My stepdad is hurting not helping /venting
Replies
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First of all CONGRATULATIONS, you have already lost over 20 lbs ! Loosing weight is a long process, and your body might be stalling, and not to mention that it is difficult when you do not have the support that you need.
The relationship with family can also be difficult. Your step dad might not be too excited about your progress, after all it shows that he is a failure in loosing weight and he might recent your sucess. When you are in these situatation, you need to find the strenght within yourself not to allow him to spoil your efforts. I also agree with some of the other comments. Keep your own stach of food. I stock my freezer with Lean Cusine. When the family has steak night, I simply walk away because I already ate my lean cusine and I am good. Ultimately the weight loss is up to you and you need to be aware that there will be those that wlil try to tempt you and spoil your efforts. Writing in a journal can help you sort out some of the feelings you have about family, your weight loss journey and what triggers you to get off track. Good luck and keep it up !0 -
I honestly do not have a choice because there was almost literally nothing but some chili powder, green onions, and a soda, and I didn't touch any of them. I cannot go get groceries because I do not have a license just yet. I did workout very well that day so basically you could be right, it could just be the bloated feeling, but I might just have some kind of fear of gaining weight easily. I honestly don't think it's anorexia though because I eat quite a bit of food.
Well, actually, we always have choices. But we have it drilled into us repeatedly that it's evil to skip meals. I'm gonna tell you what I've learned about people who sabotage you: they want you to fail. It sounds like your stepdad has given up and he wants you to fail b/c he failed. Don't give in. If there's nothing in the house, then fast and make a plan for the future.
I know everyone is suggesting you talk to your stepdad, but I disagree. He has made his position known and clear. Your mom is your ally here and you need to make sure she realizes that. If your stepdad is going to sabotage you, cut him out. Next time he offers to get you something, say no thanks. Take the opportunity away from him.
Who does the grocery shopping in your house? Sit down and decide what you DO want to eat for dinner for the next few days, figure out what it takes to make it, and talk to your mom about a grocery trip. Add a few items for "just in case" days, even if it's just bread and meat for sandwiches and some bananas. Include some healthy snacks, too. It's good that your cutting down on the junk food, but that's easier to do with healthier alternatives around.
Where is the nearest grocery store? I don't know much about Shelby-in Durham I have one less than a mile away. If it's less than 2 miles, try walking there. Now you've got exercise and you're in control. If not, make a plan with your mom to get there.
HTH0 -
I have the same problem. But it's my husband bring in candy. However, if you are going to give into the temptation you have to learn to do it in moderation. My husband brought me 2 3-piece packs of turtles the other day. I've only eaten one, which I'm very proud of, as turtles are my weakness and I'd usually eat all 6 in one sitting if I went back to my old ways. Anyway, you just have to realize it's your choice as to what you eat. You can't blame others for it. Just hang in there and it gets easier!0
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I know this might sound terrible, but when I go grocery shopping I buy some stuff that only I can eat. Hubby and Son don't really care what is on the menu, but I will buy myself some things that (A) I know they won't like so (B) they won't eat it. OR if it might be something they would eat, I hide it from them. You might want to find a meal or some certain food that you can use to fall back on, in case this happens again. Even if it means some high protein bars, and maybe some fruit cups that you could put in a small container and keep in your closet, or some place that it won't be found. Something in an emergency, not as a regular meal.
THIS!!!
I try to keep the junk food out of the house and if I need it in the house, I'll pay a little more to have pre-packed portions (like paying $10 for 30 single-serving bags of potato chips). I also have stuff that my husband won't touch, like apples, bananas, and other things from the produce section.
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Wow - people are being rather unforgiving here.
I agree - but honestly, from my perspective, I'm giving the same advice as I give myself. I cannot put my poor choices on anyone other than myself - so I would hope, that the OP should be putting the end responsibility on herself. When I hear things like "I honestly did not have a choice" and then "I asked for snack wraps from McDonalds". That is a choice. There are other options and overall the perception that he was sabotaging her by getting her a pizza (which has relatively the same number of calories) is where I take exception. The snack wraps were not a great choice...own that! Notice that I marked them without sauce - when you add in the sauce, it's another 140 calories per wrap. So if that was the option, the 450 that she had just turned into a 1000 calorie meal for two small "snack" wraps. There was no sabotage except that she didn't get what she wanted...the pizza was actually a smaller calorie meal (2 slices vs. 2 wraps with sauce).
I remember what it was like to have little to no cash for groceries ($20/week), no car, etc and was living on my own. It wasn't the healthiest time in my life, I'll admit that, but I focused on eating at home. I made the effort to cook and have leftovers. I walked to the grocery store and back. I made a small treat last longer than one sitting. One night a week was a treat night - it was pizza ($5 little Caesar) which helped with lunches for a few days past. I don't see much of that happening here......She relies on her parents to bring the food in, at which point, it becomes their choice......0 -
Ok, I'm going to lay down some stuff.
1. I'm a guy, not a girl.
2. The pizza and mcdonald's thing was just a one time thing. We rarely go get anything to eat, but due to lack of groceries to make any dinner, I had to pick one or the other, and I thought the snack wraps without the sauce was a much better choice because I personally thought that was the best thing you can get there. (Unfortunately, I didn't check the value.)
3. The reason why I keep on eating the stuff that is in my diary is because that's normally what we get. I don't indulge on it fully, but partially. That's better than just goming the whole thing down. Now, my parents sometimes leave to go to the boat on weekends, and my mom and I go to the store and I do go grab lean cuisine and lean michelina's whenever I can. I'm not a guy that indulges on just junk, but I have to eat it most of the time because they think healthy food is expensive, and I honestly think they're right about that.0 -
I honestly do not have a choice because there was almost literally nothing but some chili powder, green onions, and a soda, and I didn't touch any of them. I cannot go get groceries because I do not have a license just yet. I did workout very well that day so basically you could be right, it could just be the bloated feeling, but I might just have some kind of fear of gaining weight easily. I honestly don't think it's anorexia though because I eat quite a bit of food.He always does this to me when I want something... There was nothing else in the house to make something good, and I had no choice but to eat it since I only had about 450 calories inside me for yesterday. And now this morning was my weight day, and I weighed 208.5lbs. Last week I was 206 and there was no pizza that week...
First things first - if he is always doing this to you - then BOTH you and your mother need to sit down with him.
Secondly - you always have a choice. Was there nothing in the house because you didnt want to cook anything? Was it time to go grocery shopping? You cant use the excuse that the pizza was the only thing you could eat. I dont know if you have your driver's license ( I see from your profile youre 18), but if you do, you could always go out and grab some groceries to make a healthy meal that was within the calories left for the day. You could go get a good workout in to earn some calories back to have a decent meal.... you could always get more exercise to accomodate the fact you ate the pizza.
If you are 2.5lbs more, its because of the salt of the pizza (you had sausage and pepperoni, the pizza sauce, salt in the pizza dough). Your bloated from the food and the fact you still have the food in your system until the next day you go to the bathroom. You didnt gain weight at all.
Yes - your stepfather is being a jerk IMHO... but you need to hold yourself accountable for putting anything and everything in your mouth.
Good luck with the discussion with your stepfather - he better get his act straightened out.
I never said "Anorexia" so I dont know where that is coming from (????)
As far as the 'weight gain' you think you had, actually I know Im right. Pepperoni and sausage are preserved meats that contain sodium and nitrates. The pizza sauce also has salt and so does the crust.
You always, always, always have a choice. You do have to accept responsibility. Youre at an age where you do know right from wrong, and to hold yourself accountable for the choices you make for yourself. Your the same age as my daughter actually.
I highly doubt your home only had a condiment, a soda and a seasoning. Seems to me you really truly didnt want to make the effort. No home will let everything become that empty, especially if your stepfather can afford pizza for takeout. So, I think you really need to be much more honest with yourself.0 -
My best advice would be to learn how to cook. It is a skill that will serve you well your entire life, will bring you great enjoyment, and it definitely impresses the ladies.
Try it once or twice and see what you think. Roast a chicken, it is incredibly easy and your family will think you are awesome!
I sympathize with the baby steps approach to weightloss and fitness (I'm slooooowly easing into exercise myself), it can help, but you need to keep pushing yourself forward, trying to make each day or week a little better than the last.0 -
Ok, I'm going to lay down some stuff.
3. The reason why I keep on eating the stuff that is in my diary is because that's normally what we get. I don't indulge on it fully, but partially. That's better than just goming the whole thing down. Now, my parents sometimes leave to go to the boat on weekends, and my mom and I go to the store and I do go grab lean cuisine and lean michelina's whenever I can. I'm not a guy that indulges on just junk, but I have to eat it most of the time because they think healthy food is expensive, and I honestly think they're right about that.
Sorry - but healthy food is not expensive if you know how to shop, where to get the sales, or even grow your own produce.
You dont 'have' to eat junk food most of the time.
And I do agree with the other members here.. you do, eat way too much junk type foods. If its coming from a drive through, a joint or out of a box of Hamburger Helper, that is all junk food.
Its really time to take responsibility, stop creating excuses and really deal with the reality that you and your family need to make the necessary changes.0 -
I have to agree with what most everyone has posted here, you have to take ownership of your choices! You decide what to put in your mouth, no one is forcing you to eat it. If you have gotten your mom to allow you to get Lean Cuisene and Lean Michealinas for when they go out on the boat, it shows that she's at least willing to negociate on what she buys for you to eat. However look at the amounts of SODIUM in those frozen dinners when you buy them ... some of them have 800-1000mg or more in one meal ... which isn't helping your weight loss at all.
I'm sorry that you don't have parents that are more supportive with your weight loss goals, but you need to start making choices and I don't just mean food choices that will get you to your goals with weight loss and whatever else you want in life. Since you are 18 you don't HAVE to live under your parents roof any more ... sure this would mean getting a job that you can make enough money to move out into a place of your own or with a roommate but it is an option. Also you say you don't drive and I can understand that is a circumstance you can't change, but you could get a bus pass and use the mass transportation system within your town to get to and from work or to and from the grocery store to buy healthier choices. Also I like the suggestion of walking to the grocery store, because I will tell you that I have fortunate to have the option of driving to the store, but I have recently made the choice to walk to the store once in a while, and it helps with picking out the things that you NEED and not the things that you WANT because you have to be able to carry whatever you purchase home .... which means the walk home you will burn a few more calories than the walk there from carrying the items home.
If moving out isn't an option due to finances or any other reason ... consider getting a job that you can earn enough money to buy your own groceries and enough money to buy a mini-fridge (like the college kids use in their dorms) so that you can keep the food you purchase in your room, and then take portion by portion to the kitchen to cook. Yes this would require you to have enough self control to not eat it except for at meal times.
I am by no means perfect, and I know that my diet has plenty of room for improvement, but I don't blame my weight gain on anyone, when I stand on the scale, I know that the reason it has gone up is because I haven't followed my calorie allotment for the week. I don't think of it as DIET ... I think of it as LIFESTYLE CHANGE ... because that's what it really is. You should be eating the things that you are going to eat for the rest of your life if you plan on maintaining your weight loss.
Oh and one final thing .. quit with the excuses ... it may sound mean but I read the entire thread of responses before I posted and I found one trend ... alot of people giving you the HONEST TRUTH about how to be successful and yes I know that the truth can hurt sometimes but it's still the truth, and what did you do every time you replied ... CAME UP WITH ANOTHER EXCUSE of why their advice wouldn't work! Start looking for SOLUTIONS to your food problems and not excuses!0 -
I agree with the poster who advised you to learn how to cook. Obviously, you have internet access. Google how to prepare anything and you will find it. As someone already said, roasting a chicken is easy. Look for whole chickens on sale. Just take out the packet of giblets that is sometimes inside, pat dry with a paper towel, rub some seasonings on it (rosemary, pepper, garlic, thyme, etc.) and roast it in the oven until the leg joint moves freely...anywhere from an hour to two. Lots cheaper than buying chicken parts, prepared or otherwise. Leftovers are great for chicken salad, too. Then take the carcass and the leftover giblets and put them in a pot, cover with water, add some celery leaves, onion chunks, peppercorns, and more spices. Simmer for an hour or two. Strain and put in the refrigerator. When the grease rises to the top and hardens, throw it away. you'll have homemade chicken stock which can be frozen in small portions and used in even more recipes. Take the time to learn how to cook. You will never be sorry.0
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Actually I am serious about the weight loss thank you. I have actually cut back because I would normally have eaten double that amount if it wasn't for this site and the friends I have on here that help me. Have you ever heard of cutting back in small steps before, and then get off of it?He was heading out to get something to eat and since I was low on calories, I asked him to get me 2 grilled snack wraps at McDonald's. (He said he was going there and since I liked them I thought it would be ok to have them) He says alright, but when he gets home he brings in Sausage and Pepperoni pizza from Little Caesar's... He always does this to me when I want something... There was nothing else in the house to make something good, and I had no choice but to eat it since I only had about 450 calories inside me for yesterday. And now this morning was my weight day, and I weighed 208.5lbs. Last week I was 206 and there was no pizza that week... I think it's time to get some support in my family to help me, and not hurt me. I might begin to just make my own dinners despite this problem.
Stop blaming other people for what you are eating.
I just looked at your diary and you eat so much junk food, what your stepfather brought you that day is the least of your worries.
Start having some real food instead of junk. So many hotdogs, biscuits, pizza, cupcakes, crisps, potato chips... the list is endless!!
Take control, cut out all the junk and the weight will literally fall off you and you will not be hungry either, not after eating so many empty calories.
Do not ask people to buy you takeaways, that way they cannot tempt you.
Seriously, that one thing he bought you did not make you gain weight, what made you gain weight is the accumulation of the rest of the stuff in your diary.
Fast food seems appealing because it takes no effort to prepare it, you buy it and go and then eat it - no effort to prepare, no effort to eat it and to top it off, there is no effort to pile the weight on because that is what junk food does, it piles on weight.
If you are really serious about losing weight, you are going to have to make changes and those changes will entail cutting out fastfood, cutting out takeaways and start consuming some food that is good for you and not just convenient
It's not just about cutting back, it is about changing everything you did before.
You could cut back to 1000 calories per day and eat nothing but an Easter Egg per day for instance, that would not mean it would be correct.
Seriously, you need to look at WHAT you are consuming, not how little you consider you are eating.
No offence meant, but you did ask for opinions.0 -
Ever think that the donuts and corn pops you ate might have caused the weight gain?
this ^0 -
I agree with the poster who advised you to learn how to cook. Obviously, you have internet access. Google how to prepare anything and you will find it. As someone already said, roasting a chicken is easy. Look for whole chickens on sale. Just take out the packet of giblets that is sometimes inside, pat dry with a paper towel, rub some seasonings on it (rosemary, pepper, garlic, thyme, etc.) and roast it in the oven until the leg joint moves freely...anywhere from an hour to two. Lots cheaper than buying chicken parts, prepared or otherwise. Leftovers are great for chicken salad, too. Then take the carcass and the leftover giblets and put them in a pot, cover with water, add some celery leaves, onion chunks, peppercorns, and more spices. Simmer for an hour or two. Strain and put in the refrigerator. When the grease rises to the top and hardens, throw it away. you'll have homemade chicken stock which can be frozen in small portions and used in even more recipes. Take the time to learn how to cook. You will never be sorry.
I found other previous threads the OP posted on.. .seems as though he professed at making his own pizza... onions and garlic from what I recall reading..... I think we were just taken for a ride, folks... unless it isnt true... ????0
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