Concerning body image, does any one else feel the way I do?

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Reban060
Reban060 Posts: 23
in Health and Weight Loss
My weight has always been an issue for me, I can remember already wanting to loose weight at an age of 8. Even so, I have never been obese, I've just always been a bit chubby. During my teen years and early twenties I tried dieting all the time, dreaming about the day when I would finally become beautiful, sexy and skinny. Now, at the age of 25, I have come to realize that feeling beautiful and sexy won't come with loosing weight, since no matter what size I have I will always feel fat. My body image and my actual physical appearance have little to nothing at all to do with each other. Right now, I am in the middle of a deep depression that I've just started to seek professional help for and I hope that I can finally, after years of hating and feeling disgusted by myself and my body, start moving towards a place where I feel better about myself no matter what size I am. With this realization I have also started to reevaluate the reasons I have for loosing weight and getting into shape. Obviously, if my goal is such a subjective one, as being beautiful or sexy, I am never going to get there since I'm not able to feel that way about myself. Instead, I have decided to work towards improving my fitness and measuring it in my work out and Roller Derby performance, which is something I can objectively measure and also something that I can enjoy ALOT.

Does anybody feel the way I do about themselves? How do you handle it? Any "body image success stories" out there??

PS: I am looking for friends here on MFP who are also focusing on exercise - add me so that we can inspire and motivate each other! DS
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Replies

  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I was 110 pounds and a size 3 in high school and I thought I was fat.

    I'm hoping, with age and experience, that if I ever manage to get to my goal weight I will realize that I'm just fine as I am.
  • Anomalia
    Anomalia Posts: 506 Member
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    I know exactly how you feel. No matter how small I am I never feel small. You're doing the right thing to measure your success in a different way. When I am feeling disgusted by my body I point out all the little things that I love. I have long beautiful hair, smooth skin, pretty eyes and lips...you get the point. I tell myself to pay attention to the parts of my body that aren't my stomach/thighs. I'm glad you are seeking professional help and I wish you the best!
  • carriem73
    carriem73 Posts: 333 Member
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    it's hard to overcome body issues of any type- I was a "fat baby" woh grew into my weight by 1st grade or so, but my family always makes fat baby jokes- especially my older sister when she was being cruel- the fat baby in me tends to come out every once in a while still, and I am almost 40. You are taking an awesome step by seeking professionall help- I might even suggest a hypnotherapist (not like the ones you see on TV and magic shows- a licnesed clinicaltherapist). I've been seeing one for a while to deal with other issues, and it is amazing how addressing issues in your subconcious will help. it is even covered by my insurance! If hypnosis is not for you, just seeking a counselor is a HUGE step in the right dorection!

    Remember that your weight loss journey is for YOU, and no one can take away your successes- you have to own your success as well as your failure- and there will be some days where you have minor setbacks, but we all do!

    You can do this- one day at a time! Good luck!
  • lizard053
    lizard053 Posts: 2,344 Member
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    I hear you! Most women and some men have body image issues. Learning to love the skin we're in is a huge part of this journey. Whether you're trying to lose, trying to gain or maintain, you can't be happy without choosing to be happy with yourself. It's so hard. I always thought I was so fat in HS. All my friends were just so tiny. But I was tiny too! I have pictures from back then, I WAS thin. I just didn't believe it. Now I wish I have been able to stay there! LOL!

    My main focus right now is to learn to love the skin I'm in. My fitness is improving, my health is improving, I'm losing weight, and I'm getting stronger. I'm really happy with that. As for feeling thin? Not yet. I have moments, but it's not as constant as I would like! (And I'm 33 already!)
  • bilzprincess
    bilzprincess Posts: 107 Member
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    . One nice thing I've noticed about the simple act of honestly charting my food is that as I've lost weight I can remember that balance is what keeps me "full". I've laid off the scale for awhile. I noticed someone even had an MFP scale-free challenge: no weigh-ins til memorial day! I've started focusing on my sodium, potassium, fruits and veggies intake...things that are health-related, instead of looking so often at the scale. Depression is a beast, and I hope u find release from its hold.
  • CharleneExtreme
    CharleneExtreme Posts: 372
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    My weight has always been an issue for me, I can remember already wanting to loose weight at an age of 8. Even so, I have never been obese, I've just always been a bit chubby. During my teen years and early twenties I tried dieting all the time, dreaming about the day when I would finally become beautiful, sexy and skinny. Now, at the age of 25, I have come to realize that feeling beautiful and sexy won't come with loosing weight, since no matter what size I have I will always feel fat. My body image and my actual physical appearance have little to nothing at all to do with each other. Right now, I am in the middle of a deep depression that I've just started to seek professional help for and I hope that I can finally, after years of hating and feeling disgusted by myself and my body, start moving towards a place where I feel better about myself no matter what size I am. With this realization I have also started to reevaluate the reasons I have for loosing weight and getting into shape. Obviously, if my goal is such a subjective one, as being beautiful or sexy, I am never going to get there since I'm not able to feel that way about myself. Instead, I have decided to work towards improving my fitness and measuring it in my work out and Roller Derby performance, which is something I can objectively measure and also something that I can enjoy ALOT.

    Does anybody feel the way I do about themselves? How do you handle it? Any "body image success stories" out there??

    PS: I am looking for friends here on MFP who are also focusing on exercise - add me so that we can inspire and motivate each other! DS

    Hey, Just added you.
    I have horrible body dysmorphia to the point it controls my life and relationships. I fear seeing certain people after a long time in case they notice ive put on weight! I avoid certain places and refuse to wear certain clothes afraid ill be insulted.
    I'm trying to see my psych but they still havent sent me another appointment!!!

    I've also suffered from a very young age (about 3!). My hands and chubby legs being the main focus back then.. As i got older every body part got its turn! I say ill be better when i lose weight - but im really just fooling myself!!

    I'm no success story, sorry!! I'm still looking for books on how to fix myself mentally. So if you find any - do share!!
  • Hawksbillus
    Hawksbillus Posts: 128 Member
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    I think you're right on target to focus on improving your fitness.

    I think that what a lot of us want, but don't necessarily even know it, is to feel powerful. As we've gained weight and lost control of our eating one of the important things that has been lost from our lives is a sense of power. If we diet and lose weight we can solve part of that problem, but not all of it because we may still feel physically weak and powerless.

    I believe that a good solution to this problem is to not merely diet and lose weight, but to radically improve our strength and fitness so that we don't just look nice, but so that we feel strong, powerful and downright mighty.

    After reading the article below my wife and I decided to add strength training to our routine and now it's become the main part of our workout. (http://nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/07/21/meet-staci-your-new-powerlifting-super-hero/)

    In fact, after reading this article my wife said: "I WANT TO BE HER!" So that's what we're working on, not just through diet, but through making our bodies truly mighty. It's only been 3 weeks for us of focusing on body weight exercises, but we both feel a whole lot better, stronger and more confident. We still do some cardio and I like to go for a long bike ride 2-3 times a week, but the centerpiece is all about strength.

    Another good inspirational site for women (or men, I guess) is this one:
    http://get-thinspiration.tumblr.com/

    It's full of pictures and instructions for women who want to get strong and powerful, not just thin. Appearance is a byproduct of fitness. Strong is the new skinny. Conquer!
  • MommaKit79
    MommaKit79 Posts: 852
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    You sound like me! I felt the same way thru school. I have always been taller then everyone else so, being heavy looked different on me then everyone else. Being taller and heavier is the same as being short and heavier...it carries on you different. AND, with certain clothes, it makes you look different. The same measurements on an average body look much different then they do on a taller or shorter frame.

    Anyway, I have found other things that I focus on now. While I am still not thin like I believe I want to be, I know that I have qualities about me, like my height, that some people find fascinating or "sexy" so, i try to focus on that and constantly try to re-evaluate my clothing choices to help with that. I also try to focus, like you said, on the things I can control more.

    I have lost weight before and I know I can do it again. I like to dance (country line dance a LOT) and I CONSTANTLY have people watching me because, I will admit, I am pretty good. I hadnt been in awhile and when I jsut went back, I realized that people (guys) were still watching me and, "I still got it!" So, i try to focus on things like that!

    GOOD JOB in realizing your need for help and your refocus. GOOD LUCK and prayers to you!!! :)
  • bilzprincess
    bilzprincess Posts: 107 Member
    Options
    I think you're right on target to focus on improving your fitness.

    I think that what a lot of us want, but don't necessarily even know it, is to feel powerful. As we've gained weight and lost control of our eating one of the important things that has been lost from our lives is a sense of power. If we diet and lose weight we can solve part of that problem, but not all of it because we may still feel physically weak and powerless.

    I believe that a good solution to this problem is to not merely diet and lose weight, but to radically improve our strength and fitness so that we don't just look nice, but so that we feel strong, powerful and downright mighty.

    After reading the article below my wife and I decided to add strength training to our routine and now it's become the main part of our workout. (http://nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/07/21/meet-staci-your-new-powerlifting-super-

    In fact, after reading this article my wife said: "I WANT TO BE HER!" So that's what we're working on, not just through diet, but through making our bodies truly mighty. It's only been 3 weeks for us of focusing on body weight exercises, but we both feel a whole lot better, stronger and more confident. We still do some cardio and I like to go for a long bike ride 2-3 times a week, but the centerpiece is all about strength.

    Another good inspirational site for women (or men, I guess) is this one:
    http://get-thinspiration.tumblr.com/

    It's full of pictures and instructions for women who want to get strong and powerful, not just thin. Appearance is a byproduct of fitness. Strong is the new skinny. Conquer!

    Yes! Get mighty!
  • ladyamandajane
    ladyamandajane Posts: 43
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    Oh I know exactly how you feel, when I was in my early 20s i remember thinking i was fat then and weighed in around 126lb at 5ft 3, so you can only imagine how I feel now at 170lb like I am the fattest person ever. I have always looked at myself and thought i was a bit a plan Jane even though people have told me different.

    I always think how can anyone love me even though I carnt love myself how I am. I am lucky that I have met a wonderful man who is helping me loads with my weight and constantly tells me how beautfiul and slim I am and this is encouraging me all the way.

    I have sent you a friend request as want to help you on your journey.

    Amanda
    x
  • CharleneExtreme
    CharleneExtreme Posts: 372
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    I know exactly how you feel. No matter how small I am I never feel small. You're doing the right thing to measure your success in a different way. When I am feeling disgusted by my body I point out all the little things that I love. I have long beautiful hair, smooth skin, pretty eyes and lips...you get the point. I tell myself to pay attention to the parts of my body that aren't my stomach/thighs. I'm glad you are seeking professional help and I wish you the best!

    Thats a great idea to focus on the good things - and for the record, after seeing your avatar - i'd KILL to have your body!!!
  • jennifer52484
    jennifer52484 Posts: 888 Member
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    I've always had body issues. For me it was a comparison thing. I might leave the house feeling great and confident and as soon as i saw someone i thought was beautiful, my confidence was shot. "why can't I look that her" . It is something in your mind. Messes with the way you see yourself.
  • aehartley
    aehartley Posts: 269 Member
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    I get it... totally. I have an eating disorder. I have been to treatment... after treatment I balloned up to 200 lbs. I honestly just didn't know how to eat healthy anymore. I just didn't want to go back into the hospital. I wasn't happy when I weighed 98 lbs... I wasn't happy when I weighed 200 lbs. I felt lost. I didn't know what to do. I started MFP.

    As I started MFP and I lost weight the "right" way. I sometimes felt the urge to go back to eating to little and I started to struggle and I could feel the old nemisis of the ED coming back. SO I did something that seemed very ratical to me. I asked for help and I started working out. Both of these things were very new to me. Even while I was in treatment I didn't ask for help I didn't think that I needed help. As I talked, and I worked out. I relized I was beautiful. More importantly I was strong. VERY STRONG !!! Now I try and focus on getting workout in, and that has helped me ALOT. I won't say I don't struggle. My food diary are littered with days that I felt to full and couldn't get past 1000 calories. I am working on it. I am getting more comfortable in my skin. I no longer want to be a stick. I want to be strong and beautiful. The most beautiful thing that I can be is brave.
  • mem1086
    mem1086 Posts: 136 Member
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    Add me! Just my opinion but I have a feeling that the pressure that women feel from society to be these skinny, almost skeletor-like, people is what is driving some of the mental issues we face. I know that I am a healthy weight, with a low BF%, but I can still look in the mirror and find "problem" areas. I feel that if we know that we are eating right and exercising, that we need to be happy with the effort we are putting out. Cause let's face it, we are in much better shape than these scrawny, bony, stick like celebrities that everyone holds on a pedestal who don't eat balance meals and are paid to look like that. believe me if someone was willing to pay me $$ to workout for a constant beachbody, i would prolly look like that too! BUT we live in the real wold where we have fulltime jobs, responsibilities that we can't pawn off on others, and personal trainers 24/7 are just not realistic.

    I'm ready to love my real-life body, and throwing away the photoshopped pics from magazines. Fall in love with the effort and the results will be the reward, not the focus.

    Add me!
  • ZombieChaser
    ZombieChaser Posts: 1,555 Member
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    Yes I have that problem too.... AND like you, I measure my fitness against my roller derby performance.

    Derby :heart: girl :)
  • drmattski
    drmattski Posts: 124 Member
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    Yes, had issues and insecurities since I was a kid too. Even when I was in great shape, still thought of myself as not being where I wanted to be!We are own worst enemies. We need to learn to be our own best friends. We are all on a journey here, it is similar for many of us, so that is why i find MFP to be such a great source of support and motivation .

    Just gotta accept yourself - friends and professionals can both be invaluable!
  • philly_rack
    philly_rack Posts: 33
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    We are our own worst critics. I commend you for seeking professional help. I have always been the chunky friend. I have always had body image issues. I recently looked back at some old pictures and was like WOW!! i looked good ( was probably a size 6) but back then you couldnt tell me i was not the fattest grossest thing there was on earth. It takes a personal turning point in everyones life to realize that you are beautiful, regardless of size.
  • pixieakabigd
    pixieakabigd Posts: 69
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    I have felt the same way in the past and am starting to feel better and more confident. Feel free to add me :)
  • Nucky719
    Nucky719 Posts: 143
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    I'll never be happy with the way I look. Once I lose weight I'll find something else to obsess over. It's just the nature of the beast =\
  • jerber160
    jerber160 Posts: 2,606 Member
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    I'm wondering if a nude beach might do you some good? then again, I haven't been for a few years... but my first experiences were positive. Back then there was an unspoken beach etiquette everyone followed. NO OOGLING! That meant everyone went about their business without judging, one way or another.... I met a geriatric, republican, double mastectomy patient on the nude beach once and we had a political discussion while naked. Talk about positive body acceptance. No idea how things go now... I'm sure times have changed.

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