Creepster at work
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I'm sorry that happenedThanks everyone for the great advice. I am good friends with the people in HR so I called her after work and we talked about it. She also suggest logging it. I am going to let my boss over me know what is going on. The HR manager said she will tell his boss of what is happening so we can stop it. I know this doesnt only happen to woman men gets harrased to. I felt like I did something wrong to make this happen to me. I am one of those woman that constanly smiles in conversation and a happy person in general. Maybe my attitude gave him the feeling that I was giving him a open invitation.
I had something similar a few years back when I was waitressing in a small town. Guy comes in with his kid before school and they order coffee - him regular, the kid decaf. Now I did think that was cute and I'm pretty sure I smiled. Believe it or not, my job as a waitress involved me being NICE to the customers. This guy thought it meant I was interested. He started coming in more often on my shifts, sending me flowers, hanging out outside the restaurant, etc. He truly was stalking me. So the Ice Princess came out...I definitely wasn't interested - I went to high school with some of his kids! (like I said, small town).
So this guy starts hanging out at the coffee shop in the gas station telling people all kinds of rumors about me - how I was mad at this woman or that woman because he was talking to them, telling them I was jealous and I was planning to kick their (you know what!), you get the idea.
So one day I stopped into the gas station to pick up some coffee and the girl behind the counter corners me and says this guy told her I was going to come start a fight with her. I had honestly never seen this woman before, I had no idea who she was! I told her so. And I explained this whole fantasy world this guy made up all because I was doing my job.
Yup...I had a creepster before there were laws against them. Yuck!
I am so sorry you had to go through that0 -
A woman being "too nice and polite" can get YOU into a lot of trouble (physically and at work). Point blank tell him you have work to do and to stop coming into your work area, tell him that you have reported him to HR and will continue to do so EVERY time he comes into your office. Next time he comes in, call your supervisor and have them present when you tell him these things. Notify HR that you are documenting everytime..I would actually send them an email so you have a trail of everytime he comes in and how long he stays..eventually they will get the message that they are subject to a lawsuit for not taking you seriously.
My pet peeve is women being too nice...it can sometimes get you killed...(yes I am a woman and do not have any issues being polite but enough is enough and you need to voice your issues to this man)0 -
Have your husband visit you at work, walk him around introducing him..gets to that guy a nice firm handshake and a glare.
I had to vist my wife's work once, it worked though.0 -
This worries me! I almost had to press sexual harassment charges at one time on a co-worker who was doing all these same types of things. He even put a picture of a girl in a string bikini on my desk and when he saw that I saw it he remarked how good I would look in a bikini like that! The NERVE! I was not however afraid of him in the sense that I thought he might seriously harm me or go postal on the office. He just made me extremely uncomfortable. Using the correct keywords when informing your/his superiors is important. He is making you "uncomfortable", he is giving you "unwanted attention", his unnecessary presence in your office is a disruption to your job and your ability to devote your full attention to it, and you feel that this whole situation is creating a "hostile work environment." When employers hear these words they think "lawsuit" and will usually stop the problem immediately. In MY situation, I was first told that I myself had to say something to him first (preferably with a witness) before any action could be taken from above. You may need to tell him that his constant presence in your office is interfering in your job performance and that he is making you uncomfortable, and that you feel he is giving you too much personal attention. As uncomfortable as this will be, you probably won't have a choice. If THAT doesn't do it, then let your/his superiors know what you told him and that it did no good. If the company is worth anything at all they will step in immediately to remedy the situation. Good luck! I know exactly how you feel. Just be very careful because he could be a psycho and not just a guy looking to fool around with the staff.0
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Luckily yesterday and today (so-far) he has left me alone. I told him that he needs to stop visiting me that I enjoy working here and I will not get in trouble for him being here to often. Hopefully this continues to work0
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Good luck! The creep I worked with did finally back off when something was said. Then a year or more went by without incident... And I thought, OK, he's been alright, he got the hint. I'll be nice and stop being so cold towards him (my co-workers all thought I had made a big deal out of nothing, making me feel even WORSE!). And the second I was nice to him it started right back up again! Luckily for HIM I was about to move out of town to go to college full time, so I didn't pursue the sexual harassment thing. But if I had stayed I would have. Just remember this, don't be friendly toward him even after some time has gone by. I just bet the same thing would happen again!0
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I would tell him flat out, "Please leave me alone. I am happily married to the only man I want to be with in this world. I don't want to be with a boy who tries to disturb others' happiness."
And if he can't accept that and still creeps you out, tell you HR department that if they do not doing anything about the situation, that you will be calling the police.
Period.0 -
1) you did nothing to deserve this kind of unwelcome treatment. Harassment is not the fault of the victim. It's the creepster's fault and he is the one who needs to change his behaviour.
2) Harassment is illegal and (depending on where you work) your employer is obligated to provide you with a safe workplace. You did the right thing going to HR. Others have given you good advice about using words like "unwanted attention" and "unwelcome". If you have a union, make sure you bring them into the loop.
3) Document, document, document.0 -
Whip out the big old can of hairspray, and the nifty lighter from your pocket, and hold them together........he'll get the hint.0
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Or you could use a more "interesting" strategy...(and I'm kidding, but maybe....?)
start asking him questions, such as:
4) "Do you have kids? I have seven, two have special needs, and then there's the three year old twins...man, I need to do more overtime, but it always seems like I have to rush home to stay on top of the laundry..."
This should scare him off. Having encountered many a crazy or creepy person in my life, you've got to fight crazy, with crazy!!!! And then if word of your craziness gets 'round, deny, deny, and say "the lengths that guy will go to..."
To the OP I do hope this situation is resolved soon. How scary and tre' annoyous!
To the quoted poster, I am not trying to stir up drama or any crud like that, but as the mother of a special needs child, I don't exactly find your post amusing.0 -
Well they let the guy go today. I was not the only person to get harrassed just the first one to speak up. Thank you for all the support.0
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Well they let the guy go today. I was not the only person to get harrassed just the first one to speak up. Thank you for all the support.
Score one for what's right!!!!!0 -
Have your husband visit you at work, walk him around introducing him..gets to that guy a nice firm handshake and a glare.
This ALWAYS and continues to work for my wife and I. I visit often, firm handshakes to the guys I meet, and menacing look in the eye to a certain guy and she's left alone by the moron in question.Well they let the guy go today. I was not the only person to get harrassed just the first one to speak up. Thank you for all the support.
If he was terminated for issues of this nature please take a precaution over the next month or 2. Upon arriving for work, going out for lunch, and leaving for work have someone with you, preferably a guy, group of women or your husband if possible. Not trying to scare you but some guys like the one you've described can hold a grudge.
Sorry you had to deal with this guy.
Ladies.... quite a few guys simply don't get the hint. With a good majority of guys you can't say, "Sorry I'm married". To them it means.... " DARN if I weren't married I'd be interested in you and jump your bones in a heartbeat". They see it as a challenge!!! Just say "I'm not at ALL interested in you, could you please leave me alone".0 -
I do not understand why he is still doing this if you have consulted with HR. You should not have to put up with that for one more minute. What did they tell you? Holy hell.
That is the definition of a hostile work environment. I would probably start talking to an attorney. I am sorry you are having this experience.0 -
Oops. I should have read the second page, I am glad this is over.0
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"I appreciate your kindness but I need to make it clear to you that I'm not interested in you on a personal level. I'm happily married and the inappropriate attention here at work is crossing a line. I wanted to talk to you before going to HR. I'd rather spend more time working. Please respect this boundary. Thank you."
EDIT: Oh. Nevermind. You went to HR already.0 -
Next time he is near start scratching at your crotch intensly and mabey ask a co-worker that is cool if they know of any herbal remedies for crabs, mabey say something about your herpes being in remission, a few days in a row apply some makeup that looks like a nasty cold sore, let a big one rip at hit him, there has to be some way to repulse him, start acting like a total psycho, I could have way too much fun scareing him off haha0
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Can you just say, straight up (and this might be hard), "Thanks for the visit but I'm really busy and I don't have time to talk." Then shut your door (sorry I don't remember if you're in an office or a cube).0
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All of the above - also, start logging when he is in your office, how long he stays, what he says etc. You will want to have this in writing for HR.
Excellent idea! Unfortunately we all have to CYA at work. Be direct. Be firm. And most of all...be careful!!!0 -
Be more assertive, tell him you don't like it! If that doesn't work, tell your boss as soon as possible so you dont have to go to work and be worried about him every day! What does your husband say? Get your husband to give him a good hiding! Sorry, couldn't resist, I didn't mean that.0
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