My best friend wont talk to me

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  • isLillyMarieS
    isLillyMarieS Posts: 8
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    She borrowed a hair dressers book. She picked out a cute hair cut for herself last month. She borrowed the book, took it to her house (one block away), scaned it in and made a copy on the computer, then brought it right back. So it dont think that the book has anything to to do with why she is mad at me.

    The night of the fight, she called me and basically told me that I talk to much about my personal issues (boys, mom, school...basic worries I have). She said I dont consider that she might have issues of her own. The problem is she bottles up all emotions and tries to work out her issues with no out side help. If things to be to much for her she explodes.... usually on me. I have asked her before if things were ok (when she looked upset and all) and her answer is always the same "yeah im fine." Now, I am the kind of person who likes to vent all of my problems. I dont want ppl to fix my issues, I just like having someone to listen so I can get **** off my chest. My friend likes to fix not only her own issues by herslef but also wants to fix your issues.

    I really dont know whats all going on with her. But I believe that its just problems SHE is having with HER life, not neccarilly related to me. But honestly I am just going to shut my mouth about my problems a little more and let things blow over. She can come around when she is ready. I figure I already invited her to easter dinner once, why should I make any more effort to someone who treats me this way?
  • isLillyMarieS
    isLillyMarieS Posts: 8
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    BTW: I am a college student with a mountain of HW on my plate this week, due to graduate in May, still need to BUY graduation invites then SEND them, along with my cap and gown,and speeding ticket and defensive driving to pay for, working 2 jobs, living on my own with barely enough money to put food on the table or pay the rent. I really dont think I need any more added drama in my life AND I believe that I should be able to count on my firend to listen to these issues as I vent for second trying to straighten things out in my own mind as I cope with all this stress..... yet Im getting the silent treatment which needless to say is adding to the stress pile.
  • BIGJIMMYU
    BIGJIMMYU Posts: 1,221 Member
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    Too bad you couldn't be stupid men like us for a day. If it doesn't leave our pea brains after 3 days(our retention period), we fist fight it out, then go have a beer and talk about things that are really important like sports, sex, and beer.
  • isLillyMarieS
    isLillyMarieS Posts: 8
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    lmao
  • mjbrenner
    mjbrenner Posts: 222 Member
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    She borrowed a hair dressers book. She picked out a cute hair cut for herself last month. She borrowed the book, took it to her house (one block away), scaned it in and made a copy on the computer, then brought it right back. So it dont think that the book has anything to to do with why she is mad at me.

    The night of the fight, she called me and basically told me that I talk to much about my personal issues (boys, mom, school...basic worries I have). She said I dont consider that she might have issues of her own. The problem is she bottles up all emotions and tries to work out her issues with no out side help. If things to be to much for her she explodes.... usually on me. I have asked her before if things were ok (when she looked upset and all) and her answer is always the same "yeah im fine." Now, I am the kind of person who likes to vent all of my problems. I dont want ppl to fix my issues, I just like having someone to listen so I can get **** off my chest. My friend likes to fix not only her own issues by herslef but also wants to fix your issues.

    I really dont know whats all going on with her. But I believe that its just problems SHE is having with HER life, not neccarilly related to me. But honestly I am just going to shut my mouth about my problems a little more and let things blow over. She can come around when she is ready. I figure I already invited her to easter dinner once, why should I make any more effort to someone who treats me this way?

    She has told you what is wrong - she needs you to vent less, and she needs to feel like you better value her feelings. "Yeah, I am fine," is the universal phrase most everyone uses when we really mean, "I am not fine, but I am also uncomfortable talking about my problems right now." It is a signal for you to be supportive. One example of a good response could be, "You do not sound very fine to me. Look, I understand if it is none of my business, but I am happy to listen if you need to vent." Then you let the air remain silent for a moment, so she has the chance to think about it and respond.

    We are often unaware that when we vent our feelings, we also tend to bring others down with us. It is okay to vent sometimes, especially if you are explicitly told that you may by the listener. When we are riled up, however, we often cannot see that our frustration rubs off on the other person.

    If this woman is really your best friend, then you need to extend an olive branch, let her know that you understand she is upset with you, and also confirm that you value her friendship. She gave you an opportunity to do that when she borrowed your book - you may need to be proactive in having this conversation now that that moment has passed.

    Good luck in repairing your friendship. It can be hard to do, but good friends are precious.
  • hikezilla
    hikezilla Posts: 174 Member
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    If it was me, I'd just forget about her. Don't go chasing ghosts. If she wants to be your friend she'll snap out of it, or not. Too many other things to worry about besides this.
  • garita93
    garita93 Posts: 276 Member
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    She borrowed a hair dressers book. She picked out a cute hair cut for herself last month. She borrowed the book, took it to her house (one block away), scaned it in and made a copy on the computer, then brought it right back. So it dont think that the book has anything to to do with why she is mad at me.

    The night of the fight, she called me and basically told me that I talk to much about my personal issues (boys, mom, school...basic worries I have). She said I dont consider that she might have issues of her own. The problem is she bottles up all emotions and tries to work out her issues with no out side help. If things to be to much for her she explodes.... usually on me. I have asked her before if things were ok (when she looked upset and all) and her answer is always the same "yeah im fine." Now, I am the kind of person who likes to vent all of my problems. I dont want ppl to fix my issues, I just like having someone to listen so I can get **** off my chest. My friend likes to fix not only her own issues by herslef but also wants to fix your issues.

    I really dont know whats all going on with her. But I believe that its just problems SHE is having with HER life, not neccarilly related to me. But honestly I am just going to shut my mouth about my problems a little more and let things blow over. She can come around when she is ready. I figure I already invited her to easter dinner once, why should I make any more effort to someone who treats me this way?

    She has told you what is wrong - she needs you to vent less, and she needs to feel like you better value her feelings. "Yeah, I am fine," is the universal phrase most everyone uses when we really mean, "I am not fine, but I am also uncomfortable talking about my problems right now." It is a signal for you to be supportive. One example of a good response could be, "You do not sound very fine to me. Look, I understand if it is none of my business, but I am happy to listen if you need to vent." Then you let the air remain silent for a moment, so she has the chance to think about it and respond.

    We are often unaware that when we vent our feelings, we also tend to bring others down with us. It is okay to vent sometimes, especially if you are explicitly told that you may by the listener. When we are riled up, however, we often cannot see that our frustration rubs off on the other person.

    If this woman is really your best friend, then you need to extend an olive branch, let her know that you understand she is upset with you, and also confirm that you value her friendship. She gave you an opportunity to do that when she borrowed your book - you may need to be proactive in having this conversation now that that moment has passed.

    Good luck in repairing your friendship. It can be hard to do, but good friends are precious.

    ^^^This because I have a friend that vents to me all the time and feels like she doesn't give a crap about what is going on in my life, it hurts!
  • Masterchef2000
    Masterchef2000 Posts: 127 Member
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    I would like to point out that someone can't be supportive to someone who always hide what's going on. She can tell you to vent less but isn't that what friends are for? She can't blame you for her issues of not being able to talk about them unless she feels that you are not trust worthy. Maybe ask her if she feels that way if she never shares what's going on. Maybe that's the issue?

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