Who you feel the same way....

Cindym82
Cindym82 Posts: 1,245 Member
in Chit-Chat
OK, so everyone seems to agree with me, but I want an outside opinion. My boyfriend's (Roy) friend (Tyson) just got engaged a few months ago. They are planning a destination wedding and invited Roy and I. Thats nice....until we saw how much it would cost. $4000 a couple for a week, without air fare. I feel that it is completely out of line to ask someone to spend that kind of money. Yes, it is in Feb of 2013 so we have time to save, BUT.....Tyson hasn't mentioned if Roy is in the wedding or not (I think he probably is). AND, my 30th birthday is in December 2012 and we were planning to do something big for it since we are doing something big for Roy's 30th in May. And last night we hung out with the newly engaged couple and her sister and she seemed offended when I said it's a lot of money and that we will have to see if we can even afford it, like she rolled her eyes....am I wrong to feel that way? I mean it takes me 7months so save $2,000 and I told Roy I can't afford to do it and he offered to work a bunch of overtime's to pay for it...but that means he'd have to literally work 30 overtimes to pay for it. :(

Replies

  • kit_katty
    kit_katty Posts: 992 Member
    It is a lot of money, and they have to realize that not everyone will be able to afford it. That's the trouble with destination weddings.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    You're not out of line - at least you're trying. At the end of the day, that is a LOT of money to expect your guests to come up with.
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
    Destination weddings are sometimes a planned filtering mechanism. That's what I did because the politics of the wedding started getting stupid, and so we took off, and hardly anyone could afford to come with. No family came with us, just a handful of good friends, which is how we wanted it. So, you never know what they are thinking.

    If Roy is expected because he's in the wedding, that's a bit selfish of the groom. I didn't have a best man, so that took care of that. I would never put someone in such an uncomfortable position such as that.
  • clydethecat
    clydethecat Posts: 1,087 Member
    a lot of brides get very selfish when it comes to their wedding. you didnt say anything wrong, its outrageous to ask someone to spend that kind of money for a destination wedding. if she rolled her eyes at you, that just shows shes one of those self absorbed brides.

    we paid for hotel rooms for our out of town guests. i think when you ask someone to do something special just for you, you should incur some of the cost.

    sorry your boyfriend friends fiancee is being this way.. but you should have nothing to feel bad about.
  • hses2esf
    hses2esf Posts: 7
    A lot of times people throw destination weddings knowing the people they are inviting won't be able to afford going. It's a way to keep costs down for the couple. They don't have to worry about the wedding reception and all the people who would be there if it was a local wedding. That is a lot of money for somebody to come up with
  • Cindym82
    Cindym82 Posts: 1,245 Member
    I mean she was seriously offended that we wouldn't come and was like well it would really mean a lot to tyson which leaves me to believe noone else can afford it either. PLUS, they said there would be a discount and last night never mentioned it.
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
    I mean she was seriously offended that we wouldn't come and was like well it would really mean a lot to tyson which leaves me to believe noone else can afford it either. PLUS, they said there would be a discount and last night never mentioned it.

    They don't sound like good friends. I would get pissy and tell them to pay for it and I'll be happy to fly there and enjoy it. But, that's really asking a lot. $4000 not including air fare? That's crazy expensive. I'd just flat out say no, and laugh a little at the thought. Like, "Really?". I mean, if they are good friends, you should be able to be straight up with them. If they aren't that great of friends, then f*** 'em. I don't mean to be that way, but they are asking a lot.
  • Cindym82
    Cindym82 Posts: 1,245 Member
    AND i just looked up air costs as a guesstimate and its $1,200 a person....really f them at this point
  • Ruger2506
    Ruger2506 Posts: 309 Member
    I feel that it is completely out of line to ask someone to spend that kind of money.

    They didn't ask you to spend that much money. They invited you to join them. You can always say no.

    To be honest we plan on doing them same thing with the intention that we'll get credit for inviting everyone but we know most will not come so we don't have to have them at the wedding (if/when we get married).

    Of course you are asking a man (me) that didn't go to numerous close friends weddings because they choose a weekend that was opening of Duck Hunting, Deer Hunting, Fishing, etc. Those weekends are sacred in MN and anyone from MN should know not to have plans/events on those weekends.
  • Cindym82
    Cindym82 Posts: 1,245 Member
    I feel that it is completely out of line to ask someone to spend that kind of money.

    They didn't ask you to spend that much money. They invited you to join them. You can always say no.

    To be honest we plan on doing them same thing with the intention that we'll get credit for inviting everyone but we know most will not come so we don't have to have them at the wedding (if/when we get married).

    Of course you are asking a man (me) that didn't go to numerous close friends weddings because they choose a weekend that was opening of Duck Hunting, Deer Hunting, Fishing, etc. Those weekends are sacred in MN and anyone from MN should know not to have plans/events on those weekends.


    when we told them no we couldnt afford it they kept asking and complaining and guilt tripping us
  • boomboom011
    boomboom011 Posts: 1,459
    my cousin had a destination wedding that i was in. she gave us over a year to pay for our portion. i wasnt bothered a bit. I was in Jamaica with most of my family and we decided to just make it a family vacation too. it was by far the best wedding Ive ever been to. it was all inclusive and we didnt have to buy anything once we got there.

    there were people that couldnt afford to go so they had a pre-wedding party/shower and it was perfect.

    personally, i think your SO working overtime is a great solution. especially if thats an option.

    as for being offended, i say dont be. be glad you were invited and if you cant make it and they are butts about it then I guess you can decide if those are the kind of people you want to be friends with. Just my opinion.

    Destination weddings are awesome! Embrace it.
  • SwannySez
    SwannySez Posts: 5,860 Member
    "I hope you have a lovely wedding and I can't wait to see the pictures!"
  • _snw_
    _snw_ Posts: 1,298 Member
    i dont think it's out of line to ask someone to attend. i think it's out of line to expect it though. Sometimes you just can't take part. Send them a great gift and call it a day.
  • deeharley
    deeharley Posts: 1,208 Member
    I'd probably roll the three vacations into one - go a week early or stay a week longer and have some fun. But that's just me.

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