Overweight spouses

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alex_marie85
alex_marie85 Posts: 55
in Introduce Yourself
Are there any groups for people who need to lose weight but also have overweight spouses. I feel like this can make things doubly hard, especially when they don't necessarily want to lose it. My husband is about 400 lbs and I'd love some support about this. Anyone going through this as well?

(Though obviously a bit dramatic, it's almost like two alcoholics living together....it could either be very supportive, or super destructive. We enable each other alot!)
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  • Yes2HealthyAriel
    Yes2HealthyAriel Posts: 453 Member
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    I have the same problem. My live in boyfriend didnt believe me when I said he looks like he has gained a ton of weight, he kept telling me I am the same as I always have been. He is constantly buying snacks. He tells me he wants to lose weight but isnt going to start until I lose weight. Pshhhh. Anyhow I got a scale yesterday, and with some budging from me he got on the scale. He has gone from 280 to 302. He was a bit shocked to say the least. I really hope I can get him to start dieting and exercising along with me.
  • DeanneLea
    DeanneLea Posts: 261
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    Are there any groups for people who need to lose weight but also have overweight spouses. I feel like this can make things doubly hard, especially when they don't necessarily want to lose it. My husband is about 400 lbs and I'd love some support about this. Anyone going through this as well?

    (Though obviously a bit dramatic, it's almost like two alcoholics living together....it could either be very supportive, or super destructive. We enable each other alot!)

    When I was overweight, my ex husband was as well. I totally get your last statement and it's not dramatic at all. It can really be challenging BUT I think if you can make a few friends here and have that be your primary support, it will help. My ex husband was not on the same page as me as far as wanting to get healthy so it was challenging. I ended up finding an online group of women that were trying to lose weight and it filled that "void".
  • alex_marie85
    alex_marie85 Posts: 55
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    Smurfymom,

    Glad I'm not the only one! I think I'm going to start a group! Cause it's hard!
  • Mawkish1983
    Mawkish1983 Posts: 117 Member
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    I have an overweight spouse. She had a gastric bypass two years ago and has lost a lot of weight, but she is still obese (as am I). Her weight is mostly steady now, so it's my turn to lose the weight.
  • MrsB123111
    MrsB123111 Posts: 535 Member
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    My husband is overweight. His doctor told him at his last physical that if he needs to lose weight for health reasons. His BP was high, as was his cholesterol. Unfortunately, he still over eats. I don't know what to do about it. I used to be severely obese and had gastric bypass last year (4-18-11) and have lost over 100 pounds. I cook dinner every night and make his lunch everyday, but I can't pry the ice cream that he eats after dinner, out of his hands. I want him to know that I'm coming from a place of concern, not criticism... SO frustrating!
  • wendsong
    wendsong Posts: 33 Member
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    I really appreciate this post cuz' I too have an overweight spouse and it is hard! I have lost a lot of weight on my journey so far but motivating him, has not been a success. He wants to do better for about 4-5 days but he does not stay focused at all! I have to do this for me and our children now appreciate exercise as a part of their life. Until he comes around, you have to make up your mind that this change is for YOU and pray that he comes along. That is what I do and I can only hope one day he will "awake" and see the need for a healthier life. Good luck on your journey!!:flowerforyou:
  • Janet55555555555
    Janet55555555555 Posts: 50
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    I say do not let your spouse keep you from losing weight because if you do lose the weight you might inspire your spouse to eat healthy.
  • SomeMorr
    SomeMorr Posts: 220 Member
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    My husband has gained about 25ish pounds since we met and doesn't seem to care. He was super fit when he was in the military and acts like he wants to workout. We both have a membership to the YMCA and I bought him a 6 month membership to a Ju Jitsu class but has not used either one. It is frustrating because I feel like he is an enabler with ordering out (pizza, chinese etc). He says he is proud of me working hard but I would really like it if he took responsibility for his own health as well.
  • SPNLuver83
    SPNLuver83 Posts: 2,050 Member
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    I'm dealing with the same. My husband was all toned and muscular and a fit 160 when we first met 6 years ago... A cpl months in he put on like 20 lbs, which I was cool with, hell I was already in love with him so it didn't matter. As the years have gone by he's gained about another 40 on top of that... He's kinda short, only about 5'9, so 220 is a lot on him. I still am madly in love with him of course and would never ever ever stray from our marriage, but I do miss the earlier days.... Yes he looked better, but lovemaking was much more, athletic..... I've tried to get him to work out with me, and he has, but he pays no attention to his diet... I cook healthy, but he eats more than he should.... He is a welder by trade and works so hard, if he just paid attention to his diet he wouldn't need to exercise.... I love him, but I would just love for him to take interest in getting fit again as I have. :(
  • ElectricMayhem
    ElectricMayhem Posts: 214 Member
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    My Fiancee (husband in 37 days!) is about 50 pounds heavier than me (which as the girl, i'm glad to be smaller than him..at my highest weight i was only about 6 pounds less than him..i'm 5'4 and he's 6'1!!) He's extremely supportive but sometimes i feel like he just doesn't get it. I've also quit smoking about a month ago and he's still smoking! I try to kindly encourage him to join me but he's working full time and going to school full time so he literally has no time to exercise...i did tell him that he could lose weight by just decreasing his calories but i don't think he's really interested :-/ Any healthy meals i cook at home he happily eats, i guess i just wish for his health he would make some better choices overall. It IS hard but i'm in this for the long haul and i figure he will join me eventually!
  • only_5mom
    only_5mom Posts: 28
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    I have the same issue. I have a group of girlfriends that support each other. We have a facebook group and a few of us do MFP together. We weigh in every other week and have a pot we contribute to. The accountability and support has encouraged us to do what we could never have managed alone. Find some friends and ask them to help hold you accountable. They just might find their "want to" too!
    :smile:
  • sparklefly74
    sparklefly74 Posts: 40 Member
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    My bf, who I only spend weekends with, is about 265 lbs. He claims that he can lose it anytime he wants to. I've gained the majority of my weight while dating him because he loves to feed me comfort food and in the past would almost throw a fit if I didn't finish all of the food on my plate (that he served me....the same amount as him!). At the beginning of the year, he made the comment that he was going to lose weight and I should too because when we go out on his boat this summer, all his friend's gfs and wives will be in bikinis. Well, that gave me incentive, but he hasn't lost any (he claims that he has and that he's eating healthy, but I see the receipts for the sodas, candy bars and fast food).

    He's gotten a little better about when we eat together. He doesn't pressure me to eat more than I want and he always tells me that he's proud of me when I lose a pound.
  • TKHappy
    TKHappy Posts: 659 Member
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    My husband and his son are both overweight...I have to give my husband some credit though because he is trying, not as hard as he could but trying. Before I came along they lived on take out, gas station food, and processed everything. My husband has diabetes soooo I'm worried for our 14 yr old whos 5'7" and 263lbs. I do all of the cooking but that doesn't stop them from raiding the fridge, eating out, or what they eat elsewhere! I try to include my step son in the healthy things we do but he would rather lay in his room watching video games and movies...but my husband hits the couch as soon as he gets home and does not move from that spot sometimes til morning....it is definitely tough!!
  • alex_marie85
    alex_marie85 Posts: 55
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    Okay, so I decided we need a group for this, so I started one:
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/4678-trying-to-lose-weight-with-pow-s

    Please come join if you have a spouse/partner/bf/gf who is overweight. It's challenging because you are focused on your own journey but live with someone who also may have the same tendencies and habits (addictions, eating disorders). Come get support!
  • ShawnDMuth
    ShawnDMuth Posts: 270 Member
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    A spouse that doesn't want to keep in shape or lose weight is challenging. All you can do is lead by example. It is probably best to not ask them to change or ask them to even workout. BUT you can ask for their loving support in what you are trying to do for yourself. If a person EVER wishes to change, it must come within them. If you nag, it will push them further away. Just be CONSISTENT, they are watching and waiting for you to either succeed or quit. Stay appreciative and just keep smiling.
  • Vi0l33t
    Vi0l33t Posts: 117 Member
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    My boyfriend who I live with is also overweight, he knows this, but is losing weight all the time due to his job. He also loves snackfoods and likes to buy me treats. It's hard to live with someone who likes to eat fatty foods when you're dieting, even worse when you have kids. But all it comes down to is discepline. You can do it, don't give up.
  • rllewell
    rllewell Posts: 234
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    I feel for you all without supportive spouses. I'm blessed with a wife that is supporting and we are on the same page when it comes to health and nutrition. She does all of the shopping and cooking and makes my breakfast and lunch I take to work each day so Monday - Friday eating clean is easy. Fortunately she has a home based business so she's able to allocate that time to keep us all on the right track.

    Keep feeding them health and nutrition information in a positive way in hopes that a light bulb will turn on. Bringing it up in negative ways will just have them shut down and not listen.
  • nikkis01
    nikkis01 Posts: 45 Member
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    Im in the same boat as you guys, my husband is overweight, but not as overweight as me! Have to say Im really lucky in that he supports me and we are on a weight loss journey together but Im often the one who gives in to junk food and pulls us both off track, but then again he doesnt need his arm twisting either. The thing I find difficult is guys tend to lose weight a lot easier than women so it just falls off him and no matter how hard I try I just cant shift this weight - seems really unfair! This time we are doing it as a family, slowly changing our way of life and so far its working really well, having the support of people in your household makes all the difference but then so does the support of other users on here :)
  • FitSuga
    FitSuga Posts: 262 Member
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    Don't let it deter you. You may just inspire him. Just think the more healthy food you bring into the house he will be eating it as well. Just understand that he needs to come into this on his own. Just as you have decided for yourself otherwise it won't stick. nagging or trying to force it on him could just push him further. My husband is a little overweight ( he's in the military so he can't get too big but he has to be taped to pass) and he tends to over eat. Anyway, just my bringing in tons of healthy food, not buying junk, he's lost weight and inches which has been motivating for him. He does workout 2x a day 5 days a week for his job but he's finally realizing it was all because of his food choices. I stopped drinking soda and he followed shortly after. Just try your best to keep bad stuff out of the house. My husband and I are finally at a stage where we are motivating one another instead of enabling. Just took some time and we both had to decide for ourselves we wanted to be healthy first.
  • getfitmandi
    getfitmandi Posts: 13 Member
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    I wish my hubby would try to lose weight with me like this. I try to cook healthy meals but he always thinks I am "ruining" the food when I add things like broccoli. Most of the time he will make himself something different and won't even try the dishes I make.

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