To tell or not to tell

Options
Daisy_May
Daisy_May Posts: 505 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I was having a talk with my bf about my weight loss and what my final goal is, I was telling him I wasn't sure what my actual goal is and that I might just figure it out when I get a little closer. So he was talking about well in a few pounds when your down to like 170 or so, you'll probably have a better idea...... Oh boy umm when I'm 170 in a few pounds?? I'm 210 lbs!! HE obviously has no clue how much I weigh and now I'm wondering if I should tell him or not.
We are very open and he's been so very supportive of me trying to get healthy so I know he wouldn't judge me and it could help to have him know exactly how big of a deal all of it is and how much I really have to lose.
But then part of me never wants him to know I got this fat!!!!! Would you tell him?
«1

Replies

  • tabbydog
    tabbydog Posts: 4,925 Member
    Options
    My HUSBAND doesn't know how much I weigh, he didn't when I was 126 and he doesn't now at 160. No way, no how. None of his business! No one knows, except now for you people.... :blushing:

    I am not sure why I wouldn't tell him when I was thin. I guess I even thought my legs were fat then!
  • kblu0816
    kblu0816 Posts: 1,627 Member
    Options
    Honestly, if he cares enough about you and is proud of your weight loss, telling him what you weigh now shouldn't be a big deal, since you won't be that weight anymore :happy:
  • vanessadawn
    vanessadawn Posts: 249
    Options
    Guys are clueless to woman's weight, in my opinion they can stay that way lol. I am almost 5'9 and I don't think I will ever get close to the 120 some girls can be. It's not really about the number, it's about where you feel comfortable I know lots of women who look great at over 200 pounds, they wear it well!
  • margaretthedevil
    margaretthedevil Posts: 215
    Options
    I don't think it really matters to HIM if you tell him or not. Guys don't know how to gauge weight at all! They go by visuals not numbers and will always estimate way off the mark (lower or higher). My brother is like don't go to 110 you'll turn anorexic looking! Btw I'm almost touching on 5 feet and 120 lbs now, yet don't really look it and going to 110 would be a much healthier weight for me to be at :smile:. When people guesstimate my weight they always guess under, guessing under to me is like a compliment :laugh:, unless of course they were just lying to me haha. So think of it as a compliment. If it matters to YOU, I would just tell him. It's better to be truthful no matter what esp. if it bothers you that you aren't being so.
  • Channing
    Channing Posts: 617 Member
    Options
    My bf and I are super close and talk about everything including weight loss. We excercise together, plan meals together, and he has never known my weight! :laugh:

    I'm sure he can figure it out, I mean I tell him how much I've lost, but I just don't feel the need to go into specific numbers!

    I say whatever works for you, but a little mystery is never a bad thing! :glasses:
  • April0815
    April0815 Posts: 780 Member
    Options
    My husband knows my true weight. He also knows how hard I am working at the new me. He is very supporting. We go to the gym together when he is not offshore(which I love) and the 2 weeks he is home he cooks me healthy delicious meals for dinner and makes sure my lunch is healthy too. I need his support and him knowing how much I weigh is not that big of a deal to me.
  • jklm
    jklm Posts: 281
    Options
    Honestly, NO...because you didn't rush to correct him when it first happened. And I wouldn't have corrected my husband either. I think it's great that some women can be totally honest about their weight with no hesitation. Good for them. I'm just not there yet, but I'm working on it.
    The reason I would probably not tell the truth the first time is that there is probably some part of me that is protecting me. And that's okay with me. Take care of yourself and do what you're comfortable with for now.
  • busymom74
    busymom74 Posts: 3,341 Member
    Options
    Well, my fiance was skeptical about me losing weight (he knew it meant a lifestyle change for him too.) until I told him how much I weighed, how much I'm "supposed" to weigh and how much I'd like to weigh. I even had to bring out pictures of when we first met for the visual effect.

    Ever since he's been extra supportive. If he wants icecream he'll ask how I am on calories for the day. If I'm out and he really wants it he talks me into taking a walk or playing the wii fit until I can have some too. (If I want.) Or he won't have any.

    He even found a 24hr gym with a 7 day free membership he wants us to try out.

    I'd say tell him, the number doesn't really matter to guys I think.
  • barbarella
    barbarella Posts: 609 Member
    Options
    In conversations I've had about weight loss, men mention their
    actual weight and women talk about how many pounds up or down.

    I would never tell my BF the "actual numbers"!
    Eeek..... he probably wouldn't care but I do.

    Maybe it's a Girl Thang! :laugh: :heart: :blushing:

    Maybe I'll tell my final weight when I get there....
    but no starting weight.... it's too close to his! :bigsmile:
  • memaw66
    memaw66 Posts: 2,558 Member
    Options
    I don't have a problem w/my husband knowing my weight. He loves me for me, not for how much I weigh or don't weigh. I think it's all up to you. He is not going to say "well, now that I know how much you weigh, I have to leave". He is there for you, not your weight in numbers. So I think it's all just a mental thing with women. If you don't mind him knowing, then tell him. If you feel funny telling him, then don't.

    Memaw
  • CaGinger
    CaGinger Posts: 180 Member
    Options
    In conversations I've had about weight loss, men mention their
    actual weight and women talk about how many pounds up or down.

    I would never tell my BF the "actual numbers"!
    Eeek..... he probably wouldn't care but I do.

    Maybe it's a Girl Thang! :laugh: :heart: :blushing:

    Maybe I'll tell my final weight when I get there....
    but no starting weight.... it's too close to his! :bigsmile:

    I outweigh my guy by 40lbs... he doesnt care. I dont think most men do. Including how much you weigh. You are making a change thats what matters.
  • neenaleigh
    neenaleigh Posts: 584 Member
    Options
    I'D TELL HIM! If he really cares about you the number wont matter, he may be shocked ( my Bf was!) but he wont care....

    its only a number, i believe we are all striving for healthy not numbers....
  • JessiJean
    JessiJean Posts: 1,207 Member
    Options
    My husband knows exactly how much I weigh and he is very supportive. My baby is 4 months old and he went to every OB appt. and saw how much I weighed at every weigh in.

    This morning when I got on the scale he had put a little sticky note that said 120 over the readout (my goal weight). How cute is that!

    I think that if you are serious in your relationship NOTHING should be off limits to talk about! He should be your sounding board.
  • JessiJean
    JessiJean Posts: 1,207 Member
    Options
    My husband knows exactly how much I weigh and he is very supportive. My baby is 4 months old and he went to every OB appt. and saw how much I weighed at every weigh in.

    This morning when I got on the scale he had put a little sticky note that said 120 over the readout (my goal weight). How cute is that!

    I think that if you are serious in your relationship NOTHING should be off limits to talk about! He should be your sounding board.

    251940.png
    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Food Diary
  • kblu0816
    kblu0816 Posts: 1,627 Member
    Options
    In conversations I've had about weight loss, men mention their
    actual weight and women talk about how many pounds up or down.

    I would never tell my BF the "actual numbers"!
    Eeek..... he probably wouldn't care but I do.

    Maybe it's a Girl Thang! :laugh: :heart: :blushing:

    Maybe I'll tell my final weight when I get there....
    but no starting weight.... it's too close to his! :bigsmile:

    I outweigh my guy by 40lbs... he doesnt care. I dont think most men do. Including how much you weigh. You are making a change thats what matters.

    I know how you feel, I outweigh mine by 20 lbs. He asked me the other day if I really consider it a problem and I honestly said that it's a problem for me because I am overweight, and he's actually underweight. So whatever I eat, he doesn't. He gets the steak and potatoes that he loves lol
  • AuntMeredith
    AuntMeredith Posts: 16
    Options
    Poor men. They have been raised by a society that produces magazines like "Us" and "People" that go around buying paparazzi sneak photos of celebrities in relaxed moments and drawing red circles and arrows to call attention to the fact that Carmen Diaz' stomach isn't totally flat when she is relaxed and thinking she is off camera.....it's like the old joke about women not being able to detect distance because all their lives they've been told that this much ( ______________________ ) is six inches. Men can't detect actual weight in women because all their lives they've been told that Callista Flockhart was tens of pounds heavier than she actually was, or that the pin-up of the month weighed in at X when in fact she really weighed X+10 or 15.

    I'd say, give him some math to do (men love problem solving). If you know the rate at which you are losing, then you can say to him, "You want to talk about that when I hit 170? OK, let's make a date for that talk in (insert here whatever month and year you think that will be)". And he'll say, "Why so far in the future?" and you can say "Because I lose at a rate of X per week (or month or whatever)." And he'll probably say "Oh." and not much else. Drop it at that point. You've given him the tools to figure out what you weigh now without hitting him with it, and without you having to be embarrassed by actually pronouncing the current weight words. Nobody has lied, nobody has been stunned with any startling revelations, and you get to keep your womanly mystery, while being relieved that you are not somehow lying through silence.
  • ilmommkc
    ilmommkc Posts: 73
    Options
    My husband knows my weight, has since we met. It really doesnt matter if he knows the number if he can see you. I tell my hubby so he knows how much work is put into it and how much I am losing/have lost and we can celebrate it :)
  • BrenNew
    BrenNew Posts: 3,420 Member
    Options
    I was having a talk with my bf about my weight loss and what my final goal is, I was telling him I wasn't sure what my actual goal is and that I might just figure it out when I get a little closer. So he was talking about well in a few pounds when your down to like 170 or so, you'll probably have a better idea...... Oh boy umm when I'm 170 in a few pounds?? I'm 210 lbs!! HE obviously has no clue how much I weigh and now I'm wondering if I should tell him or not.
    We are very open and he's been so very supportive of me trying to get healthy so I know he wouldn't judge me and it could help to have him know exactly how big of a deal all of it is and how much I really have to lose.
    But then part of me never wants him to know I got this fat!!!!! Would you tell him?


    I didn't tell my husband how much I weighed until I FINALLY weighed less than HE did. :happy:
    I know he loved me anyway, but I was just so embarrassed by all the weight that I'd gained after becoming "happily contented" with him, that I just would have died if he knew EXACTLY how much weight I'd gained.
    Now that I'm "around" my goal weight, and HE'S MORE, (the Wii tells him he's overweight, even though he's really only got a beer belly! :laugh: ) I don't have a problem with knowing! :happy:
  • chgudnitz
    chgudnitz Posts: 4,079
    Options
    I was having a talk with my bf about my weight loss and what my final goal is, I was telling him I wasn't sure what my actual goal is and that I might just figure it out when I get a little closer. So he was talking about well in a few pounds when your down to like 170 or so, you'll probably have a better idea...... Oh boy umm when I'm 170 in a few pounds?? I'm 210 lbs!! HE obviously has no clue how much I weigh and now I'm wondering if I should tell him or not.
    We are very open and he's been so very supportive of me trying to get healthy so I know he wouldn't judge me and it could help to have him know exactly how big of a deal all of it is and how much I really have to lose.
    But then part of me never wants him to know I got this fat!!!!! Would you tell him?

    Am I really the only guy to reply to this one???

    Anyway, we don't care about the number. Think about what you said, "I don't want him to know I got this fat" ?????????

    Really?? He can SEE how fat you got, obviously he doesn't care about that. You telling him the number doesn't change what you look like. Men are visual beings (like someone else said) so you can tell him you weigh 400 pounds, he will look at you, say to himself "well, she still looks the same" and not give a rat's butt.

    And ladies, men are clueless, like you said, because we really don't give a crap about the number. If we wanted to know, we would find out :glasses: :happy:
  • Daisy_May
    Daisy_May Posts: 505 Member
    Options
    Thanks everyone! I think I'll end up telling him once I've gotten under 200 because I'll be too excited to keep it in :happy:

Categories