Overweight people putting me down
Replies
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I don't know that it is jealousy... but I don't know that it matters why they do it, because it IS bullying and it IS designed to try to make you feel bad about what you are doing.
Everyone's speculations on why they might be doing what they're doing isn't going to help or change the situation. You may feel better and more able to TOLERATE the bullying, but the bullying will continue.
It might be difficult, but next time one of them comments on your eating habits and it makes you uncomfortable, it might be worthwhile to say "I don't want to talk about my diet at work. Did you see the news about that plane engine failure?" Or make a joke: "thanks, when the job comes up to oversee my diet make sure you put in your application
" Or explain why you do what you do (risk of insulting them is high though). Just something to make them stop trying to manipulate and control YOUR life.
This is bullying and all regular bullying rules apply. Why they do it doesn't matter - what matters is that you don't like it and it makes you uncomfortable.0 -
When I mention to people that I'm dieting I get a weird look on people's faces, mainly I think they're thinking inwardly, "I need to do that too, but it's too hard".. So then they start to play defense, to justify their thoughts on dieting. It's hard, they know it, and they know they need to do it. Personally, I'm trying to inspire some people I know that need to lose weight. I'm not pushing anything on them, but I want to show them that it can be done.0
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They are self focused. They think if you think you need to lose weight, you must think they are huge. They judge you because they have decided you must be judging them, even though it ISN'T all about them.
Exactly!!!0 -
Unfortunately hunny, they are just jealous of you how well you are doing... I have similar remarks from co-workers in an all female workplace but I do not let it get me down because i know my body is changing, my lifestyle has changed and I will continue to get leaner and stronger as I go along. You have worked so hard to get where you are so own it, be proud of it and ignore any negativity because you are worth it...as for the people making negative comments they were just like once we all were overweight,unhappy and food being our soul comfort i couldn't have started this journey a year ago because i know i wasn't ready then...keep on inspiring them babe xxx0
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I've definitely had this from classmates, and occasionally family. "Why aren't you eating?" Because it isn't mealtime. "Why aren't you eating REAL food?" I think my piece of fruit is more real than your Brakes Bros cafeteria meat product. "If you're watching your weight, just look at me!" I don't recall ever insulting your weight. "You're going to look anorexic if you don't eat up! *buries face in large plate of fish and chips*" Nope, but you might look obese if you don't eat down.
The worst of all is the suggestion that I've somehow limited my freedom by trying to lose weight. I'd like to see how much freedom I'd be living my life with on a mobility scooter at 25.0 -
It annoys me that when my food is a little different to what people normally bring in, they look at it funny and ask me what the hell I'm eating, and go on about it being disgusting. Actually no, the foods I've been eating since on MFP are so much tastier, I can only eat things I genuinely like, like most people.
It's encouraged me to not bother bringing food in to college - I only live 400 metres away so the commute doesn't matter, but I've had to lose out on social eating for the sake of not worrying about defending my food. I've always had a bit of social nervousness about eating in front of people.
It surprised me, because it's definitely the point where people become really blunt and ignorant when they're usually careful about everything else.0 -
AGREED!!!! Seriously I have 'friends' coming up to me now saying that they are worried about me and asking if I'm starving myself. Such bull****. I have never been healthier.
Jealousy is ugly.0 -
How unfortunate considering the majority of us on here have found our freedom through our new found healthy lifestyles. You just smile and say, "I'm sorry that didn't work out for you, but it has been a real eye-opener (life changer, etc) for me." And maybe offer to workout with them, or show them how easy it is to spice up a salad... easier said than done. But then you'll turning their negativity and pushing back with positivity!0
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They are self focused. They think if you think you need to lose weight, you must think they are huge. They judge you because they have decided you must be judging them, even though it ISN'T all about them.
I used to think like that myself. Then, to make a long story short, my good friend was diagnosed with hardening of the arteries on the brain. She is about 50. Too young for this. She has to exercise 90 minutes every day to keep from having a stroke. (We often go to the gym together.) She doesn't look to me like she needs to lose weight, but when she says now she needs to get some of the weight off her hips or arms, I say "whatever motivates you to do what you need to do in order to be healthy." I should have supported friends like that before, whether they were diagnosed with something or not. "Whatever motivates you to be healthy" should be encouraged whether the friend has a condition or not. Good health is more than just a lack of conditions...
Anyway, I'm not going to kick myself in the @$$ for having been selfish. First of all, I'm not that flexible yet. :laugh: Second of all, my friend's situation has taught me that it isn't all about me. Sadly, I know of no way to share my newfound epiphany with others like me.
Best wishes on your healthy lifestyle.
Great insight.0 -
Just ignore them and move forward. Love yourself hug yourself in the morning every morning and say "My arms never went around me this far before, I want my hands to touch" Have fun, people don't know the freedom that comes with living a healthy.0
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I get that a lot too.
I’m a super healthy eater & run so I’m naturally lean. I tell people it’s about living healthy & not about having a freaking orgasm on your tongue every time you put something in your mouth. I end that sentence with a big smile & that usually shuts them up, lol.0 -
i always step back and think "are these people who are saying this, are they realy involved in my life, do they know my heart, reason, and do they realy care for me", if not then let it just roll off your back. you live your life, no one can live it for you. your health matters more than an opinion of a co-worker. just keep moving forward.0
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^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^I think this is all jealousy. They see that you are living a healthy lifestyle, and you are even more fit than them. They know they should be doing what you are doing, but they don't have the willpower, so they make their excuses like "I want to live my life in freedom". Please, being trapped under loads of extra fat is hardly free. Just ignore them and know that you have chosen to live a healthy lifestyle, which means everything. Good luck!
^^^^^DOUBLE THIS^^^^^0 -
I wouldn't let it bother you. You are doing what you think is best for your body and health. Who cares what they say to you. People like that deserve no place in your life or in your thoughts. Not all "overweight" people are like that. Im overweight and I would never down someone for being healthy or eating right. Let it all roll off your back!! Keep up the good work.
-Sam0 -
Tell them to jog on...0
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So, I've notice something more and more lately. As I lose more weight, if I even mention that I've started to exercise or eat healthy or make a healthy food choice around them (especially while at work), it seems overweight women really have a problem with me. They'll start a conversation like, "yeah, I tried a diet once, then I realized I actually wanted to live my life with freedom" or my favorite, "you don't need to do that". It always starts with, "why are you eating Lean Cuisine?" "Why are you eating a salad?"
The best so far was when we were talking about past jobs. I mentioned that when I was 15, I worked at an ice cream shop and put on fifteen pounds in one summer. One of my overweight coworkers looked at me, scoffed and said, "yeah, you could use it."
I'm not a thin person by any means. I'm pretty average. I'm irritated by the looks I get every time I go to lunch and scan things into MFP on my phone. I mean, I'm a big girl and handle it just fine, but I think it's amusing that they feel the need to justify themselves by talking down to me.
/endrant
I'm obesed but I understand since I've had the same thing happen when I've started to diet. Its been more the lines "You don't need to change anything about yourself". "You're not that big", when I'm huge. But it gets annoying since I'm hoping they'll see this as a positive change to my life. I know that maybe they are trying to make me feel good but it doesn't. I've also gotten "You don't need to exercise" "Don't you think you might be over doing it?" When I've had just jogged for only 15 minutes and I've been doing things the healthy way, nice and slow.
I'm having more freedom now from when I first started, only lost a bit of weight so far but just with exercising now and being better with my choices I'm able to move and breath better and can actually keep up with activities so I'm happy with my lifestyle changes.
Keep doing what you're doing since obviously you're doing good by yourself which is what matters.0 -
Not just women i'm afraid. I get remarks like 'You don't want to lose too much' and 'you're looking very ill these days'. Funny how I'm feeling fitter than before. I think previous members have it right that it's just jelousy and lack of willpower. Admittedly it is difficuly for people as you change from the way they are used to seeing you. I am now at a weight that even my wife has never seen before.0
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I've always thought it quite rude to make judgment comments on people's weight - whether we think they're too fat OR too thin - and especially on what they're eating. Good grief!
Something to consider, though, when folks make comments about you becoming anorexic, or you're going to blow away in the wind, is that our society has become so much heavier, that what is truly a healthy weight now does look unusually thin. My daughter is 15 and weighs about 112 pounds. She is slender but not extremely so, but people refer to her as "tiny" all the time. Interesting thing is that she can wear my jeans from college - I was considered average in college, not tiny. Those were size 6 or 8 jeans in 1988 or so; now my daughter wears about a 2 or 3 in today's sizing. What we consider average, too thin, and overweight has completely evolved to the point where yesterday's average is today's "too thin".
It's still completely wrong, though, to comment to someone! Also, they may think that by saying you're too thin, they're paying you a complement.0 -
I agree with you how free are you when you can't find clothes that fit therefore you don't want to go out?...alway having to worry if your to heavy to sit on certain furniture or fit on rides at an amusement park. It is human nature for people to want others to share in their misery....don't let them, your doing great keep it up!
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It's really irritating when people can't ust be happy and supportive of you.
I always get the "You'll blow away in the wind" Really? Have you seen my thighs? I'm anchored down!
I actually do have that problem though (wind blowing me away), but it's just because I'm soo short lol, I'm not even super thin anymore really.
Also, I have the problem with one of my best friends basically putting me down for being small.
I can barely go shopping w/her because it's always "Ugh, they don't make clothes in my size", "If I was your size I'd buy all of this"(while I was being a bit picky w/choosing clothes), "why do you need to eat healthy? You don't need to eat healthy. You're already skinny", and other comments that makes it seem like she's (not on purpose) trying to make me feel bad for being naturally thin most of my life, and she claims to want to lose weight & asked me to help her eat healthier then blatantly disregarded any tips I gave her about cutting down on sweets (not cutting them out completely, but just making it an every other day thing or one serving instead of 3 servings a day). It gets annoying
To be fair, it really IS frustrating to go shopping in a store where nothing fits you. My good friend is 5 feet tall and weighs 105. At my current height/weight, there are a lot of nice boutiques where I cannot buy clothing. She doesn't seem to understand that standing around watching her fit into everything and not being able to try on anything at all is not really an enjoyable experience to me. Maybe you can pick activities where you both can enjoy them instead of going to places where she doesn't fit into the clothes.
As for her other comments about exercising and eating, well, that's another matter. She doesn't need to be putting you down for what you eat and how much you exercise.0 -
I've always thought it quite rude to make judgment comments on people's weight - whether we think they're too fat OR too thin - and especially on what they're eating. Good grief!
Something to consider, though, when folks make comments about you becoming anorexic, or you're going to blow away in the wind, is that our society has become so much heavier, that what is truly a healthy weight now does look unusually thin. My daughter is 15 and weighs about 112 pounds. She is slender but not extremely so, but people refer to her as "tiny" all the time. Interesting thing is that she can wear my jeans from college - I was considered average in college, not tiny. Those were size 6 or 8 jeans in 1988 or so; now my daughter wears about a 2 or 3 in today's sizing. What we consider average, too thin, and overweight has completely evolved to the point where yesterday's average is today's "too thin".
It's still completely wrong, though, to comment to someone! Also, they may think that by saying you're too thin, they're paying you a complement.
This x1000.
It really disgusted and saddened me when I read that the Washington State ferry system downgraded the occupancy limits on the ferries by about 15%, IIRC, because people are so much bigger now.0 -
I've always thought it quite rude to make judgment comments on people's weight - whether we think they're too fat OR too thin - and especially on what they're eating. Good grief!
Something to consider, though, when folks make comments about you becoming anorexic, or you're going to blow away in the wind, is that our society has become so much heavier, that what is truly a healthy weight now does look unusually thin. My daughter is 15 and weighs about 112 pounds. She is slender but not extremely so, but people refer to her as "tiny" all the time. Interesting thing is that she can wear my jeans from college - I was considered average in college, not tiny. Those were size 6 or 8 jeans in 1988 or so; now my daughter wears about a 2 or 3 in today's sizing. What we consider average, too thin, and overweight has completely evolved to the point where yesterday's average is today's "too thin".
It's still completely wrong, though, to comment to someone! Also, they may think that by saying you're too thin, they're paying you a complement.
This x1000.
It really disgusted and saddened me when I read that the Washington State ferry system downgraded the occupancy limits on the ferries by about 15%, IIRC, because people are so much bigger now.
I agree, one of my friends was looked down on because she was really skinny. She would eat but she had a hard time putting on weight and I know it bothered her how people always talked about her, her neighbors would go to her parents about how skinny she was, etc. It was sad really.0 -
All the comments about being insulted for eating healthy reminds me of this forum you gotta read it!
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/522231-grocery-store-rant-some-people-are-idiots0 -
Early on in this change, a MFP friend and I went to a local restaurant. We started looking up choices in MFP, and the waitress came back to the table to take our order at least three times and the second time (we weren't ready) had this look that we were not paying attention to ordering, just playing with our phones.
Now my husband has me do this for him too 0 -
A few years ago, I lost 45 lbs relatively quickly. I wasn't skinny by any means--I'm 5'10", and I was down to somewhere between a size 12 and a size 14, but I found out some of my coworkers were saying that I was starving myself, even saying that I was in treatment for an eating disorder. *pfft* Haters gonna hate.0
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Sorry you're going through that. It's the main reason none of my co-workers or random people know about what I do. I do what I do discreetly and, therefore, don't have to hear the questioning. You might benefit from doing your scanning and calorie checks when others aren't around.
It might also be their backhanded way of complimenting you by questioning why you would want to lose weight when you already look good. Keep doing what you want to do for yourself, and try to ignore them.0 -
Ok unpopular opinion alert..
I think being on this site gives posters a false view on the majority atitude towards diet & Fitness out in the real world.
Most people never think about their health until they get sick or get an injury, most pople are contented with their lives/bodies/food choices untill it starts to cause them problems. As the focus of this website is fitness & diet it is correct to assume that everyone here is looking to make a change to their previous food & fitness choices & as such we are pretty much all in agreement that 1) eating better or in healthier portion sizes is the way forward 2) getting some kind of increased physical activity will improve not only our healthy but our overall general appearance.
What alot of posters on this & other fitness/diet sites forget is that not everyone gives a crap about having muscle tone, thigh gaps or wherever else it might be we (general) are trying to achieve so any difference to what they consider normal food or normal weight & activity concerns or confuses them.
This idea that they are "all" jealous is wrong imo, some people just thnk that if you look ok, are generally in good health & happy then why you would want to change yourself.
It is lack of understanding of your goals rather than jealousy.
Explain your goals or your reasons for the changes & try to do it in a way that is non judgmental of their choices. Their concern & comments however insensitive might actually be genuine interest or concern for your wellbeing, most people have no idea what a healthy lifestyle or what a healthy goal weight is.
Remember, this is YOUR choice, not everyone has to agree with you or support you.
Amazing post. I totally agree. Many people on MFP (not in reference to the OP) tend to think the way we MFPers think is the way most people outside of this site think, and nothing could be further from the truth. It's the reason I keep my "lifestyle" separate from my work and romance relationships. Only close friends and family know about my change. That's all who needs to know.0 -
It's the crab syndrome....if you put one crab in a pot, you have to put a lid on it. If you put two in the pot, you can leave the lid off. As soon as one tries to climb out the other will pull it back in.
While we are not working our goals, we're in the pot with the other crabs. Once we start working on our goals, we try to climb out - the other crabs cannot do anything other than try to pull you back in. Oh, sure - they try to use nice phrases like, "Oh you don't need to - you look fine", but what they're really doing is pulling you back in. Climb out and then try to pull them out. Once they see your freedom on the outside, having reached your goal, they might try to climb out. The others will try to pull them back, just like they did to you. Be there with a supporting arm to pull them out and reach their goals!!
In any case, remember - you're working toward you goal - be excited and go for it!
This!0 -
Sounds like jealousy to me. They are trying to convince themselves that they are better off being fat because they don't have the discipline to stick with a proper diet.0
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