Please help! I've been gone a long time. Long post, but I ne
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ralevin
Posts: 131 Member
Hi Everyone. This is a long post, but I REALLY need help. Please consider taking the time to read it all.
I lost about 20 pounds on MFP over a year ago. This was my third or fourth temporary significant weight loss, and the first one with MFP. In past efforts, I've lost anywhere from 10 to 70 pounds at a time, always gaining some or most of it back. But I've been gone a while. I'm sad to say that after losing 20 pounds with MFP, I've gained every pound back.
A couple of days ago, I got the results of a wellness screening that my employer provides, during which they do some comprehensive blood work, and saw that my triglycerides in the past year skyrocketed over 100 units. This scared the crap out of me, hence my return.
In the past, when I've begun a weight loss attempt (let me clarify: I've always been trying to lose weight, just sometimes I'm more focused than others), I've been very optimistic. This time I'm not. I believe this is due to the fact that I have "tried" this so many times, and failed.
I SHOULD have tons of motivation. I've got a 20 month old little girl, who is my everything, and an incredibly wonderful and supporting wife. I'm 30 years old, and when I was seven years old, I literally watched my mother die of a heart attack at the age of 40. There's really no better "wake up call" than witnessing that, short of having a heart attack myself.
I have worked my tail off for many things in life (overcoming a crappy childhood to be a successful and happy person, winning awards for musical accomplishment as a high school student, going to college, earning two masters degrees, and working full time for nearly 12 years now, and still spending quality time with my family, etc.), and have always figured out a way to succeed. The only exception is losing weight, which I have failed at several times. I believe this is the reason I am not optimistic this time. I've failed over and over and over again, and I feel like it's just inevitable that it will happen again. I'm fully aware that a pessimistic attitude will not help me to succeed.
My failures have ALWAYS been because I simply fall off the wagon. I track my eating diligently for months at a time, and gradually stop doing so. I work out 6 times a week for a couple months, then it becomes 5 days a week, then 4, and eventually only once or twice every couple weeks. I watch portion sizes carefully, measuring everything I eat or cook, for a few months, then stop doing so, and gradually go back to my huge portion sizes. I simply haven't been able to stick with anything.
I believe I will become more optimistic and motivated if I can figure out a way to stay on the wagon long term (like for the rest of my life), and this is where you all come in. The best thing about MFP when I used it last time was the community of support. I need advice on how to make the long term motivation a reality. While I will appreciate any and all advice, statements like "just stick with it" or "work on your will power" simply won't help. I need tangible ideas.
I'm ten years shy of my mother's age when she died. My daughter will be 11 when I'm that age, and I can't leave her without a parent like I was. This time HAS to be the end of the fight to lose weight, and the beginning of the fight to maintain a healthy weight.
Thank you for reading, and for any help you can give.
I lost about 20 pounds on MFP over a year ago. This was my third or fourth temporary significant weight loss, and the first one with MFP. In past efforts, I've lost anywhere from 10 to 70 pounds at a time, always gaining some or most of it back. But I've been gone a while. I'm sad to say that after losing 20 pounds with MFP, I've gained every pound back.
A couple of days ago, I got the results of a wellness screening that my employer provides, during which they do some comprehensive blood work, and saw that my triglycerides in the past year skyrocketed over 100 units. This scared the crap out of me, hence my return.
In the past, when I've begun a weight loss attempt (let me clarify: I've always been trying to lose weight, just sometimes I'm more focused than others), I've been very optimistic. This time I'm not. I believe this is due to the fact that I have "tried" this so many times, and failed.
I SHOULD have tons of motivation. I've got a 20 month old little girl, who is my everything, and an incredibly wonderful and supporting wife. I'm 30 years old, and when I was seven years old, I literally watched my mother die of a heart attack at the age of 40. There's really no better "wake up call" than witnessing that, short of having a heart attack myself.
I have worked my tail off for many things in life (overcoming a crappy childhood to be a successful and happy person, winning awards for musical accomplishment as a high school student, going to college, earning two masters degrees, and working full time for nearly 12 years now, and still spending quality time with my family, etc.), and have always figured out a way to succeed. The only exception is losing weight, which I have failed at several times. I believe this is the reason I am not optimistic this time. I've failed over and over and over again, and I feel like it's just inevitable that it will happen again. I'm fully aware that a pessimistic attitude will not help me to succeed.
My failures have ALWAYS been because I simply fall off the wagon. I track my eating diligently for months at a time, and gradually stop doing so. I work out 6 times a week for a couple months, then it becomes 5 days a week, then 4, and eventually only once or twice every couple weeks. I watch portion sizes carefully, measuring everything I eat or cook, for a few months, then stop doing so, and gradually go back to my huge portion sizes. I simply haven't been able to stick with anything.
I believe I will become more optimistic and motivated if I can figure out a way to stay on the wagon long term (like for the rest of my life), and this is where you all come in. The best thing about MFP when I used it last time was the community of support. I need advice on how to make the long term motivation a reality. While I will appreciate any and all advice, statements like "just stick with it" or "work on your will power" simply won't help. I need tangible ideas.
I'm ten years shy of my mother's age when she died. My daughter will be 11 when I'm that age, and I can't leave her without a parent like I was. This time HAS to be the end of the fight to lose weight, and the beginning of the fight to maintain a healthy weight.
Thank you for reading, and for any help you can give.
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I normally wouldn't bump my own post, but this is nearing the bottom of page one, and I REALLY need some help here. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?0
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Idk how valuable my advice will be since I'm practically in the same boat as you but here goes:
Make sure you have a solid support system at home. You said your wife is really supportive so tell her how important this is to you and see if she's willing to help you stay on track if she sees you slipping.
Make some good friends on MFP and see if you can team up with a buddy you have to "check in" with each week. If you're comfortable with it, give them your email address so they can shoot you a message if you miss a check in.
Use rewards! For short term and long term. One thing I'm starting next month is a rewards challenge. You give yourself points for doing things you should be doing anyway, like tracking or exercising, and at the end of each day, those points convert to money you put in a piggy bank or jar. At the end of the month, you'll use that money to buy yourself a reward
Keep "goal clothes" somewhere visible and plan to try them on each week. Once you fit into them, get new ones.
Hope these help! And feel free to add me!0 -
Idk how valuable my advice will be since I'm practically in the same boat as you but here goes:
Make sure you have a solid support system at home. You said your wife is really supportive so tell her how important this is to you and see if she's willing to help you stay on track if she sees you slipping.
Make some good friends on MFP and see if you can team up with a buddy you have to "check in" with each week. If you're comfortable with it, give them your email address so they can shoot you a message if you miss a check in.
Use rewards! For short term and long term. One thing I'm starting next month is a rewards challenge. You give yourself points for doing things you should be doing anyway, like tracking or exercising, and at the end of each day, those points convert to money you put in a piggy bank or jar. At the end of the month, you'll use that money to buy yourself a reward
Keep "goal clothes" somewhere visible and plan to try them on each week. Once you fit into them, get new ones.
Hope these help! And feel free to add me!
These are EXCELLENT ideas. Thank you!0 -
I think it is great that you are back and ready for a change. I had 4+ really unhealthy years and was feeling so terrible that I truly thought I was going to die. After so many tests came back negative, I thought sure I had pulmonary hypertension because I had all of the symptoms. I did not want my kids to lose their mom and I was terrified. Turns out I had a heart defect that was able to be fixed, but I still don't know what the future holds and ultimately my lifespan may be shortened because of it. So far so good but I want to get as healthy as possible to swing the odds in my favor.
I've only been here for a short time, but I'm a goal person. I need to have little goals in my head to keep me going. Some days I just have to make myself workout, even if it is 9pm (like tonight) and I'm beat from keeping the house and running after the kids and doing a billion other things.
Measuring food sucks. I hate it and I don't think I will do it forever, but for now it is necessary until exercise and healthy eating becomes second nature, which I think just takes time. I have to make this lifestyle a habit.
Put away all of those times that you "failed" and take that word out of your vocabulary. The past is the past and all that matters is today and beyond.
Maybe if would help if you made a schedule of workouts and put it on the fridge or on the bathroom mirror. Somewhere you will see it often throughout the day, or schedule it on your phone. I saw your other post about migraines, but if you have time set aside to do a particular workout and can't because of a migraine, maybe do some yoga or go for a walk instead. I know it is hard with a young child, but I do a lot of my exercise after the kids go to bed. It does take time away from my husband, but it makes me a happier person so he doesn't mind me disappearing for an hour or two.
Also, plan meals. It is harder for me to choose healthier foods for myself and our family when we don't have a meal plan. Standing at the fridge/pantry trying to decide what we should eat for dinner in an hour is not a good thing, because we often resort to the quick and easy crap foods.
It might also be a good idea to actually schedule a rest day every week. And maybe pick a night that you have a special treat, maybe on a date night or movie night. DH and I like to each get a small DQ Blizzard every now and then.
I think each of us had to find what works for us when it comes to sticking with something. I quit smoking about 9 years ago and in all honesty I think about smoking every single day and I want a cigarette every single day. My initial motivation was that I wanted to start dating again and didn't want to smell like an ashtray. My motivation now is my children. I could very easily walk into a gas station and pick up a carton and go right back to being a 2 pack a day smoker but when I look at those little faces, I know that I need to set a good example for them and their health and my health are a top priority because it is no longer just about me.
When it comes to food and weight, I have a short term goal of running a half marathon next year and that keeps me motivated. I will probably always set short term goals because that's me. But, long term is to be around to see my kids grow and their kids grow and to enjoy many, many years with my husband.
Sorry it took me so long to post. I've been tending to the kids off and on. We had a full day and unfortunately they don't sleep so well when they are over tired.0 -
Hi. As far as getting started again I would just have to say take baby steps to get moving in the right direction. Figure out where your weakness are as in diet and find ways to change that. I loved stopping at McDonalds and getting a double cheeseburger and a shake. I would normally do this on my way to work or on the way home so it was an extra meal worth I believe to be 1200 calories. To get rid of the craving I started ordering fish sandwiches and a smaller shake. I then have switched to making my own little shake if I get the craving. I used to also have a horrible habit of getting snack cakes that were 400 and up on calories. I started changing it up to candy bars to get the chocolate but lower the calorie count.
It helps that candy bars are so expensive and I don't want to pay for them.
When it comes to exercise make small goals. I have a Y membership and if I go alone I just have to have headphones with me because they have machines where you can watch tv. This is a real treat for me because we don't have cable. Get your family involved in anyway you can. That could be that you do something all together as a family or your wife taking care of things at home so you can get a walk in or a trip to the gym.
I really don't have any tips for sticking with it. I did the same thing quite a few years back where I lost weight with the help of a weight loss place but slipped up when I got a divorce from my first husband. I have always enjoyed working out and for the most part that's been a constant in my life. It's the counting calories that gets old. The feeling that I just want to go out to eat and not worrying about it all. I haven't gotten serious enough to weigh my food or measure too much in cups. I just don't know if I want to get that serious again.
Good luck in your journey.0 -
I agree with what the ladies above me said. One thing I will add is Omega 3's. My Triglicerides (sp) were almost 255. Talk about panic. I started on Omega 3's and they are now down below 100. I get them at Costco. Sams has them too. There not expensive there. The Kirkland brand is what I take and I take 3 a day. I swear by them. Give them a try. Then can't hurt.
Good luck on your journey. I have confidence that because you are back here that you are going to make it this time and make it for life and not just a diet.
God Bless your success.0 -
The above posters have excellent ideas, so I just want to add that u need to stop thinking about ur lack of motivation and just start. U might not have alot of motivation right now, but you have enough to get started. So, just start and more motivation will come your way Since I've started, my motivation has been strong at times and weak at other times. But it's been strong enough at all times not to quit. Motivation will come and go. Just make sure to keep enough motivation handy to keep u from quitting. I've heard this before too. Forget motivation, just have determination. Determination is easier for me. All I have to do to be determined is to get angry. That's an easy emotion for us who r trying to lose weight So, get ur butt started right now! 0
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P.S. Do NOT try and do it all right away. No need to exercise more than a few times a week for awhile. And don't cut ur cals too much. If u start off hot and heavy, there's more of a chance of burnout. Expect it to take a long time. If u do it right, it will.
Also, when I want to quit, I think to myself, "i refuse to start all over again!" That's where my anger, hence, determination kicks into high gear
And, my mfp pals save me all the time! I'm not afraid to whine, lol.0 -
Like u say. You have motivators, it's about deciding what is most important to you. I am not the best example but I can give you some good advice that has helpped me. When you think of giving up completely.
#1 Know that you will try again. You obviously care about this deeply and it's the one big issue that you haven't overcame yet in your otherwise successful life, so you will try again and you can either start again at an even unhealthier state or you can begin to manage good eating habits and work out on a regular basis not obsessively but consistantly to save your life.
#2 When the temptation and habits of over eating and being sedintary are keeping you from saving your life they are also keeping you child from having your love and much needed guidance as she lives hers. You can do this...youve conquered so much in your life and this will not be the end of you unless you let it be and I don't know you but from what youve posted I believe you won't let comfort kill you.0 -
ok so from my understanding you have the dedication and the thought of reaching your goal you just don't want to put effort and will into making it happen. because you failed so many times you think that's it, god made you like that so you have to live with it and suffer, well if you have that mentality i guarantee you will never succeed in reaching your goal. im willing to give you all of my knowledge into helping you out because you seem like a nice man and your dedicated. now what comes from failure?... success agreed? alright so just because you failed a few times why should you stop? now if you ever were to stop doing what ever it is you were doing into reaching your goal just think of why you started in the first place and that will put you right back on track. you said you want to do it for you health but mostly for your familys own good so just think of that as a motivation to keep you going. what is it that your failing at. is it keeping up with your diet? eating habits? exercise?0
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like if you want me to help you out i need more information than that man. like your weight your diet plan your training plan your schedule, who you hang out with what do you friends do thats the opposite of what your looking for in life like **** like that you know?0
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Try cognitive behavioral therapy. Establishing goals and tracking your behaviors are key steps before you can change your behaviors and reach your goals. Good luck!0
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Most of us have been where you are. The only thing I would add to all the fantastic advice above is don't go off mfp. It's not just about logging your food, it is hearing your friends progress, it just motivates you. It is too easy to slowly slide away if you aren't monitoring it. The only way you definitely won't succeed is if you don't try again. You know the saying fall down seven times, get up eight! Feel free to add me.0
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Another idea: set a monthly reminder on your phone saying something like "Do it for <daughters name>"0
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Right now I'm sitting in a little ditch - not literally IN a ditch, but I'm not full of the verve and vigour that most of us are when we start out. There are a couple of things keeping me going:
-I know that one bad meal, or one bad day, or one bad week won't get me back to where I was. But, two bad weeks will turn into two bad months, two bad years, and before I know it I'll be worse off than when I started. Each time I fall, I HAVE to get back up eventually.
-I don't have kids, but I certainly want them. I therefore have the motivation, like you do, that I want to be around to see my kids grow up, have their own kids, and live successful, fulfilling lives.
-I CAN enjoy the foods I used to. I just CAN'T enjoy them in the quantities that I used to. I NEVER deprive myself of anything that I crave - because if I do, it always ends in me binging or going crazy over said food.
-Exercise in fun ways. I don't want exercise to feel like a chore, because I don't like chores. Chase after your kid, take her swimming, play in the backyard. Get a trampoline. Get a bike. Get some rollerblades. Go play golf with your buddies, football in the park, frisbee. Make it fun, because you will have to do a lot of it, for a long time, to get where you need to go. Might as well enjoy yourself doing it!
-Make small goals. It's much easier to focus on a small 5kg goal, than to focus on a huge 60kg goal. They always say that it didn't take overnight to put the weight on, so it certainly won't take overnight to take it back off.
And finally, practise taking compliments. You're going to start getting them, and they'll motivate you to keep going. Remember to say 'thank you'. Try to compliment others as well - you know how good it makes you feel to receive a genuine compliment, so give them out when people deserve them!0 -
Im trying to help you because I can identify with the falling off the wagon part ...Please add me if you like~
Try posting photos of your mom and things you want to do when you arrive at your desired weight Like a Visual Board with photos of people place, things etc etc.
Also when I have a craving it helps to wait it out sometimes...like dont act on it wait wait, sometimes it goes away, that little mental craving trigger ...that is all it is a trigger not real hunger...Drink plenty of water or eat a fruit or some crackers, simple but it works most of the times...0 -
I would suggest some kind of therapy. It sounds like you have deeper psychological issues that need to be addressed before that you can move on and feel good enough about yourself to understand that YOU deserve to be happy and loose weight.
For a starting point, if you don't feel comfortable going to see someone, I would suggest a book recently released by Jillian Michaels. I have heard the audiobook (for free) and subsequently bought the book as I thought her processes, plans and structure was good advise to follow. I downloaded the free audiobook at audible.com, you have to register but then you can easily un-register once you have downloaded it (I was suspicious, but this did actually work). Her experiences and stories made me think more about my self-image and understand that the process of being on a "diet" is not just about eating right and exercising. It is really so much more than that and sometimes answers to those questions are hard to find. But I really feel that this book helped me, and it might just help you too. What do you have to loose, it's free and really easy to listen too. JM also reads the book herself so you hear it as it is meant to be heard.0 -
As someone who has fallen off the wagon twice and got back on it, I can tell you the ONLY thing you need is desire. You have to want it when you don't have it and want it when you do have it more than you want the bad food. You have to want it more than you want to sit at home instead of hitting your workouts. You have to want it more than you want to be lazy. That's the bottom line. That's what keeps you there and gets you there.0
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It might be useful to sit down and think about what you value and are working towards in your life. Not what other people value, what YOU value. Wanting to be a good father, being loving towards your wife, being hardworking, looking after yourself etc..? Then think about how much you are working towards them now, and how you can work towards them even more. Inherent in that there may be something about how losing weight may help you work towards some of those values.
SO basically what i'm saying is instead of thinking about what you don't want (don't want to be fat, don't want to get heart problems etc), think about what you DO want. Then when you are at risk of dropping your eating/fitness schedule, think 'will this help me to work towards my value or not'?
Does that make sense? Think about it in terms of values helps you to take personal ownership, think about what's important to you in life, and how you can continually work towards that. You need to find out if looking after yourself and having a healthy body comes under that.
Just think trying something a bit different is the key this time - when things haven't work many times in the past (long term) then it often means it's time for a change of approach. And this approach I've outlined above is an aspect of an approach called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy that is growing in the field of weight management.0 -
My husband could write a lot of what you have, like you he will lose and then gain it back and so forth, however each time he starts a diet again I tell him that the fact that he keeps on trying. That is exactly what I would tell you, you are trying so hard and the fact that you keep on starting again shows your determination which is a fantastic thing to have. Be proud of yourself for not giving up, and if you have a day where you think you have blown your diet remember the next day is a new day so start again. I agree with everyone else that, its about looking at your whole life,sometimes its not just a case of wanting to be healthy, there are often other factors in our lives that make us gain that weight back. Your wife and daughter are lucky to have you being so determined to do it, I really hope that you succeed in keeping it off, let the past go and all the times you've gained again,look towards the future where you lose and it stays off for good this time.0
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