Hurtful Comment

goodfido
goodfido Posts: 127 Member
edited November 12 in Motivation and Support
So last weekend I was with a friend that is getting married in June. I was mentioning how I was getting into a work out routine and eating better etc to get healthy and shed some weight. She stated that she too wanted to lose weight to look good for her wedding. She then proceeded to say that when she loses all her weight she'll give me her jeans since she won't fit into them any more.

This comment hurt because we're the same size and same type of build. It was like she didn't think I was serious about being healthier. I know she wasn't trying to be hurtful, I believe she made the comment because she buys expensive jeans that I would never buy for myself so that's why she'd give them to me. It just still was kind of hurtful.

I don't know why this comment still bothers me, it's really not all that big of a deal but yet it is. I'm trying to use it as fuel to continue on my path of a healthier lifestyle.
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Replies

  • BamaGirl_Tricia
    BamaGirl_Tricia Posts: 70 Member
    No worries! Just show her up!
  • downhomechik
    downhomechik Posts: 47
    maybe with her pending wedding her mind was elsewhere and she really didn't think about the fact that you'd be in a smaller size as well...it happens. It's like me the other day asking a waitress what the difference between strawberry limeade and straweberry lemonade was....I realized my mistake and got a good laugh over it but I just wasn't thinking because my mind was distracted? However, If she truly meant that...she was being a bit malicious and I agree with platham2...then I would show her up...
  • kbeller88
    kbeller88 Posts: 139
    What you need to do is focus on the clothes that aren't going to be fitting you within the next few months and when they dont' fit anymore say, I can't fit into these do you want them? 9/10 times the person to jump on the bandwagon gets kicked off before the rest. just sayin =)
  • connieparrish
    connieparrish Posts: 3
    She probably got the idea of her losing weight on her mind and overlooked your. I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt your feelings. most people that say they are going to lose weight soon stop or gain back the weight so you have to prove it to her.... no to yourself because it's not about her it's about you being happy with your body and being healthy. when you go out together order the healthy meals. i really really recommend taking zumba classes. one class burns 800-1000 calories and last about an hour. And believe me i'm a terrible dancer but it doesnt matter as long as your moving its working. Invite her to go with you if you become the leader of being healthy she will soon be going to you for help and asking you questions. Im a 100 pounds over weight i know its hard to stay on a diet but we have to are life depend on it. And in your friends defense no one wants to feel fat on their wedding day she might be battling her own self esteem problems. she shouldnt have put your goals down like that but shes under alot of stress a girls wedding is the moment they look forward to since they were little so please try to over look it as her not thinking straight and focus on getting to your dream weight because you CAN do it!!! Be that person that when people see you the first thing they will say is "wow you look great you dont even look like the same person. " find a good support system and stay at it. i'm cheering for you :D
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
    Next time tell her how you felt (nicely). I'm working on being more confrontational. I know that sounds weird, but comments like that get under my skin and really bother me. If I address it right away, it feels so much better. You can even joke around like "what, you don't think I'll lose as much weight as you?" And she might not have meant it, and it gives her a change to redeem herself. Or at least realize how it makes you feel and then hopefully she'll be a little more careful.
  • andreanicole686
    andreanicole686 Posts: 406 Member
    Sometimes people say things rudely and don't even realize it. Keep at it and when her wedding comes look great by losing a lot of weight and give her your jeans because I'm sure you'll be the smaller one! :)
  • Reeny1_8
    Reeny1_8 Posts: 277
    You should definately talk to your friend about that. It probably won't be easy but she needs to be aware that it bothered you. Best of luck!
  • Goodwin1948
    Goodwin1948 Posts: 10
    Lose the weight for yourself and not just to show her up. If you lose the weight as some sort of revenge thing you will either give up or gain it all back. It really dosent matter what she does, it matters what you do.
  • MrDude_1
    MrDude_1 Posts: 2,510 Member
    Its this kind of dumb "im hurt from a something" things that I will NEVER understand about females.
  • meismeems
    meismeems Posts: 4
    Its this kind of dumb "im hurt from a something" things that I will NEVER understand about females.

    It's like getting poked in a wound....it wouldn't hurt if the wound were not there in the first place. We women are hurt emotionally much easier than men, so we're more sensitive in certain areas, i.e. weight, looks, etc.

    You guys are more sensitive in another area.....
  • MrDude_1
    MrDude_1 Posts: 2,510 Member
    Its this kind of dumb "im hurt from a something" things that I will NEVER understand about females.

    It's like getting poked in a wound....it wouldn't hurt if the wound were not there in the first place. We women are hurt emotionally much easier than men, so we're more sensitive in certain areas, i.e. weight, looks, etc.

    You guys are more sensitive in another area.....
    balding?

    seriously though, she didnt insult her. she wasnt even talking about her. she was simply saying "hey I plan to lose so much weight that these clothes wont fit.. im going to be nice and give them to you"
    meanwhile you're both the same size.. nither of you have lost "that" weight yet.

    so just lose it and prove her wrong... or dont.
    but the whole "sad about it" is mostly because you're focusing on how what the other person says could effect you.. rather on what their intent was. the world doesnt revolve around you, so dont think you're the primary focus of every comment.. even if the comment involves you.
  • tkirkes
    tkirkes Posts: 121
    Who invited the man to post on this??? LOL I'm joking... the comments made me laugh : ) Meanwhile, lose the weight and show her how its done lol maybe even offer to hand over the clothes that are too big for you hehehe
  • Lula16
    Lula16 Posts: 628 Member
    Sometimes people say things rudely and don't even realize it. Keep at it and when her wedding comes look great by losing a lot of weight and give her your jeans because I'm sure you'll be the smaller one! :)



    love this ^^^^^
  • EbonySD
    EbonySD Posts: 142
    agree! haters and non-believers (including ourself) are excellent motivation!
  • LastMinuteMama
    LastMinuteMama Posts: 590 Member
    No worries! Just show her up!

    and then give her your old jeans!
  • PHATmommy68
    PHATmommy68 Posts: 112
    Its this kind of dumb "im hurt from a something" things that I will NEVER understand about females.

    I'm guessing you are single! Hey, whats up with that hairloss?
  • fullagrace
    fullagrace Posts: 75
    Ahh passive aggressive female friends.

    It seems like she doesn't think you are actually going to do it AND that she is going to lose the weight faster than you.

    You really need encouragement not hateful comments.

    You should use it as fuel.

    Then once you lose the weight give her your pants and say "I know they aren't the expensive kind you like to buy, but they will fit you and they are obviously way too big for me now."

    I know you can do it. Just believe in yourself.
  • lizard053
    lizard053 Posts: 2,344 Member
    Now that you've vented, let it go! Nothing else you can do. Do yourself right and ignore the comment. I'd be upset about it too, so no worries there. Learn to let it go, because it doesn't really matter in the long run!
  • fullagrace
    fullagrace Posts: 75
    I did WW in 2008 and I either read or someone told me this: Lose the weight and then give your fat clothes to your fat friends.

    This helps motivate me when I feel bummed, or jealous when my friends are all eating DELICIOUS unhealthy food options.
  • TriTigress
    TriTigress Posts: 26
    Its this kind of dumb "im hurt from a something" things that I will NEVER understand about females.

    I am new, but isn't this message board entitled "Motivation and Support" ? I don't think comments like this are very supportive....Maybe someone needs to buy a dictionary. ;)
  • sjmgde
    sjmgde Posts: 381 Member
    Insert foot in mouth. People do that all the time including myself, Maybe after she said it she has a oh *kitten* moment did i really say that. Just let it go and use that as a secret competetion to blow her out of the water and say no i am too small for your jeans. Than secretly you can be like BOO YAH. :)
  • Sonchie
    Sonchie Posts: 259 Member
    sounds to me like fuel to feed your flame girl! I remember when I bought an elliptical years ago while losing weight, a family member kind of laughed and pointed out how people buy exercise equipment and mostly never use it. I knew he was insinuating that is what i'd end up doing. He was speaking from his own experience. What he didnt know about me was that I dont make decisions halfway. Its all or nothing. Needless to say I lost more than 100 lbs, and about 60-70 were thanks to having that equipment in my home while my baby was small and I couldnt get out to exercise much. If he was still in the family I would thank him for his fuel! :)
  • buckystars
    buckystars Posts: 129 Member
    Now that you've vented, let it go! Nothing else you can do. Do yourself right and ignore the comment. I'd be upset about it too, so no worries there. Learn to let it go, because it doesn't really matter in the long run!

    This. Don't throw it back in her face like some people are suggesting. That's petty and stoops to her level. This isn't about her or anyone else, it's about you. Focus on that and you'll be great! :)
  • Behl9
    Behl9 Posts: 95 Member
    I have had friends say they are gonna bring me their cute "fat clothes" that don't fit them anymore--uhhhh thanks? I'm sure they don't mean to be awful when they say it but yea, it still hurts. As you said, use it to fuel your fire... and show her up!!
  • Brown_Eyed_Beauty
    Brown_Eyed_Beauty Posts: 109 Member
    I've had something like this happen to me a few times. I ignored it and let it get to me later too. Its hard to stick up for ourselves when we feel bad anyway (concerning our weight). I have confronted people after the fact to get it off my chest and they apologized. Remember its never too late. Even if they don't remember, if they're a good friend/relative/whatever they should apologize.
  • r1r14ever
    r1r14ever Posts: 3
    Easy Peasy - Just ask her to be your support partner and lose the weight together....then both of you can take the old 'big' clothes to GoodWill. It will work as motivation for you. :-) Good luck. You can do it!!!
  • gnat45
    gnat45 Posts: 833 Member
    It doesn't seem like she was being hurtful deliberately, just a little clueless. It also sounds like she doesn't realize that she and you are the same size.
  • firedragon064
    firedragon064 Posts: 1,082 Member
    Stop over analyze it. She meant well and you take it the wrong way.
  • bikermike5094
    bikermike5094 Posts: 1,752 Member
    really? grow a pair and move on...
  • Randins2006
    Randins2006 Posts: 31
    So last weekend I was with a friend that is getting married in June. I was mentioning how I was getting into a work out routine and eating better etc to get healthy and shed some weight. She stated that she too wanted to lose weight to look good for her wedding. She then proceeded to say that when she loses all her weight she'll give me her jeans since she won't fit into them any more.

    This comment hurt because we're the same size and same type of build. It was like she didn't think I was serious about being healthier. I know she wasn't trying to be hurtful, I believe she made the comment because she buys expensive jeans that I would never buy for myself so that's why she'd give them to me. It just still was kind of hurtful.

    I don't know why this comment still bothers me, it's really not all that big of a deal but yet it is. I'm trying to use it as fuel to continue on my path of a healthier lifestyle.

    Just use as fuel and try to beat her at losing the weight. that is what i am doing with my sister because all my life she has been skinnier than me just naturally and the thru drug use. after she stopped using drugs she gain tons of weight. she is still not as big as me but she is still at her biggest she's ever been. all my life i had tried to diet and exercise just to look HALF as good as she did when we were younger. but nothing ever worked. so before i re-tried to diet this time, i was *****in on fb how i hate bn fat and i hate how trying to lose weight never works. so she texted me "Then get off ur lazy *kitten* and work out. stop feeling sorry for ur f....ing self. its not that hard!" so i ignored it and the next day i started my new diet....and just to dig at her, i would comment on fb about how good i feel and how much weight i am losing. and so now she is doing (like she always done) trying to one up me and try to lose her weight before i lose mine. lmao.....
    so like i said, just lose it before her :D
    call it "HEALTHY" competition.
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