not supportive other...

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  • rocketmouse
    rocketmouse Posts: 143 Member
    I have one girl friend from high school and I was over her house the other night and he drove by to actually see if I was there. is that unusual? :/

    Real talk: that is crazy

    see that's how my friend and I felt! but all the guys I'm friends with, they think that's normal behavior for a guy. so. I'm not sure if it's just one of those things men and women differ on.

    IT'S NOT though, it's not normal. Or it shouldn't be. I mean jesus. Maybe my perspective is skewed because I hang out with fairly progressive well-balanced functioning adults
  • hellraisedfire
    hellraisedfire Posts: 403 Member
    haha I like how you say that :) all the guys I talk to are 20-23 years old so I'm not even sure you can call them "functioning" or "adults". I hear a lot of things about women that are screwed up but I try to ignore it. I can't ever tell if I'm overreacting or what anymore.
  • rocketmouse
    rocketmouse Posts: 143 Member
    haha I like how you say that :) all the guys I talk to are 20-23 years old so I'm not even sure you can call them "functioning" or "adults". I hear a lot of things about women that are screwed up but I try to ignore it. I can't ever tell if I'm overreacting or what anymore.

    Well, look. As far as the driving by to check on you thing goes, I would just tell him that he needs to realize that you're an adult and he can trust you, and he needs to respect your autonomy. As for the dietary issues, I think you've got a lot of good advice already.
  • hellraisedfire
    hellraisedfire Posts: 403 Member
    thank you :) I'll definitely work on it! if things keep up the way they are I think it might be time for me to leave the nest if you know what I mean.
  • rcramer7
    rcramer7 Posts: 138 Member
    I have one girl friend from high school and I was over her house the other night and he drove by to actually see if I was there. is that unusual? :/

    Real talk: that is crazy

    see that's how my friend and I felt! but all the guys I'm friends with, they think that's normal behavior for a guy. so. I'm not sure if it's just one of those things men and women differ on.

    No, it's not right to spy on your girl.
    Have I Not wanted my wife to hang-out with good looking guys? Yes. Has she not wanted me to hang out with (ANY) female? Yes! But, neither of us are insecure enough to do drive-bys.
    It may be normal behavior for insecure guys.
    I also think my wife knows how to handle herself and guys know not to F with her or me.









    so there
  • EuroReady
    EuroReady Posts: 199 Member
    I know this is my two cents and not answering your question but I have to say:

    This guy sounds like a tool. Each little thing he does isn't so bad, but when added up I read it as something that could grow to be a dangerous relationship. Now, maybe I am just judgemental, that is for you to decide. All I ask is please step back and reread your comments as if someone else wrote them. They seems like they might be red flags.

    Or maybe I am overreacting.

    Edit: No, I don't think I am overreacting. 8/
  • Mallory0418
    Mallory0418 Posts: 723 Member
    I think part of the reason I have been successful on this journey is that I vowed right from the beginning that this is my thing and mine alone, and that I would not involve other people at all. So my husband's diet has not changed. I often (usually) make separate dinners for us.

    Definately. It may take more of my own time to make us seperate dinners, but it's worth the lack of frustration. Since I've been at this for over a year now, he has been more tolerant of my eating habits and even eats the meals I make for myself more often now, so the seperate meal things is not an every night thing anymore.
  • vvanm
    vvanm Posts: 157
    Try to work a compromise. You have 3 things working against you. 1. Men bring more food around and the result is fattening. Knowing this you have to identify your trigger foods and allow foods that tempt you less, while still allowing his favorites that you don't crave so much. 2. Going to bars can mean high calorie drinks. Think of a substitute and stick with it. Alcohol can make indulging seem like a good idea. 3. Eating out is loaded with hidden fat and salt so learn to enjoy home meals, even if it's just you. You can cook simple food and know what's in it. If you want your boyfriend to accomodate dieting, he will not want to change so he will encourage you to quit. That's human nature, and not necessarily even a conscious thing. About the jealousy, if it is unreasonable you have to address it. You have to be able to trust each other! Couples often enjoy hanging out with other couples to respect boundaries.
  • Hayesgang
    Hayesgang Posts: 624
    I think part of the reason I have been successful on this journey is that I vowed right from the beginning that this is my thing and mine alone, and that I would not involve other people at all. So my husband's diet has not changed. I often (usually) make separate dinners for us.


    ^^This^^

    It is my choice to be on this journey, it is not my job to monitor my husband's food intake. I make 2 dinner almost every night (one for me and one for the rest of the family). I have not stopped going out to lunch/dinner with family and friends~I just make better choices and make sure what I want to get fits into my calories for the day.


    EDIT: I know I'd be upset if my husband told me we couldn't have certain foods in the house or go to certain places because of HIS choice to change his eating habits.
  • cohophysh
    cohophysh Posts: 288
    it isn't that he's against me losing weight so to say, but. he isn't really helpful. we were grocery shopping the other day and I was telling him I think I wanted to be vegan for a while since I thought eggs/cheese were making me sick, and he asks if we can make sloppy joes for dinner. le sigh. and for the most part during the day I'm very good about eating everything, I pack my lunch for work and pre-put everything into MFP. I avoid all the pies and cookies around me all day. but then we just "have to go to the bar" for dinner. I sometimes go, but it just gets old cooking for myself. I bring stuff as leftovers cause he doesn't eat it much. :( what do I do? how can I stay motivated and not eat horrific cheesesteaks all the time?!
    [/quote

    You can have sloppy joes, just substitute Morningstar crumbles in for the meat:smile:
  • pen2u
    pen2u Posts: 224 Member
    To keep on track while satisfying my calorie & carb-addicted DH I mostly make meals that have separate cals/carbs so I can more easily avoid them. Last night he wanted white rice instead of brown rice or quinoa, so I ate extra spinach w/the chicken breast and no rice. Sometimes I do make separate items anyway since he's dairy-free and I'm gluten-free. You get used to it, but it's a pain at first. Luckily (?) he's not a fan of eating out due to his dairy allergy.

    Also, I refuse to support his sweet tooth! He gets annoyed because there isn't a full cookie jar (flashes of his childhood, visions of doting mom?) at all times. He can buy his own poison, lol. I occasionally make or buy healthier versions of fave cookies/desserts but not often enough for him apparently. I will not allow my DH's issues derail my efforts to be healthy & happy.
  • maf66
    maf66 Posts: 211 Member
    All I can say is I'm sorry your relationship sucks. Because it does, based on your statements only.

    He does not trust you.
    He does not like your friends.
    He does not like your choices.
    He does not like your individual activities.
    He does not respect your privacy.
    He does not respect your choices.
    He is not supportive of you.

    I wish you luck, lots of luck!
  • janmar57
    janmar57 Posts: 13
    my other half and me lost weight together he was very focused and we did well.if you dont buy stuff you can,t eat it. slimming world recipies are good any body can eat them and wouldnt know they were a diet. if you go out can you compensate with exercise? but as some one said earlier this is about you and you have to put yourself first :smile:
  • cressievargo
    cressievargo Posts: 392 Member
    it sucks :( we went to the bar last night, and he wants to go again tonight. I can't keep doing it, but I also hate sitting at home by myself. we just moved to a new place so we don't have cable or internet yet. but he gets mad if I hang out with other guys (which are basically all my friends). I feel like I'm doomed to eat mac and cheese and fruit roll ups for the rest of the century :grumble:

    My hubby is a military man, and we are always moving. Yeah it definitely sucks lol...My hubby isn't one for going out to eat all the time he just likes his junkfood lol. I usually do get along better with men, but I have quit having them as real friends, I guess you could say I keep it more at an aquaintance level. Out of respect, I wouldn't hang out with another guy, at least in a private setting, i.e. my home or his home alone. I have a couple of gym rat buddies that i see all the time at the gym, but thats about it :)

    I know :) we usually go to a bar just to hang out (I'm still in college and that's all there is) but my boyfriend is super sensitive about me going with a guy, or any amount of guys. it's really difficult too because I am one female in a class of *sixty* men. I'm not sure what he thinks my other options are :/ we play videogames a lot, but I'm not supposed to go to anyone's house. I have one girl friend from high school and I was over her house the other night and he drove by to actually see if I was there. is that unusual? :/

    He drove by your friend's house? Yes. That is very unusual and unacceptable.
    The bottom line is this. Don't sabotage your life for your "boyfriend" at 23, especially when you are still in college. I live in college town and there are a LOT of things to do besides go to the bar. If you don't want to go, don't! Eat your healthy food, go for a walk, whatever...if you do want to go, just eat something before hand. Personally, my opinion that's a lot of wasted money if you are eating out that much.

    PS someone that limits your friendships with others and stalks you when you aren't home = NOT a good boyfriend.
  • ohsweetcalamity
    ohsweetcalamity Posts: 78 Member
    Try tricking him into eating healthy food. Make dinners that are better for you but mimic the sort of things he is used to. It worked on my boyfriend, now some of his favorite meals are under 300 calories and he has no idea.
  • jess__bat
    jess__bat Posts: 18 Member
    All I can say is I'm sorry your relationship sucks. Because it does, based on your statements only.

    He does not trust you.
    He does not like your friends.
    He does not like your choices.
    He does not like your individual activities.
    He does not respect your privacy.
    He does not respect your choices.
    He is not supportive of you.

    I wish you luck, lots of luck!

    This. 100% this.
    Get out of that relationship.
    Who drives to a friends house to check if someones there?
    That is very childish.
    And the fact the he is not supportive of your desire to improve yourself is another warning flag.
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