when your relationships fail...

Options
love4fitnesslove4food_wechange
love4fitnesslove4food_wechange Posts: 6,897 Member
in Chit-Chat
What is the underlying cause? Is it usually mutual? You want out? He wants out?

Is it a different reason everytime or do you find that the same sorts of issues are recurring?

Replies

  • dinosnopro
    dinosnopro Posts: 2,179 Member
    Options
    murder ( not srs hell not even funny )
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    Options
    Mine is failing right now because I have outgrown the marriage/relationship after 21 years. I want out, I am sure he doesn't. We haven't had that talk yet, but will be very soon.

    I don't know about every time, but I was married the first time from the time I was 18 until I was 23 and I had outgrown the relationship by that point. There wasn't really time for many other issues.

    This time, there's been 20+ years of different issues that have cumulated over the years. Some mine, but mostly his.
  • kerrymh
    kerrymh Posts: 912 Member
    Options
    whats a relationship???????????

    lol its been so long.

    Its been different things when things haven't worked out...in the past my wt played the biggest factor. Now screwed if I know.
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,455 Member
    Options
    I think that's too broad of s question. Evaluate your relationships.... If they've all had the same pitfalls then you might need to do something different. Id say communication probably gets most everyone.
  • MariFitBody
    MariFitBody Posts: 287 Member
    Options
    It can be many things. Both parties play a roll but it only takes one to realize theres a problem and actually say something about it. The problem is communication. If there is none there is no relationship. People tend to say oo we grew apart or we no longer have anything in common thats because u were never one and u never had anything in common. People are just to blind to see that from the start because u get blinded by love or lust. U have to build a foundation first then go from there. Become friends, get to reeeally know each other. Communicate, take ur time and it just might work. Im no expert and I cant speak for everybody but I just speak from my experience. Im not saying my husband and I will be together forever but we were bestfriends before any type of relationship occured for 4 years before we decided it was time to make a move. We did and its been 9 years. Hes my bestfriend and I can talk to him about ANYTHING. If we do fall "apart" we are comfortable enough to speak about it with no concerns. Im just sayin. Those are my thoughts on the topic cant speak for everybody else.
  • Mom2rh
    Mom2rh Posts: 612 Member
    Options
    Simple. It was all his fault.
  • AfroWookie
    AfroWookie Posts: 19
    Options
    The first few after I had my hear broken, was my fault. All those girls were super nice, I just don't think I was as ready as I thought I was
  • love4fitnesslove4food_wechange
    love4fitnesslove4food_wechange Posts: 6,897 Member
    Options
    well, i don't think there is a blanket reason to explain what occurs but some that I've noticed:

    1. lies, deceit, and dishonesty --cheating falls under this category and also just little things that are dumb and shouldn't even be lied about
    2. lack of communication --often causes one or both people feel misunderstood, taken for granted, etc.
    3. lack of common interests --creates boredom and a "stale" feeling
    4. unhealthy levels of jealousy --results in one person feeling smothered or stifled by the other
    5. fear of commitment
    6. different goals/objectives -- one person wants a family/career/etc and the other wants something inconsistent with that
    7. external pressures --family disapproval, social disapproval, etc.
  • Mom2rh
    Mom2rh Posts: 612 Member
    Options
    All joking aside...another reason not on your list is

    8. abuse...emotional, verbal and physical.
  • jill92787
    jill92787 Posts: 158 Member
    Options
    Honestly, at this point? The Navy. Either you live/work/see that person literally 24/7 or you don't see them for weeks/months at a time. That causes a lot of different issues, especially when it's a newer relationship, not a 10 year marriage.

    Or his mother. Guys' moms always despise me. I always get along well with their dads though! lol.
  • VAMommyAgain
    VAMommyAgain Posts: 400 Member
    Options
    In my case, before my husband, as I got to know the person better and their true self came out I realized I really just didn't like them enough. My last boyfriend I was with for three years...he was an awesome boyfriend (attentive, romantic, caring, fun)...but there were a few issues where I realized I just didn't respect him and his choices so I had to end it.
  • k8lyn_235
    k8lyn_235 Posts: 507 Member
    Options
    well, i don't think there is a blanket reason to explain what occurs but some that I've noticed:

    1. lies, deceit, and dishonesty --cheating falls under this category and also just little things that are dumb and shouldn't even be lied about
    2. lack of communication --often causes one or both people feel misunderstood, taken for granted, etc.
    3. lack of common interests --creates boredom and a "stale" feeling
    4. unhealthy levels of jealousy --results in one person feeling smothered or stifled by the other
    5. fear of commitment
    6. different goals/objectives -- one person wants a family/career/etc and the other wants something inconsistent with that
    7. external pressures --family disapproval, social disapproval, etc.

    all of the above describes why my last relationship ended. i was with him for 5 years and i was an idiot. i was young and didn't know better.. or at least that's what i tell myself.

    now i'm in a great relationship and i hope it stays that way!
  • DQMD
    DQMD Posts: 193
    Options
    Basically....I outgrew him. I got married when I was different. I was shy, needy and clingy when I met him. He was what I needed at the time. The steady and predictable guy. I grew as a individual and matured he didn't. He still eats fruity pebbles and watches cartoons. His idea of fun was going to the dirt track and watching cars race. Also he didn't want to do anything...he wanted to stay home and watch tv unless it benefited him.
  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
    Options
    My relationships before my marriage failed because I wanted out. We were too young and immature, that simple.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    Options
    Basically....I outgrew him. I got married when I was different. I was shy, needy and clingy when I met him. He was what I needed at the time. The steady and predictable guy. I grew as a individual and matured he didn't. He still eats fruity pebbles and watches cartoons. His idea of fun was going to the dirt track and watching cars race. Also he didn't want to do anything...he wanted to stay home and watch tv unless it benefited him.

    You were/are married to the same man as I am.
  • wordpainter09
    wordpainter09 Posts: 472 Member
    Options
    My relationships before my marriage failed because I wanted out. We were too young and immature, that simple.

    ^^^This. I'm the one that wants out. I find really good guys who want to stay with me forever. I get restless and want to leave. I sometimes still struggle with it now.
  • kidrobot3
    kidrobot3 Posts: 63 Member
    Options
    I out grew my soon to be ex husband when our son was born and he turned into a stranger filled with rage.
  • susanae
    susanae Posts: 2
    Options
    Unfortunately same for me
  • love4fitnesslove4food_wechange
    love4fitnesslove4food_wechange Posts: 6,897 Member
    Options
    what does it mean to "grow out of someone?"...I really don't understand this concept

Categories