Creepster at work

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2

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  • Usbornegal
    Usbornegal Posts: 601 Member
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    You've talked to HR and to HIS superior - what about yours? This is part of their role and they are typically really happy to help when you tell them you want to be more productive and valuable to the company but this one really big thing (the creepster) is standing in your way. Ask them to mediate with you to HR, his superior, help you make plans. Have your superior be the 'bad guy' that comes by and tells him to get lost and do his own work.

    The only way this would backfire on you is if your superior is friends with creepster.

    Do not engage him in conversation. Ignore him when he comes in. If he brings you anything, do not touch it. If you can, have your husband pick you up from work, meet you for lunch, send you flowers at work - visuals that you are in a positive relationship. Put a big picture of you and hubby on your desk.
  • KristieWade
    KristieWade Posts: 23
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    All of the above - also, start logging when he is in your office, how long he stays, what he says etc. You will want to have this in writing for HR.

    I agree. Take down everything. Including the date and time of every single time you have talked to his supervisor, your supervisor, and HR. That is very scary, and yes, HR has processes that they have to go through but it should NEVER take long if you are very uncomfortable. He should have already been told to not enter your office as it could be seen as Sexual Harrassment if you conttinue to feel uncomfortable. They should not be dragging their feet in telling the guy to stay out of your office. Do not let up, either. He sounds very creepy especially the unasked for Coffee his way...
  • LemonSnap
    LemonSnap Posts: 186 Member
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    In case it gets to the stage of a sexual harassment issue it may be prudent to state outright to the guy that the degree of attention is 'unwelcome'. As opposed to you just being 'too busy to talk'.

    It would also be a good idea to put, in writing, a memo to HR advising the same. Insist a dated copy be placed in both your file and his file.

    I used to work in HR and the first thing I would do is have a discrete, but formal, chat with the guy advising that his behaviour is making you feel uncomfortable and that it is not welcome. It is likely that he doesn't realise how he is making you feel and he will end up being very embarrassed about it himself.

    If the behaviour continues you will have already carried out the first step toward formal warnings and other disciplinary measures.
  • Wreak_Havoc
    Wreak_Havoc Posts: 597
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    Liza - You do not have to put up with this individual or his games.

    http://www.equalrights.org/publications/kyr/shwork.asp

    Look at this link and print a copy. Give one to HR and leave one prominently on your desk so Mr. Leach sees it if he walks in. Inform HR that if they do not take action, they will force to pursue other avenues. Hopefully this guy's boss has a boss.

    If you can use your phone to record video, set it up so you can record his conversation and you telling him to quit harassing you.
  • lonestarlada
    lonestarlada Posts: 15 Member
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    Or you could use a more "interesting" strategy...(and I'm kidding, but maybe....?)

    start asking him questions, such as:

    1) "Hey, how bad do you think bed bugs can get before I have to throw out my mattress?"
    2) "So my husband is getting out of prison this weekend, I liked the coffee you suggested - got any restaurant ideas too?"
    3) "Did I ever tell you about the time when I was in the psych ward, and they gave me the wrong meds? This is a funny one..."
    4) "Do you have kids? I have seven, two have special needs, and then there's the three year old twins...man, I need to do more overtime, but it always seems like I have to rush home to stay on top of the laundry..."
    5) "Great news! I got my latest herpes flare-up under control! Wanna see?"

    This should scare him off. Having encountered many a crazy or creepy person in my life, you've got to fight crazy, with crazy!!!! And then if word of your craziness gets 'round, deny, deny, and say "the lengths that guy will go to..."
  • _Timmeh_
    _Timmeh_ Posts: 2,096 Member
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    Have your husband visit you at work, walk him around introducing him..gets to that guy a nice firm handshake and a glare.
  • Lizabee84
    Lizabee84 Posts: 353 Member
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    Thanks everyone for the great advice. I am good friends with the people in HR so I called her after work and we talked about it. She also suggest logging it. I am going to let my boss over me know what is going on. The HR manager said she will tell his boss of what is happening so we can stop it. I know this doesnt only happen to woman men gets harrased to. I felt like I did something wrong to make this happen to me. I am one of those woman that constanly smiles in conversation and a happy person in general. Maybe my attitude gave him the feeling that I was giving him a open invitation.
  • Lizabee84
    Lizabee84 Posts: 353 Member
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    Or you could use a more "interesting" strategy...

    start asking him questions, such as:

    1) "Hey, how bad do you think bed bugs should get before I have to throw out your mattress?"
    2) "So my husband is getting out of prison this weekend, I liked the coffee you suggested - got any restaurant ideas too?"
    3) "Did I ever tell you about the time when I was in the psych ward, and they gave me the wrong meds? This is a funny one..."
    4) "Do you have kids? I have seven, two have special needs, and then there's the three year old twins...man, I need to do more overtime, but it always seems like I have to rush home to stay on top of the laundry..."
    5) "Great news! I got my latest herepes flare-up under control! Wanna see?"

    This should scare him off. Having encountered many a crazy or creepy person in my life, you've got to fight crazy, with crazy!!!!

    LMAO...I did mention how my husband and myself like to shoot and we are good at it. I know how to shoot to kill also. He didnt get the hint with that.
  • ahubbard134
    ahubbard134 Posts: 61 Member
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    Does your work have a standard Incident Report? I would fill one out detailing the weirdest of these interactions and go ahead and file it.
  • LaurasClimb
    LaurasClimb Posts: 211 Member
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    Thanks everyone for the great advice. I am good friends with the people in HR so I called her after work and we talked about it. She also suggest logging it. I am going to let my boss over me know what is going on. The HR manager said she will tell his boss of what is happening so we can stop it. I know this doesnt only happen to woman men gets harrased to. I felt like I did something wrong to make this happen to me. I am one of those woman that constanly smiles in conversation and a happy person in general. Maybe my attitude gave him the feeling that I was giving him a open invitation.
    I'm sorry that happened :( I had something similar a few years back when I was waitressing in a small town. Guy comes in with his kid before school and they order coffee - him regular, the kid decaf. Now I did think that was cute and I'm pretty sure I smiled. Believe it or not, my job as a waitress involved me being NICE to the customers. This guy thought it meant I was interested. He started coming in more often on my shifts, sending me flowers, hanging out outside the restaurant, etc. He truly was stalking me. So the Ice Princess came out...I definitely wasn't interested - I went to high school with some of his kids! (like I said, small town).
    So this guy starts hanging out at the coffee shop in the gas station telling people all kinds of rumors about me - how I was mad at this woman or that woman because he was talking to them, telling them I was jealous and I was planning to kick their (you know what!), you get the idea.
    So one day I stopped into the gas station to pick up some coffee and the girl behind the counter corners me and says this guy told her I was going to come start a fight with her. I had honestly never seen this woman before, I had no idea who she was! I told her so. And I explained this whole fantasy world this guy made up all because I was doing my job.

    Yup...I had a creepster before there were laws against them. Yuck!
  • Lizabee84
    Lizabee84 Posts: 353 Member
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    Thanks everyone for the great advice. I am good friends with the people in HR so I called her after work and we talked about it. She also suggest logging it. I am going to let my boss over me know what is going on. The HR manager said she will tell his boss of what is happening so we can stop it. I know this doesnt only happen to woman men gets harrased to. I felt like I did something wrong to make this happen to me. I am one of those woman that constanly smiles in conversation and a happy person in general. Maybe my attitude gave him the feeling that I was giving him a open invitation.
    I'm sorry that happened :( I had something similar a few years back when I was waitressing in a small town. Guy comes in with his kid before school and they order coffee - him regular, the kid decaf. Now I did think that was cute and I'm pretty sure I smiled. Believe it or not, my job as a waitress involved me being NICE to the customers. This guy thought it meant I was interested. He started coming in more often on my shifts, sending me flowers, hanging out outside the restaurant, etc. He truly was stalking me. So the Ice Princess came out...I definitely wasn't interested - I went to high school with some of his kids! (like I said, small town).
    So this guy starts hanging out at the coffee shop in the gas station telling people all kinds of rumors about me - how I was mad at this woman or that woman because he was talking to them, telling them I was jealous and I was planning to kick their (you know what!), you get the idea.
    So one day I stopped into the gas station to pick up some coffee and the girl behind the counter corners me and says this guy told her I was going to come start a fight with her. I had honestly never seen this woman before, I had no idea who she was! I told her so. And I explained this whole fantasy world this guy made up all because I was doing my job.

    Yup...I had a creepster before there were laws against them. Yuck!

    I am so sorry you had to go through that
  • donnantx
    donnantx Posts: 76
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    A woman being "too nice and polite" can get YOU into a lot of trouble (physically and at work). Point blank tell him you have work to do and to stop coming into your work area, tell him that you have reported him to HR and will continue to do so EVERY time he comes into your office. Next time he comes in, call your supervisor and have them present when you tell him these things. Notify HR that you are documenting everytime..I would actually send them an email so you have a trail of everytime he comes in and how long he stays..eventually they will get the message that they are subject to a lawsuit for not taking you seriously.

    My pet peeve is women being too nice...it can sometimes get you killed...(yes I am a woman and do not have any issues being polite but enough is enough and you need to voice your issues to this man)
  • BrandonWagner
    BrandonWagner Posts: 5 Member
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    Have your husband visit you at work, walk him around introducing him..gets to that guy a nice firm handshake and a glare.

    I had to vist my wife's work once, it worked though.
  • tracileigh2
    tracileigh2 Posts: 8 Member
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    This worries me! I almost had to press sexual harassment charges at one time on a co-worker who was doing all these same types of things. He even put a picture of a girl in a string bikini on my desk and when he saw that I saw it he remarked how good I would look in a bikini like that! The NERVE! I was not however afraid of him in the sense that I thought he might seriously harm me or go postal on the office. He just made me extremely uncomfortable. Using the correct keywords when informing your/his superiors is important. He is making you "uncomfortable", he is giving you "unwanted attention", his unnecessary presence in your office is a disruption to your job and your ability to devote your full attention to it, and you feel that this whole situation is creating a "hostile work environment." When employers hear these words they think "lawsuit" and will usually stop the problem immediately. In MY situation, I was first told that I myself had to say something to him first (preferably with a witness) before any action could be taken from above. You may need to tell him that his constant presence in your office is interfering in your job performance and that he is making you uncomfortable, and that you feel he is giving you too much personal attention. As uncomfortable as this will be, you probably won't have a choice. If THAT doesn't do it, then let your/his superiors know what you told him and that it did no good. If the company is worth anything at all they will step in immediately to remedy the situation. Good luck! I know exactly how you feel. Just be very careful because he could be a psycho and not just a guy looking to fool around with the staff.
  • Lizabee84
    Lizabee84 Posts: 353 Member
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    Luckily yesterday and today (so-far) he has left me alone. I told him that he needs to stop visiting me that I enjoy working here and I will not get in trouble for him being here to often. Hopefully this continues to work
  • tracileigh2
    tracileigh2 Posts: 8 Member
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    Good luck! The creep I worked with did finally back off when something was said. Then a year or more went by without incident... And I thought, OK, he's been alright, he got the hint. I'll be nice and stop being so cold towards him (my co-workers all thought I had made a big deal out of nothing, making me feel even WORSE!). And the second I was nice to him it started right back up again! Luckily for HIM I was about to move out of town to go to college full time, so I didn't pursue the sexual harassment thing. But if I had stayed I would have. Just remember this, don't be friendly toward him even after some time has gone by. I just bet the same thing would happen again!
  • ianconway
    ianconway Posts: 194 Member
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    I would tell him flat out, "Please leave me alone. I am happily married to the only man I want to be with in this world. I don't want to be with a boy who tries to disturb others' happiness."

    And if he can't accept that and still creeps you out, tell you HR department that if they do not doing anything about the situation, that you will be calling the police.

    Period.
  • FitMissVicky
    FitMissVicky Posts: 51 Member
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    1) you did nothing to deserve this kind of unwelcome treatment. Harassment is not the fault of the victim. It's the creepster's fault and he is the one who needs to change his behaviour.

    2) Harassment is illegal and (depending on where you work) your employer is obligated to provide you with a safe workplace. You did the right thing going to HR. Others have given you good advice about using words like "unwanted attention" and "unwelcome". If you have a union, make sure you bring them into the loop.

    3) Document, document, document.
  • Lauren8239
    Lauren8239 Posts: 1,039 Member
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    Whip out the big old can of hairspray, and the nifty lighter from your pocket, and hold them together........he'll get the hint.
  • FlossyJen
    FlossyJen Posts: 4 Member
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    Or you could use a more "interesting" strategy...(and I'm kidding, but maybe....?)

    start asking him questions, such as:

    4) "Do you have kids? I have seven, two have special needs, and then there's the three year old twins...man, I need to do more overtime, but it always seems like I have to rush home to stay on top of the laundry..."


    This should scare him off. Having encountered many a crazy or creepy person in my life, you've got to fight crazy, with crazy!!!! And then if word of your craziness gets 'round, deny, deny, and say "the lengths that guy will go to..."



    To the OP I do hope this situation is resolved soon. How scary and tre' annoyous!

    To the quoted poster, I am not trying to stir up drama or any crud like that, but as the mother of a special needs child, I don't exactly find your post amusing.

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