How Dare You!!!!!
Replies
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Based on your post, I can only guess what your friends motivations are; perhaps, he jealous or it is some control thing. Either way we can only assume and suspect. Have you been direct with your friend about your concerns? Have asked your friend why do you compliment everyone else but not me? Tell your friend how it makes you feel. This obviously bothers you and so you should talk to your friend about it or else it will become toxic in your relationship. If he can't talk to you then this could be cause for concern.
I've brought it up several times...even this morning..he just shrugs it off as if he doesn't give a crap. I will likely never even speak to him again after this episode. He really tore me down today.........and made me think evil thoughts :-/0 -
I understand wanting approval and even praise from people who are close to you... But I had to learn the hard way, you got to be proud of yourself, and thats all that matters... When all the weight comes off and you are healthy, he will finally start taking notice, but don't expect him to validate you or your efforts or accomplishments, because it may not ever happen... I went thru this with someone VERY close to me... And I had to accept it that they weren't going to approve... And just a little while ago I heard him saying to somebody else how good I had done at getting off and keeping off my weight. :-) Keep your head up and do what works for
you...
Thank you :-)
And I know you're right..and I shouldn't let it bother me. But he constantly compliments people on everything....and it just friggin bothers me that he's just not that generous with the compliments with me.
I'm not saying I need the compliments...but ONE unexpected compliment is very encouraging.
Well as one MFP'er to another, let me officially say you are doing an amazing job and keep up the good work! :-)0 -
Honestly,
that diet looks like a bit of a fad diet. It looks like they are big on selling stuff like protein, whey, chocolate bars, mineral stuff, and books! Undereating during the day? Overeating at night? Hmmm... I have never heard of something like that before
who cares? She didn't ask what you thought of it. Did you read the part that says it's working for her? geesh.. get a life people.
I agree that he wants you to be the fat one. He doesn't want you to steal his shine. He is not a very good friend if you ask me.
I agree..I've noticed tho, since taking control of my appetite and being more mindful of what I eat....my mood and temper are more mellow.
If I had still been feasting on cupcakes and crab ragoon all day...I may have responded in my former "Madea" kinda way........so thank God for my method of eating.....because that poster was spared a royal round of whoop *kitten*!! :-)
I'm a warrior:-D0 -
Even though your friend has been there and lost weight and knows how hard it is, it sounds as though he is still unhappy. Whatever the reason he wants to bring you down too. Baby steps work! I used to try to plan things out long term and every time I did that I fell flat on my face! You have to learn to crawl before you can walk..etc. before long you will be running! Keep up the good work and be positive!0
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Thank you:-)I understand wanting approval and even praise from people who are close to you... But I had to learn the hard way, you got to be proud of yourself, and thats all that matters... When all the weight comes off and you are healthy, he will finally start taking notice, but don't expect him to validate you or your efforts or accomplishments, because it may not ever happen... I went thru this with someone VERY close to me... And I had to accept it that they weren't going to approve... And just a little while ago I heard him saying to somebody else how good I had done at getting off and keeping off my weight. :-) Keep your head up and do what works for
you...
Thank you :-)
And I know you're right..and I shouldn't let it bother me. But he constantly compliments people on everything....and it just friggin bothers me that he's just not that generous with the compliments with me.
I'm not saying I need the compliments...but ONE unexpected compliment is very encouraging.
Well as one MFP'er to another, let me officially say you are doing an amazing job and keep up the good work! :-)0 -
Even though your friend has been there and lost weight and knows how hard it is, it sounds as though he is still unhappy. Whatever the reason he wants to bring you down too. Baby steps work! I used to try to plan things out long term and every time I did that I fell flat on my face! You have to learn to crawl before you can walk..etc. before long you will be running! Keep up the good work and be positive!
Thanks so much!! Xoxo0 -
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and go back to doing whatever it is you do that works for you.0
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he is NO FRIEND... find a REAL ONE!0
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Can we say HATER!!!! Sounds like it was all good when you shelled out the compliments and now he's a little jealous. You know some people actually like it when you make them look better. At any rate, I'd share my feelings with him and see what he says. Then take his response and make a decision. If he's a true friend he will have a workable response. If not, loose the extra poundage....who needs it?0
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Stop feeling sorry for yourself and go back to doing whatever it is you do that works for you.
Thanks...I feel much better. That little spell I was goin through this morning....is sooooo over!!
It's ki¢ka$$ time again!!0 -
Exactly.He wants you to be the fat one, so he can continue being told he looks great.0
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Doesn't sound like much of a friend. I think the first weight I would get rid of would be the dead weight of a toxic relationship.
Agreed!! That's a "frenemy," not a friend.0 -
Can we say HATER!!!! Sounds like it was all good when you shelled out the compliments and now he's a little jealous. You know some people actually like it when you make them look better. At any rate, I'd share my feelings with him and see what he says. Then take his response and make a decision. If he's a true friend he will have a workable response. If not, loose the extra poundage....who needs it?
I agree..I'm moving on. If he ever see's me again..it won't be as friend
And if I am ever lucky enough to meet a real voodoo doctor......OHH MYYY....it won't be pretty :devil:0 -
Doesn't sound like much of a friend. I think the first weight I would get rid of would be the dead weight of a toxic relationship.
Agreed!! That's a "frenemy," not a friend.
I should "Bumper Sticker" that word.. :-)0 -
Honestly,
that diet looks like a bit of a fad diet. It looks like they are big on selling stuff like protein, whey, chocolate bars, mineral stuff, and books! Undereating during the day? Overeating at night? Hmmm... I have never heard of something like that before
Wow. Honestly, did you even read the entire post? Her point has nothing to do with what way of eating she is following - it has everything to do with getting no support from a friend.
To the original poster - I typed a response and then lost the darn thing - but here is the gist of it. Several people have suggested confronting him about it, and I have to agree. There are so many things that could cause it, and they all speak badly about his own insecurities and possible narcissim. I say confront him because I'm typically more confrontational than passive-aggressive. I'd look him in the eye and say "I've supported you through your journey, now it's time for you to support me through mine. You're being a jerk. Either show me some respect and support, or see ya around." and then stick to it. If he's a true friend he'll admit he's been a jerk. More likely he'll get miffed and think you're the one being a witch. If the latter is true, then kick him to the curb and move on. There are plenty of people on here and in real life who will support you.
Best of luck - I'm guessing you'll feel better about this later on today, but don't let him continue to treat you that way. Friendship, like any other relationship, is a two-way street.0 -
Honestly,
that diet looks like a bit of a fad diet. It looks like they are big on selling stuff like protein, whey, chocolate bars, mineral stuff, and books! Undereating during the day? Overeating at night? Hmmm... I have never heard of something like that before
Wow. Honestly, did you even read the entire post? Her point has nothing to do with what way of eating she is following - it has everything to do with getting no support from a friend.
To the original poster - I typed a response and then lost the darn thing - but here is the gist of it. Several people have suggested confronting him about it, and I have to agree. There are so many things that could cause it, and they all speak badly about his own insecurities and possible narcissim. I say confront him because I'm typically more confrontational than passive-aggressive. I'd look him in the eye and say "I've supported you through your journey, now it's time for you to support me through mine. You're being a jerk. Either show me some respect and support, or see ya around." and then stick to it. If he's a true friend he'll admit he's been a jerk. More likely he'll get miffed and think you're the one being a witch. If the latter is true, then kick him to the curb and move on. There are plenty of people on here and in real life who will support you.
Best of luck - I'm guessing you'll feel better about this later on today, but don't let him continue to treat you that way. Friendship, like any other relationship, is a two-way street.
Thanks so much..I do feel better. I was a complete wreck this morning..and to top it off I'm in my cousin's wedding tomorrow...but this matter had me so depressed..if you've ever seen the movie "Something's Gotta Give"..with Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson (one of my favorite movies of ALL TIME) ...when she went through the crying stage.....that was me.
And yes, I think I was tremendously supportive of him during his WLJ. I used to bake him cookies and brownies and make cheesecake truffles for him..ALOT!! But when he started his WLJ I stopped the baking..because I actually wanted him to succeed.0 -
Slow & Steady wins the race. Maybe he doesn't know the right way to help you understand making this about a lifestyle change and not a diet? The importance or both eating right as well as exercising? Or he's just got his own insecurities and so he wants to make you to feel less than. Which is so not right. A true friend will only try to help you and build you up. Not discourage you and break you down. All the best to you! :drinker:0
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Forget him. People can be so negative. I'd much rather lose it slowly, that way you're more likely to keep it off. Great job with your accomplishments!
Omg...you've lost 66!! That's awesome..xoxo0 -
It sounds like you are doing great, I wouldn't give that guy a second thought. Hang in there, there is always going to be some hater in your life. Just don't let them affect you. Easier said than done, I know, but your self-esteem sounds strong enough to do it.0
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Some people feel safer being negative toward a friend's choices than toward other people - he may be supporting others but thinking internally that they won't succeed.
My advice is don't talk to him about what you're doing and just wait for him to notice the results. Lots of people may poo-poo what you're doing, but the bottom line is that we all just have to find what works best for ourselves and stick with it. We're all different. Everything from body types to conditions to life schedules to eating habits. What you're doing wouldn't work for me, but I doubt what I'm doing would work for you. It's all about personal choices and balance.
And, I'm sorry others responding aren't as supportive as they can be. You're looking for friend advice and some are attacking what you are telling us works for you, and that's not helpful.0 -
Do you have a Planet Fitness gym where you are? They are awesome! Their big claim is "judgement free". A place where ANYONE can go and be comfortable. They don't allow big grunting while lifiting weights. They have a commercial where a guy is showing off his 6 pack and is escorted out the door. I have seen bigger than me and smaller than me there. And it's only 10 bucks a month! Check it out if you can.
Jan
That places sounds amazing!! I stopped going to Curves, because more and more
women with NO curves started coming in.....wearing these skimpy workout outfits....all all I wanted to do was rip their "thongs" off, and choke em with it!!
Wow..0 -
Some people feel safer being negative toward a friend's choices than toward other people - he may be supporting others but thinking internally that they won't succeed.
My advice is don't talk to him about what you're doing and just wait for him to notice the results. Lots of people may poo-poo what you're doing, but the bottom line is that we all just have to find what works best for ourselves and stick with it. We're all different. Everything from body types to conditions to life schedules to eating habits. What you're doing wouldn't work for me, but I doubt what I'm doing would work for you. It's all about personal choices and balance.
And, I'm sorry others responding aren't as supportive as they can be. You're looking for friend advice and some are attacking what you are telling us works for you, and
that's not helpful.
It sure isn't....but, like I said..back in the day (my cupcake days)...those carbs woulda caused me to go postal.......
Ahhhhhh, what a wonderful change in me :-)0 -
I have no idea what the Warrior Diet is, but I would question why I am calling anyone that would trash something that is working for me a "friend".
Even if this diet is a scary fad diet (not bashing, pure ignorance on my part) that is no reason to bash your plans and hopes. That's not a very friendly thing to do.
Good luck and continued success to you!!0 -
First of all, good for you. Finding what works for you is critical to your success. I don't even know what to say about your friend, except that he is NOT a friend.
Drop him like the pounds you've already lost and will continue to lose.0 -
I feel your pain, My boyfriend is the same way. When I tell him i'm going to the gym in the morning he laughs at me. He is always trying to hinder my meal plans and take me to my favorite resturants where he knows I'm going to overeat.
I handle this by just ignoring him and doing the things I want to do anyways. Don't let him get you down, the only person that is standing in your way to reach your dreams is you.
Isn't it funny how men are that way sometimes. I think they want you to be uncomfortable in your skin as a way to control your self esteem.0 -
I'm a bit of a stomper myself. I personally do it for a few reasons.
1. I've seen the fad diets come and go, and along with it the weight loss/gain.
2. Diets are something you have to do for the rest of your life. They are a lifestyle adjustment, not a quick fix. Some diets are just too ludicrous to be followed for long periods.
3. Sometimes I'm just jealous of their progress.
etc.
Also, people I could care less about I say good job, fantastic, etc. It's like asking someone how they are doing, and the expected response is good. For a good friend, I want what is best for them.0 -
I have no idea what the Warrior Diet is, but I would question why I am calling anyone that would trash something that is working for me a "friend".
Even if this diet is a scary fad diet (not bashing, pure ignorance on my part) that is no reason to bash your plans and hopes. That's not a very friendly thing to do.
Good luck and continued success to you!!
It isn't really a diet..atleast not for me. On diets, I fail miserably because I am forced to give up the foods that I love. With the Warrior method, I can still have them..only not the large portions I've consumed in the past. I love apples again..and nuts. Another thing..the pants I was wearing in my profile pic..3 weeks ago I couldn't pull them up past my knees...and today, I no longer have them..in fact, I've thrown them away..because now, they are too big.
This method may not be ideal for every one...but for ME, it has changed the way I look at food. For the first time in ages, I know what REAL hunger feels like. I never really experienced it before, because I was always eating something. My body feels lighter, and cleaner..because going without foods..for ME, also cleaned me out.
And when I do finally eat my daily meal..it goes right through me. My skin is the clearest it's ever been. And I'm more active..because I have more energy.
For me..it's not a diet. Diets are temporary...this method..for ME..is life changing.0 -
If he is doing that right to your face, ask him to his face why he is acting that way.
If he does not come up with a reasonable reason, shake your shoes and move on without him as a friend.
Totally agree. Let him know how you feel & ask him why he would do it & if he can't tell you and can't respect that he hurt your feelings (and try to make ammends) then you are better off without him. I'm not saying to harbor bad feelings towards him or anything, because I think that is counter-productive, but you don't need that negativity in your life.
And, everyone who is ALSO going at her & the diet, etc..... she came here for SUPPORT, not to be called out or ridiculed. She already had that happen & doesn't need it again. "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all".... we all should have learned this when we were younger.0 -
If he is doing that right to your face, ask him to his face why he is acting that way.
If he does not come up with a reasonable reason, shake your shoes and move on without him as a friend.
I
Totally agree. Let him know how you feel & ask him why he would do it & if he can't tell you and can't respect that he hurt your feelings (and try to make ammends) then you are better off without him. I'm not saying to harbor bad feelings towards him or anything, because I think that is counter-productive, but you don't need that negativity in your life.
And, everyone who is ALSO going at her & the diet, etc.....
she came here for SUPPORT, not to be called out or ridiculed. She already had that happen & doesn't need it again. "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all".... we all should have learned this when we were younger.
Thank you!!! Xoxoxo
And you're right..I think some people totally missed..or misread my post..it wasn't really about the method....it was about having the right support team behind me. I'm not like most people..I need a ribbon of accomplishment every now and then...even if it's just..."you're doin great!"
And most people know how important those words are..because they've been where I am..or they're currently doin it.
At the end of the day.....the best method..is the one that works...and makes you healthy. I've tried the 3 meal a day method..the 6 small meals a day method....and to be honest....it was just too much..and I spent more time eating than anything else.0 -
This sounds like an advertisment. Who really says "droped 50lbs of fat?"
No one even has a way to know that.
She said HE dropped the weight and was against that SHE is on. If this is the advertisement. Worst one i have ever seen....0
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