Negative Comments/Support
minnesota
Posts: 204 Member
My weight loss journey started with a bet that I could lose more weight then my brother in law while he was deployed in Iraq. Well I didn't lose more then he did, but it started my journey. To date I have lost 71 pounds. I am very proud of myself and probably like a lot of people who have lost a significant amount of weight like to talk about their accomplishments with their friends or family. Well now that I am 1lb away from my goal I called my sister yesterday to tell her how close I was and instead of her giving me some type of congrats she went on and on about how I can't get too skinny and that weight is just a number and how my head will start to look big if I get smaller and since I have lost so much weight that parts of my body are just loose skin and I won't be able to shed that part.... Yup that is what she said. I didn't say much in response just telling her that I want to feel comfortable in my own skin and that I feel pretty good and that as a runner it is better on my body now that I am lighter. BUT for God's sake couldn't she just say "good job!" Is that so hard to say? She is a size 2 after having two children and doesn't have a single stretch mark. Then she has the nerve to say "I'm not tiny." ahhhh!!!!!!
I also have coworkers that tell me that I don't need to lose and that I am too skinny and yesterday I was told I was anorexic since I don't eat the crap they serve us at work.
Why is it that when you accomplish something great that you get negative comments? I've worked so hard to get where I am today. I have ran 9 1/2 marathons, dropped 71 pounds and built up my self confidence. All positive things have come from my weight loss, but I've had a ton of negative comments.
I also have coworkers that tell me that I don't need to lose and that I am too skinny and yesterday I was told I was anorexic since I don't eat the crap they serve us at work.
Why is it that when you accomplish something great that you get negative comments? I've worked so hard to get where I am today. I have ran 9 1/2 marathons, dropped 71 pounds and built up my self confidence. All positive things have come from my weight loss, but I've had a ton of negative comments.
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Replies
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You're doing a great job, you're looking absolutely marvelous (that last part in my best Billy Crystal old man voice). There are some folks that just can't bring themselves to acknowledge the accomplishments of others...that does not diminish the accomplishment.
Sorry to hear that you're not getting the much deserved support from those immediately around you.
Keep up the good work, you're doing fantastic, you've worked hard to accomplish your goals and deserve every happiness that comes from being more comfortable with yourself.
..t0 -
This will always happen unfortunately. As soon as you lose a noticeable amount of fat and you get really into being healthy, that's when phrases such as 'too skinny', 'don't lose any more' and criticisms of your eating habits begin to appear. I reckon it's from people's own insecurities about their bodies and health, as weight loss can be such a battle and many never even get started despite being unhappy. Just brush it off and continue what you're doing
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Fantastic achievement.....screw the begrudgers) 0
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Well said, long2bslim!:bigsmile:0
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YOU LOOK AWESOME! I'm sorry that your family and co workers are so heartless but you are an ispiration to us here. ONE pound away from your goal! Peaople that are around you all of the time remember you with extra weight and they need to get used to seeing the you that you are now. (Many you's, used lol) I know it hurts and I'm sorry.0
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Unfortunately some people have to put others down in order to build themselves up. Congrats on your hardwork and success. I'm sure that your fellow MFP's see you as an inspiration. And in reality, that's all that matters (that and how YOU feel)!0
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I've had this issue too but interestingly enough most of the comments I get are from my bf lol. I think those closest to us get so used to seeing us a certain way, and they're thrown off by change, especially if it's a significant one like yours. I think my situation is a little different as I didn't have a lot to lose to begin with and my bf is just worried I'll go overboard. Also, like others have said, some people are just insecure with they're inability/unwillingness to change their own lifestyle and try to make themselves feel better by cutting others down that have made those changes.
Bottom line, great job on all your success. If you feel good that's all that matters. :flowerforyou:0 -
I thin ka lot of people get a little jealous when they see us accomplish something huge like this and the only way to make themselves feel better is to make us feel a little bad instead, so they make snide or negative comments like those. The fact is, you have achieved something AWESOME! You are healthier, happier and looking fabulous. And you're running marathons!!! Has you sister been running marathons? I'm betting she hasn't. Or if she has, she's a little jealous of how far you've come and perhaps worried your accomplishments may eclipse her own. Let those comments bounce off you like a rubber ball, because you know yourself how great you've done and continue to do. You do not need the approval of your sister or her comments. If she can't say "Well done!" then she obviously has something in her head flicking the little jealousy switch and you can safely ignore that.0
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As many others have said, it is begrudgery and jealousy, plain and simple.
People who react like this are jealous of the way you look, jealous of the fact you have taken charge of your life, jealous of the attention that your new looks get you. They are stuck in their little rut and your success reminds them of that and they HATE it.
To turn it on its head, I CANNOT wait to attract some begrudgers of my own. It will be a sign that I have got to the -81lbs that I aspire to.
(I've lost 3lbs so far if anyone wants to tell me that I am now too skinny, have gone too far, have a body that makes my head look like a cabbage on a match-stick etc etc. go for it
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Fantastic achievement.....screw the begrudgers)
This!0 -
Wow 9.5 marathons, thats AMAZING, what an inspiration, and to be 1lb away from your target must be such a fab feeling.
Sometimes people have to critisize to make themselves feel better, its easier for people to moan than congratulate! Just let their comments slide off you.....water off a ducks back!
My family follow a compliment with a negative, they can never just say well done, it always has to be make sure you don't put all the weight back on etc, or laugh when I tell them I want to run a half marathon. Its a bloody good job I have an amazing set of friends who encourage me all the way!0 -
You've done great! In fact, you are a true inspiration to the rest of us that are trying to get there. The negativity is unfortunate, but you can't let it get you down. I'm sorry that it has to come from your family, that's what hurts the most. Bottom line, do what is right for you. Great job!0
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Since this is not the first time I have lost a significant amount of weight (80lbs in 2000, gained it back in 09) I am experiencing this phenomenon again, and I had forgotten all about it! I think for many people, they are very comfortable in their place in the relationship, and when you change, they no longer have the upper hand. I see this every day with some of my relationships, now that they are not the better looking one, the relationship has changed. With others, who also need to lose weight, it's jealousy and they can't bring themselves to be nice or supportive. You really find out who your true friends are. Chin up! Your doing awesome!!!!!0
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Those people are best simply ignored. They probably would rather bite their tongues off than say anything positive or encouraging. The world is full of that kind of person, sadly, who cannot deal with it when they see someone getting somewhere and doing things they cannot themselves do... ie, changing themself for the better.
You look great, really fit and healthy, to me, so don't let anyone take away your sense of achievement and happiness at where you have got to.0 -
Keep your chin up. You have achieved a wonderful goal. Very inspirational. The older I get, I have come to the conclusion I garner inner self satisfaction first and if others notice then it is just "added gravy." I banish negativity and focus on the good.0
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First off, congratulations that is some achievment! You look great IMO!
I agree with the other comments made here... I think it's jealousy too!
I had a meal with my family, including my sister-in-law at the weekend and at the restaurant we were eating, it listed the calories next to the meal choices. My sister-in-law piped up saying that she didn't beleive in this calorie counting rubbish and what a load of bull**** it all was! :noway: Now, I know better than to rise to this sort of un-informed, mis-educated rubbish she comes out with but she knows it gets my back up and I am pretty certain that's why she does it. Ignore these people do not stoop to their level!
On a side note, my sister-in-law is overweight and unfit, I am not, case closed.
:flowerforyou:0 -
That is a wonderful achievement and all on here know how much hard work and dedication you put into it. Let's face it, it's hard, especially when you do have the nay-sayers around. Just keep those healthy minded people around, like us! 0
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My weight loss journey started with a bet that I could lose more weight then my brother in law while he was deployed in Iraq. Well I didn't lose more then he did, but it started my journey. To date I have lost 71 pounds. I am very proud of myself and probably like a lot of people who have lost a significant amount of weight like to talk about their accomplishments with their friends or family. Well now that I am 1lb away from my goal I called my sister yesterday to tell her how close I was and instead of her giving me some type of congrats she went on and on about how I can't get too skinny and that weight is just a number and how my head will start to look big if I get smaller and since I have lost so much weight that parts of my body are just loose skin and I won't be able to shed that part.... Yup that is what she said. I didn't say much in response just telling her that I want to feel comfortable in my own skin and that I feel pretty good and that as a runner it is better on my body now that I am lighter. BUT for God's sake couldn't she just say "good job!" Is that so hard to say? She is a size 2 after having two children and doesn't have a single stretch mark. Then she has the nerve to say "I'm not tiny." ahhhh!!!!!!
I also have coworkers that tell me that I don't need to lose and that I am too skinny and yesterday I was told I was anorexic since I don't eat the crap they serve us at work.
Why is it that when you accomplish something great that you get negative comments? I've worked so hard to get where I am today. I have ran 9 1/2 marathons, dropped 71 pounds and built up my self confidence. All positive things have come from my weight loss, but I've had a ton of negative comments.
Honestly, I dont talk with family when it comes to anything healthy, weight-loss, etc. Its a waste of time. I could easily live without them in a heart beat.
My husband is the best supporter I have.. the fact the man will try new foods that he has never had before is awesome. As far as the rest of the family, they are never important to me when it comes to this. They never will be important0 -
Let those good feelings you have wrap around you and insulate you from the hurt that those negative comments cause. As long as you are healthy be happy with yourself. I look forward to the time when I can say I am 1 pound from goal. Also I'm beginning to understand how much better you feel when you control what fuel is put in your body. This is about you and how you feel. You are so fortunate to be able to jog. Only best wishes on that last pound being gone and your continued journey of feeling and being healthy0
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From the other side, I know that sometimes when someone starts to lose a significant amount of weight and begins to look very different physically, it can be scary and overwhelming. The person doesn't look like the loved one anymore, and sometimes if it's a lot of weight, it can look like they're "too skinny". But that's just because it's such a different look. Just give them sometime and show them that you're healthy and happy. The important thing is that you do this for yourself and want to live like this. I'm sure that they're just worried that you could become "too skinny" and unhappy, constantly obsessing over how to much to eat, etc. They want you to enjoy life and not have to worry about that stuff.
Congratulations on the tremendous weight loss and I wish you the best of luck with everything that you do!!!! That one pound is reason to celebrate your life and happiness!0 -
I feel like a lot of times the negatives stem from jealousy or insecurity. Jealous of will power, jealous of competition, jealous of whatever. Your sister may feel like her place was "the skinny one", and now that you have lost weight, she could feel like you are "taking" that from her. People have weird feelings sometimes! Your co-workers could feel jealous that you choose to eat healthier when they have tried and did not succeed. They may feel like by you bringing your own lunch, your are judging what they eat because they know it's not healthy.
Just focus on you! It's your acheivement, and even when we hope to celebrate it with those around us, sometimes there are going to be a few who feel resentment or whatever it is. Congrats on your success!0 -
Haters gonna hate
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Take a look at your hand...
Grab your smartphone...
Does your middle finger still work??
:explode:0 -
Well congrats on that huge loss, youve lost one of my kids in weight Sure dont be a meany know it all but let your head get big for a while you should be very proud of your accomplishment!! I am proud of you. :flowerforyou: 0
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You should be proud of your accomplishment! Way to go!
Maybe your family and coworkers are just worried about you being healthy and are not phrasing it in the best/most positive way. Perhaps they are jealous? It's not easy to eat well when everyone around you is eating badly or when there are so many unhealthy options.
As long as you eat a balanced, nutritious diet and feel good then I say more power to you!0 -
I am proud of you not just for losing weight but for holding your temper as she tried to push your buttons. That is a great quality in a man. As I read your post I truly felt sorry for you because words from family members hurt the most but I also laughed out loud because you met one of my private goals. I cannot wait for someone to call me anorexic. Also, for everyone reading my post I am not making fun of the disease, I just would like for someone to think I am to skinny. Keep up the good work.0
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Beyond the jealousy aspects.
People like things to stay the same. If you lose weight and become the awesome person you can be, what else will you change? You have become a wild card and the world is not predictable. You may show up with Yoda and start playing Jedi mind tricks on them.
The other thing is, they don't want to become the person that everyone says, "at least I'm not as fat as her" about. If someone gets thin, there is a change in the pecking order.
Family........ you have a perceived role to play. I had to break out of mine early on. And if you try to change that role, all the other actors will fight the extreme change. They want you to be the heavy one, the one with the pretty face, etc.
Just go on and be awesome. You obviously are.0 -
I got down to 180 lbs. 7 years ago and looked really good, felt really good, and was wearing size 8 jeans for the first time since I was in 4th grade. My older sister insisted I was way too thin. When I told her a month or so ago that I was working to lose weight, she said she hoped I wasn't going to get skinny like before because "you looked like death warmed over". I'm almost 5'8". 180 lbs. is not skinny.
Last week I told her I had started a C25K program and that hopefully I will be able to run for 30 minutes by summer. Her response was, "but why would you want to?"
I think the people who know us (especially family) want to keep us they way they are used to seeing us. She's overweight too, but at only 5' 2" she is the "little" one in the family, and I guess she wants to keep it that way.
We do this for us, not them.0 -
I feel your pain. I went through a similar experience. I lost 60 pounds and my mom. Started caking me gaunt, saying I looked older and that I needed to gain weight. Unfortunately I listened to her and forced myself to gain weight. I gained 14 pounds and now I am struggling to lose it again. The worst part is now my mom is giving me dieting tips like "don't eat more than 700 calories a day"
Just hang in there and believe in yourself. You are doing the right thing and look amazing!0 -
I also have coworkers that tell me that I don't need to lose and that I am too skinny and yesterday I was told I was anorexic since I don't eat the crap they serve us at work.
I just got called out in front of my coworkers as to why I wouldn't indulge in "just one slice" of some greasy pizza. I've had trouble controlling portions, and pizza is a "trigger" food for me, but I didn't want to have to say that in front of my coworkers. It felt really embarrassing at the time.
Just stick to your guns and hopefully they will eventually stop bugging you about it once they realize no pressuring/jokes will get you to waiver. Tell em to deal with it :glasses:0
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