Baby fever...

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CatoftheCanals_
CatoftheCanals_ Posts: 41
in Chit-Chat
Hey everyone... this is sorta related to weight loss...

I am 23, recently (as in November) married to my boyfriend of 4 years and I have baby fever!

I am from a smalllll town in South Louisiana and it seems everyone I know is pregnant. Out of the 38 people I graduated with I am one in about 12 without children. I keep reminding myself that I am not ready financially or emotionally for a child, but after another friend announced today that she is pregnant, I am feeling overwhelemed and surrounded by pregnancy. 1 woman I work with is pregnant and another is out on maternity leave with a beautiful 2 week old baby girl.

One of my main motivations for losing weight and getting healthy is so when I do get pregnant it will be a healthy pregnancy for me and the baby. I also want to get healthy so when I have a child I can raise it with healthy eating habits I didn't have when I was little...

So, I need motivation and someone to remind me that now is not the time. My husband does regularly, but thats different :) He isn't a woman and doesn't understand the sheer desire for a child I feel.

Any advice/words of wisdom/someone in the same boat!?
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Replies

  • sarahp86
    sarahp86 Posts: 692 Member
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    Yep!! I'd love a baby but I know even if I was guaranteed to get pregnant (have PCOS) I'm not financially secure yet. We're renting and I'd like to own my own home first instead of moving the child around. I also feel that I'm way too young.

    I'm 26 and my boyfriend is 35. We've spoken about it and we'd rather be secure and mature enough to have a child instead of living hand to mouth and not being able to provide everything for whatever children we may have. We also feel that we'd love to get other things out of our system first like travelling etc.

    At the end of it all it's a mutual decision but I personally will not be trying for children anytime soon even though I would love them.
  • strandedj
    strandedj Posts: 128
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    Kind of how I would like a Grandchild and my children aren't married or ready to have a child. oh well...........
  • CatoftheCanals_
    CatoftheCanals_ Posts: 41
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    We have a house with a mortgage still and a ton of student loan debt, so we are not financially secure, and like you said, we have so much we want to do... He is almost 28 and I am almost 24 and where I am from everyone is having kids. Most of the people I graduated with have a few kids, and they are 2-5 years old. Some are already on their 4th pregnancy, so I feel so far behind in life.

    Sometimes, most of the time, I love my life and everything about it and a baby would put all of it into turmoil which I'm not ready for, but other times all I can think about is a baby...
  • Dilfster
    Dilfster Posts: 434
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    you don't have a baby just because others are. you did it when the time is right for YOU. :)
  • sarafil
    sarafil Posts: 506 Member
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    Having children is incredible. It is the best thing I have ever done. That being said, being a mom can also be stressful, draining, frustrating, and can put a lot of strain on relationships. I didn't have my first child until I was 29 years old, and I am so glad I waited until I felt like I was in a place in my life where I was "ready." Nothing will change your life as dramatically as having children. Enjoy this time with just your husband, keep building a strong relationship, build a financial future that is solid. You are still REALLY young...plenty of time to have children. Focus on yourself right now, enjoy this time! Being a good mom is making sure you feel fulfilled in life, and that includes your world outside your children. :)
  • catattack13
    catattack13 Posts: 117
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    I will never, ever give birth to anything; so moot point for me. but be healthy for you. being healthy for a baby will naturally come afterwards.
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
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    We have a house with a mortgage still and a ton of student loan debt, so we are not financially secure, and like you said, we have so much we want to do... He is almost 28 and I am almost 24 and where I am from everyone is having kids. Most of the people I graduated with have a few kids, and they are 2-5 years old. Some are already on their 4th pregnancy, so I feel so far behind in life.

    Sometimes, most of the time, I love my life and everything about it and a baby would put all of it into turmoil which I'm not ready for, but other times all I can think about is a baby...

    Why do you feel behind? Because other people have 3-4 kids already in their 20's? I didn't have a kid until I turned 31 and I traveled more than 13 countries, got my degrees and did everything I wanted to do. In my mindset, 24 is way to young to have a kid but that is me, I would have been miserable having a kid in my 20's. I am certain many women in their teens and early 20's are absolutely ecstatic to have children that young but it definitely was not my in my goals.
    And now that I am a mother and 33, I am really happy I waited because your life becomes completely hijacked by your kid. It's no longer about you it's about your child. Sure, you can still do the things you like but you need to think about the little person first.

    Also, when I hear women say they love being pregnant and see them popping out kids by the dozen, I sometimes wonder if they have a sadistic personality disorder. Every time someone says, "Having baby fever again? I think, f$ck no!" lol.
  • mmsilvia
    mmsilvia Posts: 459 Member
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    You are the only person who will know when the 'time is right' for a baby but, my advice is not to rush it. You are both still so young & have your whole lives ahead of you. Enjoy being a married couple...once you have a baby everything will change & yes all the change is worth it but, it will never be just the two of you again.
  • LSHANDREW
    LSHANDREW Posts: 39
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    If every one waited to have a baby until they could afford one NO ONE would ever have kids!
    I'd say have a baby because YOU (and him) want one not because you want to participate in show and tell.
  • RockaholicMama
    RockaholicMama Posts: 786 Member
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    Definitely don't rush it. I had baby fever for the longest time shortly after I was married. But, we stuck to our guns and didn't rush it. I'm glad we took our time. I was able to lose weight before I was pregnant to go onto a healthier pregnancy both times. Only you will know when you're ready, but I say, wait until you feel you are. :)
  • joeylu
    joeylu Posts: 208 Member
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    Im the opposite. If you wait until you have money to have a child you will always wait to be a mom. When you and your hubby are ready have a child. I have PCOS and i have been trying 2yrs now for a second child. Believe in god and he will provide :)
  • barwwd
    barwwd Posts: 63 Member
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    I totally feel your pain... we went to our friends' son's 1st birthday party yesterday and were one of three couples without children. I felt like I forgot to bring something! Lol. BUT what us three couples talked about was all the things that we do on a regular basis that we won't be able to do as often once we have kids. I can go running ANYTIME I want! The dog always loves to run! We can plan a weekend trip last minute, just find a hotel that allows dogs!

    I would say, take this time to talk to your husband about all the things you do and still want to do before you have kids. There is no turning back once you have those "bundles of joy"... (I'm skeptical, you should have seen some of these kids yesterday. Ha!). Enjoy your life now because once you have kids, you have to share!
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
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    I know how it is. My ex and I were married before all of our friends. Then, they all got married and started popping out kids and buying houses. It was ridiculous. We kept getting pressure. But, we didn't give in for a long time. After some years of travelling, partying, and having fun, we decided to settle down. We did it on our time, not anyone elses.

    But, I'm lucky because I was gifted with the "I don't give a s*** what everyone else is doing" gene. And, it doesn't bother me at all. I'm fircely independant, and that helps a lot in these situations. If you're kind of worried about social stuff and what people think, I'm not a person to ask because I don't respond well when other people pressure me into things I don't want to do.
  • ShandiH
    ShandiH Posts: 232 Member
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    We have a house with a mortgage still and a ton of student loan debt, so we are not financially secure, and like you said, we have so much we want to do... He is almost 28 and I am almost 24 and where I am from everyone is having kids. Most of the people I graduated with have a few kids, and they are 2-5 years old. Some are already on their 4th pregnancy, so I feel so far behind in life.

    Sometimes, most of the time, I love my life and everything about it and a baby would put all of it into turmoil which I'm not ready for, but other times all I can think about is a baby...

    Wait, sweetie. Just wait until you and your honey are ready for a baby. I had this similar experience when I was 19 and 20 years old. But, I waited until I was 28 to have my first. Today, all . . . again, ALL of my friends who had children way too young wished they could do the things I've done. And I didn't do anything spectacular, the freedom, the career, the vacations we were able to take - not because of finances but because we didn't have kiddos to worry about.

    Like another poster said, you have a baby because you want/feel ready for it. Not because everyone else around you is pregnant and/or has kids.
  • CatoftheCanals_
    CatoftheCanals_ Posts: 41
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    It is just hard, seeing everyone you know having kids and you having no plans to have any of your own yet. I have been married 5 months and have been asked a million times already "oh, well, when are ya'll going to have one?" which is horribly frustrating.

    In my family, you are someone when you have a child. I have 2 degrees (the first in my family to even have one mind you) and a job, a house and a car, yet my grandparents and cousins just ask when are we having kids.. not how our careers are going, or any of that... when are we going to have children.
  • Sweetcheeks278
    Sweetcheeks278 Posts: 356
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    I had my first child when I was 22(he was a surprise) and let me tell you it is HARD being a Mom, especially that young. I thought I was old enough but once I had him and looking back now I was a child having a child. You do so much maturing and growing up in your 20s. Just bc everyone else is having kids doesnt mean its right for you. Be DIFFERENT! Travel, get debt free, spend time with your hubby bc once that baby comes things change big time. Don't get me wrong, I love my children more than my life itself and I wouldn't change ANYTHING bc its made me the person I am today. Just from someone who has been thru it, wait if you can. You will be a better mother bc of it. :heart:
  • NavyKnightAh13
    NavyKnightAh13 Posts: 1,394 Member
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    I just had a baby in Jan, and am 23, and got married to my husband back in Sept (he is 25 and we have been together for almost 4 years. we had been engaged for two years). It is very draining and stressful....only you will know when that time is right, and while i am blessed to have our son, i don't want anymore children, and once you have a child, it is no longer just you and your husband. Enjoy your time and don't have one because "everyone else is". If you have one, make sure it is because it is what you and your husband really want one :D
  • memcd911
    memcd911 Posts: 230 Member
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    I am from a smalllll town in South Louisiana and it seems everyone I know is pregnant. Out of the 38 people I graduated with I am one in about 12 without children.

    I am NOT trying to talk you out of anything. If you're in a healthy relationship with someone who is also ready for kids, I say go for it. If and only if you're both ready!

    Do NOT base this decision whatsoever on those pregnant around you. I too am from South Louisiana. And I'm older than you. Most of my fellow graduates have more than one child. But I can tell you a large number of my fellow graduates are also divorced and/or raising their children alone, b/c they rushed into growing up b/c that's what society in South Louisiana tells you is right.

    Set some goals... You want to be ___lbs, or have ___% body fat, or have $_____ saved up, etc. When you reach those goals, if you still have baby fever, then go for it.
  • gangstagirl625
    gangstagirl625 Posts: 187 Member
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    Hey everyone... this is sorta related to weight loss...

    I am 23, recently (as in November) married to my boyfriend of 4 years and I have baby fever!

    I am from a smalllll town in South Louisiana and it seems everyone I know is pregnant. Out of the 38 people I graduated with I am one in about 12 without children. I keep reminding myself that I am not ready financially or emotionally for a child, but after another friend announced today that she is pregnant, I am feeling overwhelemed and surrounded by pregnancy. 1 woman I work with is pregnant and another is out on maternity leave with a beautiful 2 week old baby girl.

    One of my main motivations for losing weight and getting healthy is so when I do get pregnant it will be a healthy pregnancy for me and the baby. I also want to get healthy so when I have a child I can raise it with healthy eating habits I didn't have when I was little...

    So, I need motivation and someone to remind me that now is not the time. My husband does regularly, but thats different :) He isn't a woman and doesn't understand the sheer desire for a child I feel.

    Any advice/words of wisdom/someone in the same boat!?

    my dear my dear my dear you have your whole life for children wait i'm 30 and also on of the few of my class without them but ther is no way on gods green earth that im gonna just because everyone else has them dont get me wrong ive had baby fever myself but i know its still not the right time......Good luck........P.S. Focus on you
  • DietingMommy08
    DietingMommy08 Posts: 1,366 Member
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    I have a 3 year old son who is going to be 4 in August.

    I have baby fever sooo bad its driving me nuts!! Lol.

    I however never took the time to lose the weight from my son and am working on that now, I want to reach my goal weight or at least half way to my goal weight before I get prego again and hopefully it goes smoother this time!

    Btw I was 22 when I had my son and I had a good job with the state, ect.
    Me and my boyfriend are both 25 and will be 26 this year.
    I now work for the county and go to college.
    Being a parent is hard but I am glad I had my son at the age I did, even though he was a suprise. :o)

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