieting, he will not want to change so he will encourage you to quit. That's human nature, and not necessarily even a conscious thing. About the jealousy, if it is unreasonable you have to address it. You have to be able to trust each other! Couples often enjoy hanging out with other couples to respect boundaries.
  • Hayesgang
    Hayesgang Posts: 624
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    I think part of the reason I have been successful on this journey is that I vowed right from the beginning that this is my thing and mine alone, and that I would not involve other people at all. So my husband's diet has not changed. I often (usually) make separate dinners for us.


    ^^This^^

    It is my choice to be on this journey, it is not my job to monitor my husband's food intake. I make 2 dinner almost every night (one for me and one for the rest of the family). I have not stopped going out to lunch/dinner with family and friends~I just make better choices and make sure what I want to get fits into my calories for the day.


    EDIT: I know I'd be upset if my husband told me we couldn't have certain foods in the house or go to certain places because of HIS choice to change his eating habits.
  • cohophysh
    cohophysh Posts: 288
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    it isn't that he's against me losing weight so to say, but. he isn't really helpful. we were grocery shopping the other day and I was telling him I think I wanted to be vegan for a while since I thought eggs/cheese were making me sick, and he asks if we can make sloppy joes for dinner. le sigh. and for the most part during the day I'm very good about eating everything, I pack my lunch for work and pre-put everything into MFP. I avoid all the pies and cookies around me all day. but then we just "have to go to the bar" for dinner. I sometimes go, but it just gets old cooking for myself. I bring stuff as leftovers cause he doesn't eat it much. :( what do I do? how can I stay motivated and not eat horrific cheesesteaks all the time?!
    [/quote

    You can have sloppy joes, just substitute Morningstar crumbles in for the meat:smile:

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