Self esteem down the toilet

Since someone suggested it, I checked out the groups local to me on Meetup.com. Wow! Bicycling, gardening, Spanish, social, dancing, investing . . . and I live in a fairly small town! I have kind of the opposite situation as the OP, have a busy family and too many things always going on so I am often seeking solitude so I will not be participating in the Meetup groups in the near term, but it's great to know there is so much out there!

First thing ... stop feeling sorry for yourself. You can't be happy in a relationship until you are happy in your own skin.
Tell yourself that you are not even going to consider dating for the next 12 months (or 15 or 18 whatever) while you concentrate on figuring out how to be happy on your own.

Next, I want you to answer three questions:
1. I really enjoy ...
2. I really wish I could/knew how to ...
3. I could help others by ...

Follow up with one (at least one) activity for each of those three things that lets you come into contact with other people who share your interests or talents. DO NOT look for dates. Look for friends, both male and female.

Take the next year to learn to paint or speak Russian or read the Bible or travel or tutor underprivileged children or learn photography or build a Habitat house or serve meals to the homeless or volunteer on a political campaign or whatever else that will make you a complete, happy confident person with a wide network of friends.

AND THEN you will be the fascinating guy that girls want to get to know and you will have bucket loads of friends who really understand and appreciate who you are inside and are fighting each other to introduce you to their sister, cousin, neighbor, coworker.

I think you'd do great with online dating. My husband and I are both a little out-of-the-ordinary when it comes to our dating personalities. I'm a little too much of a tomboy smartass for most of the guys I dated, and he was too much of a nerd for most of the women he dated. Online dating was great because we could find personality types that we were compatible with moreso than the random hookups or bar dates. You have a larger selection of women to choose from, and the likelihood of finding someone you're compatible with is greater as a result.

Also, remember that you don't need a ton of women flocking to you, just one high-quality woman that you care about and who cares for you. Focus on finding the right woman, not all the women.

Some seem to have success with on-line dating but in the short time I've been on it I've met more women who seem like poor candidates for a healthy relationship than the ones in the bars.

Just like anywhere else, you have to be selective and patient.

Being confident is MUCH easier said than done... I don't care what anyone says.

It's tough... and it's a battle every day.

I know exactly how you feel because I fight the very same feelings on a daily basis. Just keep working at it. It's all you can do!

Dispite losing weight and seeing happy numbers on a piece of junk that I keep on my bathroom floor... I'm the same old me. I look at some girls and the guys that they get with and can't help but think they've chosen a total *kitten* yet here I am, lonely, so what do I know? I know I'm not an *kitten*, I don't think there's anything wrong with my character and even if there was I couldn't do much about it so I'm left with the assumption that I'm just not physically attractive.

I don't see what I'm doing wrong, I understand that confidence is attractive and me mopeing about isn't helping the short circuit so I do try to make an effort to keep my chin up but I'm starting to feel defeated.

Anyone else finding things difficult? Did you find anything that helped you to feel more comfortable in your skin?

If you like chick's that like *kitten*, easy solution.............be an *kitten*. Otherwise, find a girl that isn't into *kitten*.

You need to get out there bigman!

Keep doing the things that will make you healthier. It will only help you eventually find and keep the girl you want.


These internet dating services seem to help connect people. That will get you over the first step, and that is the hardest one. Give it a try.

Happy hunting.

I used to be horribly shy because of low self esteem. but I reached the point that I didn't care anymore and just put my self out there and had fun. soon I had more girls wanting to spend time with me than I could handle. And also am not an *kitten*, I eventually married one of them not seen in the pic below






it's all about just having fun and enjoying yourself not impressing others. the confidence thing is like glue