Creepster at work
Lizabee84
Posts: 346 Member
Sorry I just need to vent before I throw something at this creepy guy at work. I have only worked here for 2 months and since day one this creepy guy has to visit my office everyday, Well today he is up to 6- 20 plus minute visits. Now i may be to nice but saying I am busy is not working. I tried talking on the phone when he comes but it just ties up the phones lines for more important calls. He not only asked me to go eat out with him...which he knows I am married. He brought me coffee the way he likes it so I can try it his way. Lets take it it back #7 while I am typing it he is here aggravating the hell out of me. I dont know what to do anymore. If you spend 2 hours out of a 8 hour shift up here that is bad
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Replies
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HR. Now. That is wrong on so many levels. Talk to his Superior. Flat out tell him to stop coming in your office.0
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HR is involved and they have witnessed it. I tried talking to his boss but that is like talking to a wall.0
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He'll be gone soon. Don't walk out alone, ever.0
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Good grief!! I would make hr do something now!! You also need an escort to and from your car.0
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Luckily i walk out with other ladies and park i a spot that I can see clearly from my office window and door. I get there before him and leave after him. I just dont see why he cant leave me alone. I did nothing to bring this on myself (never flirted or asked personal questions).0
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Some guys (and girls) don't pick up on hints because they are either too stupid of full of themselves. Judging by him forcing his coffee on you im thinking both. Best to be very direct and say look I just started here and if my boss sees you here all the time I'm gonna get in trouble. Im happily married and I'm not interested.
Do they do background checks there? He's prob harmless but If he doesn't get it or you feel threatened talk to your boss or hr right away.0 -
Elgaupo is on the mark. You just need to be brutally honest and let him know that you are finding it uncomfortable with him showing up so often. You need to keep your life at work as at work and that he is starting to hinder your work (whether or not that this the case or not). Make sure he understands and let him know that if he continues that you will need to escalate this matter.0
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Thanks ya'll i will try the suggested method. Hopefully he can stop0
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"*kitten* off!" It works for me.0
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Keep bugging HR- lots of time their hands are tied as they have to go through "process". If you have an Ombudsman, speak to that person. Let your co-workers know of your discomfort so they keep an eye out as well. He sounds scary.0
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"*kitten* off!" It works for me.
lol... ?Made me laugh for some odd reason. Do you have any pepper spray? if so, use it! I bet he will understand afterwards.0 -
Direct is best. It may be unpleasant....but its unpleasant *anyway*. Can it really get much worse? You don't have to be rude, but be direct. And firm. "I've got work I need to do. Please leave. Now." And no smiling. No engaging. No nodding along while he talks. [we women like to deliver info with a smile...which can seem like a mixed signal to the socially dense].
Just say what you have to say and then either stare at him until he leaves, or ignore him.0 -
I've had that happen and I just flat out ask "What you want?" If they start BS'ing around, tell them "I'm kinda busy and dont really have time to chit-chat, so tell me what you want and lets move along". Be firm, let him know that you're not messing around.
On a safety level, keep a pepper spray with you at all times.0 -
Oh wow that is creeeepy. Are you able to shut the door and if he comes in just say - "sorry I'm on a really tight deadline I need peace and quiet"? If not absolutely tell HR again and again until something is done.
I had a guy at work who was creepy towards me, used to email me all the time and ask what i was doing - ALL THE TIME. Once I was coming back from lunch and me sprinted for the elevator to get in the same one as me, then asked me what i was having for lunch and if he could see it?????? And then he tried to follow me home after our xmas party, ended up calling some other guys to come and distract him while I got in a cab. Thankfully he was made redundant not long after that and I blocked him off all social media so that he couldn't add me on anything.
Creepiest thing - he worked in the HR department for a while.....0 -
Bear mace is better than pepper spray. You can get it at a sporting goods store.0
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Direct is best. It may be unpleasant....but its unpleasant *anyway*. Can it really get much worse? You don't have to be rude, but be direct. And firm. "I've got work I need to do. Please leave. Now." And no smiling. No engaging. No nodding along while he talks. [we women like to deliver info with a smile...which can seem like a mixed signal to the socially dense].
Just say what you have to say and then either stare at him until he leaves, or ignore him.
I like this advise!!!!0 -
All of the above - also, start logging when he is in your office, how long he stays, what he says etc. You will want to have this in writing for HR.0
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Yup, gotta agree with the others. You have to be direct. You can't beat around the bush but be direct. Simply, "You spend too much time in my office, I'm sure you have your own work to do and I need to do mine." Or, "I'm not comfortable with you visiting me."
When you speak to HR, you've got to use the buzz words, "This guy is creating a HOSTILE ENVIRONMENT for me. I have spoken with him and he still comes around, you need to do something now."0 -
All of the above - also, start logging when he is in your office, how long he stays, what he says etc. You will want to have this in writing for HR.
This is what I did when something similar was happening to me. A log of all the events, AND adding all the times you complained are very, very important. When I told my union rep, she told me to make sure I don't downplay how it makes me feel when the case goes higher up. I didn't know what she meant, so she explained "don't say 'it bothers me when...' Say 'It frightens me when...' or 'I'm scared to....' etc."
I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope it works out. Don't give up!0 -
From my experiences with personnel management and from my training:
Tell this guy one time that he is making you uncomfortable and report the conversation to your Human Resources rep. If you arent comfortable telling him yourself, you can lean on HR or his supervisor/manager. They have an obligation to do an investigation and/or to act to end this behavior, whether that is this guy's intent or not. This kind of interaction from him is clearly harassment. I would do something sooner rather than later. These things too often escalate. Be careful.0 -
You've talked to HR and to HIS superior - what about yours? This is part of their role and they are typically really happy to help when you tell them you want to be more productive and valuable to the company but this one really big thing (the creepster) is standing in your way. Ask them to mediate with you to HR, his superior, help you make plans. Have your superior be the 'bad guy' that comes by and tells him to get lost and do his own work.
The only way this would backfire on you is if your superior is friends with creepster.
Do not engage him in conversation. Ignore him when he comes in. If he brings you anything, do not touch it. If you can, have your husband pick you up from work, meet you for lunch, send you flowers at work - visuals that you are in a positive relationship. Put a big picture of you and hubby on your desk.0 -
All of the above - also, start logging when he is in your office, how long he stays, what he says etc. You will want to have this in writing for HR.
I agree. Take down everything. Including the date and time of every single time you have talked to his supervisor, your supervisor, and HR. That is very scary, and yes, HR has processes that they have to go through but it should NEVER take long if you are very uncomfortable. He should have already been told to not enter your office as it could be seen as Sexual Harrassment if you conttinue to feel uncomfortable. They should not be dragging their feet in telling the guy to stay out of your office. Do not let up, either. He sounds very creepy especially the unasked for Coffee his way...0 -
In case it gets to the stage of a sexual harassment issue it may be prudent to state outright to the guy that the degree of attention is 'unwelcome'. As opposed to you just being 'too busy to talk'.
It would also be a good idea to put, in writing, a memo to HR advising the same. Insist a dated copy be placed in both your file and his file.
I used to work in HR and the first thing I would do is have a discrete, but formal, chat with the guy advising that his behaviour is making you feel uncomfortable and that it is not welcome. It is likely that he doesn't realise how he is making you feel and he will end up being very embarrassed about it himself.
If the behaviour continues you will have already carried out the first step toward formal warnings and other disciplinary measures.0 -
Liza - You do not have to put up with this individual or his games.
http://www.equalrights.org/publications/kyr/shwork.asp
Look at this link and print a copy. Give one to HR and leave one prominently on your desk so Mr. Leach sees it if he walks in. Inform HR that if they do not take action, they will force to pursue other avenues. Hopefully this guy's boss has a boss.
If you can use your phone to record video, set it up so you can record his conversation and you telling him to quit harassing you.0 -
Or you could use a more "interesting" strategy...(and I'm kidding, but maybe....?)
start asking him questions, such as:
1) "Hey, how bad do you think bed bugs can get before I have to throw out my mattress?"
2) "So my husband is getting out of prison this weekend, I liked the coffee you suggested - got any restaurant ideas too?"
3) "Did I ever tell you about the time when I was in the psych ward, and they gave me the wrong meds? This is a funny one..."
4) "Do you have kids? I have seven, two have special needs, and then there's the three year old twins...man, I need to do more overtime, but it always seems like I have to rush home to stay on top of the laundry..."
5) "Great news! I got my latest herpes flare-up under control! Wanna see?"
This should scare him off. Having encountered many a crazy or creepy person in my life, you've got to fight crazy, with crazy!!!! And then if word of your craziness gets 'round, deny, deny, and say "the lengths that guy will go to..."0 -
Have your husband visit you at work, walk him around introducing him..gets to that guy a nice firm handshake and a glare.0
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Thanks everyone for the great advice. I am good friends with the people in HR so I called her after work and we talked about it. She also suggest logging it. I am going to let my boss over me know what is going on. The HR manager said she will tell his boss of what is happening so we can stop it. I know this doesnt only happen to woman men gets harrased to. I felt like I did something wrong to make this happen to me. I am one of those woman that constanly smiles in conversation and a happy person in general. Maybe my attitude gave him the feeling that I was giving him a open invitation.0
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Or you could use a more "interesting" strategy...
start asking him questions, such as:
1) "Hey, how bad do you think bed bugs should get before I have to throw out your mattress?"
2) "So my husband is getting out of prison this weekend, I liked the coffee you suggested - got any restaurant ideas too?"
3) "Did I ever tell you about the time when I was in the psych ward, and they gave me the wrong meds? This is a funny one..."
4) "Do you have kids? I have seven, two have special needs, and then there's the three year old twins...man, I need to do more overtime, but it always seems like I have to rush home to stay on top of the laundry..."
5) "Great news! I got my latest herepes flare-up under control! Wanna see?"
This should scare him off. Having encountered many a crazy or creepy person in my life, you've got to fight crazy, with crazy!!!!
LMAO...I did mention how my husband and myself like to shoot and we are good at it. I know how to shoot to kill also. He didnt get the hint with that.0 -
Does your work have a standard Incident Report? I would fill one out detailing the weirdest of these interactions and go ahead and file it.0
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Thanks everyone for the great advice. I am good friends with the people in HR so I called her after work and we talked about it. She also suggest logging it. I am going to let my boss over me know what is going on. The HR manager said she will tell his boss of what is happening so we can stop it. I know this doesnt only happen to woman men gets harrased to. I felt like I did something wrong to make this happen to me. I am one of those woman that constanly smiles in conversation and a happy person in general. Maybe my attitude gave him the feeling that I was giving him a open invitation.
So this guy starts hanging out at the coffee shop in the gas station telling people all kinds of rumors about me - how I was mad at this woman or that woman because he was talking to them, telling them I was jealous and I was planning to kick their (you know what!), you get the idea.
So one day I stopped into the gas station to pick up some coffee and the girl behind the counter corners me and says this guy told her I was going to come start a fight with her. I had honestly never seen this woman before, I had no idea who she was! I told her so. And I explained this whole fantasy world this guy made up all because I was doing my job.
Yup...I had a creepster before there were laws against them. Yuck!0
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