A month in and would love some friends!

I've been logging in and tracking calories/exercise here for a month now. I adore this site. I lurk the forums daily. But as of two days ago, I had no friends and didn't really care to have any.

I'm starting to feel sort of lonely, though. I have no one to share my successes/failures with here!

my story:

I grew up on a hippie goat farm. My mother was a couple hundred pounds overweight, constantly on fad diets and I became a vegetarian at the age of 10 to protest the eating of my favorite chicken (his name was Couch Potato)

At 13 I was overweight and affraid of becoming my mother. I developed an eathing disorder that persisted through high school and college and the birth of two children. I also got really into raw-food veganism aside from my chronic under-eating. I hung out with a lot of fellow organic hippie types.

About 5 years ago I got really unhealthy, realized I had a problem, got counciling, and threw away my mirrors and became an "intuitive eater". I gained 20lbs, which put me on the pudgy side of average for my height/build. Also started moving away from veganism and more towards "clean" eating, with occasional junk food binges. Learned I love cheesecake and eggs.

Last September I got cast in a locally filmed indie web series. It's a fantasy/geeky/action sort of thing. I was supposed to play a butt-kicking elf. The director sent me to a personal trainer he knew so I could gain some muscle and look the part. The trainer put me on a lifting/cardio schedule and perscribed a high protein 1600 calorie diet, which is more than I'd ever eaten in my life, and at least 500 calories more than I was eating "intuitively". I put on weight. Not visbile muscle, but jiggly belly fat. My thighs got larger. I outgrew all my clothes. Two months and ten pounds into my training, my trainer started accusing me of 'cheating" on my diet. He wouldn't believe my food diaries. He accused me of "going on late-night McDonald's runs". He called me a liar to my face because there was "no way" i was gaining so much body fat so rapidly on his plan. I started actually cheating by cutting my calories down to 1200 and lying about it in my diaries. My trainer thanked me for my "honesty" when I started losing some of the weight I had put on.

In January, at my highest ever non-pregnant weight, I was replaced in the cast by a smaller, younger actor. I told that trainer where to shove it. I started setting about losing this extra weight, while hopefully maintaining any muscle I might have gained underneith. Losing the weight healthily, as well as overcoming the depression because of this experience is my challenge.

Anyways,

I'm 5'2", currently 122 lbs (down from a high of 140), have a TINY body frame.

I work as an adult caregiver. I went to school for art/theatre with a focus on stage make-up and art therapy. I have kids, the husband of my dreams, and a few pets that run my household.

And I'm really just looking for anyone friendly to share our journies with.