Advice - Do I talk to the parents? Or someone else?

Options
2

Replies

  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
    Options
    Considering the parents locked her out of the house more than once, I would be consulting the counselor not only on the bad parenting but on the underage drinking this girl is doing. You never know what the home life is really like, whether they're just frustrated or they are abusive in some way.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
    Options
    I don't think you should do anything until you at least TRY to talk to the parents. If you aren't satisfied with what you hear from them, then go to the school counselor, who I believe is then required to contact social services. Imagine if some other parent assumed, without any personal knowledge, that your kid wasn't being taken care of and went to the school counselor or CPS before talking to you. It's not right unless you KNOW the parents are, in some way, abusing this girl. With teenagers especially, it is always best to make an effort to talk to the parents before getting the authorities involved.
  • jcriscuolo
    jcriscuolo Posts: 319 Member
    Options
    I would say child protective services. It's obvious the parents don't give a *kitten* or they wouldn't have locked her out.
  • olyrose
    olyrose Posts: 569 Member
    Options
    Just playing devil's advocate here - what if the girl was not telling you the whole truth? Maybe her mom wanted them to stop drinking and these girls wouldn't listen so she keeps on kicking them out? I would not trust a 13 yr old who was drinking... I know this sounds horrible, but perhaps the mom was trying to prove a point, that being the kids are not allowed to drink if they want to live in her home!!

    I would say talk to the mother first, then maybe get a counsellor involved. If the mother really does give a *kitten*, then call CPS.

    I thought about that too... I'm sure there has to be more to the story, but this girl looked so scared. When I asked how they were feeling (meaning were they feeling sick from drinking) they said they had just been crying all night. I don't know how the night started, but she looked devastated when we picked her up.
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
    Options
    Just playing devil's advocate here - what if the girl was not telling you the whole truth? Maybe her mom wanted them to stop drinking and these girls wouldn't listen so she keeps on kicking them out? I would not trust a 13 yr old who was drinking... I know this sounds horrible, but perhaps the mom was trying to prove a point, that being the kids are not allowed to drink if they want to live in her home!!

    I would say talk to the mother first, then maybe get a counsellor involved. If the mother really does give a *kitten*, then call CPS.

    That's not really playing Devil's Advocate here. You're implying the mother knew about the drinking and was kicking them out to "teach them a lesson." If that's the case then the mother's possibly looking at jail time for letting her child drink in her home, even if she later kicks her out, and continuing to let the child drink versus either calling the police on her or getting her the proper help to stop drinking. It doesn't make the mom look better.
  • CynthiaCollin
    CynthiaCollin Posts: 406 Member
    Options
    I would talk to the school counselor and let them deal with her parents. That way you did your part and didn`t come 100% involved. One of my friend`s works as a school counselor and is more prepared than we can be to deal with these types of situations. You aren`t those girls mother....and it is already an amazing thing that you have helped them and want to get involved, but sometimes it is best to leave it to the professionals.
  • mmstgr
    mmstgr Posts: 578 Member
    Options
    Definitely the school counselor.
    You won't need to confront the parent and get too involved.
  • Crying_In_Color
    Crying_In_Color Posts: 246 Member
    Options
    You call the police and children and youth and report child neglect.
  • timadotcom
    timadotcom Posts: 674 Member
    Options
    Just playing devil's advocate here - what if the girl was not telling you the whole truth? Maybe her mom wanted them to stop drinking and these girls wouldn't listen so she keeps on kicking them out? I would not trust a 13 yr old who was drinking... I know this sounds horrible, but perhaps the mom was trying to prove a point, that being the kids are not allowed to drink if they want to live in her home!!

    I would say talk to the mother first, then maybe get a counsellor involved. If the mother really does give a *kitten*, then call CPS.

    I thought about that too... I'm sure there has to be more to the story, but this girl looked so scared. When I asked how they were feeling (meaning were they feeling sick from drinking) they said they had just been crying all night. I don't know how the night started, but she looked devastated when we picked her up.

    I would just talk to the mom first.. she might be frustrated that these kids are not listening and trying out some tough love. Seriously I do not know what I would do if my kid did that, it's horrible!! The girls could be scared because they might have wanted to get sympathy from you and put on the 'innocent' face so you feel bad for them. I mean unless the mother is a horrible beast ( which you will find out from talking to her), she wouldn't kick these kids out for no reason! Can you imagine if you watched your kid drink alcohol.. I can't stomach this!
  • cyclerjenn
    cyclerjenn Posts: 835 Member
    Options
    When my daughter was 14 I had an issues that was similar. However it turned out the kids ran away from home, but did not want me to know.

    Try talking with the parents or school an have them reach out to the parents.
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    Options
    Call CPS.
    That's what they are for.

    The situation didn't happen at school, there is no reason to go to the school counselor. Go to the actual authorities.
  • journalistjen
    journalistjen Posts: 265 Member
    Options
    I don't know where you are located, but I work for a company called South Arkansas Youth Services, Inc. We provide all kinds of juveniles services from behavioral health to juvenile probation. We also have residential facilities for offenders or foster care children. I would advise looking for a provider similar to us in your area, especially one that provides probation services. Chances are, if they provide probation services, then they provide FINS (Families in Need of Services) or something similar. This is the service that this family would probably need. Locking children out leaving them out on the street is abusive, especially when the parent is not interested in helping any behavior problems. CPS is a good place to start if there is no provider in your area; however, we have not always had good results with them in our area. It all depends on the individual caseworker.
  • jcriscuolo
    jcriscuolo Posts: 319 Member
    Options
    One more thought - it's nice to want to get involved and talk to the parents but you really don't know what the situation is. What if the parents become angry that you got involved and come back against you in some way? Stay anonymous, contact the authorities and watch from a distance.
  • runnercheryl
    runnercheryl Posts: 1,314 Member
    Options
    Definitely act upon this. I was abused myself for 12 years, and nobody helped at all. I guess it was always something they felt they should 'stay out of', but it was clear people must have known, and I found out some who certainly did once I reached adulthood.

    The fact is, this could be a nothing situation, but it could also be a major concern. Don't be one of the people who looks on and does nothing, because you could be saving them. :smile: It would be fantastic if you acted on what you saw. You could make the parents aware, but that might not change a thing or might just encourage them to keep their guard up if they aren't being the best parents. Personally, I'd make someone else known - a school teacher or counsellor, more actively involved in the girls life.
  • JPod279
    JPod279 Posts: 722 Member
    Options
    Refer them to this person. --> http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/541419-young-gal-friends-wanted

    Or, if you want to see them live to their next birthdays call your local Department of Human Services or Child Services or whatever they call it in your state.
  • jcriscuolo
    jcriscuolo Posts: 319 Member
    Options
    I don't know where you are located, but I work for a company called South Arkansas Youth Services, Inc. We provide all kinds of juveniles services from behavioral health to juvenile probation. We also have residential facilities for offenders or foster care children. I would advise looking for a provider similar to us in your area, especially one that provides probation services. Chances are, if they provide probation services, then they provide FINS (Families in Need of Services) or something similar. This is the service that this family would probably need. Locking children out leaving them out on the street is abusive, especially when the parent is not interested in helping any behavior problems. CPS is a good place to start if there is no provider in your area; however, we have not always had good results with them in our area. It all depends on the individual caseworker.

    Take the advice of a professional
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
    Options
    Just playing devil's advocate here - what if the girl was not telling you the whole truth? Maybe her mom wanted them to stop drinking and these girls wouldn't listen so she keeps on kicking them out? I would not trust a 13 yr old who was drinking... I know this sounds horrible, but perhaps the mom was trying to prove a point, that being the kids are not allowed to drink if they want to live in her home!!

    I would say talk to the mother first, then maybe get a counsellor involved. If the mother really does give a *kitten*, then call CPS.

    I thought about that too... I'm sure there has to be more to the story, but this girl looked so scared. When I asked how they were feeling (meaning were they feeling sick from drinking) they said they had just been crying all night. I don't know how the night started, but she looked devastated when we picked her up.

    I would just talk to the mom first.. she might be frustrated that these kids are not listening and trying out some tough love. Seriously I do not know what I would do if my kid did that, it's horrible!! The girls could be scared because they might have wanted to get sympathy from you and put on the 'innocent' face so you feel bad for them. I mean unless the mother is a horrible beast ( which you will find out from talking to her), she wouldn't kick these kids out for no reason! Can you imagine if you watched your kid drink alcohol.. I can't stomach this!

    Why even go to the parents? It's not your business to get involved in their business because you barely know the kid as it is and you're getting one side of the story. It's not anyone's place but a counselor or the proper services/authorities to get involved and handle the situation.
  • runnercheryl
    runnercheryl Posts: 1,314 Member
    Options

    I would just talk to the mom first.. she might be frustrated that these kids are not listening and trying out some tough love. Seriously I do not know what I would do if my kid did that, it's horrible!! The girls could be scared because they might have wanted to get sympathy from you and put on the 'innocent' face so you feel bad for them. I mean unless the mother is a horrible beast ( which you will find out from talking to her), she wouldn't kick these kids out for no reason! Can you imagine if you watched your kid drink alcohol.. I can't stomach this!

    You won't find out from talking to the mum, necessarily. Some are very good at acting, and parents do kick their children out for no reason.
  • timadotcom
    timadotcom Posts: 674 Member
    Options
    Just playing devil's advocate here - what if the girl was not telling you the whole truth? Maybe her mom wanted them to stop drinking and these girls wouldn't listen so she keeps on kicking them out? I would not trust a 13 yr old who was drinking... I know this sounds horrible, but perhaps the mom was trying to prove a point, that being the kids are not allowed to drink if they want to live in her home!!

    I would say talk to the mother first, then maybe get a counsellor involved. If the mother really does give a *kitten*, then call CPS.

    That's not really playing Devil's Advocate here. You're implying the mother knew about the drinking and was kicking them out to "teach them a lesson." If that's the case then the mother's possibly looking at jail time for letting her child drink in her home, even if she later kicks her out, and continuing to let the child drink versus either calling the police on her or getting her the proper help to stop drinking. It doesn't make the mom look better.

    So if the mother was trying to teach these kids a lesson, she needs to go to jail?! If she was letting the kids drink in the home, then these kids would not be out on the street? Why do the police need to get involved for bringing up your own kids?? The mom does not need to look good here, she can be a total beast, but these kids will thank her later for being tough and not letting them have their way! I know if my parents where not strict with me, God knows where I would be.. I THANK them all the time for this!! My mom always used to tell me.. you might hate me now, but you LOVE me for this ( being strict, I never got kicked out) after....SOOO TRUEE!!!
  • WhitneyT586
    WhitneyT586 Posts: 279 Member
    Options
    Counselor or even contact child and family services yourself anonymously. There is absolutely no reason for young teens to be drinking period, let alone also be kicked out of their home. Sounds like the parents need better control of themselves and their teens.

Categories